Username37's School Log.

[Username37]

So today, August 23rd, was the first day of school for me.

 

And it was pretty terrible I guess. I saw the ex a few times and wow, she looks so different now. In a good way. I remember telling LS that I'll be expecting some sort of contact from her. Nope. It felt like she was ignoring me, like she was mad that I did not reply to her contact over the summer, but I managed to hide my emotions and stuck with my friends. I barely saw her during the day, but when I did, she was with her "new" crowd and it just pained me a little. And everywhere I walked reminded me of memories together and it was so painful because when she walks around, she won't remember ANY of that stuff. It feels like she totally forgot about "us" and I also have the girl who completely ruined her in one of my classes. Yeah, it's pretty awkward.

 

I think I saw her looking at me a few times with her friends, she didn't bother to approach though.

 

Thru out the day, I kept on wondering "what would this day have been like if she was by my side?" and "what would have been our summer like?"

 

So long story short: my ex is ignoring me like I ignored her the summer and I feel bad. She didn't see me break down or anything so that's good.

[Jabez]

37, you're a trooper man. I really admire you because I couldn't do that in a million years. Everytime I see my ex I try hard as I can to hold my composure but I still cry man. Major props.

[bonpaw2008]

I was just about to PM you to find out how it went!!! I am glad that you made it through, don't be upset about her ignoring you, you know that it is for the best.....1 day down a kick-ass senior year to go!!!

[Username37]

37, you're a trooper man. I really admire you because I couldn't do that in a million years. Everytime I see my ex I try hard as I can to hold my composure but I still cry man. Major props.

 

Thanks Jabez. I was so close to break down, but I remembered when I broke down in front of her and damn, that really ****ed me up man. I don't want her to see that I'm still hurt after 3 months (although I am).

 

What was really tough was she was with some of my mutual friends and I really wanted to hang with them, but she was with them the whole time.

 

I was just about to PM you to find out how it went!!! I am glad that you made it through, don't be upset about her ignoring you, you know that it is for the best.....1 day down a kick-ass senior year to go!!!

 

Haha thanks for caring bonpaw

 

I don't know, I expected her to make contact with me after all those times she broke NC. Maybe she wanted to but was afraid to? Maybe she wanted me to make the first move? Maybe her friend's told her to ignore me? So many maybes haha.

[bonpaw2008]

I don't know, I expected her to make contact with me after all those times she broke NC. Maybe she wanted to but was afraid to? Maybe she wanted me to make the first move? Maybe her friend's told her to ignore me? So many maybes haha.

 

You did good, if she wanted to contact you and tell you anything important she would still be your gf. You are in such a good place buddy, concentrate on rocking it out, leave that girl in the dust.

[Username37]

You did good, if she wanted to contact you and tell you anything important she would still be your gf. You are in such a good place buddy, concentrate on rocking it out, leave that girl in the dust.

 

That's true. Although I feel like I'm making an enemy ya know?

 

Right now, I'm totally lost.

[lullaby]

That's true. Although I feel like I'm making an enemy ya know?

 

Right now, I'm totally lost.

 

I totally agree with Bon. The best that can happen is for her to stay out of your reach so she can't hurt you.

 

Still, you'll be seeing her a lot now so nothing is set on stone yet, but try to focus on school, exams, your friends and not her. I know it's hard, but you can do it.

[Username37]

I totally agree with Bon. The best that can happen is for her to stay out of your reach so she can't hurt you.

 

Still, you'll be seeing her a lot now so nothing is set on stone yet, but try to focus on school, exams, your friends and not her. I know it's hard, but you can do it.

 

It's weird. It hurts that she's not around, but when she is around, it hurts. And if I ignore her and she ignores me. It feels like we have tension between each other. And if we were in a same group, it would be awkward for everyone. Some people tell me I should talk to her or at least be friends, but I'm not sure

 

I'm focusing on that stuff, don't get me wrong, but it's so painful.

[csman1411]

I start school tomorrow and had to see my gf in a car today and it ****ing sucked, but if you stay strong then so will I, we will get through it together kinda

[Username37]

I start school tomorrow and had to see my gf in a car today and it ****ing sucked, but if you stay strong then so will I, we will get through it together kinda

 

I'm trying man. This is truly a test. So much **** can happen this year.

 

Hope we do get through this. Man, this thread is gonna be so long haha

[Username37]

Please, feel free to post in this thread. Post about your day and your thoughts. I, along with the many on LS, would love to read them and help. We're all in the same situation and I want all of us to be strong. So feel free to post here.

[Username37]

I hate sleep. Because when I wake up, I have to experience this **** all over again and again and again....

 

Uggh...

[smk]

UN - good man - you are a legend... You maintained NC throughout the summer even when you saw her, you truly are moving on and sure it hurts but eventually it will go... I know it sucks but hey yeah did it and that's what counts...

 

Always remember that she made the choice to throw it all away, and not you... Keep that thought and you will be fine, now go out and start talking to all the othe hundreds of hot girls at your school, you don't have to date them or do anything with them, even just talking and I assure you it will make u feel better...

 

Keep up the good work buddy...

[Tripp]

They 'maybes' dont matter anymore man. Its your life, and your responsibility. Do what you gotta do to make yourself happy!

 

We'll rock this **** up together man. Same story, same situation, different location. NC man. And when those thoughts of you together start flooding in, what I like to do is listen to music. Or imagine the better girl thats just round the corner, and how much better she'll treat you. xDDDD WIN

[flyguy23]

I have class at the same time as my ex on Friday so I will probably see her then. I don't know how I am going to react honestly.

[Username37]

August 24th, 2010

 

Saw the ex today. No contact still. I thought about her all day, but it didn't affect me much. I'm still miss her and want her to make the first move, but I'm torn right now. I'm also surprised how pretty she got since the last time I saw her.

 

Heard her name a few times today, it made me pretty sick. When I use to hear her name, I get really really happy. Now...bleh.

 

And seeing her with my friends is tough too. And I have her friend that hooked her up in one of my classes and I just wanna punch her in the face for ruining her haha

[boosh]

Good for you man, stay strong! It's rough as hell, but you seem to be dealing with it well so far. Don't relapse though! Let her initiate any sort of contact. If she doesn't, then **** her she's not worth it.

 

Don't let her drag you down anymore than she already has.

[Username37]

Good for you man, stay strong! It's rough as hell, but you seem to be dealing with it well so far. Don't relapse though! Let her initiate any sort of contact. If she doesn't, then **** her she's not worth it.

 

Don't let her drag you down anymore than she already has.

 

Well? Ehh kinda. I think about her like crazy and seeing her makes me think "I had her!"

 

It doesn't look like she wants to talk to me. I feel like she's mad for me ignoring her "friendship" text

[bonpaw2008]

Use - she broke up with you. She doesn't want to talk to you. She wanted your friendship to relieve her guilt, and she wanted to keep you on the line. You shouldn't care if she is mad, get mad back at her for breaking up with you!!!

[Username37]

Use - she broke up with you. She doesn't want to talk to you. She wanted your friendship to relieve her guilt, and she wanted to keep you on the line. You shouldn't care if she is mad, get mad back at her for breaking up with you!!!

 

I do keep that in mind. That she quit me and everything. But those damn good memories always fight that and pretty much win.

[Tripp]

Hmmm if youre thinking about memories, why not just have a proper goodbye?

 

You have good memories, why not atleast have a good ending? Part ways but be civil about it. Ive contemplated it for a few times in my situation. But atleast she'll remember you being the good guy, and when she realises what shes done she'll be like "man, he was a good guy, i really wish i didnt etc etc etc"

 

All id do is talk, or write a letter and just NC completely after that.

[PegNosePete]

You have good memories, why not atleast have a good ending? Part ways but be civil about it. Ive contemplated it for a few times in my situation. But atleast she'll remember you being the good guy, and when she realises what shes done she'll be like "man, he was a good guy, i really wish i didnt etc etc etc"

So what would be the objective of that? To make you feel better about yourself through external validation, or to make her feel worse about herself and her actions? Neither is a good reason to do that, IMO.

[Tripp]

Well I found that with my previous ex's, ending things on good terms is a lot better to move on. NC still applies (it gets awkward anyway), but atleast theres just no bad blood. Just peace I suppose. But yea, you do have a point.

 

My last ex, we ended REAL badly. And i wish we had some sort of nice ending, but she f***** it up every time I tried LOL. Now she apologised and I just walked away. Now we pretend we dont exist. Its weird and stuff, but really, no other option.

 

Whereas other ex's, we've talked civilised like, agreed we needed space and yea. When we're in the same vicinity we greet and acknowledge each other, but nothing more. A lot easier when you have to see them everyday.

 

But in this situation, i think its best to just keep NC, make yourself happy, keep your mind occupied on something else. Itll keep getting easier.

[silic0ntoad]

@ OP- Well, I'll give you a taste of where I am, though our lives are at drastically different points, and our relationship ending point in a different time spectrum.

 

I am almost 13 or so months into NC. Been broken up for roughly 13 months as well. In all my sagely wisdom, I've gone from angry, hurt, depressed, back to angry, hurt and then just plain angry.

 

We left in bad blood. There will never be anything between us again. Not if I have a say, anyhow.

 

So where am I now? I'm 27, and I love my life. I fish, I play CoD, I go out with friends, I've met and hooked up with alot of attractive women. I got into some new things, and started making new friends and reaqquainting with old friends. I've done alot of work.

 

The issue? Detachment. I am detached. From my current GF, family, and pretty much everyone else. Self defense mode is definately active. I preserve my alone time and would defend it to the death. Most times I am happier being an island, off doing my own thing, away from people and society.

 

I don't quite understand this revelation within my character. Is it good? On some levels, yes. On others, it isn't.

 

We parted ways with my utterance of "Fine, I'll stay here and clean up your ****ing mess." That's the last words I uttered to her, and I'll take that to the grave. She cheated on me. Once you cheat, there's no turning back. You are branded in my eyes, a stark mark that means you are a selfish, worthless and unkind human being, not worth the spit dangling from my lip.

 

Am I jaded? At times, yes. I still have trouble caring about the female perspective when it comes to what I am doing. It doesn't bother me that they get angry when I don't call or text back, when I find other things to do, and when I go my own way. It doesn't upset me when they are upset or angry with the way I lead my life. IDK, it's a change, and I've never been this way before.

 

Preservation of oneself. I s'pose that's where I am now, 13 months in, still brooding every now and again about the betrayal that rendered so much hurt into my life.

[Username37]

August 25th

 

So I said I expected contact? Nope I did not. Hahaha. I saw her look at me. We quickly turned away. It feels like she's trying to ignore me and avoid me on purpose. According to some people, talking to her is now really strange and it's totally obvious she changed. they miss the old her, not the new superficial, skinny, bitchy, slutty, confusing, still insecure her.

 

If only I could talk to her and save her.