spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Without respect, there's can't be love. Perusing profiles on OkC, my awareness of how I dish out respect has been heightened. Maybe this will sound shallow, but I lose absolutely all interest in a guy if: -his career does not appear to be at least on its way to being better than mine -he isn't athletic I don't care if the guy is short, bald, ugly, whatever, I don't even care about the lifestyle that the career in question can buy, but to me, the above signify a lack of ambition or intelligence and a willingness to settle for mediocrity, which in addition to being HUGE turnoff's, make me reason that the person in question will hold me back/ bring me down. I don't really see this as changing anytime soon, but I am wondering: is this shallow??
johan Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I always thought you were unreasonably picky, because you never showed any interest in me.
Author spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I always thought you were unreasonably picky, because you never showed any interest in me. You know that's not true!!!
Eeyore79 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 It's not unreasonable to be looking for someone who you consider to be your equal. If you have a good career and are athletic, then it's fair enough to want someone who matches you; it's only unreasonable if you're asking for more than you're offering. Why does his career have to be better than yours? Isn't it enough if he's more or less equal? It seems kind of unfair to expect him to be better than you, because then he's dating down.
totalpackage Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I think that's a little too much. It shouldn't matter what a guy does as long as he's cool with it and it's stable and it's legit then that shouldn't matter. What does matter is how he treats you no career can measure that. As far as the athleticism looks will only take you so far i mean eventually all of these bodies will look the same
johan Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Well what's with the dating-other-guys thing? I'm getting mixed signals, spookie. I think your pickiness quotient could easily go way up when dating online. There are so many options, and none of them are in the room. You have a few words and some pictures to judge by.
westrock Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 -his career does not appear to be at least on its way to being better than mine how are you able to assess this? It seems just the appearance that he's not on a career path to be better than yours is enough to get him booted? If you find a guy who passes this test, what's to say he won't then lose interest in you because your career does not appear to be able to keep up to his career?
sugarmomma Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I don't thin kyou are being shallow at all. You have a right to pick someone in shape and with a career. Ambition and health are at the top of my list as well. However, he also has to be kindhearted, available, respectful and trustworthy. Without those, ambition and physical attributes mean nothing.
Author spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 It's not unreasonable to be looking for someone who you consider to be your equal. If you have a good career and are athletic, then it's fair enough to want someone who matches you; it's only unreasonable if you're asking for more than you're offering. Why does his career have to be better than yours? Isn't it enough if he's more or less equal? It seems kind of unfair to expect him to be better than you, because then he's dating down. At least as good is fine, I guess I worded that poorly.
Author spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I think that's a little too much. It shouldn't matter what a guy does as long as he's cool with it and it's stable and it's legit then that shouldn't matter. What does matter is how he treats you no career can measure that. As far as the athleticism looks will only take you so far i mean eventually all of these bodies will look the same See, it DOES matter to me.. Even if he's stable and cool with his whatever job, it would bother me if he's not ambitious. I have dumped guys for this, because my sexual attraction goes out the window if I perceive them as some combo of lazier-dumber than I am. (Unfortunately, I am neither lazy nor dumb, which rules out a LOT of people.) The athleticism requirement doesn't even have to do with aesthetics. I just find it hard to respect men who aren't physically capable and don't take care of themselves. Of course, additionally he has to treat me right or I'll be gone (as I was in the last R I was in) but without the above, I won't even bother.
Star Gazer Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I just remembered that you pretty much JUST broke up with your BF, and yet you're already looking for dates. Isn't that a little fast? Don't you think you should let the body go cold before lawnmowing over the grave? Or do you not care about rebounding?
Author spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I don't thin kyou are being shallow at all. You have a right to pick someone in shape and with a career. Ambition and health are at the top of my list as well. However, he also has to be kindhearted, available, respectful and trustworthy. Without those, ambition and physical attributes mean nothing. This is exactly how I feel. However... I am am almost 25 and I've exactly 1 semi-serious relationship which ended more than 3 years ago. And I know you're single. Which makes me question whether or not we're being realistic. If having a partner is important to us, are these requirements self-defeating? Should we settle for "nice guys"??? (I have not yet determined if having a partner is THAT important. :bunny:)
callingyouuu Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 -his career does not appear to be at least on its way to being better than mine -he isn't athletic I find it hard to argue against this, since I feel you do deserve someone who matches your ambition, but at the same time ambition doesn't always equal higher pay, more perks, etc. I would just feel bad for the perfectly stable, passionate, financially independent guys who would still get turned down if their career choice just doesn't happen to pay as much. -he isn't athletic I don't find this shallow at all, actually, if you also keep your body in good shape.
CLC2008 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Without respect, there's can't be love. Perusing profiles on OkC, my awareness of how I dish out respect has been heightened. Maybe this will sound shallow, but I lose absolutely all interest in a guy if: -his career does not appear to be at least on its way to being better than mine -he isn't athletic I don't care if the guy is short, bald, ugly, whatever, I don't even care about the lifestyle that the career in question can buy, but to me, the above signify a lack of ambition or intelligence and a willingness to settle for mediocrity, which in addition to being HUGE turnoff's, make me reason that the person in question will hold me back/ bring me down. I don't really see this as changing anytime soon, but I am wondering: is this shallow?? I don't think you're picky, I think you choose men who are unavailable...
Author spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I just remembered that you pretty much JUST broke up with your BF, and yet you're already looking for dates. Isn't that a little fast? Don't you think you should let the body go cold before lawnmowing over the grave? Or do you not care about rebounding? I'm not gonna rebound. If I were looking to rebound I'd be at a bar right now with my slutty friends. Instead I'm at home avoiding my tendency to drown sorrows in alcohol and attention. I'm not seriously looking for dates. But I am trying to look to the future to see how I can modify my life so that it's more open for someone good to walk in. It would be very easy for me to get caught up missing my ex-bf. I'm both sentimental and obsessive. But I want to avoid that. It's not that I don't care about him, but I know my decision to end it was right.
Author spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I find it hard to argue against this, since I feel you do deserve someone who matches your ambition, but at the same time ambition doesn't always equal higher pay, more perks, etc. I would just feel bad for the perfectly stable, passionate, financially independent guys who would still get turned down if their career choice just doesn't happen to pay as much. I don't find this shallow at all, actually, if you also keep your body in good shape. It's NOT about money. As an example, in my field, I'm underpaid, but I'm choosing to stay at a company that feels like family and aims to do the right thing. That's more important to me than the extra money I could be making somewhere else. I still work my ass off.
Eeyore79 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 See, it DOES matter to me.. It matters to me too! I'm not unattractive so I want a guy who's also reasonably nice looking, I have a PhD so I'd prefer that he at least has a college education and a professional career of some sort, and I don't have kids so I'd prefer that he doesn't either. I guess I want a guy who brings more or less the same things to the table as I do, which I don't think is an unreasonable expectation. However, as you said, if you yourself are attractive and well educated and ambitious, it's tough to find a guy who's even close to offering the same things. In practice, I'm happy with a guy who comes somewhat close even if he doesn't quite offer the same, as long as he treats me properly. My mom always says I was extremely lucky in the genetic lottery because I got both brains and looks, and I shouldn't judge other people for not being quite as fortunate as myself; the main thing is that they're decent and nice people.
johan Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 It's NOT about money. As an example, in my field, I'm underpaid, but I'm choosing to stay at a company that feels like family and aims to do the right thing. That's more important to me than the extra money I could be making somewhere else. I still work my ass off. And there's that guy you work for...
Author spookie Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 And there's that guy you work for... That guy is motivation to LEAVE tho. Which I'm still refusing to do.
Star Gazer Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 See, it DOES matter to me.. Even if he's stable and cool with his whatever job, it would bother me if he's not ambitious. I have dumped guys for this, because my sexual attraction goes out the window if I perceive them as some combo of lazier-dumber than I am. (Unfortunately, I am neither lazy nor dumb, which rules out a LOT of people.) The athleticism requirement doesn't even have to do with aesthetics. I just find it hard to respect men who aren't physically capable and don't take care of themselves. Of course, additionally he has to treat me right or I'll be gone (as I was in the last R I was in) but without the above, I won't even bother. I really feel the same way on all points...
MeganDoll Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Us females are not wired to marry down, dont settle
Badmotorfinger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 If having a partner is important to us, are these requirements self-defeating? Should we settle for "nice guys"??? (I have not yet determined if having a partner is THAT important. :bunny:) When I read statements like this, I can't help but envision some thirty year old single mother who can't find any compatible men because she keeps going after human red flags. Seriously, what's with this statement? Are you saying that "nice guys" are bad? That going for a "nice guy" is the equivalent of "settling" or dating down? You make it sound as though those "nice guys" aren't most likely THE financially stable ones. I don't think any man would appreciate being the last resort to an aging princess.. Any mentally/emotionally grounded "nice guy" would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't genuinely appreciate them.
MrNate Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I love MeganDoll's posts. They just crack me up lol.
PJKino Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 When I read statements like this, I can't help but envision some thirty year old single mother who can't find any compatible men because she keeps going after human red flags. Seriously, what's with this statement? Are you saying that "nice guys" are bad? That going for a "nice guy" is the equivalent of "settling" or dating down? You make it sound as though those "nice guys" aren't most likely THE financially stable ones. I don't think any man would appreciate being the last resort to an aging princess.. Any mentally/emotionally grounded "nice guy" would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't genuinely appreciate them. Im 30 and never had a women, i cant wait for somebody to settle with me for emotional and financial security while shes not that into me:rolleyes:
tincanman99 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I am not attacking the OP but as a guy you sound like you incredibly high maintenance and will never every be satisfied. You have the mythical shopping list of traits that no guy will ever match. So be it if thats the case. I hate to say this but I have met many high powered women that refuse to settle and they usually end up alone. Realize refusing to settle is a choice like any other choice and with that choice comes consequences. Example: You cant have a high powered, extreme well paying job and be super fit/health conscious unless you are a pro athlete. Reason being is that you will spend ALL your time at work focused on your career. There is no time to exercise.
Recommended Posts