SadandConfusedWA Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Sorry to be obsessing again guys. I have been corresponding with a guy for over a week on OKC. I was pretty excited when he messaged me with a very long e-mail. He is super hot and exactly my type when it comes to looks. 6'2", athletic, dark curly hair, brown eyes, surfer and snow boarder He can also write. There are no red flags. My only concern is that is sportier/fitter than I am. Other than that, it's all good. Anyway, tonight he has sent me his phone number and asked me to call him to chat or to send him my number. I am scared. I am so bad on the phone and kind of awkward. I would rather just meet in person first. I have this irrational fear of the phone. Should I suggest meeting him without the phone conversation? Or is that too forward and weird? I also want to drop like 10lbs before we meet. So I need to delay meeting for a bit. Should I just ignore the phone thing and keep writing, or will he lose interest? OMG I don't want to blow this. There are really only two super cute guys in my area on OKC (that have stable jobs and are not total idiots from their profiles). I have already dated one (the politician) and it didn't work out. I absolutely must put my best foot forward here Thoughts on the phone issue, how do I respond??
LondonS Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 You are sooo overly concerened with this , you have only met him online...relax and plan to meet him in a couple of weeks. whatever you do, please dont expect much and keep your options open. I started using match and between this weekend and next, have 4 dates planned with 4 different tall, hot and sporty guys... I am not fussed with any one of them and responding to their texts without making preference to who is the best. I,ll figure that out once I have met them.. just take a casual appraoch to this untill you have met this person a couple of times atleast. Goodluck
dispatch3d Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 you really need to change your attitude towards dating instead of losing 10 lbs and avoiding phone conversations. Every thread seems like you looking for band-aid solutions or quick fixes. Just give him your number, he'll likely schedule a date. Guys don't like talking for a long time on the phone anyways.
Star Gazer Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I also want to drop like 10lbs before we meet. So I need to delay meeting for a bit. That could take a while if you do it the HEALTHY way and want to actually KEEP it off (I'm assuming you want to go beyond the first date, right?). What's the point of being on an online dating site if you're not ready to meet people "right now," as you are? Also, are your pictures not accurate? Do they represent a thinner you??
Cee Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Give him your phone number. Be available for his phone call. You can't control the outcome of the date by looking "prettier" or "thinner." Sure, it's important to look nice on a date, but it's not what puts you over the top. Chemistry happens or it doesn't. There is no way to control that. In fact, I lost 20 pounds during the online dating process. I went from a size 10 to a size 4. I thought that I'd have more dates and that I would finally have a boyfriend. Guess what? I'm going on the same number of dates & still nobody is that into me. So now I know my weight wasn't the problem. Hmmm, I wonder what it is, then? I'm guessing it's my personality or perhaps I'm not that smart. There is no way to win in online dating. The goal is to survive.
shadowplay Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Sorry to be obsessing again guys. I have been corresponding with a guy for over a week on OKC. I was pretty excited when he messaged me with a very long e-mail. He is super hot and exactly my type when it comes to looks. 6'2", athletic, dark curly hair, brown eyes, surfer and snow boarder He can also write. There are no red flags. My only concern is that is sportier/fitter than I am. Other than that, it's all good. Anyway, tonight he has sent me his phone number and asked me to call him to chat or to send him my number. I am scared. I am so bad on the phone and kind of awkward. I would rather just meet in person first. I have this irrational fear of the phone. Should I suggest meeting him without the phone conversation? Or is that too forward and weird? I also want to drop like 10lbs before we meet. So I need to delay meeting for a bit. Should I just ignore the phone thing and keep writing, or will he lose interest? OMG I don't want to blow this. There are really only two super cute guys in my area on OKC (that have stable jobs and are not total idiots from their profiles). I have already dated one (the politician) and it didn't work out. I absolutely must put my best foot forward here Thoughts on the phone issue, how do I respond?? Lol. This sounds exactly like me! This is where I am with the guy I'll be meeting soon. He's super fit, hot, far more athletic than I am. No red flags so far whatsoever. I also delayed meeting him to lose weight. haha.
shadowplay Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 That could take a while if you do it the HEALTHY way and want to actually KEEP it off (I'm assuming you want to go beyond the first date, right?). What's the point of being on an online dating site if you're not ready to meet people "right now," as you are? Also, are your pictures not accurate? Do they represent a thinner you?? I don't know about Sad, but my pictures are only headshots.
kalikula Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Give him your number and let him call you. Talking on the phone can be scary with someone you don't know, but it's a good way to connect (often better than online I think). Just be friendly and let him take over the conversation at first.. Then it will flow naturally (unless he's super awkward, then whatever). Don't worry too much.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 My pictures are recent, but only head shots. I have one full body shot when I went skiing 6 months ago but it's in skiing gear and he can't REALLY see my weight. I have selected my body shape as "Average". Technically speaking, my BMI IS in the normal range. I am concerned about his sportiness. I am slightly worried that it means we are not compatible. I mean I am pretty athletically challenged. Not to mention what his body must look like. I can see from the pictures that he is lean with medium muscle definition on his arms. Hey shadow, did you speak to your guy on the phone? BTW yep they do have similar body types
Star Gazer Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 My pictures are recent, but only head shots. Interesting. If I were a guy, I imagine I'd be weary of a gal who didn't post any pictures which showed her figure...
2sunny Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 My pictures are recent, but only head shots. I have one full body shot when I went skiing 6 months ago but it's in skiing gear and he can't REALLY see my weight. I have selected my body shape as "Average". Technically speaking, my BMI IS in the normal range. I am concerned about his sportiness. I am slightly worried that it means we are not compatible. I mean I am pretty athletically challenged. Not to mention what his body must look like. I can see from the pictures that he is lean with medium muscle definition on his arms. Hey shadow, did you speak to your guy on the phone? BTW yep they do have similar body types this makes me wonder how honest you have been with your profile. average doesn't mean anything. post pictures of your whole body! men can then decide ahead of time if you fit their type. some men love curvy women. either way - don't delay the meeting in order to lose weight - be yourself first and foremost. he probably doesn't care - especially of you are nice. on the other note - just call him as planned - otherwise he will think you are a flake.
Chocolat Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Interesting. If I were a guy, I imagine I'd be weary of a gal who didn't post any pictures which showed her figure... If I were a guy and the girl did not provide any full-body shots and she described her body type as "average," I would assume she was carrying several extra pounds. In fact, I am a gal and I still assume this about both girls and guys who would do this. Perhaps he already has it figured out SAC. Putting off meeting until you can lose 10 pounds has the potential to snuff out his interest.
shadowplay Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Interesting. If I were a guy, I imagine I'd be weary of a gal who didn't post any pictures which showed her figure... It hasn't hurt me in terms of getting messages from attractive guys. But then I listed my body type as "thin" (which is true). *shrug*
shadowplay Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 My pictures are recent, but only head shots. I have one full body shot when I went skiing 6 months ago but it's in skiing gear and he can't REALLY see my weight. I have selected my body shape as "Average". Technically speaking, my BMI IS in the normal range. I am concerned about his sportiness. I am slightly worried that it means we are not compatible. I mean I am pretty athletically challenged. Not to mention what his body must look like. I can see from the pictures that he is lean with medium muscle definition on his arms. Hey shadow, did you speak to your guy on the phone? BTW yep they do have similar body types No, thank goodness. I'm terrible on the phone (even worse than in person). We've been iming and texting every day, though. He usually initiates. He seems really eager to meet me.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 It hasn't hurt me in terms of getting messages either. Also out of the 16 guys I met, only 1 didn't call back for the second date.
shadowplay Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 It hasn't hurt me in terms of getting messages either. Also out of the 16 guys I met, only 1 didn't call back for the second date. You met 16 guys from OKC?? Are you still using those other sites as well? I'm curious to know how the selection compares on different sites. I looked at match briefly, and the guys seemed a lot worse. They were mostly corporate jock types.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 You met 16 guys from OKC?? Are you still using those other sites as well? I'm curious to know how the selection compares on different sites. I looked at match briefly, and the guys seemed a lot worse. They were mostly corporate jock types. Gawd no. I only met 2 guys from OKC. There are not that many signed up in my area and I have pretty much browsed everyone's profiles already. The other 14 were from RSVP which I imagine to be similar to Match. Guys (or whoever initiates) pay $10 per e-mail and you can respond for free for the next 30 days. I didn't pay a cent there. That site has far more people on it and I have been on there 2 months before I signed up on OKC. Now that I am on OKC, I barely log in. You are right, that site is full of corporate, businessy types that are doing quite well in their careers. None of them were my cup of tea. They don't think twice of taking you to $200+ dinner for the first "date". Some were reasonably intelligent but did not really have the type of intelligence that I value. I also found them stiff and boring. I was simply unable to connect with them conversationally. I had better connection with both guys from OKC. Even though one was that politician, he loved the arts and was doing amateur theater. Another was a musician and even though there was no physical spark for me, at least the conversation flowed. I think that I am more drawn to creative or academic men or even cool geeky types (such as computer programmers, web designers etc) rather than upper management corporate types. As for meeting 16 guys, my criteria was pretty relaxed. I met a lot of them even though I had an inkling that things wouldn't work out before meeting them. I also had minimal conversation beforehand with most. I am now getting much more selective with whom I am meeting.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 So I ended up sending him my phone number. He called me just now and we talked for about 30 minutes. We have set up a "date" for next week after work. He has also sent me a link to his huge picture album. My god he is hot I am slightly concerned that he is a bit boring. He is just very "straight". I guess I worry that he wouldn't get my somewhat quirky sense of humor. Also our conversations are of the type "Do you have any brothers and sisters?" and such. He does seem like a nice guy though. He was very accommodating with driving to my side of town to meet and also talks a lot about his nieces and nephews and loves animals etc. One of his main hobbies is gardening though He is 35 BTW.
CLC2008 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 So I ended up sending him my phone number. He called me just now and we talked for about 30 minutes. We have set up a "date" for next week after work. He has also sent me a link to his huge picture album. My god he is hot I am slightly concerned that he is a bit boring. He is just very "straight". I guess I worry that he wouldn't get my somewhat quirky sense of humor. Also our conversations are of the type "Do you have any brothers and sisters?" and such. He does seem like a nice guy though. He was very accommodating with driving to my side of town to meet and also talks a lot about his nieces and nephews and loves animals etc. One of his main hobbies is gardening though He is 35 BTW. OP, just go out with him and have fun. Don't worry about the initial phone conversation. K?
Star Gazer Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 One of his main hobbies is gardening though He is 35 BTW. I've found that to be VERY common for guys in their 30's. It's like the become a homeowner and all of a sudden become obsessed with how big they can get all their various plants. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "Star! Star! Come look at my tomatoes!"
Land Shark Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I can't tell you how many times I heard, "Star! Star! Come look at my tomatoes!" If you did, they were talking to someone else.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 OP, just go out with him and have fun. Don't worry about the initial phone conversation. K? K Maybe there will be a spark in person that will override all that I am still feeling pretty excited to meet him. I kind of had my eye on him for a while on OKC and was really REALLY hoping that he will contact me first. And now I get to meet him
CLC2008 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 K Maybe there will be a spark in person that will override all that I am still feeling pretty excited to meet him. I kind of had my eye on him for a while on OKC and was really REALLY hoping that he will contact me first. And now I get to meet him Yay. I'm happy to hear. Hope it goes well.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 So I met him. We had a few drinks for about 2-3 hours. I am not sure what to say. He was very shy, nervous, polite etc. I did most of the talking but he kept asking me questions about myself. He is not as cute as his pictures but definitely cute enough for me to be attracted to him. I have absolutely no idea if he is interested in me. At the end, he said "So..would you maybe like to catch up again?" looking at his shoes. I said "Yeah..if you want to" he said "I will give you a call later in the week". I wanted to kiss him on the cheek when we parted, but he misread my intentions and went for the lips. We ended up sharing a kiss (he probably thinks that I initiated the kiss now and I have come across as desperate eek). I am certainly interested enough to want to see him again but not so interested that I am obsessing (which is a good place to be). I am pondering sending him a brief "thanks" text. Normally, I don't think this is a good idea, but this guy is SO shy that I want to encourage him to call.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Ugh, he logged into the OKC right after the "date" When it comes to looks, I feel like me and this guy are on the same level. He is not so super hot that he is out of my league, but he is above average. I bet he won't call me. I am merely observing, not really obsessing (yet).
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