jamesum Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 My brother did this with his current girlfriend. I think that I posted about it on here. He wanted casual relationship with her because he felt she wasn't hot enough She did most of the calling and pursuing - he kind of just went along with it. After dating for 6 months, they now live together and are in a serious relationship. But my brother is very weak and easily influnced. I STILL don't think that he is that happy or that their R will work in the long term. I think this sort of thing is more likely to work with guys that are passive, weak, shy and don't really know what they want. Doesnt that basically describe the relationships of tons of women? I mean I even hear that a lot of women are married to men whom they have little attraction for and they married them because they had no other choice since they were shy, weak, and passive and those guys were the only ones who came to them.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 So the guy didn't end up replying at all. It was never a problem that he didn't reply within 20 minutes, it is more what that implies. In about 80% of the cases, that means that you are being blown off and that probability increases with each passing minute. I have had plenty of experience to notice those trends. I was kind of meh about the guy anyway to be honest. Sometimes, I really hate real life friends. I just had a drink with my closest friend (who also happens to be a psychologist). Her advice? "It doesn't mean anything that he didn't reply to your text. Some men are like that. I also beleive that it's impossible for any guy not to like you. I can't see it. I am sure he will call within the next couple of days." This is exactly why I need LS to keep it real.
jamesum Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Sometimes, I really hate real life friends. I just had a drink with my closest friend (who also happens to be a psychologist). Her advice? "It doesn't mean anything that he didn't reply to your text. Some men are like that. I also beleive that it's impossible for any guy not to like you. I can't see it. I am sure he will call within the next couple of days." This is exactly why I need LS to keep it real. She was giving you an advice as a friend. If you wanted to talk to her professional side, you need to make an appointment with her and cough up the money.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Yeah, she says she doesn't go into professional mode with me unless I ask for it. I did a few times and it was really weird for me It kind of made me feel uncomfortable. I just needed to be told some variation of "It's not the end of the world. So what if some guy rejected you?...."etc etc. The probalem is, I have no more options. If I had more dates lined up, I wouldn't care at all. I had so much fun planning for dates, thinking of what to wear etc. Now there is just nothing. There aren't even any guys that I am obsessing over. Not even an unrequited crush. It feels so empty.
dispatch3d Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 So the guy didn't end up replying at all. It was never a problem that he didn't reply within 20 minutes, it is more what that implies. In about 80% of the cases, that means that you are being blown off and that probability increases with each passing minute. I have had plenty of experience to notice those trends. I was kind of meh about the guy anyway to be honest. Obviously I don't know that cause I'm a dude. I don't ask out guys or go on dates with them. That said, who cares? You are still too wrapped up in a guy you just met. My point is you shouldn't even be aware of the 20 minutes. You just met him. The "each passing minute" thing sounds painful to think about anything in that light. Look at things in a more positive view than "every passing minute he doesn't text me the lower the chances are he's the man of my dreams". Sometimes, I really hate real life friends. I just had a drink with my closest friend (who also happens to be a psychologist). Her advice? "It doesn't mean anything that he didn't reply to your text. Some men are like that. I also believe that it's impossible for any guy not to like you. I can't see it. I am sure he will call within the next couple of days." This is exactly why I need LS to keep it real. She is being supportive, which is generally what women are looking for. I don't even give my friends advice like i do on here. They may not like me cause of the **** I tell them. Best to just be polite, supportive, etc. For your last point 18 dates>2 dates. Stop being so dramatic about ****. This isn't the end of the world. One guy who you liked (and VERY unjustly really liked) wasn't that into you. Big deal. Your attitude towards this stuff isn't helping you. "No guy to obsess over and no major crushes." Ahhh GOOD both of those things aren't healthy!!!!! A guy with your attitude probably couldn't even ask out a girl once/year. Instead, you get 18 dates/1 year. Pretty fin good deal . Keep dating and figure out why you (likely) come on so strong. You'll eventually meet someone you click with if you keep dating people. If you date 100 people/year you are way more likely to end up in a relationship with one of them than if you date 10 people/year. And that weird ****ing math people do where dating 100 people in a year means you are a worse person is stupid. The ones who go on 3 dates and get in a relationship with one of them are probably in a lot less satisfying relationships than the ones who go through 80 people before someone is actually (more likely to be really) compatible.
Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 The problem is, I have no more options. Did all the men vanish from the planet without my knowledge?? Another option IS to just focus on yourself and work on developing a healthy attitude towards dating...
donnamaybe Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Did all the men vanish from the planet without my knowledge?? Another option IS to just focus on yourself and work on developing a healthy attitude towards dating... Totally agree here. I scanned through this thread and a few others by the OP and another with the same type of attitude. Rather than getting all in a tizzy over losing weight JUST to impress some guy and all worked up over whether they've messaged back in a nano-second, how about just working on living your life? Having fun? BEING someone that another person would want to be with - that being YOU. Not a VERSION of you that you THINK some guy wants to see. The real you will come through eventually anyway, and why start off a R with a false reality? You're a beautiful girl, and from your posts you seem to be intelligent and witty. What more could a guy want? If you don't just relax and be yourself, you'll come off as needy and desperate which is MUCH worse than leaving on your own persona OR that 10 lbs.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I met my SO via online dating. I had some troubling experiences but I soldiered on. Many "meets," several real dates that followed meeting ... I did meet some nice men and dated one of them for about 6 months, but there really was no big spark between us. Finally, after about 2 years, I met S that way. I had taken breaks when I got discouraged or had a "bad" feeling or experience, whether it was meeting a creepy, angry or needy guy or having my feelings hurt. It's not possible to NEVER internalize any of what goes on, but it's up to us to keep boundaries up around how much we allow this stuff to get to us. ALL it means is that we haven't met a good fit for us yet. My guy had been at it for FIVE YEARS before we met. He had found one relationship that went someplace, and the rest was pretty much nowhere. He also took long breaks (several months). We are much older than you; I know the dating pool for young women like you is much bigger, and it's constantly changing. My message is: there is hope. The guys having low interest, or whatever, is not a reflection on you in any way. Your response to all this is something that (I think) you might want to look at, and maybe get help with. If you strengthen your self esteem you will be more attractive to the men you want, make a great partner and be able to have a fulfilling relationship with the right one.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 OMFG he called!!! So he called just now and asked me to have dinner on Saturday or Sunday night. I said that I am busy (I am not accepting late notice dates). He plays tennis on Monday nights so we are meeting up on Tuesday. Sure, he is probably meh about me but I am kind of meh about him so we can just take it slow and see what happens. And I am back in the game
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 P.S. I am soooooo relieved that I wasn't rejected. My ego is so fragile that any kind of rejection absolutely kills me.
Kamille Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Agh S, I finally got caught up on this thread! The probalem is, I have no more options. If I had more dates lined up, I wouldn't care at all. I had so much fun planning for dates, thinking of what to wear etc. Now there is just nothing. There aren't even any guys that I am obsessing over. Not even an unrequited crush. It feels so empty. 1) What's with this "On-line dating is my last option" mumbo-jumbo? Surely, you continue to keep an active life outside of online dating? Do you not meet people there, be they potential love interests or just cool people to hang out with? And... Really? Why are you so desperate for a relationship? What do you think it will do? Do you think it will make you feel better about yourself? Ever heard of dating yourself first? Basically, you just plan your days so that you do one thing that you enjoy every day. See, if you know how to entertain yourself, you won't have to rely on the immediate answer to a text to keep you entertained. Stop making your entire sense of self-worth about landing a guy! And I know you don't believe me, but the minute you start deriving self-esteem from other sources than dating, your love life will get easier. OMFG he called!!! So he called just now and asked me to have dinner on Saturday or Sunday night. I said that I am busy (I am not accepting late notice dates). He plays tennis on Monday nights so we are meeting up on Tuesday. Sure, he is probably meh about me but I am kind of meh about him so we can just take it slow and see what happens. And I am back in the game From now on I suggest that if you have nothing planned, you accept the date, but with the caveat that you also focus on getting a social life that doesn't revolve around dating. This means that you should have plans for the next two-three evenings, even if it's just chilling at home taking a relaxing bath. The best way to appear busy is to be busy. And I couldn't help but get the impression, from what you wrote above, that you were saying you have nothing planned for either Saturday or Sunday. Really? Not even going out for a drink with friends? Dinner with the parents? Catching a show? Staying at home watching season 6 of Entourage? I mean, does your life really only revolve around dating?
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