Chocolat Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Ugh, he logged into the OKC right after the "date" When it comes to looks, I feel like me and this guy are on the same level. He is not so super hot that he is out of my league, but he is above average. I bet he won't call me. I am merely observing, not really obsessing (yet). Why assume the worst? Maybe he logged back in to look at your profile again. That seems pretty logical to me.
Cee Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Ugh, he logged into the OKC right after the "date" When it comes to looks, I feel like me and this guy are on the same level. He is not so super hot that he is out of my league, but he is above average. I bet he won't call me. I am merely observing, not really obsessing (yet). This thread has followed the exact cycle I have been going through on OK Cupid lately. Stage 1 (pre-meeting): OMG he's so hot and smart. Will he like me? Stage 2 (date): Eh, he's not what I imagined, but he's cute. Stage 3 (post date): I don't think he'll call, but really I don't care anymore. Lather, rinse, repeat I have thought about my disabling my profile (yet again). I have been off and on the site for almost 2 years, and, while I have had plenty of dates, nothing has converted into anything special. I guess it's just a day in the life at OKC.
USMCHokie Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I wanted to kiss him on the cheek when we parted, but he misread my intentions and went for the lips. We ended up sharing a kiss (he probably thinks that I initiated the kiss now and I have come across as desperate eek). For the record, I do NOT think a girl initiating a kiss is desperate at all...but more like awesome. It's sometimes nice when the girl takes initiative...but if it becomes routine because the guy is uncomfortably passive, then LAUNCH...
Rxwoman Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Why would you want to lose 10 pounds first? If he is so shallow that 10 pounds will make the difference, then you don't want him anyway. What happens if you date, then put the 10 pounds back on?? I think talking on the phone is a good idea. Then a person has a chance to get to know you BEFORE meeting you in person. with men that's a good thing, because once your personalitys "click" ( if they do) then your looks should be less important. RELAXE, you'll be fine on the phone.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I am gearing up to send him "great to meet you text". I mean at least this way I will know if he isn't interested and I won't have to wait till the end of the week for him to call or not. If he doesn't respond, I will know by the end of today. I am betting on 80/20 that he won't respond.
bobdole Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 For some reason that doesn't sit right with me. If someone sent me a text after the first date saying "Great to meet you" - it just sorta sounds wrong or at least not enthusiastic. I'd much prefer "Had a wonderful time!"
shadowplay Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 sure, send the text. Ha, this reminds me a lot of my date. I'm starting to think online dating is a waste of time.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Sent the text 20 minutes ago: Hey M, it was great to meet you last night. I hope that we can catch up again soon! x No reply. I know it's only been 20 minutes but I am so sure he won't reply. I am just sick of this. Why do people don't say or do what they mean? Nobody forced him to ask me to catch up again at the end of the date. This is it for me. I gave online dating a fair shot, it didn't work out. I can't take this c$ap anymore.
CLC2008 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 So I met him. We had a few drinks for about 2-3 hours. I am not sure what to say. He was very shy, nervous, polite etc. I did most of the talking but he kept asking me questions about myself. He is not as cute as his pictures but definitely cute enough for me to be attracted to him. I have absolutely no idea if he is interested in me. At the end, he said "So..would you maybe like to catch up again?" looking at his shoes. I said "Yeah..if you want to" he said "I will give you a call later in the week". I wanted to kiss him on the cheek when we parted, but he misread my intentions and went for the lips. We ended up sharing a kiss (he probably thinks that I initiated the kiss now and I have come across as desperate eek). I am certainly interested enough to want to see him again but not so interested that I am obsessing (which is a good place to be). I am pondering sending him a brief "thanks" text. Normally, I don't think this is a good idea, but this guy is SO shy that I want to encourage him to call. He did say that he'd give you a call later in the week to schedule a second date, right? Sent the text 20 minutes ago: Hey M, it was great to meet you last night. I hope that we can catch up again soon! x No reply. I know it's only been 20 minutes but I am so sure he won't reply. I am just sick of this. Why do people don't say or do what they mean? Nobody forced him to ask me to catch up again at the end of the date. This is it for me. I gave online dating a fair shot, it didn't work out. I can't take this c$ap anymore. Today is Tuesday. Give it a few more days....
bobdole Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 This is it for me. I gave online dating a fair shot, it didn't work out. I can't take this c$ap anymore. With your "restrictive" criteria I don't think you can say this really. But I do agree that I don't think online dating is for you. People that can give a "it works or it doesn't - oh well" attitude are more suited I think.
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Sent the text 20 minutes ago: Hey M, it was great to meet you last night. I hope that we can catch up again soon! x No reply. I know it's only been 20 minutes but I am so sure he won't reply. I am just sick of this. Why do people don't say or do what they mean? Nobody forced him to ask me to catch up again at the end of the date. This is it for me. I gave online dating a fair shot, it didn't work out. I can't take this c$ap anymore. This is exactly how I feel. I wish the guy I went on a date with had just taken my out when I gave it to him: "hey, if you don't want to hang out again, that's cool, but I'd rather you just told me." Now I feel like I forced him into another date, and it's pointless to go. I'm done with online dating.
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 With your "restrictive" criteria I don't think you can say this really. But I do agree that I don't think online dating is for you. People that can give a "it works or it doesn't - oh well" attitude are more suited I think. Sad isn't restrictive. She's been pretty lenient about whom she's met.
threebyfate Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Online dating appears to be a game of who cares less. Not a healthy environment for people who don't enjoy games.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Low interest guys: just say NO!
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Online dating appears to be a game of who cares less. Not a healthy environment for people who don't enjoy games. yeah ..............
bobdole Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Neither of the guys have played games with you... One hasn't responded immediately to a "had a good night" text - many valid reasons for that. The other made the mistake of being on a conference call while IM'ing. you both over analyze and are a bit on the obsessive side.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 I feel horrible to be rejected like this. It's been 2 hours now. I did have a very strong feeling that this would happen though.
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I feel horrible to be rejected like this. It's been 2 hours now. I did have a very strong feeling that this would happen though. I'm sorry, Sad. I know people on here will say you're being ridiculous to draw conclusions this soon, but while I wouldn't completely rule out the possibility that he's away from his phone, I agree with your judgment for the most part. If there's anything I've learned about guys, it's that when they're interested, you never doubt it. Ugh, I already feel disillusioned with online dating. It sucks because I kind of saw it as a last resort thing, if I couldn't meet guys through other means. People congratulate you for having the courage to try something new, but there really isn't any satisfaction or sense of growth in trying out every possibility until you're left with none.
Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I wish the guy I went on a date with had just taken my out when I gave it to him: "hey, if you don't want to hang out again, that's cool, but I'd rather you just told me." Now I feel like I forced him into another date, and it's pointless to go. PLEASE tell me you didn't actually say that! Nothing screams "insecure" more than that sort of statement... I feel horrible to be rejected like this. It's been 2 hours now. I did have a very strong feeling that this would happen though. Patience, grasshopper. It's only been 2 hours, not 2 days. Don't assume the worst. I didn't respond to any of my texts today until just now, even my nagging mother.
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 PLEASE tell me you didn't actually say that! Nothing screams "insecure" more than that sort of statement... Well, what's done is done. Now we have a date set up for Thurs night (dinner and movie), and I'm not even sure if I should go because I feel like his interest is low and I also put my foot in my mouth.
meerkat stew Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Unfortunately, it seems neither of you is cut out for online dating. It is causing you way too much angst needlessly. The point is not to "nail down" an instant relationship partner, but to meet new people and have fun on a date. How on earth are you getting so emotionally invested so quickly? Even if these guys do contact, you are setting yourself up for needless stress after every contact and date, it will become a vicious, self-fulfilling cycle if you continue with this attitude. You have both also stated that you have gravitated more towards the free spirit, bohemian types as opposed to the career, organized types. That's fine if it's your preference, but realize that the career types are more likely to take charge and show interest that doesn't end up freaking you out. Some guy looked at HIS SHOES when asking you out again, and you are both 30s age? No wonder I do so well online, guess I'm not as good as I thought though, just the competition is so poor
dispatch3d Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Sent the text 20 minutes ago: Hey M, it was great to meet you last night. I hope that we can catch up again soon! x No reply. I know it's only been 20 minutes but I am so sure he won't reply. I am just sick of this. Why do people don't say or do what they mean? Nobody forced him to ask me to catch up again at the end of the date. This is it for me. I gave online dating a fair shot, it didn't work out. I can't take this c$ap anymore. asdlfkjlakjsdfasdlfkjasdflkjasdf You are you're own worst enemy. Would a balanced person behave as you do? Seriously. Stop ****ing being so insecure. Stop it with your negative god awful thought process. Look at the reasons you are so miserable in dating. The ****ing problem isn't dating ****head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll list some things that you do that are completely ridiculous: (1) Looking to lose 10 pounds, 5 pounds, 3 pounds, 2 ounces, buy the right kind of makeup before the date. IF HE CANT ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT WEIGHT YOU GENERALLY SIT AT ITS HIS ****ING PROBLEM NOT YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not saying you should get fat. Look being in shape and being interested in fitness is going to help your life. You'll be healthier, and since you are a girl your dating life is going to be directly linked to how healthy you are (guys are shallow like this). If you want a man to think you're sexy forever, be healthy, workout, go to the gym. Do it for those reasons. The first paragraph is the WRONG REASON TO DO ANYTHING. (2) Giving a **** if someone replies to a text within 20 minutes. Second issue. Even being aware he hasn't texted you in 20 minutes. (3) Thinking the exact context of the text will in some way be crucial to whether he likes you. There are many OTHER examples of this. Thinking that saying x-statement is going to "Ruin your chances". This is BULL****. Look. The reason you are SAYING this ****ing awful statements is because your mindset is ****. FIX YOUR DAMN MINDSET. STOP DOING THESE BEHAVIOURS. (4) Deciding you like the guy AFTER ONE DATE (5) Deciding you like the guy BEFORE THE ****ING DATE. Dates exist for a reason. It's a trial period for you to decide IF you like him. It IS NOT the period where you try to GET HIM TO LIKE YOU. NOOOO. If he doesn't like you, it's his ****ing loss. You don't even give a **** because he is COMPLETELY ****ING REPLACEABLE. You could walk out on the ****ing street right now, go up to 5 guys, get AT LEAST one date, and you're biggest problem would be MAYBE HE DOESN"T LIKE ME THAT MUCH. He is ****ing replaceable!! How do you not realize this. (6) Taking it slow is good for an actual reason!!!! It takes months to figure out if you and a guy are compatible. You can't read an internet profile and know within 2 seconds. You can't find out you and him share x y and z similar interests and know it's a match. It's not that ****ing easy. Ever be friends with someone, move in, and all the sudden you realize THAT PERSON IS A COMPLETE JACKASS! Yeah, same **** happens in dating. You aren't nearly as good as you THINK you are about judging character. Additionally, if you aren't having sex with a guy you actually have no --REAL-- dating ties to him at all (as far as he's concerned). So the answer isnt to just make him take you on a bunch of dates before you give him sex. Also, if you regularly do "boyfriend/girlfriend" type things without any physical side you aren't dating. I digress. (7) Being SO CONCERNED he isn't that interested in you. Uh HELLLOOOOOO you've been on ONE DATE and have BARELY KISSED. Obviously he isn't that interested. There'd be a huge ****ing problem if he WAS that interested. He barely knows you. The problem isn't that he isn't interested enough, it's that YOU ARE WAY TOO INTERESTED. You were way too interested BEFORE YOU MET HIM!!! If you start off from a ****ed mindset don't expect magical things to happen. When I get most concerned with myself is when I meet a girl and talk to her for 20 minutes and then I'm actually REALLY into her. This is ****ing stupid. No, there is NO REASON to be super-into a girl after 20 minutes. She isn't perfect. The only reason I BELIEVE she is perfect is because I am AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMING she is since she happened to display x y and z characteristic that I always look for. Don't build castles in the sky. When you do build ****ing castles realize it, look at it, and think to yourself why the **** did I do that. Where did I go wrong. I have to stop this. At the very least be AWARE IT HAPPENED. Hope this helps. As for advice on what to do. See if he calls or texts you in the next few days. If he does and tries to schedule something don't flake/make some bull**** reason for not seeing him. Stop expecting to fall in love for eternity on date number 2, date number 1, etc. Fix your ****ing mindset and guys won't be as concerned about **** when they first meet you.
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Unfortunately, it seems neither of you is cut out for online dating. It is causing you way too much angst needlessly. The point is not to "nail down" an instant relationship partner, but to meet new people and have fun on a date. How on earth are you getting so emotionally invested so quickly? Even if these guys do contact, you are setting yourself up for needless stress after every contact and date, it will become a vicious, self-fulfilling cycle if you continue with this attitude. You have both also stated that you have gravitated more towards the free spirit, bohemian types as opposed to the career, organized types. That's fine if it's your preference, but realize that the career types are more likely to take charge and show interest that doesn't end up freaking you out. Some guy looked at HIS SHOES when asking you out again, and you are both 30s age? No wonder I do so well online, guess I'm not as good as I thought though, just the competition is so poor Ha, I'm 27. Also, I've been avoiding the artsy types lately. This guy is a little of both. He's somewhat free-spirited, liberal and earthy, but he's also career oriented. He's a computer programmer, who seems to have his sh$t together. Shrug.
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