2sunny Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Yeah, I saw him last night. We went to dinner and out to a bar after. I left his apartment around 10AM this morning. I have a busy week next week, so I suggested he come over today/tonight and hang out, since I probably won't be able to see him until Thursday / Friday. He said this (Saturday) afternoon would probably be better than the night, as he's planning to run the Yonkers Marathon tomorrow (he would have to leave his apt at 6AM to get to the marathon in Yonkers in time). We didn't set up anything concrete, and I assumed he'd follow up if he did want to come over. But, he never actually followed up with me. I tried texting him around midnight but he didn't return my text, so I assume he is either asleep to get a good night's sleep before the marathon, or out with some other girl and not actually running the marathon tomorrow. Thanks for all the eye-opening comments. he never asked you to come and support him running a marathon? every person i know has a few peeps they invite to tag along to cheer them on...
Author els0919 Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 [/b] he's getting it from other gals... that's why he didn't pressure you big time. a guy doesn't pressure you if he fully understands he has other options who put out regularly. i hope you used protection - he could easily give you something since he's probably sleeping with many women at the same time. Well, I can't really refute a lot of the other comments that have been made here, but this one I definitely can. I am positive he is not sleeping with anyone else (I know this through various means), although he completely may be dating other people.
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Well, I can't really refute a lot of the other comments that have been made here, but this one I definitely can. I am positive he is not sleeping with anyone else (I know this through various means), although he completely may be dating other people. Unless you've got a webcam attached to his penis, how could you possibly know this?
Sabali Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Is this somewhere in the post? No. Hypothetically speaking...
Author els0919 Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 Unless you've got a webcam attached to his penis, how could you possibly know this? I don't, although that would be a great idea! Kidding.. I guess this goes along with the snooping, but I counted the number of condoms he has in his nightstand drawer (when he wasnt looking, of course), and verified that no more were missing than the ones he'd used with me. I guess this isn't totally perfect, because he could be going to a girl's place and using the ones she has there, although I definitely have never purchased condoms before (he always brings them when he comes to my place), and I didn't think most women provided them. Either way, he'd be having the other women(s) over to his place at some point, so some would be missing and I would know...
that girl Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I guess this isn't totally perfect, because he could be going to a girl's place and using the ones she has there, although I definitely have never purchased condoms before (he always brings them when he comes to my place), and I didn't think most women provided them. Either way, he'd be having the other women(s) over to his place at some point, so some would be missing and I would know... It is not unusual for a woman to keep condoms. If you are reduced to counting the number of condoms in a box and crossing your fingers, it is time to end the relationship. It is a matter of knowing your own self worth.
AverageJoe Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 but I counted the number of condoms he has in his nightstand drawer (when he wasnt looking, of course) Holy Terror.
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't, although that would be a great idea! Kidding.. I guess this goes along with the snooping, but I counted the number of condoms he has in his nightstand drawer (when he wasnt looking, of course), and verified that no more were missing than the ones he'd used with me. Or... because one need not have a condom to have sex or engage in oral sex, he could be having unprotected sex with someone (his Saturday night lady), but protected sex with you! Men in relationships who cheat tend to do that. Unfortunately I know this from experience.
2sunny Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't, although that would be a great idea! Kidding.. I guess this goes along with the snooping, but I counted the number of condoms he has in his nightstand drawer (when he wasnt looking, of course), and verified that no more were missing than the ones he'd used with me. I guess this isn't totally perfect, because he could be going to a girl's place and using the ones she has there, although I definitely have never purchased condoms before (he always brings them when he comes to my place), and I didn't think most women provided them. Either way, he'd be having the other women(s) over to his place at some point, so some would be missing and I would know... so MANY assumptions. geez, if the guy is that good looking and successful - he's probably got gals at work willing to go at it in the bathroom... or the parking lot... even meet a gal while he's jogging for his marathon and decide he wants a quick romp. men have them on them, in their drawer at work, in the glovebox, in the gym bag... i could go on and on. please don't assume such things that because the same number is in the drawer it automatically means he's not sleeping with others. besides, he knows you're checking on him... men have there way. for you to believe he doesn't do it with others given all his evidence is simply you being naive.
2sunny Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 but I counted the number of condoms he has in his nightstand drawer (when he wasnt looking, of course) Holy Terror. bahahahahahahaha.................... :lmao::lmao::lmao:
Sabali Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't, although that would be a great idea! Kidding.. I guess this goes along with the snooping, but I counted the number of condoms he has in his nightstand drawer (when he wasnt looking, of course), and verified that no more were missing than the ones he'd used with me. I guess this isn't totally perfect, because he could be going to a girl's place and using the ones she has there, although I definitely have never purchased condoms before (he always brings them when he comes to my place), and I didn't think most women provided them. Either way, he'd be having the other women(s) over to his place at some point, so some would be missing and I would know... Now this goes with my whole stance on snooping. It is a whole trust and insecurity issue. Of course you have no reason to trust this guy at this point and should just end the relationship considering all that has went down. You are snooping everywhere. You're in his wallet, you are in his emails, you are in his condoms, and next you will really be on his nerve and he will justifiably turn the tables on you. Someone asked me this many years ago and the insight changed my dating life. I was asked "if you don't trust someone, who does it hurt more you or them?" I initially thought that this was a silly question. I thought it will hurt them because they won't have my trust. Then he explained to me and rightfully convinced me that it will hurt me more. Why? Because when I don't trust a person, I become obsessed with looking through wallets, snooping through emails, worrying about if they are resting for a marathon or actually spending time with another man and checking the number of condoms in their drawer. At this point, I can no longer really enjoy the relationship with the woman because I am driven crazy about the possibilty of them being untrustworthy and I can never relax. I can't trust them to do any thing because I am always worrying about what they would truly be up to. Meanwhile, the other person will be relatively unaffected and possibly figure Hey, I am not trusted anyway so I might as well bang this person. What the worst that can happen? I would lose trust? When you snoop, you are throwing trust in the relationship out of the window and therefore the foundation of any meaningful relationship with another person. The relationship is now officially on the decline. Snoopers are repeat offenders. Once you have lost self-control which is manifested through snooping, oh, you can't do it just once. You now have to make regular snooping rounds now. You will of course find something because you are looking for something and with this sort of level of insecurity it won't take much to find something that will upset you. Insecure individuals are easily upset with even the most trivial of things during a snooping run. Once you find stuff and make a big deal about it, you are now in a very compromising position. You have to take action or you will have to shut up and let it burn inside of you. Right? You won't shut up so you have to confront the person. The relationship either ends or it remains but forever altered and screwed up. Why? Because now the person will lose respect for you for being a snooper and allowing him to get away with whatever you found. You will show your mistrust and it will affect him and encourage more untrustworthy behavior. Snoopers can alway be setup. Remember that. A well-placed piece of tape or an arrangement of items around the house that is subsequently broken or moved, respectively, does the trick. If he is as smart as you say he is, he will test your snooping and you become even more obvious. That Girl, who will soon be my girl whether she knows it or not, made a good point. If you are reduced to counting condoms, it is time to end the relationship. Listen to her.
Citizen Erased Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Holy Terror. ^^ this. Why he hasn't completely dumped the OP for snooping I have no idea. Wow. Incredibly inappropriate, I don't care what he has supposedly done. If he's such an arse, forget him.
Author els0919 Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 so MANY assumptions. geez, if the guy is that good looking and successful - he's probably got gals at work willing to go at it in the bathroom... or the parking lot... even meet a gal while he's jogging for his marathon and decide he wants a quick romp. men have them on them, in their drawer at work, in the glovebox, in the gym bag... i could go on and on. please don't assume such things that because the same number is in the drawer it automatically means he's not sleeping with others. besides, he knows you're checking on him... men have there way. for you to believe he doesn't do it with others given all his evidence is simply you being naive. Haha..all very true. I guess I just really don't get the "player" vibe from this guy - I legimitately believe he wants to find someone and settle down and get married, although I also legitimately believe he may not be sure about me, which is why he's trying to see others. While he is pretty good-looking and he is very financially successful, he is not cool - he really has no game. I don't think most models would want to date a nerd in the first place. This guy is an ivy league math major. In fact, what I liked about him was that he didn't seem to have any game - he called me the day after our first date, he left his email open in front of me, etc. I am also almost positive that I am more sexually experienced than he is, despite him being 8 years older than me. He has also asked my opinion on having kids in the city versus the suburbs, and took me to look at an apartment he was considering making an offer on. I am obviously very paranoid, and I guess now I'm starting to worry than my paranoia is making me see things that aren't there. I could forgive him going out with someone else once (he swears nothing happened), but that's where my forgiveness ends. If he's done anything else at all, I want to end the relationship. But should I end it without concrete proof that he's done anything else?
2sunny Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Haha..all very true. I guess I just really don't get the "player" vibe from this guy - I legimitately believe he wants to find someone and settle down and get married, although I also legitimately believe he may not be sure about me, which is why he's trying to see others. While he is pretty good-looking and he is very financially successful, he is not cool - he really has no game. I don't think most models would want to date a nerd in the first place. This guy is an ivy league math major. In fact, what I liked about him was that he didn't seem to have any game - he called me the day after our first date, he left his email open in front of me, etc. I am also almost positive that I am more sexually experienced than he is, despite him being 8 years older than me. He has also asked my opinion on having kids in the city versus the suburbs, and took me to look at an apartment he was considering making an offer on. I am obviously very paranoid, and I guess now I'm starting to worry than my paranoia is making me see things that aren't there. I could forgive him going out with someone else once (he swears nothing happened), but that's where my forgiveness ends. If he's done anything else at all, I want to end the relationship. But should I end it without concrete proof that he's done anything else? you are still making so many assumptions here. yes, end it. based on the fact that YOU don't trust him enough that leads to snooping. yes, end it. the moral of this story is - he can't upgrade you when you are constantly downgrading yourself...
aerogurl87 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't, although that would be a great idea! Kidding.. I guess this goes along with the snooping, but I counted the number of condoms he has in his nightstand drawer (when he wasnt looking, of course), and verified that no more were missing than the ones he'd used with me. This is now beyond sad, when you have to stoop to counting condoms then the relationship is over.
Confusedalways Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Why he hasn't completely dumped the OP for snooping I have no idea. Wow. Incredibly inappropriate, I don't care what he has supposedly done. If he's such an arse, forget him. He hasn't dumped her because she's one of many... why bother?
Els Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Snooping: the cardinal sin. You will always find something when you snoop that will make you upset. Always. If you want to find a reason to fight or break up in your relationship just snoop. It's all you need. Uh, what??? Evidently if you find such stuff, the person was hiding something, no?
2sunny Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 It doesn't mean he IS sleeping with others, either. People are being really hard on this new poster for some reason. I thknk a lot of people posting on this thread are very bitter and perhaps jealous. now this is an assumption... since you quoted me, i will respond. i never said as a fact he IS sleeping with others... i was only pointing out possibilities based on the words she typed. to keep the mind open is key. he has certain patterns that could have meaning. if the mind is open one can explore what that meaning represents. of course, she could make things easier and simply ASK him for his truth. she could ask him if he's dating and/or sleeping with anyone else besides her. Him leaving his wallet, her picking it up and a receipt falling out, is not snooping. yep, BUT she did say that she TOLD him that... after she rummaged through his wallet and found the receipt... now THAT is snooping!
shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Man, I feel bad for any newcomers to this board, who innocently post a thread on here looking for advice. It must be like being hit with this sudden WTF wave of bitterness.
Citizen Erased Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Him leaving his wallet, her picking it up and a receipt falling out, is not snooping. I agree. Except she admitted that she gave him that story, she did it on purpose. Plus reading his private emails and counting the condoms at his home. For some strange reason that's called snooping, I wonder why.
Citizen Erased Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Man, I feel bad for any newcomers to this board, who innocently post a thread on here looking for advice. It must be like being hit with this sudden WTF wave of bitterness. People aren't exactly going to tell her that her relationship is perfect and she has every right to go behind his back and go through his stuff searching for anything to prove he's guilty of something, anything. People on here rarely tolerate snooping, I have never put it down to bitterness. Considering she said she was going to have him followed, all she's going to get is a chorus of :rolleyes:
SarahRose Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Good grief. This really isn't that difficult of a situation. You don't trust him. Date someone else Problem solved
2sunny Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I agree. Except she admitted that she gave him that story, she did it on purpose. Plus reading his private emails and counting the condoms at his home. For some strange reason that's called snooping, I wonder why. alright, let's call it what it is instead... it's searching. searching for evidence - of which she did find once she searched.
Citizen Erased Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 alright, let's call it what it is instead... it's searching. searching for evidence - of which she did find once she searched. Then she should have been rid of him after she found something. Instead she keeps him around and keeps searching for evidence. The mindset behind that I can only imagine...
shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 It's just rude the way it was stated and run in the ground to the poster, though. I do sense bitterness, because she is obviously attractive and has a nice body, this is getting to some of you. probably more jealousy that she's a well-off NYer with a hunky, rich beaux.
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