I'm pretty sure there are only like five "desirable" guys where I live...

[shadowplay]

I can relate. Always had a knack for test-taking, but was (am?) a bit of a slacker, too. National Merit Semi-Finalist, but missed out on finalist because I was too busy screwing around to get good grades. 95 percentile on the LSAT without any prior prep.

 

Just think of what I could have done if I, you know, cared.

 

I can see that. I've always been impressed by your reasoning ability on LS. And that's

[anne1707]

You want somebody who is ambitious. For that ambition to be achieved requires practical intelligence. You can't have one without the other.

 

And it is not all about "Man. Man make fire. Ugg."

[USMCHokie]

Honestly, I find it a bit insulting/surprising that you seem to be questioning my intelligence...especially coming from you, since you're usually such a sweetheart.

 

Well, I apologize, but it's always my first reaction whenever I hear someone describe their intelligence using standardized test performance, regardless of who it is.

[CLC2008]

This thread has derailed quite a bit...

 

Colliding personalities.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Yeah, but I'm sure they'd flop in real life. Because it would be mean towards one of the two, I won't get into why.

 

200% agreed on that.

[shadowplay]

Well, I apologize, but it's always my first reaction whenever I hear someone describe their intelligence using standardized test performance, regardless of who it is.

 

That's fine, but I think my intelligence comes through on LS as well. I doubt you'd disagree.

[anne1707]

Again, off topic and nasty. You're only betraying your own insecurities by taking a dig at me.

 

I am not at all off topic. You are talking about how few men are worthy of your time. I just think you should open your eyes a bit more and see that there are more men out there who could really offer you what you ultimately need (I know my H did not meet any so called list I had in my head).

 

Shadow - I like you (really!) - it's just you frustrate me so much with how self-absorbed you can be

[shadowplay]

I am not at all off topic. You are talking about how few men are worthy of your time. I just think you should open your eyes a bit more and see that there are more men out there who could really offer you what you ultimately need (I know my H did not meet any so called list I had in my head).

 

Shadow - I like you (really!) - it's just you frustrate me so much with how self-absorbed you can be

 

I don't argue with the fact that I'm self-absorbed, but suggesting that I lack the ability to be successful even in a career and that my form of intelligence is just a piece of paper is really stooping to a low...

[shadowplay]

So why did guys reject you?

 

When I've been rejected it's usually because I got too clingy.

[anne1707]

I absolutely NEVER said anything about your ability to be successful in your career. All I said was that application of intelligence to exams and to career are very different things.

[Sh0t]

Are you decent looking?

[Cee]

I'm nervous about this elite idea that IQ scores make a person more desirable.

 

My sister has a learning disability and told she'd never make it in college. She has an average IQ & had the lowest possible scores on her SAT. She failed out of college initially. Then she entered a large university that supported people with learning disabilities and left there with a bachelor's and master's degree. She cried the day she made dean's list. It took her 10 years, but she got her advanced education.

 

She is so savvy with understanding herself and other people. I feel uplifted when I'm in her presence. The woman radiates compassion & she loves to learn from others. She grow up thinking she was stupid so she'd never put judge anyone on intelligence.

 

Now she has a baby who has Down's Syndrome. She loves her baby boy and is working hard to get people to stop using words like "retarded" and looking down on people with developmental disabilities. Her son will never feel stupid in her presence. And I've been humbled to realize that smarts ain't everything.

 

There are so many types of intelligence. And even the smartest person doesn't know squat about a lot of things. So, I think it's best if we learn from each other and not worry about IQ scores.

[eerie_reverie]

Lol. I have yet to have a smart guy reject me because: "you know, Shadow, your reasoning abilities are top notch, and I love talking to you and sharing ideas, but I just don't feel that you could survive if somebody plunked you down in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness with no food or water. I also notice you're not very handy with tools, you suck at building things, and you often lose your keys. I'm sorry, I just can't see myself with a woman like that."

 

This was the main reason my ex broke up with me (back in college). I was a lot more like you back then, my functional know-how close to zero due to a lack of effort. But in the subsequent years, I have learned to be scrappy. Nowadays, it's one of the things I value most about myself.

[irc333]

Aw man...don't get me started on the limitations of a SMALL town. LOL

 

If I do a search on a dating site, for example within like 10-15 miles of where I live, I come up with mostly people who are poster childs for the Jerry Springer show participants. LOL

 

Occasionally though, that's why I have a bigger city that's around an hour away that I go beyond of my small town area

 

Funny thing though, once in a while a rather appealing lookign woman, around my age (30's) would pop up in my small town search list.

 

Typically, they've JUST moved here from the big city up north, and moved to be close with family or soemthing like things not working out with their last boyfriend.

 

They're single, never married, an no kids. As oppose to most women around here (the attractive or even moderately attrative ones, have married when they were young women, and by the age of 25, had 2 kids already and are still married...most married the people they've dated since Highschool...some still HANG out with friends form highschool, and have no interest in meeting NEW people. So they're stuck in their little FISHBOWL society.

 

If you try to approach women in public, forget it, their boyfriend bubba is around the corner. lol

 

So tehse women that JUST move down here, have unrealistic expectations, so whatever halfway decent guy that isn't a redneck, eamils her, she won't want them...so she's severely limiting herslf, or should just relocate. lol

 

 

 

Yep, this is the conclusion I've come to after scouring the social networks of my small city. This is why I'm going to stop looking for a relationship for now, because I know I probably won't meet anyone serious until I move to NY. Sure, I'll go on a date here and there for fun, but I'm not expecting to find a mate here.

 

Anyone else having trouble dating because of the limitations of living in a small town?

 

Of course desirable is highly subjective, but for me it's:

 

-extremely smart and fairly well-read

-good looking, fit and above average height

-ambitious and resourceful

-common interests

-good taste in artistic things

-24-years-old+ and mature

-confident and not a weirdo

 

(And no, I don't keep this list in my head. I just see potential or I don't.)

 

I live in a town with a high density of creatives and academics, but they're mostly dead-beats.

 

I think browsing OKCupid and other dating sites really made me aware of how slim the pickings are around here. First off, almost every young, post college person I know has an account, so it's pretty representative. I realized that the few desirable guys on the site were also the same people I knew in real life whom I already found attractive, the same people I kept running into through my other networks. In other words, my searches, whether in real life or online, inevitably ended in the same handful of attractive guys.

 

One of those guys I already hooked up with, but he doesn't seem relationship-minded in general. He's a blast to hang out with, but I have zero expectations about anything substantial happening. The other (an instructor of one of my classes who is friends with the first guy and also my age) seemed to find me attractive, but I turned him off with my craziness in the class...missing assignments when I was going through a rough patch, etc. And then there are like maybe one or two other guys who might be interesting, but I don't know well enough to decide.

 

It's really frustrating. Am I just too picky?

 

I guess the main deal breaker for me is lack of intelligence. Probably only the top 5% are smart enough to be what I consider dateable. Then there's only a minority of those who are actually attractive. Then even fewer who have anything in common with me. And honestly I don't find most guys over thirty physically attractive (hopefully this changes), so that leaves a narrow range of 24-30.

 

I guess this online dating thing has made me realize just how picky I am. I was only willing to meet one guy off the site in person, and he turned out to be a dud.

 

Are there other avenues of meeting people I should try, or should I just wait it out until I move in a year?

[anne1707]

Too late to edit....

 

Shadow

 

In academic terms, I am way above my H (sorry Wuggle ) but I never ever consider myself more intellectual.

 

I have pieces of paper which show I can pass exams but that is not all there is to life when it comes to it

[GorillaTheater]

I absolutely NEVER said anything about your ability to be successful in your career. All I said was that application of intelligence to exams and to career are very different things.

 

This is true. My problem early on was an unwillingness to apply myself. So yes, ambition is a very desirable trait that will go far to make up for test scores.

 

What is this thread about again?

[USMCHokie]

That's fine, but I think my intelligence comes through on LS as well. I doubt you'd disagree.

 

I don't disagree; I have had little reason to doubt your intelligence.

[Lakeside_runner]

OK. I was debating if I should reply to this thread or not but whatever, here goes nothing...

 

My first impression is: I have never seen you replying to other posts and giving advice to other people. All I hear from you on this forum is "me, me, me". I may be wrong, as I said - this is my first impression.

 

You describe yourself as intellectual - my impression was always that you are overanalyzing everything. IQ, SAT scores - I call it BS - this doesn't make a person. You have a good SAT score? High IQ? Good for you! Neither matters in dating I think. It matters who you are as a person and if what your view of the world is like. Yours comes off as "I am Miss Perfect and the stupid world doesn't realize it!". Again - I reserve the right to be wrong.

[shadowplay]

OK. I was debating if I should reply to this thread or not but whatever, here goes nothing...

 

My first impression is: I have never seen you replying to other posts and giving advice to other people. All I hear from you on this forum is "me, me, me". I may be wrong, as I said - this is my first impression.

 

You describe yourself as intellectual - my impression was always that you are overanalyzing everything. IQ, SAT scores - I call it BS - this doesn't make a person. You have a good SAT score? High IQ? Good for you! Neither matters in dating I think. It matters who you are as a person and if what your view of the world is like. Yours comes off as "I am Miss Perfect and the stupid world doesn't realize it!". Again - I reserve the right to be wrong.

 

You really think I care what a guy's SAT score is? The only reason I mentioned mine is because somebody said I lack the ability to solve problems.

[carhill]

Hey, from reading your other thread, you found one of those five, had a great time with him and are going to the fair with him today. Did I miss something? What's up?

[GorillaTheater]

ok now i get the clingy part. You're ugly but want all these good looking, desirable traits from a guy. No wonder you are clingy. Come back down to Earth.

 

What's the point of this? Why insult her looks? Besides mere projection, I mean.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Shadow is more intelligent than around 99% of the people. She certainly has a right to only date very intelligent guys. I do not see what the fuss is about in this thread.

 

You have no idea how she acts in real life so you can't asses her practical intelligence. Besides, she said that he doesn't care for practical intelligence as much. She simply wants a guy who can keep up with her, challenge her and stimulate her conversationally. The tough part is that there are very few guys that can do that. Get the physical attractiveness and common interests into the mix and we really have a problem.

[shadowplay]

this thread has taken an ugly turn.

[Star Gazer]

It's called the Star effect. I was honestly extremely surprised by them getting together and had a big WTF moment,

 

I smell an insult. Enlighten me to the "Star effect" you refer to, please. I'm dying to know.

 

But I can admit that my functional/practical intelligence IS something that he likes most about me, and he wasn't referring to surveying the desolation wilderness...

[CLC2008]

Ya think?

 

It went from you assessing what you want in a mate, to Hokie and Star's hook up, to being called ugly.

 

So yes, this thread has certainly become ugly.