Could they be using my son?

[Green]

There's a difference between paying into structures that support the wellbeing of society and robbing a bank. cmon Green, stop being obtuse.

 

Her son is not the only person affected by this pregnancy. This is going to change his and her life and, so far, I have to say I admire him for wanting to stick the pregnancy out even when his mother is trying whatever means at her disposal to get him off the hook. Yes, he should pay for the well-being of his child. That child will be American. It's as simple as that. Yes, Sugarmomma and her son's lives will be affected. As will the life of his girlfriend and her parents, even without them being deported. Perhaps even your own life will be affected, although I really fail to see how. If the gf is illegal, than yes there is a juridical injustice happening. But, the bigger injustice is abandoning human beings in needs to benefit only one person. It's not naivety, it's human morality.

 

There are other means out there to support the son and his child that do not involve deportation, hatred and anger.

 

While Sugarmomma is convinced they are illegal, she still hasn't answered my question about what exactly her son meant by saying that gf "was born in Mexico". I'm not saying they aren't, but Sugarmomma is understandably outraged and she is making a lot of other accusations that are most likely all in her mind- such as the fact that the gf is a whore, for example. She is reaching far to discredit her son's gf as a way to try and legitimate her son being able to distance himself from his own child. That's why I want to verify whether or not Sugarmomma knows the gf is illegal, of whether it's all inferred.

 

The child won't be american if she gets them deported. They will probably be to stupid to 1) prove the child is his and 2) file for the born away birth cirtificate.

 

This boy isn't sticking by her for noble reasons... he's being silly. These mexican girls get pregnant all the time. they see it as a big money making oportunity mostly from the government... but the government will come after this boy and make his life very hard. He will fall out of love with this girl I gaurantee it. His mom knows him best and if she doesn't like the girl he soon won't either.

[sweetjasmine]

Please there is no right or wrong in this situation because its about to go from bad to worse. This woman is smack dab in the midle of the situation so go ahead and cast judgment on her from the comfort of your computer chair.

 

I'm casting judgment mostly on some of the advice offered here, not on OP.

 

The girl is going to bring OP's grandchild to term, and no matter how much OP may want the whole thing to just disappear, her son is going to have a child. I think encouraging him to dodge responsibility for his actions and encouraging him to abandon his own child are going to make things worse, and suggesting that OP do that is pretty cold, IMO. We're not talking about a puppy or a goldfish, here. We're talking about a child.

 

My SO's family pressured him to drag his feet as long as possible in signing the papers admitting paternity, and ever since, he's regretted his actions and basically hates how he was too weak to step up and accept responsibility. The drama and court battles that came with the whole situation caused so much more pain and damage to everyone involved than his signing the papers in the first place could ever have caused. He then spent several years in the military, away from his own child. The fact that he missed out on years of her growing up and the fact that he was a stranger to his own daughter for years are things that he'll never get over.

 

My point is that I think it's not up to OP to decide whether her son should have a relationship with the baby that the girlfriend is bringing to term. He's basically a child himself right now, but it's something that he needs to deal with himself, IMO. If he wants a relationship with the child but tries to avoid it because of family pressure, he'll likely grow resentful and later regret his decision.

[Green]

I'm casting judgment mostly on some of the advice offered here, not on OP.

 

The girl is going to bring OP's grandchild to term, and no matter how much OP may want the whole thing to just disappear, her son is going to have a child. I think encouraging him to dodge responsibility for his actions and encouraging him to abandon his own child are going to make things worse, and suggesting that OP do that is pretty cold, IMO. We're not talking about a puppy or a goldfish, here. We're talking about a child.

 

My SO's family pressured him to drag his feet as long as possible in signing the papers admitting paternity, and ever since, he's regretted his actions and basically hates how he was too weak to step up and accept responsibility. The drama and court battles that came with the whole situation caused so much more pain and damage to everyone involved than his signing the papers in the first place could ever have caused. He then spent several years in the military, away from his own child. The fact that he missed out on years of her growing up and the fact that he was a stranger to his own daughter for years are things that he'll never get over.

 

My point is that I think it's not up to OP to decide whether her son should have a relationship with the baby that the girlfriend is bringing to term. He's basically a child himself right now, but it's something that he needs to deal with himself, IMO. If he wants a relationship with the child but tries to avoid it because of family pressure, he'll likely grow resentful and later regret his decision.

 

I'm sorry but this is a cold situation and some times mother knows best.

 

This mother knows that this girl and her son are not going to last.

 

some times you have to be cruel to be kind. I think going and playing house for the next few months just isn't reality.

[sweetjasmine]

This mother knows that this girl and her son are not going to last.

 

It's not about whether the son and the girl are going to last. It's about whether the son wants to have a relationship with his child. He's still going to be a father, regardless of whether he marries the girl and they stay married for 50 years and live happily ever after or they break up tomorrow morning.

 

some times you have to be cruel to be kind.

 

What I don't understand is how abandoning your own child and having it deported along with its mother and family is a kind thing to do.

[Green]

It's not about whether the son and the girl are going to last. It's about whether the son wants to have a relationship with his child. He's still going to be a father, regardless of whether he marries the girl and they stay married for 50 years and live happily ever after or they break up tomorrow morning.

 

haha you do realize that these people have babies just so they can get money. happens all the time. If her family cared about her they would tell her to put the baby up for adoption.

 

 

What I don't understand is how abandoning your own child and having it deported along with its mother and family is a kind thing to do.

 

He doesn't want a child. This is a mistake. Get that through your head. The girl should just give the baby up for adoption instead of being praised by her parents and promised in spanish that they will take care of the baby

[Kamille]

The child won't be american if she gets them deported. They will probably be to stupid to 1) prove the child is his and 2) file for the born away birth cirtificate.

 

This boy isn't sticking by her for noble reasons... he's being silly. These mexican girls get pregnant all the time. they see it as a big money making oportunity mostly from the government... but the government will come after this boy and make his life very hard. He will fall out of love with this girl I gaurantee it. His mom knows him best and if she doesn't like the girl he soon won't either.

 

You've done studies and you know for sure what "these people" are capable of? The prejudice in your posts is quite shocking.

[Green]

You've done studies and you know for sure what "these people" are capable of? The prejudice in your posts is quite shocking.

 

thats a low blow Kamille. Calling me prejudice. And yes there are studies that they get pregnant and have many kids youg so go find them don't be cute and ask me if I've done studies but there have been plenty. You can also just open your eyes and see whats going on... Oh but you don't know what I'm talking about because you don't live here.

 

I just think when people throw out prejudice as an accusation at legitimate statements it reflects more on them then me.

[Kamille]

thats a low blow Kamille. Calling me prejudice. And yes there are studies that they get pregnant and have many kids youg so go find them don't be cute and ask me if I've done studies but there have been plenty. You can also just open your eyes and see whats going on... Oh but you don't know what I'm talking about because you don't live here.

 

I just think when people throw out prejudice as an accusation at legitimate statements it reflects more on them then me.

 

I suggest you read The Every Day Language of White Racism to understand how your posts - not saying you - your posts participate in the reproduction of negative stereotypes.

 

I'm a sociologist who attends American sociological association meetings and have never heard of any study proving that mexican women have kids to 'trap dads" and "abuse the system". Latino women may have a tendency to have children earlier than other women, but again, the average is still in the mid-twenties and, latinos also tend to have a lower rate of divorce than other categories.

 

What I see going in the States right now is really quite scary. I'm surprised to see you participate in it and wish that you could stop being naive and open your eyes to the inequalities and injustices that are really going on not just in the States but globally.

 

Hatred and stereotypes hinder peaceful living.

[Green]

I suggest you read The Every Day Language of White Racism to understand how your posts - not saying you - your posts participate in the reproduction of negative stereotypes.

 

I'm a sociologist who attends American sociological association meetings and have never heard of any study proving that mexican women have kids to 'trap dads" and "abuse the system". Latino women may have a tendency to have children earlier than other women, but again, the average is still in the mid-twenties and, latinos also tend to have a lower rate of divorce than other categories.

 

What I see going in the States right now is really quite scary. I'm surprised to see you participate in it and wish that you could stop being naive and open your eyes to the inequalities and injustices that are really going on not just in the States but globally.

 

Hatred and stereotypes hinder peaceful living.

 

Haha its not about trapping dads, hispanics have over double the teen pregnancy rate that caucasions do. Its also currently on the rise. Teen pregnancy costs this country billions according to all estimates I've read.

 

My eyes are open you are being naive because you seem so quick to call me prejudiced as if that would do anything but insult me.

[Kamille]

Read the book Green.

 

So you think teenage girls, all social categories included, get pregnant all on their own just to abuse the government? That's what you said in your earlier post.

 

The prejudice comments is reserved for the formulations you used in your posts: These people are "...", these mexican girls, they are too stupid, they intentionally abuse the system, etc. Broad generalizations based on little factual knowledge, certainly little effort to try and understand the situation and nothing but stereotypes spoken from the comfortable position of privilege.

 

And stop calling me naive and cute. I don't see the world from your perspective of privilege and individualism. I take the perspective of community building. It's not naiveté or cuteness, we have differing agendas. You want to maintain your own space in the social order and apparently that means being harsh on people who don't have the same privileges and opportunities as you do. I want to make sure social structures stay open so people with different life trajectories can try and live harmoniously together. I have never been poor, but I have worked with disadvantaged people. That is where I come from. It's not naive.

 

If you worry so much about teenage mexican girl trying to abuse the system, why don't you volunteer some of your time to a teen sex education clinic?

[Jilly Bean]

Kamille - 8% of all babies born in the US today are ANCHOR babies, born to illegals. This is DOUBLE the percentage of illegals even IN the US. So, you see how efficient they are at multiplying, in order to stay in the country.

 

That's a pretty substantial statistic, and one that is on the rise.

 

Worse yet, is that us taxpayers bear the brunt of the financial costs of said anchor baby.

 

And 13% of Hispanic teens in the US will end up being mothers.

 

As Sugar Momma said herself - this girl has no medical insurance, no money, and will finance the birth and costs of raising her child through tax payer dollars. Yet, her family hasn't contributed a dime to the system.

 

Her having this child creates a huge financial windfall for her and her family, which will certainly be welcomed, considering there is only one income in her family right now, and that is a blue collar salary to support 5 people.

 

SugarMomma's son is YOUNG. And too clueless to know what a mistake he has made. His entire future has potentially been compromised. Previous plans of going away to college to become an accountant will most likely never happen. Since you say you are a sociologist, then I'm sure you're aware of what happens to teen parents.

 

SugarMomma is his mother. Her job is to protect her son, at all costs. I think those that are telling her to suck it up and be happy to be a Grandma is ridiculous. She wanted better for her son, and she is smart enough to know how his world is about to implode and his future plans are most likely dead in the water. Shame on those for critiquing her for wanting her son to have a life that doesn't include breeding with criminals and having college sidelined, and having his child raised by illegal criminals in poverty. I can't see how anyone could expect her to be content and supportive of the situation, all things considered.

[Green]

Read the book Green.

 

So you think teenage girls, all social categories included, get pregnant all on their own just to abuse the government? That's what you said in your earlier post.

 

The prejudice comments is reserved for the formulations you used in your posts: These people are "...", these mexican girls, they are too stupid, they intentionally abuse the system, etc. Broad generalizations based on little factual knowledge, certainly little effort to try and understand the situation and nothing but stereotypes spoken from the comfortable position of privilege.

 

And stop calling me naive and cute. I don't see the world from your perspective of privilege and individualism. I take the perspective of community building. It's not naiveté or cuteness, we have differing agendas. You want to maintain your own space in the social order and apparently that means being harsh on people who don't have the same privileges and opportunities as you do. I want to make sure social structures stay open so people with different life trajectories can try and live harmoniously together. I have never been poor, but I have worked with disadvantaged people. That is where I come from. It's not naive.

 

If you worry so much about teenage mexican girl trying to abuse the system, why don't you volunteer some of your time to a teen sex education clinic?

 

You do realize that I never said these mexican girls are stupid... you just bolded where I said STUPID and then bolded MEXICAN and made your own sentence up.

 

Kamille I really wonder what has happened to you lately first you're hate of MEN through your arogant posts about men hitting on you. Now your hate of America and men who get put in no win situations. Do you really not see how every one involved is going to suffer especialy the baby?

[Green]

 

SugarMomma's son is YOUNG. And too clueless to know what a mistake he has made. His entire future has potentially been compromised. Previous plans of going away to college to become an accountant will most likely never happen. Since you say you are a sociologist, then I'm sure you're aware of what happens to teen parents.

 

She's a sociologist yet seems blinded by emotion when she coments on this thread the same way the teenager son is.

 

SugarMomma is his mother. Her job is to protect her son, at all costs. I think those that are telling her to suck it up and be happy to be a Grandma is ridiculous. She wanted better for her son, and she is smart enough to know how his world is about to implode and his future plans are most likely dead in the water. Shame on those for critiquing her for wanting her son to have a life that doesn't include breeding with criminals and having college sidelined, and having his child raised by illegal criminals in poverty. I can't see how anyone could expect her to be content and supportive of the situation, all things considered.

 

This pretty much sums it up I guess you are going to be called prejudiced next for saying it like it is.

[candymoon]

She has no choice but to suck it up. The baby is coming whether the new grandparents like it or not. No one says to be happy right now, but eventually she will have to accept it. When she sees that little face and those chubby hands grasp her fingers for the first time, she will probably regret this entire thread and feel tremendous guilt.

 

Lots of American teens find their lives coming to a screeching halt when they find themselves in this predicament. The situation could be pretty much the same if her son had knocked up a poor white trash girl who's family is on welfare and living in Section 8 housing for the last 20 years. It's nothing new, though it sucks when its YOUR kid.

 

I'm sure her parents are pissed too.

 

OP, I think right now you are responding to those who resonate with your anger. Perhaps you are really angry at yourself as any parent would be at such a turn of events in their child's life; wondering whether you went wrong (though surely that is not the case--sh*t just happens), what you could have done differently in his upbringing, etc. These thoughts of vengeance and righteousness are, in essence, a misguided way to protect your son. Understandable but misguided. Allow yourself to be angry at HIM and then rise above it.

 

I hope, OP, that as your anger and feelings of disappointment ebb things will be clearer and not so dark and foreboding. There is a bright future—a new generation that originated from you! Perhaps, some day, you can celebrate that.

[carhill]

In the OP's first thread relevant to this issue, she wrote this:

 

Taught him better than that.

My son is 18 and since he was old enough to talk I have been explaining that he should get a career, then a wife, then have children. Well, today he tells me that the gf is pregnant. I completely lost it. I have no acceptance since he is in no position to be a parent. I explained to him that I will not be financially supportive since he knew better and made the choice to not use protection.

 

I took him to the doctor a couple weeks ago and stood outside the door when I heard the doc asking him if he was sexually active and using protection. He said all the right answers so I'm thinking 'he's being responsible". Uh no.

 

I'm not feeling this at all.

 

And, later in the thread, this:

 

TM you're right I did teach him but he didn't listen. He knows about condoms and said that he didn't think she would get pregnancy so soon. Uh, duh!

 

I do feel like I didn't say or do enough to keep our communication open about it. Like talking to her parents about whether she was on the pill or something. I feel so ashamed since I had such high hopes for him. He won't get to be a young adult free of major responsibilities.

 

He has been with her for almost 2 years and I figured they must be being responsible she hasn't gotten pregnant all this time. But he claims they have only been having sex for less than 6 months. Mind you I bought him a car to commute to school in Feb. I think that's when it started.

 

Further, in this thread, it appears she's backed away from some of the extreme perspectives she had early-on, indicating that she is finding a healthy balance for herself and her son to move forward. So, progress is being made. There are always bumps in the road. Perhaps the conflict here brought new information to her which has helped her to make a more informed and reasoned decision as to how she'll proceed in this. In the other thread, she wrote:

 

I will do what I can but I will not take his responsibility from him. I told him I don't even want that girl at my house. I am so angry at the both of them.

 

I think I'm more angry at myself.

 

Thanks a bunch you guys.

 

You're welcome. Hope it works out

[candymoon]

yes, definately more angry at herself.

 

thanks for pulling those together carhill. i suck at that. lol

[bentnotbroken]

SM, have you and your son discussed his feelings about becoming a parent? I get he loves this girl, but how does he feel about what is happening now?

[sugarmomma]

SM, have you and your son discussed his feelings about becoming a parent? I get he loves this girl, but how does he feel about what is happening now?

 

 

He seems to feel that he wants this baby and that he just needs to "do what he gotta do". Whatever the hell that means. My son is a young man of very few words. He seems hopeful, in love and in full flight from reality. I just pray for him because when reality hits he's gonna say "what have I done?" I have always told him that life is about making good choices and this one is the worst by far.

 

He's in there raiding the kitchen as I type (How is he gonna feed a baby and I'm still feeding him?) hmmmpf!!

 

So stay tuned. I will let you all know how it goes down.

[Angel1111]

Despite your son's flight from reality, I think you're just going to have to cut the cord and let him do what he thinks he needs to do. In a sense, you can be proud of him that he isn't walking away from his responsibilities. And there is this part of him that wanted to start a family because they discussed it and agreed on it. Despite what he says about how he didn't think it would happen so quickly, in his heart of hearts, he knew that it was a possibility. He was willing to take that risk. Just let him know you're there for him and guide him as best you can. Please do keep us posted as to how things are going.