Feelin Frisky Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 ...If you're being serious, I'm shocked any black woman dated you. This is why most black women do not pursue interracial relationships... Tisk tisk but my African American love interests that lasted or were meaningful came as a result of them developing feelings for me and me them. We had hot romance and didn't take each other's inventories before hand. I can't help it if I'm irresistable. And my lack of discussing children with them was never raised as an issue. I haven't had kids with anyone--thank heavens for the kids.
ViciousViolet Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 And you could date and marry someone outside your race because you have weird racist ideas about them. Like a man chasing Asian women. And this is what nobody talks about. Plenty of people date outside of their race because of "racist ideas." In fact, I find that many interracial relationships are started for unhealthy reasons. I say many, not all, as I have and will continue to date all types of men. I see some people who date interracially because they have exoticized the other group, or they believe this other group will place them on a pedestal. I've seen people date interracially because they want to feel racially superior to their mate or they have their own racist ideas regarding the people within their own racial group. Some are seeking to create racially mixed children that they believe will be superior to unmixed children of their own race. So I'm not sure how those who date interracially are automatically supposed to be considered open-minded and above racism. I've met many racists who are in interracial relationships. It's fascinating.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Just because I will or will not f*ck your asian friend doesn't mean that I feel that persons of my race have any superiority or any right to rule persons of her race. It has a lot to do with it. Taken to an extreme, that feeling was pervasive for the conquistadors, slave owners, etc. Also throughout most wars fought between two races on foreign soil, etc. When such soldiers are not abroad, their attitudes get scaled down, perhaps becoming like the everyday racism we are talking about here. Nothing could be more clear or simple in underscoring how zero "racism" is involved here. You are quoting dictionary.com on one of the most pervasive and complex problems found in nearly every modern culture today. Oversimplification does not help the matter. Note I actually agreed with the notion it is fine to not date someone of a different race. Then I thought about it some more.
witabix Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 To the OP, if it is because you happen to find only people who look similar to you racially then I don't think its racism. If its rooted in seeing the other racial types as 'not good enough' or 'beneath you' then it probably would be constued as racism. I personally could not give a damn about a woman's colour. I have had partners ranging from alabaster skinned Celts to jet skinned Trinidadians, a beautiful woman is, well beautiful. Reducing your choice means you are missing IMO. My children being a different colour? I wouldn't care.
MrNate Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Last I checked Brazil had tons of white people (53% of population). People from Spain are as white as any other group of white people. Many of the original Scotsmen were from Spain and they are the whitest of the white. Define, 'white'
caramel c Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I don't think so. Not necessarily. For me, its a preference. I have friends and am friendly with people of different races, but then again I am friends with lots of people I wouldn't date, for different reasons. I look at it this way, I'm going to end up with one. One, to share my life with. And if I prefer a guy who is my own race or ethnic group then there is nothing wrong with that. And if I'm open to other races outside of my own there is nothing wrong with that either. It's just a preference.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I find that many interracial relationships are started for unhealthy reasons. [...] It's fascinating. Why then were you "shocked" any black woman would date FF? But I do agree it's fascinating and complex.
ViciousViolet Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I don't think it's just about wanting your children to be like you. That's not the same as attraction at all. Attraction, as we commonly toss around the terms, would basically cover the feelings that make you want to have sex with someone. So what if you will have sex with someone of a different race, but not marry (or breed with, etc) them. Clearly you are "attracted" to them despite their different features from another group. Okay, I see where you're going. A man might want to marry a woman with a similar culture and background to himself. He expects her to cook traditional foods and celebrate their shared traditional holidays. He'll meet less resistance from his family and his children will share a similar culture. However, when it comes to hot, no strings attached sex, culture does not matter. If he sees a hot girl of any race, he'll go there. He feels he cannot marry these girls because a lifetime commitment would be too complicated. As for attraction, well I've come across guys who say they want to sex a girl of a particular race even though they don't find the women of that group to be as attractive as the women of his own group. He's going there because of the rush he'll get from the taboo nature of interracial sex, but when it comes to an actual girlfriend/wife, he prefers his own.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I shacked up with one for 5 years but she already had a son. Her son was terrific and warm but his mother insisted that he call me Mr. Jim. I think this would make a great opening line for a novel. FF that is really poignant.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I deliberately used the word "subculture" not "culture". "Subculture" tends to refer to musical differences and pop culture preferences. Besides, I don't think he was going for a thorough summation of black culture in one sentence and I sure wasn't. Let's give a bit of poetic license here... Thanks, pal (no, for real). I said I was afraid of that culture thing in a son. Doesn't mean I assume that to automatically represent a hard-wiring to a sub-culture I don't savvy. It's just something I really don't want to take on. It's my choice and I exercise it. I'm sure I would love my bi-racial daughters if I had them because they would just echo their mama who I already worship. I'm guilty as anyone of imperfections. We're all a half of a whole awash in a world of question marks. I think that indeed should allow us some latitude to have our private ideals--perhaps even the class not to pound anybody with expression of them.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 A man might want to marry a woman with a similar culture and background to himself. He expects her to cook traditional foods and celebrate their shared traditional holidays. He'll meet less resistance from his family and his children will share a similar culture. However, when it comes to hot, no strings attached sex, culture does not matter. If he sees a hot girl of any race, he'll go there. He feels he cannot marry these girls because a lifetime commitment would be too complicated. So is he racist or not? And is he more or less racist than his friend, who won't go there when he sees a hot girl of a different race? As far as the bold part, where does reasonably wanting to avoid shame stop, and active racism - perpetuating that shame, absorbing it - start? I don't mean those questions belligerently, if that's how it reads.
ViciousViolet Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Why then were you "shocked" any black woman would date FF? But I do agree it's fascinating and complex. It was a natural response as a black woman because this type of stuff is what other black women warn each other about when it comes to interracial dating. I know some people hold these ideas, but rarely are they open and honest about them, so I appreciate FF's honesty. It is fascinating and complex. Take Bill Maher for example, a woman he used to date revealed that his attraction to "ghetto" black women stemmed from his desire to feel superior to his women in every way.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 It was a natural response Yes I totally understand that... I was just trying to point out what FF was bringing to the thread. I actually agree with you in many ways on the actual content of what he is saying, but I think this is one of those cases where differences can be constructively worked out or at least discussed. Have you seen the latest Mamet, "Race"? I think you'd like it.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 ...It is fascinating and complex. Take Bill Maher for example, a woman he used to date revealed that his attraction to "ghetto" black women stemmed from his desire to feel superior to his women in every way. At least I never kissed my g/f and said "you my dog, let's get married". *channels Dave Shapelle*
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 It is fascinating and complex. Take Bill Maher for example, a woman he used to date revealed that his attraction to "ghetto" black women stemmed from his desire to feel superior to his women in every way. You've got to either love or hate everything that bizarre man does. But I'm not sure jilted lovers of celebrities are the most objective sources. Whether or not he feels he is "slumming" you are certainly right, there are a lot of twisted motivations and fetishes along these lines.
USMCHokie Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Is it racism to refuse to date anyone that is your own race...?
caramel c Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Is it racism to refuse to date anyone that is your own race...? I don't think so.
ViciousViolet Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Is it racism to refuse to date anyone that is your own race...? Do you not date women of your race? If so, can you provide a little insight?
witabix Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Is it specist to only date sheep? Or is that just Baaaaa humbug?
caramel c Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Is it specist to only date sheep? Or is that just Baaaaa humbug? hahahaaaaaaaaaa im truly lmao thanks
NYCGirly Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Attraction is learned. Just like racism is learned. So maybe there are some elements subconsciously intertwined- people just won't admit it. No one wants to be called a racist.
USMCHokie Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Do you not date women of your race? If so, can you provide a little insight? Well, I've dated women from every race except my own...not by choice, but I've never really been exposed to dating Asian women...I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and never identified with Asian folk since there weren't any besides myself growing up...went to college and did my duty as the token chinaman in the white group...and even now I don't have any Asian friends...and they don't seek me out either, so it's become more a matter of circumstance than choice... But in the end, race didn't matter to me... And for the purpose of this thread, I don't think racial dating preference is racism at all...and this is why...I define racism as the denial of another's personal rights and liberties based on race...dating another person is not a fundamental right... From my brief perusal of this thread, it seems that people focus on the alleged racist in determining racism...i.e., did the alleged racist use race as a determinant in judging another? I find that logic flawed, as it's the effect on the alleged victim that matters...was that person's personal rights and liberties curtailed...? If not, then no racism...so applied to dating, no racism...
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 was that person's personal rights and liberties curtailed...? If not, then no racism...so applied to dating, no racism... This is discrimination in a legal sense, not racism. Related but different matters.
NYCGirly Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 And for the purpose of this thread, I don't think racial dating preference is racism at all...and this is why...I define racism as the denial of another's personal rights and liberties based on race...dating another person is not a fundamental right... According to this definition I can stand in your face and call you a derogatory Asian name and not be considered racist. After all, my doing so is not denying you any personal right or liberty.
USMCHokie Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 This is discrimination in a legal sense, not racism. Related but different matters. Perhaps. But I am still a little dumbfounded by how offended folks get whenever race gets brought up...but I guess that's just me...like I said in my post, it's just my opinion... According to this definition I can stand in your face and call you a derogatory Asian name and not be considered racist. After all, my doing so is not denying you any personal right or liberty. I s'pose you could. We also have small penises and are good at math...
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