Sabali Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I know they were only jokes.. .. Just adding my 2 cents to the stereotyping out there.. Art, you spoke nothing of consequences... if there are no consequences to your actions then prepare for your second divorce. She's mine! Yep, just jokes. Of course there are great marriages out there...you just won't see my name involved. I enjoy the way things are. I may not always enjoy it but, on the other hand, maybe I will. Either way, I do enjoy seeing a great marriage.
Mad Max Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 For lots of men a pre-nup makes no sense because they don't have significant assets. The assets don't have to be that significant. With the way courts favor women in the US, a man can lose almost everything he has. Why would any guy take that risk? I only know of one pre-nup in my circle (though there are likely more). The woman outearned the man and had significant family money. So she prenuped hr pre-marital investments and her two homes. Totally reasonable and already more or less protected by state law. There's a reason for it. If the women has more assets and has plenty of it, I completely support her getting a prenup. Doesn't change that the man has more to lose. And it also depends on whether the state is no fault or not. Where pre-nups get meaningless is assets you haven't earned yet. But even if you get someone to sign something that says they won't ask for any money in the event of a divorce, good luck enforcing it. If a judge thinks it is unfair they can throw it out. And that hurts the man more than the woman. And again, we're tlking about a potential spouse. Someone who can take you off life support. In some cases it is totally logical to have a pre-nup to protect specific assets. But you can't decide child custody or say your spouse should leave with nothing in a pre-nup. No one is saying the prenup should deny child custody or leave your spouse with nothing. It's about protecting yourself, knowing that if you're a man, the courts will favor the woman.
Mad Max Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 You do know that child custody and child support cannot be prenup'd ? Yes and I'm not referring to the two things you mentioned.
Disillusioned Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I'd only marry for love, and you can see how many times THAT has happened... zilch!!! Besides the bachelor life just being awesome, I ran across the 100 reasons below which have many more convincing reasons But the downside is... if something breaks, you have no one else to blame. Owning a house is better than being single IMO... when you get sick of the way it looks, you can do something about it (I dare you to try that with a wife or gf). Plus you can burn a house or blow it up, which you generally can't do to an apartment or a condo without getting into trouble. No pre-nup = no marriage. I'm a man and I have way more to lose than the woman. The only exception would be if the woman has money. No lie, bwana! Ever browse through the online personals and seen what a lot of those women list for their salaries??? From this I conclude that 1. either these women are lying in which case they'll probably scare the keepers off, or 2. maybe they really DO make that much and they're emotional disaster cases who have no idea how to love anyone but themselves.
confused192 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 (edited) Sorry, ignore...not opening that can of worms. Edited September 8, 2010 by confused192
Disillusioned Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Either way, it doesn't take much nowadays for a marital relationship to become a martial relationship.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I want to get married, and I want to have kids. But if I don't, I think I'll live a pretty happy life, anyway.
jamesum Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Women are obsessed with the idea of wedding, not marriage.
Stung Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I am married. So far, so good. My husband is my best friend AND he serves up the hot meaty sex platter. Though we have hobbies and friends of our own, our lives are entwined in ways I would never have really understood even just a few years ago--of course our children are a large, amazing part of that, but it's also the future we are creating together and the way we always have each other's backs. It's hard to put into words, and it's not the right path for everybody, but I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
desertmoon Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Marriage...oh god....at 30 something, a committed partner would be great to have!
Stung Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Women are obsessed with the idea of wedding, not marriage. There ARE some women like this. There are many other women not at all like this. Qualifiers, people. They really add to a conversation. Anyway, I was a bit obsessed with my own wedding, because the symbolism of it was so important: the cementing of a union, the creation of a family, the start of a marriage--not because I wanted a fancy white dress or an expensive princess party. We married on a tiny beach surrounded by the woods of a National Park. There were only twelve people total, and we spent four days in the woods with our family drinking champagne, eating cheesecake, and having picnics. It was romantic, affordable, meaningful and awesome if I do say so myself.
denise_xo Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Is marriage worth getting into now and days? For many reasons it seem like its not something thats someone should get into. For one reason or another it seems like marriage is something that is becoming more and more like a fantasy that people like to experience then jump out. My personal opinion. It might be worth it but me myself as a man is scared to death for many reasons. It seems like the only people that stay together in marriages now are people in their 2nd and 3rd marriages simply because. They try really hard to make it work since they messed up before. Im not saying is bad for anyone who wanna try it but being realistic and looking from the outside in. Way too many people want to get married but dont like being married.It makes you think. So what do you guys think. Is marriage worth it? Would you get married/remarried? If you can answer yes to the last the questions Are you able to stay married? I think 'whether it's worth it' depends on your attitude when you go into it. If the base line is that a possible divorce = it isn't worth it, then it's a relatively high risk endavour. I have never cared about the institution of marriage, in the sense that I've never thought the legal paper was important and I've never entertained any dreams of being a white bride and the like. When I married, it was because social convention demanded that this was the only acceptable way of framing our relationship. We're now at a point where we are not sure that we will be able to stay married; maybe it will work out, maybe it won't. But if you ask me if it was worth it, my answer is yes, yes and yes. Would I do it again if we were to part? Probably not.
tigressA Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 (edited) I'm 23 and I don't know if I really want to get married. I think if I ever do, I won't for at least another 5 years. And I'd have to be with someone for at least 2. I have yet to have a relationship lasting at least 2 years. I have so many friends already married and/or engaged, some with kids, and it's the same with the guy I'm seeing, who's 4 years older than I am. So we're probably both being looked at by our respective circles like "When are you stepping up to the plate?" We've discussed it in arbitrary terms and I know that he wants to one day. He said he wants it to be only one time, for life. I said, "Well of course; no one gets married with the intention of getting divorced!" Edited September 8, 2010 by tigressA
lab_brat Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 With the right woman, I would absolutely love to get married. Once I'm finished with lawschool and (hopefully) employed, my aim will be to find a partner-for-life. To hell with being a Bachelor -- much better to find a woman who has her own interests/friends that she can spend time with/on a couple nights per week. Guy time is great, but all things in moderation. Ditto. Except a man instead.
gypsy_nicky Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 when I'm in my late 30's I will answer this question
robdrm32 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 For me the ceremony of getting married is unimportant. What is important is the one on one conversation I will have with my wife, when I ask her to spend the rest of my life with her and she says yes, as far as I am concerned thats the marriage right there. One thing that strikes me as odd in this thread is I'm sure most of the people saying a man should have his wife sign a pre-nup, would probably also say that trust in a relationship is key, and that without it you can't have a healthy relationship. Isn't a pre-nup essentially saying that you don't entirely trust that person? I don't see another way to look at it tbh.
sunshinegirl Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Yes! I'm getting married in 32 days... We were engaged within 7 months of dating; we'll be married just shy of our 1-year anniversary. I'm 36, he's 38. First marriages for both of us. No prenup. I trust his character and he trusts mine: neither one of us are people who would "go for the throat" if everything went south. We've both been through adversity and heartache before, we're both independent people used to taking care of ourselves, and revenge/vengefulness is not in our constitutions. Check in with us in 10 years.
Disillusioned Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 at 30 something, a committed partner would be great to have! Unwritten Rule #352 says commitment under the age of 80 is a no-no unless we're talking mental hospitals.
meerkat stew Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Isn't a pre-nup essentially saying that you don't entirely trust that person? No, it's saying that you don't trust lawyers and judges.
ColdFox Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 There ARE some women like this. There are many other women not at all like this. Qualifiers, people. They really add to a conversation. Anyway, I was a bit obsessed with my own wedding, because the symbolism of it was so important: the cementing of a union, the creation of a family, the start of a marriage--not because I wanted a fancy white dress or an expensive princess party. We married on a tiny beach surrounded by the woods of a National Park. There were only twelve people total, and we spent four days in the woods with our family drinking champagne, eating cheesecake, and having picnics. It was romantic, affordable, meaningful and awesome if I do say so myself. My wedding was also very simple, just about the two of us. I wore a light sundress, in a field. It was very sentimental, though. I would get married again, if I ever meet somebody I want to make my life with again. I hope I will, I really liked being married. I liked the belonging, the intimacy.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Anyway, I was a bit obsessed with my own wedding, because the symbolism of it was so important: the cementing of a union, the creation of a family, the start of a marriage--not because I wanted a fancy white dress or an expensive princess party. We married on a tiny beach surrounded by the woods of a National Park. There were only twelve people total, and we spent four days in the woods with our family drinking champagne, eating cheesecake, and having picnics. It was romantic, affordable, meaningful and awesome if I do say so myself. That sounds cool! One of my best friends had an awesome wedding, too, and I got to be her maid of honor. Her dress was non-traditional but very classy, they got married in a beautiful public park on a bridge over a river, and they had a bluegrass band and gourmet Indian food! She and her husband are major globetrotters, so all their friends from all over the world came to their place for the wedding, and most of her closest friends spent the whole weekend at their house, playing our music and partying the whole time. My boyfriend I rolled out of bed the morning after the wedding and immediately grabbed our guitars, hit the music room, and started jamming with our bedhead and sleepy eyes, with some of the coolest people I know from way back. We had a blast. MOST weddings, though, are boring and lame.
OliveOyl Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I don't know if I'd get married again. I am not sure I see the benefits. Long-term/lifetime partner, yes. I would like that. Marriage? Not really any benefits. I've done the white wedding thing so that is no longer needed. I need to know that I am free to adapt if a person or circumstances change very significantly. It's not marriage that is the problem, it's the "for the rest of your life/till death do us part" part that trips me up. The thing is, people change. Sometimes they change a lot. And there's no way to anticipate all the possible ways they can change (or that you will change). I got married at a relatively later age (early 30s). I had known my to-be-husband for a year before we got engaged. We didn't rush into things. I felt I knew him very well... and I did. For that set of circumstances. But after the birth of the second child, which brought a lot of complications, things started changing. He started changing. For example, he did not deal with stress well and turned to drinking heavily and having significant disruptive mood swings. I'm not pointing fingers; I am sure I have changed too. The kicker is, at least for 1st marriages: the life one shares while dating and in courtship is entirely different than the life that will be shared after settling in, especially after kids come along. How to predict, how you as a couple will relate in those circumstances is very difficult unless, perhaps you're a talented psychic. Love alone may not be enough... or perhaps we didn't share the right type of love. But there was no way for me to know that in advance.
Stung Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 That sounds cool! MOST weddings, though, are boring and lame. Thank you, it is one of my fondest memories. We rented cabins for everyone for a few days, ours was right on the water, and worked our way through a case of champagne and four of the best cheesecakes ever known to man. I totally agree with you that the more standard, more formal wedding-industry fueled weddings usually have me just bored stiff and waiting for everything to finally be over, even though I am happy for the couple. Yes! I'm getting married in 32 days... We were engaged within 7 months of dating; we'll be married just shy of our 1-year anniversary. I'm 36, he's 38. First marriages for both of us. No prenup. I trust his character and he trusts mine: neither one of us are people who would "go for the throat" if everything went south. We've both been through adversity and heartache before, we're both independent people used to taking care of ourselves, and revenge/vengefulness is not in our constitutions. Check in with us in 10 years. Congratulations and good luck. I was 34 and my husband 39 when we married--first wedding for both of us, also. I do feel that often it's wiser to wait until you're a little older, as we did, and have some experience under your belt before undertaking a commitment like marriage. We didn't do a prenup either, we had about equal property assets when we married and trusted each other not to become overly vindictive in the unhappy potential event of a divorce--but then we also lived together, had a child together, bought property together and had a joint bank account before we married, also, so it wasn't quite such a leap of faith.
Woggle Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I have to agree with those who say that many women are mostly interested in the wedding rather than the marriage. I have heard a few comments from women about how they have already had the nice wedding as if that is the only thing that really matters. It's like they just want their princess day and the hell with the actual relationship with the men. I think this mentality is what scares many men and makes them not want to commit.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 I have to agree with those who say that many women are mostly interested in the wedding rather than the marriage. I have heard a few comments from women about how they have already had the nice wedding as if that is the only thing that really matters. It's like they just want their princess day and the hell with the actual relationship with the men. I think this mentality is what scares many men and makes them not want to commit. I think it's cool when people have non-traditional weddings that are actually fun, but I've NEVER fantasized about my wedding day and the white dress and blah blah. I also think it's sad and slightly creepy when people make a big production about their wedding memories after the fact, like that was the peak of their life. I'd prefer something simple and really fun, more like a big, awesome party with tons of music and great food -- one fun event to kick off what I'd hope would be a great life together.
Recommended Posts