Could they be using my son?

[carhill]

OP, in California, in my county, *anyone* can obtain a *restricted* copy of a birth certificate; specifically, this is a document which may be used for informational purposes only and not for identification.

 

In order to apply (there is a fee), one needs:

 

Registrants name (the girlfriend)

Date of birth

City of birth

Father's name

Mother's maiden name

 

 

This took me less than a minute to find this through Google. I typed 'county recorder (my county) births'.

[Jilly Bean]

OK, so then she will be staying at home going to HS (well, I doubt she will finish now, actually) and your son is planning to go to an away college?

 

Also - check into the age of consent in your state. You could have a case for statutory rape against this girl, since she was 18 when she got pregnant, and your son was 17.

 

Just something you might want to keep in your back pocket. I personally believe in being well-prepared.

 

My prediction?

 

When she finds out your son plans to move out of state for college and leave her, she will break it off in a snit, and shut him out until he leaves town. Then, after the kid is born, she'll show up looking for money.

 

Ultimately, you could also petition for sole custody, citing her as an unfit teenage mother with no education, no skills, no diploma, and living with parents who are illegals.

[sugarmomma]

OP, in California, in my county, *anyone* can obtain a *restricted* copy of a birth certificate; specifically, this is a document which may be used for informational purposes only and not for identification.

 

In order to apply (there is a fee), one needs:

 

Registrants name (the girlfriend)

Date of birth

City of birth

Father's name

Mother's maiden name

 

 

This took me less than a minute to find this through Google. I typed 'county recorder (my county) births'.

 

I'm in Illinois and I think its the same. I just ordered one for my sister. I can even order it online. I'm letting my fingers do the walking as soon as I get the names from my son.

[sugarmomma]

OK, so then she will be staying at home going to HS (well, I doubt she will finish now, actually) and your son is planning to go to an away college?

 

Also - check into the age of consent in your state. You could have a case for statutory rape against this girl, since she was 18 when she got pregnant, and your son was 17.

 

Just something you might want to keep in your back pocket. I personally believe in being well-prepared.

 

My prediction?

 

When she finds out your son plans to move out of state for college and leave her, she will break it off in a snit, and shut him out until he leaves town. Then, after the kid is born, she'll show up looking for money.

 

Ultimately, you could also petition for sole custody, citing her as an unfit teenage mother with no education, no skills, no diploma, and living with parents who are illegals.

 

 

I do think she will finish high school but I need to find out her plans from my son when he gets in. I have not reached out to her but I will soon.

 

He has definitely said that he still wants to go to an away school. We will be starting the process at the end of the year.

 

Statutory rape here is 16.

 

Also the girl has younger sisters. I think there is two of them under 10 which means the parents get to stay here because of them as well.

 

I DO NOT want custody since I am done raising children. I am enjoying my freedom from that kind of responsibility and would like to continue doing so. Now I will visit with the little baby but no custody.

Edited August 18, 2010 by sugarmomma

[Jilly Bean]

Also the girl has younger sisters. I think there is two of them under 10 which means the parents get to stay here because of them as well.

 

Well, you could still report them as being illegal, which would cause them problems if they have any criminal records, or haven't been paying taxes, etc.

 

This whole thing makes me nuts. Illegals living in the US for decades, dropping repeated anchor babies, and then their anchor babies having children as teens so the taxpayers can support it.

 

What happened to your sister's BF's illegal ex-wife?

[sugarmomma]

Well, you could still report them as being illegal, which would cause them problems if they have any criminal records, or haven't been paying taxes, etc.

 

This whole thing makes me nuts. Illegals living in the US for decades, dropping repeated anchor babies, and then their anchor babies having children as teens so the taxpayers can support it.

 

What happened to your sister's BF's illegal ex-wife?

 

I think she became legal then they divorced. I was so focused on my own situation that i didn't ask enough questions. This shizt is blowing me!!!

[Mutant Debutante]

They are still together and my son really cares for this girl. She has broken up with him a couple times and I tried to get him to move on but he went back to her. Thanks so much. I am going to find out if their is a public record of her birth in the county records. I am so glad I started this thread since I didn't know where to start.

 

I already told him he had better not even think about marrying her until he has a degree and can provide a roof over her head. He wants to stay with her but I think the pressure of the situation will make them break up since they are immature and the hormones are about to go crazy. I think she creates drama but my son is really cool and doesn't tell me a lot about their r problems.

 

She made 18 in April and won't graduate until next june which means she may have failed a grade. My son will be officially 18 in a few weeks.

You guys ROCK!!!

 

If she wanted to use him, why would she ever have broken up with him? If she was raised in a family that didn't speak English, even if she was born here it wouldn't be unusual for her to have to repeat a grade in elementary school to catch up on her English. Also graduating at 18 is totally normal without having failed anything. You seem like you are really reaching for the worst about this girl.

 

She was with your son for two years. Her having a baby is not going to have anything to do with whether her parents are legal or not. They might have green cards, you don't even know if they are illegal or not. I know legal immigrants who don't speak much English.

[sugarmomma]

If she wanted to use him, why would she ever have broken up with him? If she was raised in a family that didn't speak English, even if she was born here it wouldn't be unusual for her to have to repeat a grade in elementary school to catch up on her English. Also graduating at 18 is totally normal without having failed anything. You seem like you are really reaching for the worst about this girl.

 

She was with your son for two years. Her having a baby is not going to have anything to do with whether her parents are legal or not. They might have green cards, you don't even know if they are illegal or not. I know legal immigrants who don't speak much English.

 

 

My son just got in and said that she told him she was not born in the US. She was born in Mexico.

 

 

I don't know what to say.

[Jilly Bean]

My son just got in and said that she told him she was not born in the US. She was born in Mexico.

 

 

I don't know what to say.

 

 

Well, you have a simple choice.

 

If you want her, and her family, to go away, report them all NOW. Before she drops that anchor baby. Call INS/ICE, tell them the whole situation, and have them make the problem go away.

 

If you don't, then she will have that kid and be allowed to stay in the US, and will be raising the kid on taxpayers welfare.

 

However, since she is NOT a US citizen, she can never sponsor her family to become citizens through her. Also, her citizenship status doesn't change once her kid is born - she will still be an illegal.

 

Also, some politicians are working right now to have anchor babies and their illegal parents deported together. Citing the reason that children of illegals, even born in the US, are born from criminal parents, and therefore, not entitled to legal citizenship. She could end up being deported in a few years anyhow if it gains steam.

 

What a horrible situation.

 

Personally, I'd report her and her family. I know it sounds harsh. But, I wouldn't want my son to have to associate with criminals like this, and certainly wouldn't want a grandchild raised by criminals. What kind of values could this kid ever learn from these people?

[sugarmomma]

 

Well, you have a simple choice.

 

If you want her, and her family, to go away, report them all NOW. Before she drops that anchor baby. Call INS/ICE, tell them the whole situation, and have them make the problem go away.

 

If you don't, then she will have that kid and be allowed to stay in the US, and will be raising the kid on taxpayers welfare.

 

However, since she is NOT a US citizen, she can never sponsor her family to become citizens through her. Also, her citizenship status doesn't change once her kid is born - she will still be an illegal.

 

Also, some politicians are working right now to have anchor babies and their illegal parents deported together. Citing the reason that children of illegals, even born in the US, are born from criminal parents, and therefore, not entitled to legal citizenship. She could end up being deported in a few years anyhow if it gains steam.

 

What a horrible situation.

 

Personally, I'd report her and her family. I know it sounds harsh. But, I wouldn't want my son to have to associate with criminals like this, and certainly wouldn't want a grandchild raised by criminals. What kind of values could this kid ever learn from these people?

 

OMG!!! I feel like crying . I don't know what to do.

[Jilly Bean]

OMG!!! I feel like crying . I don't know what to do.

 

OK, Im so sorry!

 

Do NOTHING right now. Log off of LS, draw a nice hot bubble bath, pour a glass of wine, put on some music, and don't think about this. Let your mind go blank as best you can.

 

Then, tomorrow, when you are feeling stronger and more grounded, call your sister, who I assume is part of your support system, or your son's Dad (is he in the picture) and discuss with them.

 

This WILL all work out.

 

For now, let your head get clear so you can think properly.

[candymoon]

Thank yo so much. Her dad works as a mechanic (which could be under the table) and her mother does not work at all. would the daughter still be able to sponsor an application for them?

 

I just wish I knew whether the daughter was really born here. My son will take responsibility. I just don't want him to be made a fool of because he thinks he's in love. I know he has to learn but it is my job to provide some guidance. even though he obviously doesn't always listen to me.

 

This whole thing is making my ass hurt!

 

Sorry about your sore ass. LOL

 

Of course she would be able to sponsor them when she is of age. Please check that website, it's all there in black and white directly from Uncle Sam himself and you won't have to worry about people putting their own bigoted and ignorant spins on it.

 

I've been raised around and with a lot of Mexican-Americans. They don't drop "anchor babies" (our country's worsening political climate towards people of color is truly pissing me off these days--and the TERMS they spout on the news is sickening) to later sponsor them in the future and keep them here. Who wants to wait 18 years for such nonsense? When people get deported, mothers generally take their children so they have no anchor here in the future really. They are hard working people, just like everyone else, not mooches, and just looking for some relief from their own oppressive political climates just to EAT and have decent water.

 

Doing something ridiculous like reporting them to immigration if they are illegal (and i doubt it), will only send your future grandchild to a life of poverty, hunger, and strife. Leave it alone. The baby is on the way and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Does she have a social security number? If she's ever held a real job, like at McD's or retail, bets are that she is a US Citizen. Does she have health insurance coverage by her parents? If she does, then the entire family are citizens as he can't have a regular paying job with benefits without such a status. Don't assume he is getting paid under the table (more bigoted stereotyping), especially if he is working full-time. Find out the name of the business for yourself.

 

Better yet--since you all are going to be sharing a grandchild together--CALL THEM and talk. Go out to lunch. Might as well seeing as how you will be seeing them regularly for the next 18 years or so.

 

And hey, Love has made fools of us all. It's part of life. We learn, we grow. So will they.

[candymoon]

OMG!!! I feel like crying . I don't know what to do.

 

Oh! Don't cry...! and no worries, they will both have to work--you can't qualify for welfare unless you are a legal US citizen. But, big deal. We all have to work to raise our children, right? No different than you or me, really... Whether or not she is using him for whatever reason is moot. The baby is on the way. Their relationship as a couple will unfold how it is meant to.

 

Relax. Have tea. Don't worry so much and enjoy thoughts of baby blankets and stinky baby spit-up in the near future.

 

And just pray for a whole, healthy, grandchild... while guiding your son to be a good role model...that's what's really important.

[candymoon]

Did I miss that she is NOT a citizen?

 

Oh well... still my last post stands... not a whole lot you can do until the baby comes... just read and inform yourself. It's not like this is a strange situation. Happens all the time. And since she's been here so long, she could get a job and take the test... It's really not that hard or complex a situation.

[carhill]

you won't have to worry about people putting their own bigoted and ignorant spins on it.

 

I'm thinking I'm going to have an interesting conversation with you, or with a moderator, if you insist on adding such disenguous and pejorative remarks to this discussion. In fact, I won't tolerate it.

 

I've had illegal farmworkers steal from me. They've drank water from my hose. They've pooped in my yard when my neighbors offered them no outhouses. They've sent thousands of dollars home to the mother land (seen it with my own eyes at the Post Office) which my neighbors paid them in cash to avoid paying taxes and other fees for labor.

 

I won't go on. If those people are here illegally, they need to go. You may think that's bigoted. Good on ya. I hope you go too, and soon.

[Tayla]

This is about someones potential grandchild correct? Sorry just think we are missing the boat here on what really is important.....I'd recommend placing social differences to the side and really asking yourself those life questions....

 

Footnote: Never reside in a state that allows your personal Identity to be so easily gotten by strangers....

[sugarmomma]

I just called INS and they said that even if she has the baby she can still be deported. The only way she could stay would be to marry my son and stay married for 3 years then another whole process.

 

 

I really feel like reporting their ass since they knew this was going to happen. My son will understand later.

 

Someone said that she can't get welfare/child support without mom being a citizen. Is this true? My son will take financial responsibility but I would hate to see him tricked into this situation and then financially ruined before his life starts.

[candymoon]

I'm thinking I'm going to have an interesting conversation with you, or with a moderator, if you insist on adding such disenguous and pejorative remarks to this discussion. In fact, I won't tolerate it.

 

I've had illegal farmworkers steal from me. They've drank water from my hose. They've pooped in my yard when my neighbors offered them no outhouses. They've sent thousands of dollars home to the mother land (seen it with my own eyes at the Post Office) which my neighbors paid them in cash to avoid paying taxes and other fees for labor.

 

I won't go on. If those people are here illegally, they need to go. You may think that's bigoted. Good on ya. I hope you go too, and soon.

 

Oh boy...here we go! i wasnt talking about anyone HERE, silly. Was talking about the advice she was getting in her own RL. I always reference the original post. I don't remember attacking anyone in this thread.

 

Though suddenly, I am feeling this way.

 

I thought this was about what to do about her grandchild and the poor RL advice she was getting, not people relieving themselves on your lawn? Relax.

[Jilly Bean]

If those people are here illegally, they need to go. You may think that's bigoted. Good on ya. I hope you go too, and soon.

 

Carhill! You go on with your bad self! Love it!

 

I'd recommend placing social differences to the side and really asking yourself those life questions....

 

Footnote: Never reside in a state that allows your personal Identity to be so easily gotten by strangers....

 

Unfortunately, the issue is no longer about Sugar being upset her son is 18 and about to have a child.

 

It's profoundly complicated by the fact that this girl is an illegal, as is her entire family.

 

You have to realize this clouds an already difficult situation in some very dramatic ways.

 

I just don't think one could easily set aside their own social and political beliefs so easily, even when it's your own family.

 

As for the other thing about personal info, most information is available for free, and online.

 

In my area, I can go online and pull up someone's real estate records, including who's on the deed, how much they paid for the house, their annual taxes, and also their entire criminal record from speeding tickets to felonies.

 

All a matter of public record.

[Jilly Bean]

I just called INS and they said that even if she has the baby she can still be deported. The only way she could stay would be to marry my son and stay married for 3 years then another whole process.

 

 

I really feel like reporting their ass since they knew this was going to happen. My son will understand later.

 

Someone said that she can't get welfare/child support without mom being a citizen. Is this true? My son will take financial responsibility but I would hate to see him tricked into this situation and then financially ruined before his life starts.

 

INS is open at night? Well, that does make sense, actually. lol

 

That is not true. Illegals get welfare all the time! This is part of the reason why legal Americans are so pissed off with them being in our country. They don't pay taxes, yet get health care, welfare, etc. that taxpayers pay for. It's nuts.

 

I think it's great that INS said they would deport her. Gives me some hope.

 

Sugar - I really don't want to inflame you. I know you are very upset. This is a big passionate for me, along with many other Americans, so we feel for your situation.

 

If you do decide to report her entire family, I would suggest doing it BEFORE she has the kid. I think it would make it much cleaner all the way around.

 

Right now, you're angry. Maybe in a few days you'll feel differently.

 

What are your politics as it relates to this issue, Sugar? I would think that would greatly affect your ultimate decision.

[sugarmomma]

I'm speechless. In one sense I want to let him deal with the consequences of his actions. The on the other hand I want to report them since they knew this was happening.

 

My only concern is if I report them and they are deported my son will know I did it and will be angry at me.

 

I wish I could tell them to either get an abortion or get deported. This is some bull****.

[candymoon]

My only concern is if I report them and they are deported my son will know I did it and will be angry at me.

 

Yes, especially since he will lose the opportunity to raise and watch his child grow. That might not me the best option.

[Mutant Debutante]

I get that you found out that the gf was born in Mexico, but did I miss where you actually know that her family is illegal? My neighbor was born in Vietnam, her parents don't speak much English at all, they mostly work and associate with other Vietnamese, but they are all here legally.

 

It doesn't seem like a big stretch to me that if someone heard my neighbor was pregnant and immediately, automatically started frothing about "anchor babies" and ranting about how disgusting it was, that that person might be a big old bigot.

 

OP the situation sucks and you don't want your son to have to be a father at 18. But it sounds like he also made the decision to not always use birth control, not just her.

 

If I were your son, just weeks from being 18 and you got my girlfriend of 2 years who was pregnant with my kid DEPORTED, you can be sure you would never hear from me again. That is your grandchild you are talking about, lost forever.

[candymoon]

I get that you found out that the gf was born in Mexico, but did I miss where you actually know that her family is illegal? My neighbor was born in Vietnam, her parents don't speak much English at all, they mostly work and associate with other Vietnamese, but they are all here legally.

 

It doesn't seem like a big stretch to me that if someone heard my neighbor was pregnant and immediately, automatically started frothing about "anchor babies" and ranting about how disgusting it was, that that person might be a big old bigot.

 

OP the situation sucks and you don't want your son to have to be a father at 18. But it sounds like he also made the decision to not always use birth control, not just her.

 

If I were your son, just weeks from being 18 and you got my girlfriend of 2 years who was pregnant with my kid DEPORTED, you can be sure you would never hear from me again. That is your grandchild you are talking about, lost forever.

 

Agreed, MD. I know quite a few French, Italians, and Swedes here. Some barely speak English or it is heavily accented. Yet, they are here legally (shrugs). My BIL (18) got his Mexican gf pregnant and the baby is now 1. Her father does not speak English very well but works blue collar. The mother does speak English and works as a file clerk. All were born in Mexico...but all are legalized citizens and work 9-5 and get job benefits just like I do. Until you start talking to them directly, it's all just going to create much more anxiety than what the reality may call for.

 

OP, I know iit seems rude, but why not just ask the girl her status? Ask her if she has a SSN?

[candymoon]

Good Morning, Sugar!

 

Previously you asked if it was true that illegal immigrants can not receive welfare. I went to our Federal Department of Health and Human Services.

 

The answer is NO. They can only receive Medical Assistance (Medicaid) when having a medical crisis:

http://www.hhs.gov/asl/testify/t960206a.html

Eligibility of Aliens for Public Assistance

 

Under current law,

undocumented aliens and most legal nonimmigrants are ineligible

for the major Federal means-tested public assistance programs

, including food stamps, AFDC, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), and Medicaid,

with an exception for emergency medical assistance under Medicaid

.

 

Most legal immigrants qualify for these programs on the same basis as citizens with an exception for sponsored immigrants. Under current law, sponsored immigrants' access to public assistance is limited because a sponsor's income and resources are usually taken into account when determining eligibility.

Of course this does not mean that a few do not use means of identity theft to obtain benefits by illegal means. However, most don't bother. Why risk not only deportation, but also time in a Federal prison?

 

Anyway, there you go. These are the FACTS. Under current Federal law noncitizens can not suck up benefits provided by this country to its citizens for free. Never believe the proganda spewed by politicians especially when close to election years.

 

Whether or not she is a citizen, I would worry more about talking to her parents to ensure she gets proper prenatal care for the health of her and your future grandchild.