Ugh, feel used... :(

[dispatch3d]

Politician guy did. exactly. the. same. thing.

 

That is why I knew he will contact you. He ignored all my emotional messages and sent me a simple wanna catch up soon?...

 

Sadly, he is now officially stringing you along. I really think he will drive you crazy. I also know you will see him again (as did I). If he was worth holding on to, he would have addressed your emotional concerns. This sounds like he wants something casual and doesn't want to get emotionally involved in any way.

 

I just hope SOOO much this doesn't end badly for you.

 

Cheers to you all for claiming that he is an emotionally healthy, stand up guy who just wants to walk away from a messy situation

 

Maybe he just doesnt want to go down a (likely) emotionally negative road and instead just see you with all of those negative emotions gone somewhere else.

 

I like their approaches. I'd rather not deal with the DO YOU LOVE ME NOW texts (no offence intended) and just proceed with the relationship/dating like everything is normal....

[dispatch3d]

It's a hard decision and yeah I lean more towards I don't think you should see him again, like what some other posters have said.

 

We just don't want you to get hurt.

 

I know you already have felt so much pain and fear over him... I wish that weren't the case but it is.

 

There are other men out there and even though I understand you are afraid you'll never find "Mr. Right", I do think you will, especially once you've stopped basing your happiness on a guy and on your looks, but rather based your happiness on enjoying the good things in life!

 

For the record, and has been agreed to earlier by any guy reading this thread, all of the hurt and suffering etc. has all been shadows OWN DOING and had NOTHING to do with the guy. The self-sabotage was her problem, now she's looking to fix that and once it is fixed all of these "problems" he's "creating" will be gone.

 

Honestly he's probably thinking - well I still like you DESPITE the bad sex. I'm sure it was just us being in the wrong prescence of mind and next time it will be better.

 

Don't have sex with him until you actually want to **** his brains out. Take that as the golden rule ;-).

[shadowplay]

so do you guys think it's crazy to message this guy, an instructor I had at my university over the spring for a class that has since ended? (I had a crush on him during the class) I mean, I know it's a huge long shot, and he probably thinks I'm nuts, but on the other hand I don't have much to lose. His profile just keeps coming up in my match search, and it's so tempting.

 

If I do message him, what would a good line be that didn't seem like a come on? I want to play it as a neutral, hey funny seeing you on the site since we know each other in real life, and then see if he bites. That way, if he doesn't, my message might have just been friendly.

[SilentVoice]

I think you should step away from dating for a while . To just get your mind straight. I had the same thing happen to me with a guy before. Yes I a was torn up over it as but I decided to take some time off from dating after that and reevaluated myself and the situation. And dating has been way better now. Just please take a break.

[dispatch3d]

You have mutual friends? Why use the internet?

[Kamille]

You have mutual friends? Why use the internet?

 

I was thinking along the same lines. Could you organize a run in?

 

That being said, the idea of the neutral hey message is cool.

 

A part of me is happy to see you be doing so much better then you were just yesterday, but another part of me is a little bit worried.

 

Are you ready to you in touch with this guy with a neutral hey message, send it, and not agonize about the response or potential lack thereof?

[SadandConfusedWA]

Ha ha. Pretty funny everyone took it for granted he wasn't that into you and wouldn't call. Just because you were freaking out, they freaked out with you.

 

I was pretty much the only one saying that he will still text/call.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Ha ha. Pretty funny everyone took it for granted he wasn't that into you and wouldn't call. Just because you were freaking out, they freaked out with you.

 

I still don't think he was that into her he just wanted to make sure to secure his side tail nicely if he could.. I also think he may have been into her a little more before but after the meltdown what ever may have been there was def shot to shingles afterwards..

Edited September 13, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey

[2sunny]

since he texted during the middle of the night - that was a booty call.

 

i'd wait a few days to respond and see if YOU still feel like "catching up."

 

no reason to rush into responding.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I think you should step away from dating for a while . To just get your mind straight. I had the same thing happen to me with a guy before. Yes I a was torn up over it as but I decided to take some time off from dating after that and reevaluated myself and the situation. And dating has been way better now. Just please take a break.

 

I agree with this but she seams adamant to plow on and others are encouraging her with only good perhaps misplaced intentions even tho its clear shes not going into things with a healthy mind set to start off with. I fear we are destine to see many more threads like this one from Shadow as a result sadly I do hope I'm wrong of course but I dunno it seams inevitable at this pace..

[shadowplay]

Personally, I think after our last date he was unsure and held off on contacting me. Then maybe he got horny or something, and saw I was still interested with that last message, so he changed his mind and decided to text me.

 

Btw, I don't think he really cares whether I'm crazy or not at this point, since he seems fine with stringing me along for sex. And, for that reason, I don't think my messages to him after our date even really made much of a difference either way.

[shadowplay]

I agree with this but she seams adamant to plow on and others are encouraging her with only good perhaps misplaced intentions even tho its clear shes not going into things with a healthy mind set to start off with. I fear we are destine to see many more threads like this one from Shadow as a result sadly I do hope I'm wrong of course but I dunno it seams inevitable at this pace..

 

I want to keep meeting other people, rather than letting this whole experience derail me. I don't think that's a bad thing.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Personally, I think after our last date he was unsure and held off on contacting me. Then maybe he got horny or something, and saw I was still interested with that last message, so he changed his mind and decided to text me.

 

Btw, I don't think he really cares whether I'm crazy or not at this point, since he seems fine with stringing me along for sex. And, for that reason, I don't think my messages to him after our date even really made much of a difference either way.

 

Ok fair enough his behavior now is clearly not nice but shadow do you see your errors as well despite that? just curious..

[shadowplay]

Politician guy did. exactly. the. same. thing.

 

ugh, are were these guys separated at birth?

[shadowplay]

Ok fair enough his behavior now is clearly not nice but shadow do you see your errors as well despite that? just curious..

 

Yeah, I do. If nothing else, acting in accordance with my needs would have at least prevented this whole meltdown.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I want to keep meeting other people, rather than letting this whole experience derail me. I don't think that's a bad thing.

 

No meeting new people is never a bad thing but trying to date again when you have serious issues witch include self worth issues is a bad thing. You are going into it with out having the proper coping tools before hand that can only lead to you repeating past mistakes and more hurt thats my hole point..

[Star Gazer]

Personally, I think after our last date he was unsure and held off on contacting me. Then maybe he got horny or something, and saw I was still interested with that last message, so he changed his mind and decided to text me.

 

Btw, I don't think he really cares whether I'm crazy or not at this point, since he seems fine with stringing me along for sex. And, for that reason, I don't think my messages to him after our date even really made much of a difference either way.

 

And because you believe that, you will behave the same way with another guy because you think there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Sigh.

[shadowplay]

And because you believe that, you will behave the same way with another guy because you think there's nothing wrong with it.

 

Sigh.

 

No. Honestly. I think the only reason my craziness didn't totally deter him is because he has issues of his own.

[dispatch3d]

in other news my psycho roommate and her boyfriend are having a shouting and throwing things match upstairs right above my room, and it's 2:30 am here.

 

go up to the room "hey guys, I appreciate your enthusiasm for fighting and throwing things but I feel like it's just in the wrong place. I'm trying to go to sleep. If you don't mind take it outside. There are plenty of rocks. You can use cushions from the pillows if needed on the couch.

 

Of course, adding humour will be done at your own peril. Don't blame me ;-)

[dispatch3d]

Personally, I think after our last date he was unsure and held off on contacting me. Then maybe he got horny or something, and saw I was still interested with that last message, so he changed his mind and decided to text me.

 

Btw, I don't think he really cares whether I'm crazy or not at this point, since he seems fine with stringing me along for sex. And, for that reason, I don't think my messages to him after our date even really made much of a difference either way.

 

"string you along for sex"

 

where does this come from.

 

Did he say I just want to have sex with you and keep this physical.

 

Or are you projecting your fears onto the relationship and acting according to them?

 

Stop that!

 

I think the biggest common thread between this thread and the politician guy is both guys seem reasonably mentally healthy, like you, and you both act like crazies at times and they deal with it in the same manner ;-).

[Imajerk17]

I disagree with a lot of the posters on here. This is my take: The guy got back to you saying that he wants to hang out with you again. This might not jibe with the emotional storm you went through but it is appropriate given that you only went out twice and shared a night of awkward (your end) sex. So why is everyone saying that this guy is stringing shadowplay along?

 

This guy's attitude is what mine would be: I'd need time to think about whether I'd want to see the girl again. What does he really owe you? He's not in love but is there a reason why he ought to be at this point?

 

SP, if you can see him again (and keep your legs shut) without going bat-shyt crazy, go for it.

Edited September 13, 2010 by Imajerk17

[Imajerk17]

"string you along for sex"

 

where does this come from.

 

Did he say I just want to have sex with you and keep this physical.

 

Or are you projecting your fears onto the relationship and acting according to them?

 

Stop that!

 

I think the biggest common thread between this thread and the politician guy is both guys seem reasonably mentally healthy, like you, and you both act like crazies at times and they deal with it in the same manner ;-).

 

No kidding. Self-sabotage supreme.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Out of dozens of participants on this thread, the ONLY people saying the guy is "stringing Shadow along for sex" are Shadow and SAC.

 

For heaven's sake, who KNOWS what's up with this fellow? Shadow doesn't, so how are we supposed to know from what we get through her warpled filters?

 

FORGET ABOUT THE GUY!!! I mean, Shadow, I guess you WILL go out with him again and start another voluminous thread about it, but that does not change the fact that 99% of us are not interested in guessing what he might be thinking, what "issues" he may or may not have, etc., etc.

 

This is all about YOU and how you handle YOURSELF, and the situations YOU orchestrate for YOURSELF. Nothing is going to be different until you recognize and take full accountability for your full responsibility for all this stuff.

 

The guys involved can all be interchangeable. And I'm sure that they have their own stories to tell.

 

What we DO know about this particular guy and you is:

 

You acted like a scary girl with him, and

 

His style of relating to you drives you completely crazy.

 

It started immediately after the FIRST date and the onset of the needy, pressuring texts.

 

He does not respond anywhere near within your time frame. It makes you nuts.

 

He is not going to start responding to you within your time frame.

 

You will be nuts again about this guy.

[shadowplay]

Out of dozens of participants on this thread, the ONLY people saying the guy is "stringing Shadow along for sex" are Shadow and SAC.

 

For heaven's sake, who KNOWS what's up with this fellow? Shadow doesn't, so how are we supposed to know from what we get through her warpled filters?

 

FORGET ABOUT THE GUY!!! I mean, Shadow, I guess you WILL go out with him again and start another voluminous thread about it, but that does not change the fact that 99% of us are not interested in guessing what he might be thinking, what "issues" he may or may not have, etc., etc.

 

This is all about YOU and how you handle YOURSELF, and the situations YOU orchestrate for YOURSELF. Nothing is going to be different until you recognize and take full accountability for your full responsibility for all this stuff.

 

The guys involved can all be interchangeable. And I'm sure that they have their own stories to tell.

 

What we DO know about this particular guy and you is:

 

You acted like a scary girl with him, and

 

His style of relating to you drives you completely crazy.

 

It started immediately after the FIRST date and the onset of the needy, pressuring texts.

 

He does not respond anywhere near within your time frame. It makes you nuts.

 

He is not going to start responding to you within your time frame.

 

You will be nuts again about this guy.

 

So if you think I can't write him off as stringing me along, why shouldn't I try to see him again and see if I can be cool this time around and not act crazy?

 

Wouldn't that be learning from my mistakes?

 

Btw, I haven't made up my mind either way. Just playing devil's advocate.

Edited September 13, 2010 by shadowplay

[Cee]

Last night was quite busy here, wasn't it? I think SadandConfused gets props for calling that he'd contact her.

 

In light of what happened, it sounds like the guy took control of the pacing of their interactions. By ignoring IM and texts, he was actually deciding that he'd contact Shadow on his own timeline and not hers. It was rude of him, but his alternative was do slow texting or fade on a conversation, and that would have been upsetting as well.

 

I think it's important to remember that healthy people have full lives. Would you ditch time with your best friends, exercise, hobbies, etc. to spend your weekend IMing/texting a virtual stranger? I hope not. When he said he had a busy weekend, it meant he was doing stuff that was a greater priority for him at the moment. I don't think it reflects badly on him or you. It sounds realistic to me.

 

I hope you, Shadow, had a fun weekend doing things with friends or being productive getting work done. It is so important to keep dating in perspective. It is only one aspect of your life.

 

Go ahead and contact him. You really need to put this psychological drama behind you. It's only a date. And agonizing about dating is counterproductive. It makes it a bigger deal than it really is.

 

Seriously, it's only a date - 4ish hours of your life.

 

Good luck.

Edited September 13, 2010 by Cee