Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 As much as I want to turn everything to seem positive, the words he uses are important, and I should take them seriously. You're probably right that he wants fun and nothing more. I guess my only hope for a relationship is if he brings it up in our big talk later. If he doesn't say something about it then, he never will, and I should give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 I was talking to him about going to get birth control pills, but the way I see it, at this point with the way things are, that would be a waste of money. It doesn't seem like there is anything long-term in the works here, and I might as well just use condoms and save myself the time and energy. I may "have fun" with him a few more times just because I want to, but that will be it if there's no hope for anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 As much as I want to turn everything to seem positive, the words he uses are important, and I should take them seriously. You're probably right that he wants fun and nothing more. I guess my only hope for a relationship is if he brings it up in our big talk later. If he doesn't say something about it then, he never will, and I should give up. I think you need to prepare yourself for a very different conversation than what you're hoping for. Based on his texts, I suspect he'll say something like: "I think we need to stop, I don't want you to get attached. If you promise we can just f*** without you getting attached, we can do that. But keep it private. Not even a hint about it on Facebook. We'll satisfy each other sexually, but that's all you're going to get from me." Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 I do have to give the guy props though for being totally honest with you. He's not playing games, he's not leading you on. He's being really straight up with you. It's sex only, no attachments. If you accept that deal, it's on you. I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally hope you don't... You seem SO SWEET, I'd hate to see you waste your time and energy and affection on someone who doesn't want the same things you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 I think you need to prepare yourself for a very different conversation than what you're hoping for. Based on his texts, I suspect he'll say something like: "I think we need to stop, I don't want you to get attached. If you promise we can just f*** without you getting attached, we can do that. But keep it private. Not even a hint about it on Facebook. We'll satisfy each other sexually, but that's all you're going to get from me." Probably likely! He at least said in a text that he doesn't want to "sneak around and keep secrets," but I'm sure he would like it to be very private. There's probably no way I can get him to take me seriously, I assume? Yeah, it doesn't look good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 I do have to give the guy props though for being totally honest with you. He's not playing games, he's not leading you on. He's being really straight up with you. It's sex only, no attachments. If you accept that deal, it's on you. I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally hope you don't... You seem SO SWEET, I'd hate to see you waste your time and energy and affection on someone who doesn't want the same things you do. Yep! Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 Okay, I won't waste my time on him, then! I guess he isn't worth it! We can always be friends, at least! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 We can always be friends, at least! No, not even that...it just leaves the door open for you to later try to make a relationship out of this mess... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 But I'm hardly talking to anyone these days, and without being friends with him I'd practically have no one. As he said, he noticed I seemed lonely. That I am. Maybe that's part of why I want companionship. I can't just throw away one of the best friends I have. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 There's probably no way I can get him to take me seriously, I assume? Of course there is. Don't be his FWB. Make it clear you want a relationship (because that's what you want), and that you won't settle for less. If/when he's ever interested in that, and interested in that with you, he'll come knocking. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and setting yourself up to be heartbroken. And do NOT be "friends" with this guy. He's not a friend to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 But I'm hardly talking to anyone these days, and without being friends with him I'd practically have no one. As he said, he noticed I seemed lonely. That I am. Maybe that's part of why I want companionship. I can't just throw away one of the best friends I have. Well, just because he's the only one doesn't make him a good friend. A real friend wouldn't be using you for sex. There are literally millions of people where you live. I'm absolutely positively certain that you can make another friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 Of course there is. Don't be his FWB. Make it clear you want a relationship (because that's what you want), and that you won't settle for less. If/when he's ever interested in that, and interested in that with you, he'll come knocking. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and setting yourself up to be heartbroken. And do NOT be "friends" with this guy. He's not a friend to you. Most of my friends are away, in other states and cities. Luckily I'm making some buddies in my self-defense class. Without them, my family, and the guy, I'd probably be going insane right now from being lonely. LOL. Thanks for the advice. I guess he isn't really a friend, is he? He's chasing and all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 Well, just because he's the only one doesn't make him a good friend. A real friend wouldn't be using you for sex. There are literally millions of people where you live. I'm absolutely positively certain that you can make another friend. Well, I think right now he's one of the people who knows me best, besides my two female best friends. (One is across the country for college and visits for vacations, and the other is in a city an hour away.) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 Well, I think right now he's one of the people who knows me best, besides my two female best friends. (One is across the country for college and visits for vacations, and the other is in a city an hour away.) So? He's not treating you right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 So? He's not treating you right. At least he cares how I am. Not all of my "friends" do. I agree that he isn't treating me right, though. I have to stick up for myself. The last time I did that, it did have a good result, though! I should do that again! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 At least he cares how I am. Not all of my "friends" do. I agree that he isn't treating me right, though. I have to stick up for myself. The last time I did that, it did have a good result, though! I should do that again! I'm not sure he does. He doesn't want you to get attached, because that would cause drama for him. His desire to prevent you from getting attached is selfishly driven. I wish I could magic you forward into time, to have experienced this but without the heartbreak, so you'd understand what I and everyone else is saying... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 I'm not sure he does. He doesn't want you to get attached, because that would cause drama for him. His desire to prevent you from getting attached is selfishly driven. I wish I could magic you forward into time, to have experienced this but without the heartbreak, so you'd understand what I and everyone else is saying... Eh, I knew we were heading for drama and pain eventually even when we first started crossing the line of friendship. It was clear from how he would always emphasize our status of friends and nothing more, even after going so far. I can handle getting hurt, and I expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 I can handle getting hurt, and I expect it. If you expect it, why are you entertaining the idea of going through with it? I'm feeling like a protective big sister here, forgive me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 If you expect it, why are you entertaining the idea of going through with it? I'm feeling like a protective big sister here, forgive me. You know how love is. You take risks of getting hurt in hopes of gaining it. I'm not afraid of getting hurt anyway. Maybe a good cry is just what I need. That's another thing they say, if you get heart-broken, at least you know you have a heart for that to be so, and that is something great in itself. You made me realize how lonely of a person I really am. Dang it, I'd forgotten. The feeling becomes dull after long enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 You made me realize how lonely of a person I really am. Dang it, I'd forgotten. The feeling becomes dull after long enough. I know how it goes... but the thing you probably don't realize is that when you get into a situation like this with someone who's unable/unwilling to give you what you want and need, you actually become lonelier than if there was no one in your life. Really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 I know how it goes... but the thing you probably don't realize is that when you get into a situation like this with someone who's unable/unwilling to give you what you want and need, you actually become lonelier than if there was no one in your life. Really. Yep. That attention he does give me does do something for me, though. It's nice to have company, someone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 I think I need a hug. Digital ones welcome. :( Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 I've been so distracted by my goal of becoming independent and this situation with him that I didn't notice this need for more companionship in the background. How interesting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 What I probably really need to do right now is make more new friends. That would help the loneliness issue. I can do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 i think i need a hug. Digital ones welcome. :( (((((hug))))) Link to post Share on other sites
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