Could they be using my son?

[sugarmomma]

Thanks to everyone that has responded to my situation. Last night I was so enraged and mainly because I thought that the gf having this baby would somehow entitle the gf and her parents citizenship which would mean that they had in fact used my son (not saying he didn't play a part).

 

Once I called INS they stated that if the gf and her parents are illegal, their status would remain illegal until they went through the process of changing it. That started me to thinking that they didn't use him (especially not the parents) to get a legal status. Even though the gf still may have a hidden agenda. She is sneaky and I don't really care for her.

 

I also work with many mexican families and was talking with a parent today that explained to me that when people are deported back to mexico they have absolutely nothing. They have no public aid, real health care or wic( food program for babies) and I couldn't think anymore about deporting their family. Knowing that I did that would not sit well in my heart. I would rather terminate a pregnancy than to know my son's child would be in a country without him. However again, I can't force the gf to get an abortion. It is not my decision. My son stated that they want to keep the child and try to take care of it with the help of mostly her parents. I explained to him that child support is gonna be in his life and on his ass and that may just be something that he is gonna have to deal with. The reality hasn't hit him yet but when it does I am just gonna try my best (even though I'm not feeling any of this ****) to be there to support him.

 

I have explained to my son that he needs to start college and finish if he wants to provide adequately for a family. In the meantime her parents will take on the bulk of the responsibility while he is in school. Hopefully they won't pressure him into getting married or working a menial job because I am a firm believer in education and my son has plans to be an accountant.

 

He may have to just start in a local junior college and work part-time. I could live with that better than calling INS on the family and have them go back to mexico. If I had them deported, I could never explain that to my son and he would never forgive me. He loves this girl even though I don't care for her because she has hurt him a few times that I know of.

 

I told my son that I don't think he should marry her until he has a career and is able to provide a roof over the heads of her and the child. It is my understanding that in the gf culture they want kids to get married right away. My son agreed that he is not ready to get married so hopefully he won't. The reality is that I can't control that either if he is legally able.

 

All I can do is educate my son about the possible repercussions of his actions and what may happen if he fails to do a, b or c. Ultimately he will make some other decisions but I think the biggest one has been made and that is that they both seem to want this baby. I don't want them to personally.

 

I feel that my hands are basically tied. Besides I'm tired of crying and worrying about this bs he has gotten himself into. I keep my life fairly simple and this **** has me all ****ed up.

 

You all have helped me so much and I really appreciate it.

[sugarmomma]

asking you why you didn't intervene and guide him to a smarter decision.

 

If he were one of my younger brothers I'd be slapping the sh*t out of him.

 

 

We already talked about terminating the pregnancy (which he said no) and possibly sending them all back to mexico (he doesn't want that either). I have explained to him how legally and financially he is gonna be screwed. He seems to think that they will be together and do fine. After talking until I was blue in the face (and I am a black woman), I told him "if I can't teach you, then life will" he got up off my bed said "okay" and went to bed. WTF!!

 

I'm not taking care of any babies and he knows that I don't play when I say something. I am so disappointed in him. I was blaming myself until he told me that they were consistently using condoms and then mutually decided to quit. WTF!!!

[Art_Critic]

SM...

It sounds like you have put some good perspective into your thinking and seem like you are in a better place with this than you were earlier..

 

Your son's life and future aren't written yet and that has many many twists and turns in it and you can't make each of those your responsibility to shoulder..

 

You have done your job and now it is time to watch all the hard work in molding and building a wonderful son work..

You can still be there to guide him thru this and help him understand his new responsibilities..

 

By the way.. I know you don't really want to hear it.. but congratulations on reaching the beginnings of becoming a Grand Parent..

[Jilly Bean]

Actually Sugar, if your son marries her (and I highly suspect her parents will push for this) then she becomes a citizen, and can then sponsor her parents AND her siblings to become US citizens. Ain't that grand?

 

What kind of support are her parents going to give this child? Certainly not financial, I'm sure. Will they be paying all of her medical bills for prenatal care and the birth? Will they be paying for the babies health care and living expenses? Will they be buying cloths and diapers and formula? Im quite sure your son and this girl have no clue how expensive it is to raise a child.

 

And your plans for him for college may end up being moot. She has this kid, then he is responsible for child support until the child is 21. And that won't be $50 a month. The system only charges that amount for fathers under 18, so that they can complete their HS diploma. I guess they feel that's all that's necessary for a young man, as once he turns 18, then he is responsible for a much higher amount of child support. And if you don't trust this girl, I wouldn't put it past her to make it difficult for him. His age basically is not a factor in how much child support he will be required to pay. If he ends up skipping payments, or gets behind, then the courts will either revoke his DL, or attach his wages until he's brought current.

 

What works against you in this situation, is her family being supportive of her having a kid at her age. If they were against it, you and they might stand a chance of convincing her to give it up for adoption, which really WOULD give the child a much better life than the one he'll have.

 

Such a sad situation. Im truly sorry for your sorrows with this, and for your sons choices.

 

I guess all you can do at this point is pray the child is healthy, because if its not, thats going to add a whole other level of problems.

 

Definitely have your son seek the advice of an attorney. Right now, he thinks life is great and wonderful, as I don't think the financial reality nor how this will affect his life plans has set in, and I think as adults, we all can see how this situation is ripe to blow up. Best you are all protected and informed...

[Green]

Your son and this girl he thinks he is in "love" with will be fighting over everything big and small after the novelty of this wears off.

 

I don't necesarily think abortion is that great... but if I had been your son I would be trying to get this girl to get an abortion... In fact I'd drive her to the abortion clinic and say "lets just get this over with"

 

Seriously your son has learned nothing from you. The day is fast aproaching where you are going to be able to tell him "I told you so" to bad he doesn't listen to a word you say.

 

If it were me I think I would have this family deported. Give me their names and address if you don't have the balls to have these people investigated... I'll report them. In the end they can only be deported if they broke the law so its not your fault.

[Art_Critic]

Ain't that grand?

 

JB.. America is a melting pot of people that have gotten their citizenship that same way..

 

My Dad's father , or my Grandfather was from Scotland and he came here from there and started a family.

He was here legally and so was my Grandmother but my Dad was the first born in that side of my family to have Citizenship here..

 

What is wrong with the GF becoming a citizen the legal way ?.. most of us have ancestors that became citizens the legal way as well and that is what has formed America..

[Jilly Bean]

I was blaming myself until he told me that they were consistently using condoms and then mutually decided to quit. WTF!!!

 

Oh, I don't think you could ever blame yourself for this one. Unless you were regretting not putting him in a chastity device.

 

Did he ever tell you WHY he wanted to have a baby at 18? Do you think this was his idea? Or, something that is so engrained in her culture, that she told him how great it would be?

 

Kids sucks, Sugar.

[sugarmomma]

Actually Sugar, if your son marries her (and I highly suspect her parents will push for this) then she becomes a citizen, and can then sponsor her parents AND her siblings to become US citizens. Ain't that grand?

 

What kind of support are her parents going to give this child? Certainly not financial, I'm sure. Will they be paying all of her medical bills for prenatal care and the birth? Will they be paying for the babies health care and living expenses? Will they be buying cloths and diapers and formula? Im quite sure your son and this girl have no clue how expensive it is to raise a child.

 

And your plans for him for college may end up being moot. She has this kid, then he is responsible for child support until the child is 21. And that won't be $50 a month. The system only charges that amount for fathers under 18, so that they can complete their HS diploma. I guess they feel that's all that's necessary for a young man, as once he turns 18, then he is responsible for a much higher amount of child support. And if you don't trust this girl, I wouldn't put it past her to make it difficult for him. His age basically is not a factor in how much child support he will be required to pay. If he ends up skipping payments, or gets behind, then the courts will either revoke his DL, or attach his wages until he's brought current.

 

What works against you in this situation, is her family being supportive of her having a kid at her age. If they were against it, you and they might stand a chance of convincing her to give it up for adoption, which really WOULD give the child a much better life than the one he'll have.

 

Such a sad situation. Im truly sorry for your sorrows with this, and for your sons choices.

 

I guess all you can do at this point is pray the child is healthy, because if its not, thats going to add a whole other level of problems.

 

Definitely have your son seek the advice of an attorney. Right now, he thinks life is great and wonderful, as I don't think the financial reality nor how this will affect his life plans has set in, and I think as adults, we all can see how this situation is ripe to blow up. Best you are all protected and informed...

 

I am sure the gf will go to public aid to get a medical card to get her prenatal care taken care of. They are gonna take on the basics of caring for this child since they know my son is not working now and has just started his senior year. You know public aid asks to name the father so that they can get the man in child support. I told him to tell the gf she better say she had a ons or make up some joe blow or his ass is screwed. If down the line she threatens child support I will threaten deporting her ass and he can find a place for him and his lil bambino. Maybe his dad could take them in.

[sugarmomma]

Your son and this girl he thinks he is in "love" with will be fighting over everything big and small after the novelty of this wears off.

 

 

If it were me I think I would have this family deported. Give me their names and address if you don't have the balls to have these people investigated... I'll report them. In the end they can only be deported if they broke the law so its not your fault.

 

You are absolutely right since they don't have a ****ing clue about what is gonna go down in the next year let alone the next 20. I don't think this r is gonna last and I am just gonna look at him and shake my mf'n head.

 

Even if you reported their ass he would know I was in on it so that's out. But thanks.

[Art_Critic]

Such a sad situation. Im truly sorry for your sorrows with this, and for your sons choices.

 

I do agree with you JB..

But that doesn't mean it has to remain a sad situation..

They aren't the first people to become parents at 18 and with some time and hopefully some healing everyone will be okay.

[sugarmomma]

 

Kids sucks, Sugar.

 

I know, right. That's why I only had one. He said that they didn't "think" it would happen that soon. WTF??? That's his damn problem. Not thinking. I should slap his ass in the face when he walks through that door tonight.

[Jilly Bean]

I am sure the gf will go to public aid to get a medical card to get her prenatal care taken care of. They are gonna take on the basics of caring for this child since they know my son is not working now and has just started his senior year. You know public aid asks to name the father so that they can get the man in child support. I told him to tell the gf she better say she had a ons or make up some joe blow or his ass is screwed. If down the line she threatens child support I will threaten deporting her ass and he can find a place for him and his lil bambino. Maybe his dad could take them in.

 

She can't do that, though. When she goes for assistance, they will ask for the name of the Dad (as you know).

 

But, I assume your son will insist on being named on the birth certificate, right? I assume this child will have his name, since he's so gung-ho on it.

 

So, he's going to be paying the support, not the taxpayers. Welfare will pay it up front, and then they will go after your son to pay it all back.

[sugarmomma]

She can't do that, though. When she goes for assistance, they will ask for the name of the Dad (as you know).

 

But, I assume your son will insist on being named on the birth certificate, right? I assume this child will have his name, since he's so gung-ho on it.

 

So, he's going to be paying the support, not the taxpayers. Welfare will pay it up front, and then they will go after your son to pay it all back.

 

Oh yes she can. I know a couple women who have protected their baby daddy's from the system.

[Jilly Bean]

Sugar - have you told your son's Dad about this? If so, what was his reaction? If not, what do you think it will be?

 

And has your son considered what happens if this girl's Father loses his job? He's currently supporting 5 people on a mechanics salary, which cant be going too far.

 

If her Dad loses his job, then the whole family can apply for assistance, OR, try to hit your son up for the absolute max support in order to help them out.

 

As soon as they say there is an American citizen living in the house, they'd kinda have it made.

 

Nuts.

[Jilly Bean]

Oh yes she can. I know a couple women who have protected their baby daddy's from the system.

 

Not if he's named on the birth certificate.

 

And I seriously doubt he won't be on it, and I seriously doubt she wouldn't put him down anyway, even without his consent or knowledge.

[sugarmomma]

Not if he's named on the birth certificate.

 

And I seriously doubt he won't be on it, and I seriously doubt she wouldn't put him down anyway, even without his consent or knowledge.

 

I already told him not to sign the birth certificate. He still don't even know if the baby is his. My son's step mother said she heard another girl calling my son gf a whore. So who knows??

 

My son's dad knows and he is disappointed as well.

[Art_Critic]

I already told him not to sign the birth certificate. He still don't even know if the baby is his. My son's step mother said she heard another girl calling my son gf a whore. So who knows??

 

My son's dad knows and he is disappointed as well.

 

Why are you breeding hate in him ?

IMO, You should be guiding him thru this not showing him how to to get out of his responsibility..

 

You are telling him to not sign the BC.. why ?

Did you tell him to get a paternity test ? because if you told him to not sign the BC then you should tell him to get a Pat test

Now the GF is a whore..

 

Oh my....

 

Good luck... I'm off this thread...

Edited August 19, 2010 by Art_Critic

[candymoon]

I am sure her parents are just as disappointed in their daughter as you are in your son. I don't think they are jumping for joy they have an American baby on the way. I was deeply ingrained in Mexican culture when I was growing up. They are a VERY Catholic people, extremely religious. If they try and urge them to marry, it is so they won't be living in sin in their eyes and to be a proper family in the eyes of God, and saving their daughter's soul.

 

I've known so-called 'illegal' parents and legal parents to beat their pregnant unmarried teen daughters within an inch of unconsciousness before they even finished the sentence, "I'm Pre----". That never sounded like approval to me.

 

Of course she will put him on the birth certificate. They PLANNED this pregnancy together (for some addle-brained reason). To urge him to do different is to teach him deception, to not take responsibility, and how to weasel out of a promise he obviously made to be there for the baby (in every way) before they conceived. This includes all legal obligations as well.

 

Lots of kids get knocked up, go on whatever assistance and later move on in life. Lots of men get their wages garnished and have to live with it with fully American families. It's very disappointing to you as a mother, but not unique in the grand scheme. It's not fun, but it's the cards he chose to pull from the deck. He doesn't get it yet, but he will in time.

[Jilly Bean]

I already told him not to sign the birth certificate. He still don't even know if the baby is his. My son's step mother said she heard another girl calling my son gf a whore. So who knows??

 

My son's dad knows and he is disappointed as well.

 

Well, I'm sure his ego won't allow him to NOT sign it, you know? And sadly, he doesnt seem to be listening to SugarMomma these days. Rotten kid.

 

And if he doesnt sign the BC, then he has no legal rights to his son whatsoever in the short term.

 

This also means if he doesnt have everything nice and legal and signed and sealed up front, then she can really mess with him, as she will hold all the cards.

 

Say for example that they break up before the kid is born and he never sees his kid, because she wont allow it. 10 years from now, she can sue your son for back child support, even though he HASNT signed the BC, (provided she is 100% certain he is the Father). The court will go after him and that would be a hellish surprise in his future. Particularly if hes married to someone else and has a family with her at that point.

 

Here's a personal experience for you, and will explain why I'm so passionate about this kind of thing. Someone very close to me had gotten his HS GF pregnant (they were both in their 20s). He wanted nothing to do with her, and begged her to abort. She refused. So, I told him to immediately go to a lawyer, protect himself, and get it all on paper as I didn't trust her. HE refused to do so, as he didnt want to inflame her. So, she plays it cool with him, thinking if shes nice, she can possibly hold onto him (which was her goal all along), and tells him he can just chip in for diapers and baby food. Well, this quickly morphed from him paying her $50 a week, to $100 a week, to $200 a week. And he could do nothing about it, and was completely at her mercy, since he never got this formalized by the court, and she always threatened to sue him if he acted up.

 

Flash forward a few months and all of a sudden, shes no longer cashing his checks. And why? Because she went to welfare, said she had no idea where the baby Daddy was, named him, etc., and next thing you know, he was paying 25% of his salary to her. Actually, he wasnt even paying it. The court was automatically taking it from his paycheck.

 

Now, if he were smart, and had seen a lawyer before the kid was born, he greatly could have minimized his damages.

 

So, point is - its actually IN his interest to sign the BC and have this all taken care of in court. I definitely encourage you all to seek legal advice, as things in your state may differ...

 

Did his step mother tell you that? Or did your son? Interesting. Do you think there's truth to that accusation? Or is it coming from the whole family being pissed as hell right now?

 

Has your ex spoken with your son about this?

[Green]

Why are you breeding hate in him ?

IMO, You should be guiding him thru this not showing him how to to get out of his responsibility..

 

You are telling him to not sign the BC.. why ?

Did you tell him to get a paternity test ? because if you told him to not sign the BC then you should tell him to get a Pat test

Now the GF is a whore..

 

Oh my....

 

Good luck... I'm off this thread...

 

Breeding HATE are you kidding me. She's looking out for her son who seems to be in FULL ON STUPID mode right now.

 

She needs to stop thinking about deporting the family when they come after her son for support and just have them deported now. She needs to stop worying what her son will think of her.

 

If the family really is ilegal she needs to report them so an investigation can get under way.

 

She really dropped the ball when she didn't call the law when her son first started dating this girl. She saw ALL this comming.

[sugarmomma]

 

She really dropped the ball when she didn't call the law when her son first started dating this girl. She saw ALL this comming.

 

No I just found out last night that the family was illegal. Believe me if I knew when they first starting dating I would have sent his ass to live with my brother in Atlanta or something. Just really tired of all this bs he has created.

 

I will keep u guys updated. Thanks sooooo much!

[sweetjasmine]

She's looking out for her son who seems to be in FULL ON STUPID mode right now.

 

So who's going to be looking out for her son's child?

 

Why does the grandchild deserve to have its father abandon it?

 

We're talking about her son HAVING A CHILD. You can't just flush it down the toilet and hope it goes away.

 

Some of these suggestions here are pretty sick. The son and his gf screwed up big time, and they need to step up to the plate. Abandoning the child or sending it off to another country because you don't want to deal with the consequences of your actions is just wrong.

[Green]

So who's going to be looking out for her son's child?

 

Why does the grandchild deserve to have its father abandon it?

 

We're talking about her son HAVING A CHILD. You can't just flush it down the toilet and hope it goes away.

 

Some of these suggestions here are pretty sick. The son and his gf screwed up big time, and they need to step up to the plate. Abandoning the child or sending it off to another country because you don't want to deal with the consequences of your actions is just wrong.

 

Please there is no right or wrong in this situation because its about to go from bad to worse. This woman is smack dab in the midle of the situation so go ahead and cast judgment on her from the comfort of your computer chair.

[carhill]

An interesting dynamic to consider is that, right now, the prospective mother and her family essentially have all the power. Their status is unknown, the young lady has complete unilateral control of her body and the pregnancy and the OP, her son, and his father are essentially passengers on the ride. Perhaps that is a component of her obvious frustration and emotional perspective and the impetus for examining their citizenship. She's trying to balance something that IMO, right now, cannot be balanced. In time, with proper legal help and cooperation between the families, balance can be achieved. It just takes time to get there.

[Kamille]

With your logic I might as well go rob a bank because the money is insured and after the loss is spread amongst the world its .000000000003 or somethin.

 

cmon kamille open your eyes and see that if this woman doesn't look out for her son no one will

 

There's a difference between paying into structures that support the wellbeing of society and robbing a bank. cmon Green, stop being obtuse.

 

Her son is not the only person affected by this pregnancy. This is going to change his and her life and, so far, I have to say I admire him for wanting to stick the pregnancy out even when his mother is trying whatever means at her disposal to get him off the hook. Yes, he should pay for the well-being of his child. That child will be American. It's as simple as that. Yes, Sugarmomma and her son's lives will be affected. As will the life of his girlfriend and her parents, even without them being deported. Perhaps even your own life will be affected, although I really fail to see how. If the gf is illegal, than yes there is a juridical injustice happening. But, the bigger injustice is abandoning human beings in needs to benefit only one person. It's not naivety, it's human morality.

 

There are other means out there to support the son and his child that do not involve deportation, hatred and anger.

 

While Sugarmomma is convinced they are illegal, she still hasn't answered my question about what exactly her son meant by saying that gf "was born in Mexico". I'm not saying they aren't, but Sugarmomma is understandably outraged and she is making a lot of other accusations that are most likely all in her mind- such as the fact that the gf is a whore, for example. She is reaching far to discredit her son's gf as a way to try and legitimate her son being able to distance himself from his own child. That's why I want to verify whether or not Sugarmomma knows the gf is illegal, of whether it's all inferred.