Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 People want different things. SG likes assertive men. While l like assertive women. Ask around whether I'm assertive. I just won't chase. You can be assertive without chasing.
USMCHokie Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Ask around whether I'm assertive. I just won't chase. You can be assertive without chasing. RAWR!
jamesum Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) Ask around whether I'm assertive. I just won't chase. You can be assertive without chasing. What do initiating hand holding and hugging have anything to do with chasing in the first place? Chasing is like when Tom chases Jerry wherever he goes. Kissing is maybe supposed to be initiated by a guy, but refusing to initiate any physical contact reeks of sense of entitlement to me. Definitely not the personality I have high regard for. Edited September 13, 2010 by jamesum
shadowplay Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) Second date with this OKC guy tonight (from the thread titled "how should I play this?") He is painfully shy but really cute. I always feel more comfortable if there is some physicality going on. I am kind of thinking of initiating hand holding or something. Bad idea? Btw, I would give subtle hints but don't initiate! It spoils the fun. That's what I did on my first date with P, before I royally screwed things up. I think the build up to intimacy is so delicious (almost as good as the act itself!) that it's a waste to rush it by making the first move. It's especially nice when the guy is shy and he inches in. This is what happened with me and my date, and it was a really cute moment. In fact, he was so nervous that I heard him gulping deeply more than once. We both had our hands on the couch a few inches apart, and somehow between the two of us, our hands found each other. It wasn't as if one of us really took control, it was more like this mutual energy, where we both responded to minute cues in each other, sort of like two people moving the block on a weegie board. Unfortunately, with a shy guy I think it's hard to get him to initiate without you being in private. Since you don't want to make the same mistake I did and go back to his place, instead make your interest in kissing clear by steering the date to more private (yet still public) places, like a quieter corner in a park. It's especially good if there's somewhere you can stop and sit down, like a bench. At moments like these, long awkward silences are your friend! Edited September 13, 2010 by shadowplay
Mad Max Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 What do initiating hand holding and hugging have anything to do with chasing in the first place? Chasing is like when Tom chases Jerry wherever he goes. Kissing is maybe supposed to be initiated by a guy, but refusing to initiate any physical contact reeks of sense of entitlement to me. Definitely not the personality I have high regard for. Then you just have to find a girl that has no problem initiating physical contact. I've had girls initiate physical contact with me. If someone refuses to do so, there are others that will.
Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 What do initiating hand holding and hugging have anything to do with chasing in the first place? Chasing is like when Tom chases Jerry wherever he goes. Kissing is maybe supposed to be initiated by a guy, but refusing to initiate any physical contact reeks of sense of entitlement to me. Definitely not the personality I have high regard for. Initiation = chasing. And do you ever actually read what I say? Or just twist it to feed your own agenda? Did I say ALL physical contact? No. Just the first INTIMATE contact. This does not mean a playful touch of the hand/arm/shoulder, etc. That, I do. But no, I will not be the first to initiate the first hand hold, hug, or kiss.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Well, based on my experiences, it means this: "I will contact you and go out with you when it's convenient to me and I feel like it. This may mean you wait longer to hear from me than you do with other guys. I want you to think it's because I'm shy, but I'm reality I just can't be bothered to put the amount of effort necessary to keep a fledgling relationship alive. Really, I'm just here for some fun. And when I don't really open up about myself, what I like, what I've been up to, etc., I want you to think it's because I'm afraid of sharing myself and opening up. But the truth is, I just don't want you to have enough info to put 2 and 2 together about me, like the fact I pretty much have 10 other versions of you in my life at a time." Or it could just mean....that they are shy at first and it takes them a while to open up. This guy called on Friday and had his whole weekend free and any day of the week except for Monday when he plays tennis. In the end we settled on today because it was most convenient for me.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 I guess I am weird in a sense that I find it easier to connect with guys on a physical level than conversationally/emotionally. I feel very uncomfortable when 2 dates have passed and nothing physical has happened. I also get insecure that the guy is not attracted to me. Ideally, I want making out to happen on the first date. I know this is too fast for some. I guess I will just go with the vibe for tonight and up the flirting....
Kamille Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Good idea. Related moves, such as touching his shoulders, rubbing his back or simply being close to him can go a long way This. Give him encouragement by gently grazing his arm. Touch his back when you two are talking. Yes, by all means, touch him! It's not leading, it's flirting.
jamesum Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I guess I will just go with the vibe for tonight and up the flirting.... Yeah, people should just go with the vibe and do what feels right at the moment. Screw rules.
Ariadne Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Or it could just mean....that they are shy at first and it takes them a while to open up. This guy called on Friday and had his whole weekend free and any day of the week except for Monday when he plays tennis. In the end we settled on today because it was most convenient for me. Have fun! This guy gave me the impression that he was more intimidated by you than anything, that's why he was a little less forward. I hope you end up liking him to give him a chance and that things work out. Too bad about the politician guy, maybe it was too much drama for his complicated life.
Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 This. Give him encouragement by gently grazing his arm. Touch his back when you two are talking. Yes, by all means, touch him! It's not leading, it's flirting. Exactly. You can still make contact and make it obvious you'd like him to one-up you, if you know what I mean... All without being the one to initiate that INTIMATE first contact like a kiss or holding hands.
shadowplay Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I guess I am weird in a sense that I find it easier to connect with guys on a physical level than conversationally/emotionally. I feel very uncomfortable when 2 dates have passed and nothing physical has happened. I also get insecure that the guy is not attracted to me. Ideally, I want making out to happen on the first date. I know this is too fast for some. I guess I will just go with the vibe for tonight and up the flirting.... get out of my head....
shadowplay Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 This. Give him encouragement by gently grazing his arm. Touch his back when you two are talking. Yes, by all means, touch him! It's not leading, it's flirting. yes! the guy i've seen did this, touching the small of my back at a few points during the night when he wanted to get my attention, but it was obvious he was mostly doing it to just touch me. I thought it was cute, and I'd encourage SAC to steal it and use it on her date.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 get out of my head.... I think it's cute that we think the same.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Have fun! This guy gave me the impression that he was more intimidated by you than anything, that's why he was a little less forward. I hope you end up liking him to give him a chance and that things work out. Too bad about the politician guy, maybe it was too much drama for his complicated life. You certainly didn't help matters there But it's time to let him go and move forward.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I think it's cute that we think the same. Truly, you two are hard to distinguish from one another in this world of ether. SAC, don't you think your date might go better if you leave some space for things to unfold as they naturally will? Maybe?
shadowplay Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I think it's cute that we think the same. me too. It's pretty surreal...
CLC2008 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Because I will NOT chase a man. Period. But rest assured he will have NO DOUBT that his advances will be welcomed. I may WANT to kiss/hold hands/whatever, but the man I want will treat me like a lady and beat me to it...the FIRST time. If he's too scared or shy or timid to reach for my hand or kiss me, he's just not the right guy for me. Star, that's not chasing, that's merely displaying affection towards someone. Chasing would be, well...I won't comment.
CLC2008 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Initiation = chasing. And do you ever actually read what I say? Or just twist it to feed your own agenda? Did I say ALL physical contact? No. Just the first INTIMATE contact. This does not mean a playful touch of the hand/arm/shoulder, etc. That, I do. But no, I will not be the first to initiate the first hand hold, hug, or kiss. Initiation = marking entrance or acceptance Chasing = Pursue in order to catch Says the dictionary!
Ariadne Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 You certainly didn't help matters there But it's time to let him go and move forward. (I was probably the breath of fresh air in the whole thing) Anyway, good luck with cute guy and I'm sure he must be dying to touch you or something, you are so sexy.
Mad Max Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I have to agree that initiating and chasing are not the same. And to refuse to do something because of your gender is sexist in itself.
Cee Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I like these in real time threads when someone posts right before doing something. I think it's a forgone conclusion that there will be making out and cuddling tonight. And if not, I expect a new thread, "What the eff is wrong with this guy?"
CLC2008 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Stay tuned......"Guy breaks up with girl because she initiated hand holding" news at 11pm. Oh the horror!!!
Recommended Posts