Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Well, what's done is done. Now we have a date set up for Thurs night (dinner and movie), and I'm not even sure if I should go because I feel like his interest is low and I also put my foot in my mouth. I really think that you should go. You like this guy. He is still open to giving it a chance. There is possibility that he was genuinly busy this morning. If you cancel now or if you go on a date and act distant, you will only be sabotaging yourself. So go and act completly normal, like you still fully beleive that he is into you. After that date just sit back and let him initiate.
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 All this discussion has gotten me curious. I'm wondering from a male perspective, have you ever been initially somewhat unsure about a woman on your first or first few dates only to later fall in love with her? It seems plausible, but in my experience this rarely happens. I feel like guys are usually very interested from the get go if they ever will be.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Dispath3d, thanks for the reality check. Yeah, even if this guy doesn't like me - I know that my mindset is not the heathiest. I shouldn't care this much. I should be casual. I am sure that my over-eagernes comes through even if it's not verbalized. That probably makes any half decent guy, that has a few options run for the hills.
westrock Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 If there's anything I've learned about guys, it's that when they're interested, you never doubt it. This may be semantics, but I think a more accurate statement would be that when a guy is interested, he will let you know. If she has doubts about whether he's interested then that's the woman's issue, not the guy's. Often times guys ARE interested and express it, and the woman still has doubts because of her own insecurities.
meerkat stew Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 have you ever been initially somewhat unsure about a woman on your first or first few dates only to later fall in love with her? Yes. I have been on the verge of not calling a woman again, and decided to give it another go, and a mid/long term relationship has been the result. In most of those cases though, probably should have listened to my first instinct.
dispatch3d Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 All this discussion has gotten me curious. I'm wondering from a male perspective, have you ever been initially somewhat unsure about a woman on your first or first few dates only to later fall in love with her? It seems plausible, but in my experience this rarely happens. I feel like guys are usually very interested from the get go if they ever will be. To clarify, your question is as I've gotten to know someone better have I ever grown to like them more? And your feeling is that I likely like someone the MOST when I first meet them and from then on it's a slippery slope down. Like it's more about how little I like them after a couple months than anything else. Should answer your question . you're still thinking about it wrong.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 All this discussion has gotten me curious. I'm wondering from a male perspective, have you ever been initially somewhat unsure about a woman on your first or first few dates only to later fall in love with her? It seems plausible, but in my experience this rarely happens. I feel like guys are usually very interested from the get go if they ever will be. I would like to know this too.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Yes. I have been on the verge of not calling a woman again, and decided to give it another go, and a mid/long term relationship has been the result. In most of those cases though, probably should have listened to my first instinct. What sort of concerns have you had about these women initally? Was it looks, weight? Were they shy? Did you lack common interests?
shadowplay Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 To clarify, your question is as I've gotten to know someone better have I ever grown to like them more? And your feeling is that I likely like someone the MOST when I first meet them and from then on it's a slippery slope down. Like it's more about how little I like them after a couple months than anything else. Should answer your question . you're still thinking about it wrong. Nah, that's not what I mean. I think what usually happens is the guy has strong interest at first if he's ever going to, and then that strong interest either grows even stronger or dies down. But it seems like it's rare for a guy to be somewhat interested and then later become very interested.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Nah, that's not what I mean. I think what usually happens is the guy has strong interest at first if he's ever going to, and then that strong interest either grows even stronger or dies down. But it seems like it's rare for a guy to be somewhat interested and then later become very interested. My brother did this with his current girlfriend. I think that I posted about it on here. He wanted casual relationship with her because he felt she wasn't hot enough She did most of the calling and pursuing - he kind of just went along with it. After dating for 6 months, they now live together and are in a serious relationship. But my brother is very weak and easily influnced. I STILL don't think that he is that happy or that their R will work in the long term. I think this sort of thing is more likely to work with guys that are passive, weak, shy and don't really know what they want.
dispatch3d Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Nah, that's not what I mean. I think what usually happens is the guy has strong interest at first if he's ever going to, and then that strong interest either grows even stronger or dies down. But it seems like it's rare for a guy to be somewhat interested and then later become very interested. I don't think it's a good idea to base relationships on (1) first impressions (2) second impressions (3) what my other friends think. Why is this question relevant to anything? Seriously I think this is just you being insecure again. If you're scared of "getting hurt" stop getting so emotionally invested so early. If your emotionally invested BEFORE you meet him (as I mentioned earlier) then this is too early. I do agree that being interested is somewhat an on/off switch. not really but it's hard to describe. Physical looks generate some interest level (which definitely plays a huge part). Then personality makes up the rest of it (again another huge part). Initially all I know about is the first, so no I won't become more or less physically attracted to the girl overtime. However, I could become more emotionally attracted (all that actually matters) the longer things have gone. I know for certain there are girls who over time I've liked a TON less the more I've gotten to know them. I can think of instances that work both ways. However, again, completely useless information. Like I said earlier, it's my loss if pass up on a worthwhile girl just as much as its her loss.
dispatch3d Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 My brother did this with his current girlfriend. I think that I posted about it on here. He wanted casual relationship with her because he felt she wasn't hot enough She did most of the calling and pursuing - he kind of just went along with it. After dating for 6 months, they now live together and are in a serious relationship. But my brother is very weak and easily influnced. I STILL don't think that he is that happy or that their R will work in the long term. I think this sort of thing is more likely to work with guys that are passive, weak, shy and don't really know what they want. So don't date a guy who you have to go out of your way to make things happen with? If you are doing all the work expect a mediocre relationship. That's all you need to take from this. If initially you schedule somethings don't jump to the conclusion you are going to end up in this situation. If at any time it becomes completely one sided then yeah, you probably have a problem...... I think the two of you are just way over-reacting to the possibility of being in a ****ty one-sided relationship. If you were just aware of what kind of balance to set with ALL of your relationships this wouldn't be a problem.
Serenitynow Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I didn't respond to any of my texts today until just now, even my nagging mother. That doesnt make it right. Amazing the advice thrown around on here, blind leading the blind
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 For me, I think that it's not even this guy really. It's more that online dating represented my last chance of finding someone. Whenever I complained about lack of dates before, I always had online dating as an option at the back of my mind. Now after 2 months and meeting 17 guys - with NONE of them panning out into anything (I did reject some too), I feel there is absolutely nothing left. In real life, I meet about 2 single guys per year that are in my age group. At 31, I finally have to make peace with becoming a spinster.
meerkat stew Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 What sort of concerns have you had about these women initally? Was it looks, weight? Were they shy? Did you lack common interests? Craziness mostly, never weight (that's always cut and dried as is looks). Shyness nor common interests is ever an issue.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Craziness mostly, never weight (that's always cut and dried as is looks). Shyness nor common interests is ever an issue. Can you give an example of craziness in the inital dating stages?
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 hey sadandconfused, are u in cali? Nah, in Australia. I am too far away from everyone to even attempt to pick up on LS
naya1 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 oh good cause i met a guy there back in 2007 w/ the same characteristics u put (curly hair 6'2) and he was kinda weird (disappear for weeks, then come back) hehe i suppose okc is a good place to meet guys.
Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 That doesnt make it right. Not texting back within 2 hours does not a sinner make, FFS. Amazing the advice thrown around on here, blind leading the blind What do YOU have to offer in terms of advice??
USMCHokie Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I'm wondering from a male perspective, have you ever been initially somewhat unsure about a woman on your first or first few dates only to later fall in love with her? In my experience, when I've initially felt 'bleh' about a woman early on, I would always continue to feel 'bleh' about them later on...
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 In my experience, when I've initially felt 'bleh' about a woman early on, I would always continue to feel 'bleh' about them later on... I knew it I am the same when it comes to guys. No guy has ever "grown on me". I pretty much know on the first date.
meerkat stew Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Can you give an example of craziness in the inital dating stages? Within the previous criteria (soso first impression, gave another chance, ended up in relationship or love) three from the last three years. 1. Asked if I had ED ten minutes into the first date, called me "cheap" despite the date cost $100+, I started to drop her off and leave, she went infantile, screaming and shrieking, then enticed me with a HJ. Gave her another chance. Mistake. 2. Pulled off her own top on the first date in front of lots of people at a nice restaurant after literally jumping me. Said outright, "you know I am crazy." Grace Kelly face on Pam Anderson body, so "weak-ass man" me stuck around. Mistake. 3. Had a definitely unbalanced look on her face when first meeting. A kind of Joan Crawford/Bette Davis sultry/wacko googly-eye thing going. Thought it was "hot and smoldering," but in this case the cover did in fact define the book. Mistake. Sorry, but you asked See, you gals aren't doing so bad after all!
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Within the previous criteria (soso first impression, gave another chance, ended up in relationship or love) three from the last three years. 1. Asked if I had ED ten minutes into the first date, called me "cheap" despite the date cost $100+, I started to drop her off and leave, she went infantile, screaming and shrieking, then enticed me with a HJ. Gave her another chance. Mistake. 2. Pulled off her own top on the first date in front of lots of people at a nice restaurant after literally jumping me. Said outright, "you know I am crazy." Grace Kelly face on Pam Anderson body, so "weak-ass man" me stuck around. Mistake. 3. Had a definitely unbalanced look on her face when first meeting. A kind of Joan Crawford/Bette Davis sultry/wacko googly-eye thing going. Thought it was "hot and smoldering," but in this case the cover did in fact define the book. Mistake. Sorry, but you asked See, you gals aren't doing so bad after all! oh man, compared to that I am a picture of emotional stability and sanity.
desertmoon Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Within the previous criteria (soso first impression, gave another chance, ended up in relationship or love) three from the last three years. 1. Asked if I had ED ten minutes into the first date, called me "cheap" despite the date cost $100+, I started to drop her off and leave, she went infantile, screaming and shrieking, then enticed me with a HJ. Gave her another chance. Mistake. 2. Pulled off her own top on the first date in front of lots of people at a nice restaurant after literally jumping me. Said outright, "you know I am crazy." Grace Kelly face on Pam Anderson body, so "weak-ass man" me stuck around. Mistake. 3. Had a definitely unbalanced look on her face when first meeting. A kind of Joan Crawford/Bette Davis sultry/wacko googly-eye thing going. Thought it was "hot and smoldering," but in this case the cover did in fact define the book. Mistake. Sorry, but you asked See, you gals aren't doing so bad after all! That was not me. I didn't do that...:lmao:!!!! Sad, don't give up yet, I think you are expecting too much, too soon. I mean, just have fun and if it works, good. If not, well on to the next! Too many men, only one SadandConfuseWA!
Recommended Posts