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Should I make a move?

SadandConfusedWA

By SadandConfusedWA
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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Second date with this OKC guy tonight (from the thread titled "how should I play this?")

 

He is painfully shy but really cute. I always feel more comfortable if there is some physicality going on. I am kind of thinking of initiating hand holding or something.

 

Bad idea?

TouchedByViolet Established Member

TouchedByViolet

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Good idea. Related moves, such as touching his shoulders, rubbing his back or simply being close to him can go a long way

 

I like it when a women makes moves. Hot :bunny:

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Are you going to start an "I feel used" thread after you make a decision to do so? ;)

 

I wouldn't initiate the first physical contact, because then you don't know if he wanted it or was just going along with it. But I prefer an assertive man who goes after what he wants. Not sure what you want.

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

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You should grab his hand and...oh, nevermind. :laugh::p

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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SG, I don't really know what kind of guy I want or need given my personality.

 

Maybe I will try some more subtle flirting instead.

 

I guess if he hates it or if he is just going along with it, he can always just never call again.

waynebrady Established Member

waynebrady

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Are you going to start an "I feel used" thread after you make a decision to do so? ;)

 

I wouldn't initiate the first physical contact, because then you don't know if he wanted it or was just going along with it. But I prefer an assertive man who goes after what he wants. Not sure what you want.

 

And men don't have the same problem? It's very easy for you women to say that women shouldn't initiate anything or put in any effort and so on. It makes it harder for the guy. We are the ones who have to initiate everything and put in all the effort.

 

To the OP: Notice that it's ONLY women who says stuff like don't initiate any physical contact or whatever, Pay attention to what the guys want not what women who have no idea what men want think you should do. Most guys would yes believe it or not like it if a woman initiated physical contact, women for some reason don't seem to understand it.

waynebrady Established Member

waynebrady

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Women, Men want to feel desired and wanted as much as you do. Is that so hard to understand? :laugh:

 

Some women on here seems very anti-male with all this "Don't initiate anything" "Let him do all the moves" "Let him do all the work" "Play hard to get" and etc etc, It makes me wonder if you even like men at all? If so you shouldn't date any because seriously what kind of a man would like to be with a women who thinks like that?

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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He is painfully shy but really cute. I always feel more comfortable if there is some physicality going on. I am kind of thinking of initiating hand holding or something.

 

I don't get why you'd want to settle for this...do you think he's going to magically change into your assertive and confident Prince Charming the moment you take his hand...?

 

What if you actually end up hitting it off and find yourself in social situations...? Are you going to be proud of taking him places and meeting people with you...? Are you willing to take charge of every situation with him...?

 

People don't change fundamentally...and if they do, it takes a looong time...

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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And men don't have the same problem? It's very easy for you women to say that women shouldn't initiate anything or put in any effort and so on. It makes it harder for the guy. We are the ones who have to initiate everything and put in all the effort.

 

"All the effort"? You make it sound like I'm suggesting men always be the initiator for everything. Not so. Just the very FIRST intimate contact (holding hands, a kiss, a hug, etc.). From there, all beta are off. :love:

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I wouldn't initiate the FIRST physical contact, because then you don't know if he wanted it or was just going along with it. But I prefer an assertive man who goes after what he wants. Not sure what you want.

 

And men don't have the same problem? It's very easy for you women to say that women shouldn't initiate anything or put in any effort and so on. It makes it harder for the guy. We are the ones who have to initiate everything and put in all the effort.

 

Reading comprehension...:rolleyes:

waynebrady Established Member

waynebrady

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"All the effort"? You make it sound like I'm suggesting men always be the initiator for everything. Not so. Just the very FIRST intimate contact (holding hands, a kiss, a hug, etc.). From there, all beta are off. :love:

 

Why though? What's so wrong about a woman initiating holding hands, hugs, kisses for the first time? If a man is intrested he will like it guaranteed, and if he doesn't like it then he wasn't that intrested to begin with. Some men are shy and have a hard time initiating stuff like that for the first time.... And guess what? The guy the OP is seeing is as she put it "painfully shy"...

waynebrady Established Member

waynebrady

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Reading comprehension...:rolleyes:

 

I know she said first but most women never want to initiate anything what so ever when it comes to stuff like intimacy, contact or whatever. Not just the first time. And as a guy that frustrates me lol... But I guess I just have to get on with it and make all the moves if that's what it takes. :)

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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He said that he is shy with new people but is not once he gets to know someone. Taking the lead for the time being doesn't really bother me.

 

I think that the fact that he asked me for a second date shows that he finds me at least somewhat attractive.

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

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Sigh, freggin games.

 

OP, grabbing his hand gently, is not going to make or break ANYTHING.

 

And if you feel comfortable doing it, and you feel physically close to him, there is no harm in showing him that.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Another thing about him: he hates texting so much that he had it disabled form his phone provider. He also doesn't IM. This actually helps avoid SO much confusion and obsessing. IMs are possibly even worse than texting....

waynebrady Established Member

waynebrady

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Sigh, freggin games.

 

OP, grabbing his hand gently, is not going to make or break ANYTHING.

 

And if you feel comfortable doing it, and you feel physically close to him, there is no harm in showing him that.

 

Exactly. Women are so concerned about who does what and initiates what... It really doesn't matter, most men like it when women initiates stuff especcially considering you so rarely do it.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I know she said first but most women never want to initiate anything what so ever when it comes to stuff like intimacy, contact or whatever. Not just the first time. And as a guy that frustrates me lol... But I guess I just have to get on with it and make all the moves if that's what it takes. :)

 

Must be the women that you are dating... :confused: From what I've seen, the interested ones usually never have a problem initiating physical contact...

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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He said that he is shy with new people but is not once he gets to know someone. Taking the lead for the time being doesn't really bother me.

 

This got me thinking...and I may start a new thread to avoid threadjacking yours SaC, but when I was online dating, I saw this exact phrase A LOT...and I think it's just another way of saying, "I don't think very highly of myself and am insecure about dating and relationships, but I really hope you'll give me a chance..."

 

Or is it "code" for something else...? Perhaps, "I'm socially awkward/inexperienced, and only after I am sure that you won't judge me for it, will I show my real self to you..."

 

:confused:

jamesum Established Member

jamesum

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Why do people over-analyze everything?

 

I mean its only hand-holding for god's sake.

 

Who cares who starts to hold whose hand first?

 

SCW is a mature woman and so is the guy. They are no longer 16 year olds. Its gonna be pretty sad if a problem arises between two adults over hand-holding.

 

I don't get why you'd want to settle for this...do you think he's going to magically change into your assertive and confident Prince Charming the moment you take his hand...?

Does she herself feel that she is settling? Edited by jamesum
USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Does she herself feel that she is settling?

 

I could confidently infer from the OP that she considers "painfully shy" a negative attribute...and one worthy of consideration and analysis in an LS thread...unless "really cute" was the negative quality...

jamesum Established Member

jamesum

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I could confidently infer from the OP that she considers "painfully shy" a negative attribute...and one worthy of consideration and analysis in an LS thread...unless "really cute" was the negative quality...

Well, nobody is perfect. Its not like she is Lauren Conrad either. :p

 

I mean based on her threads here on LS, it seems like she has her own inner personal issues herself. So he is not perfect and neither is she.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Why though? What's so wrong about a woman initiating holding hands, hugs, kisses for the first time?

 

Because I will NOT chase a man. Period. But rest assured he will have NO DOUBT that his advances will be welcomed.

 

I may WANT to kiss/hold hands/whatever, but the man I want will treat me like a lady and beat me to it...the FIRST time. If he's too scared or shy or timid to reach for my hand or kiss me, he's just not the right guy for me.

jamesum Established Member

jamesum

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People want different things.

 

SG likes assertive men.

 

While l like assertive women.

shadowplay Established Member

shadowplay

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I just read the OP so far.

 

SAC, I'm pretty sure we have the same brain. :laugh::p

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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This got me thinking...and I may start a new thread to avoid threadjacking yours SaC, but when I was online dating, I saw this exact phrase A LOT...and I think it's just another way of saying, "I don't think very highly of myself and am insecure about dating and relationships, but I really hope you'll give me a chance..."

 

Or is it "code" for something else...? Perhaps, "I'm socially awkward/inexperienced, and only after I am sure that you won't judge me for it, will I show my real self to you..."

 

:confused:

 

Well, based on my experiences, it means this:

 

"I will contact you and go out with you when it's convenient to me and I feel like it. This may mean you wait longer to hear from me than you do with other guys. I want you to think it's because I'm shy, but I'm reality I just can't be bothered to put the amount of effort necessary to keep a fledgling relationship alive. Really, I'm just here for some fun. And when I don't really open up about myself, what I like, what I've been up to, etc., I want you to think it's because I'm afraid of sharing myself and opening up. But the truth is, I just don't want you to have enough info to put 2 and 2 together about me, like the fact I pretty much have 10 other versions of you in my life at a time."

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