Could they be using my son?

[Ms. Red]

Good Morning, Sugar!

 

Previously you asked if it was true that illegal immigrants can not receive welfare. I went to our Federal Department of Health and Human Services.

 

The answer is NO. They can only receive Medical Assistance (Medicaid) when having a medical crisis:

http://www.hhs.gov/asl/testify/t960206a.html

Eligibility of Aliens for Public Assistance

 

Under current law,

undocumented aliens and most legal nonimmigrants are ineligible

for the major Federal means-tested public assistance programs

, including food stamps, AFDC, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), and Medicaid,

with an exception for emergency medical assistance under Medicaid

.

 

Most legal immigrants qualify for these programs on the same basis as citizens with an exception for sponsored immigrants. Under current law, sponsored immigrants' access to public assistance is limited because a sponsor's income and resources are usually taken into account when determining eligibility.

Of course this does not mean that a few do not use means of identity theft to obtain benefits by illegal means. However, most don't bother. Why risk not only deportation, but also time in a Federal prison?

 

Anyway, there you go. These are the FACTS. Under current Federal law noncitizens can not suck up benefits provided by this country to its citizens for free. Never believe the proganda spewed by politicians especially when close to election years.

 

Whether or not she is a citizen, I would worry more about talking to her parents to ensure she gets proper prenatal care for the health of her and your future grandchild.

 

That doesn't mean squat. They also aren't supposed to be here illegally and we know how those laws don't work. I embarrassingly applied for food stamps in 2008 and they had signs all over the walls and on all the forms that stated in bold: It is illegal for us to ask an applicants immigration status. An applicants immigration status will have no bearing on you applying for and/or receiving assistance.

 

Explain that one!

[Angel1111]

My son just got in and said that she told him she was not born in the US. She was born in Mexico.

 

I don't know what to say.

 

OMG, this is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry this has happened. I think there are two ways to look at this - what you as an adult would do, and what your son wants to do. Plus, despite everything, you're talking about your grandchild.

 

I think you're going to have to have a talk with your son - and it would probably be good to have his dad present, too. Fill him in in advance so that he can absorb this information and then the three of you talk about this. If you don't want his dad there, then you need to talk to your son. Reporting this girl and her family behind his back has the potential of alienating him from your life. Please don't go down that road.

 

From the standpoint of being tricked and what this idiot girl has done, my first reaction would be to report them all. But just know that the INS rarely moves quickly when it comes to paperwork, so I have no idea how fast they'd move on this. Maybe it trumps paperwork, I don't know.

 

You've got to ask yourselves if you're willing to have them exiled from the US and if you're willing to do that with this child. Personally, if she can't make him pay child support, then I wouldn't pay it. And here's why - she tricked him, plain and simple, and the more American men who would refuse to pay child support under these circumstances, the less inclined people would be to pull these kinds of stunts. However, what I would do for the child is put money in an account for savings so that when he or she is older, it can go directly to him/her. That way, the mom and her family do not benefit from it at all. And if the child ends up sharing it with her family, then at least they had to struggle in the meantime. No fast pay-off = no desire to play this game. I'd love to see it backfire on them.

 

I think, though, that you're going to have to first figure out what your son wants to do. A lot of what happens here is going to depend on him, and if he's willing to marry this girl or if he doesn't want you to report her, then you would probably be better off backing away from the whole thing and letting him live with it. I do understand that this is a very heartbreaking situation. But it is ultimately up to your son as to how to handle it; even though your guidance and advice in this situation is very important, also, because he's in unfamiliar territory here and he's too young to know all his options.

Edited August 18, 2010 by Angel1111

[Angel1111]

I have a question. How did this girl get through our school system if she wasn't a citizen?

[Art_Critic]

I really feel like reporting their ass since they knew this was going to happen. My son will understand later.

 

Honestly.. your son is of age.. he is 18 and able to make his own decisions.

 

The baby will always be a U.S. citizen as he or she will have been fathered by a U.S. citizen.

If he or she isn't born in the U.S. then the baby will have Dual Citizenship

 

You cannot get rid of this baby sugarmomma..

Your Son will not understand later..

He will understand that you interfered in his life and got rid of his child and his child is out there somewhere..

 

Why not let your son act his age and you just sit back and let the cards fall where they may..

 

You will be a grandparent.. how cool is that ?

 

Have you thought about letting your adult son make his own decisions ?

[carhill]

I have a question. How did this girl get through our school system if she wasn't a citizen?

This likely requires further clarification but the documentation from Illinois appears to assert that a child whose parents/guardian can prove residency in the school district is entitled to attend school in that district, regardless of documentation the child might possess. Essentially, if the parents can prove and/or swear via affidavit that they reside in the school district, the child has a right to attend school. The school can investigate their assertions of *residency* but apparently the documents are silent on their citizenship status, apparently due to Supreme Court affirmation that children, regardless of citizenship status, are to be afforded a public education.

 

An interesting outgrowth of the new Arizona immigration law is the effect on school districts which might transport students to Arizona, like for sports, etc. Would those students come under scrutiny and how would the process be handled and would this discourage school districts in participating in otherwise healthy and beneficial activities for their students?

 

Anyway, that's what I could find.

[Art_Critic]

There could be worse things out there SM that your Son could have done..

 

Why is it that a child being born has to have nothing but negative tones placed underneath it when spoken ?

Your son was with her for years and you didn't have a problem with that but now that they are having a child together all of a sudden she is evil..

 

Not saying she didn't get preggers on purpose as I have no way of knowing but you also have no way of knowing if she did either.

 

Would you be treating this differently if his GF had been a citizen and not Mexican ?

[Kamille]

You're assuming they're illegal

 

You're assuming they planned this.

 

You're angry at the situation and you're using whatever is at your disposal to express that anger.

 

Is there anything you can do to calm down so that you can reevaluate the situation anew? Is an unwanted grandchild worth this much venom?

[Angel1111]

You're assuming they're illegal

 

You're assuming they planned this.

 

You're angry at the situation and you're using whatever is at your disposal to express that anger.

 

Is there anything you can do to calm down so that you can reevaluate the situation anew? Is an unwanted grandchild worth this much venom?

 

She's not assuming anything in terms citizenship - they're all illegal, including the gf.

[Green]

I'm speechless. In one sense I want to let him deal with the consequences of his actions. The on the other hand I want to report them since they knew this was happening.

 

My only concern is if I report them and they are deported my son will know I did it and will be angry at me.

 

I wish I could tell them to either get an abortion or get deported. This is some bull****.

 

Take a look at yourself you are losing your mind. You know damn well you can't approach a family and try to black mail them into forcing her to get an abortion.

 

Just call INS already and have them all deported. You're son is an idiot right now and he knows it. Everything you know in your gut to be true is... time to face reality.

 

Honestly.. your son is of age.. he is 18 and able to make his own decisions.

 

The baby will always be a U.S. citizen as he or she will have been fathered by a U.S. citizen.

If he or she isn't born in the U.S. then the baby will have Dual Citizenship

 

You cannot get rid of this baby sugarmomma..

Your Son will not understand later..

He will understand that you interfered in his life and got rid of his child and his child is out there somewhere..

 

Why not let your son act his age and you just sit back and let the cards fall where they may..

 

You will be a grandparent.. how cool is that ?

 

Have you thought about letting your adult son make his own decisions ?

 

In the end this says it best. But really this family might just leave them a lone if they get deported. But it is true that some one born in another country with an american parent still has rights and can gain american citizen and a born away birth cirtificate and get dual citizenship.

[Art_Critic]

She's not assuming anything in terms citizenship - they're all illegal, including the gf.

 

I've looked for the post that states that.. maybe I missed something.

 

She said the GF wasn't born here.. that doesn't mean they are all illegals..

of course it doesn't mean they aren't either but still I was thinking that since the girl was raised here that maybe the parents have green cards and so does the GF.

[Angel1111]

There could be worse things out there SM that your Son could have done..

 

Why is it that a child being born has to have nothing but negative tones placed underneath it when spoken ?

Your son was with her for years and you didn't have a problem with that but now that they are having a child together all of a sudden she is evil..

 

Not saying she didn't get preggers on purpose as I have no way of knowing but you also have no way of knowing if she did either.

 

Would you be treating this differently if his GF had been a citizen and not Mexican ?

 

Personally, I'd be pissed about it no matter who it was. I wouldn't want my son to be a dad at that age. I can't believe girls do this to themselves at such a young age. It completely boggles the mind.

 

I do understand being angry about this because it appears that her son was used. Their lies about citizenship makes their motives highly suspect. I don't think the gf ever revealed to him that she was here illegally and that's really the key. She did this knowingly and her citizenship (or the lack thereof) has put a huge kink in the works. This happens all the time when the girl thinks she's losing the guy - like in his case, he was going off to college and she probably felt threatened by that. Because of her not being a citizen, he will probably feel obligated to marry her in order to keep his child nearby. If she goes, the baby goes. Nice game.

Edited August 18, 2010 by Angel1111

[Kamille]

She's not assuming anything in terms citizenship - they're all illegal, including the gf.

 

I also missed the post where this was clearly stated instead of implied. I also missed anything that made it clear and obvious anyone was lying to anyone. Being born in another country doesn't equal being illegal.

 

People are assuming the worst of that girl and of her parents, feeding off of Sugarmomma's anger.

 

No one here really knows what the situation really is.

 

And remember, it takes two to tango. Her son knew he was taking a risk when he engaged in unprotected sex.

[carhill]

Another interesting discovery by myself, relevant to the OP, is legislation in Congress called the DREAM Act, which essentially appears to give children who were brought by their illegal alien parents to the US prior to age 16, who have graduated high school and are of 'good moral character', the opportunity to earn conditional permanent residency. I read a news story, in Arizona no less, where a mother, obviously not due to this legislation, since it's not law yet, was adjudicated and released from custody to be with her citizen husband and their children who were born here and are citizens.

 

If the son and his GF are to remain together, paternal rights is a moot point, but if they are to co-parent without being together, then the legal implications of the young lady's citizenship status may come into play, both as a matter of law as well as a practical matter. This is where a lawyer would be really helpful.

 

OP, could you clarify the cross-cultural dynamic here? I assumed one thing and apparently am incorrect but would rather see it in your words. All cultures have unique social dynamics and practices which might help to explain some of the 'why's'.

[Angel1111]

I also missed the post where this was clearly stated instead of implied. I also missed anything that made it clear and obvious anyone was lying to anyone. Being born in another country doesn't equal being illegal.

 

People are assuming the worst of that girl and of her parents, feeding off of Sugarmomma's anger.

 

No one here really knows what the situation really is.

 

And remember, it takes two to tango. Her son knew he was taking a risk when he engaged in unprotected sex.

 

Later in the thread (page 3), the OP said that her son found out that his gf is not a citizen. Being born in another country and being here for about 18 yrs does equal being illegal.

 

I totally agree that her son knew his gf could get pregnant without protection. As a matter of fact, that seems to have been the goal for both of them. Still there's a thread of deceit here that makes this pill a little more difficult to swallow. And looking at it from an adult's point of view, opposed to his 18 yr old point of view, it puts a different spin on it in terms of how accepting a person would feel about this.

Edited August 18, 2010 by Angel1111

[Kamille]

My son just got in and said that she told him she was not born in the US. She was born in Mexico.

 

 

I don't know what to say.

 

Sugarmomma, what exactly was the conversation your son had with her?

 

1. Him: Are you here legally?

Her: No, I was born in Mexico and never got my legal papers

 

or

 

2. Him: Were you born in the US?

Her: No I was born in Mexico.

[Green]

Sugarmomma, what exactly was the conversation your son had with her?

 

1. Him: Are you here legally?

Her: No, I was born in Mexico and never got my legal papers

 

or

 

2. Him: Were you born in the US?

Her: No I was born in Mexico.

 

Who care she should just call ICE and let them figure out if they are legal or not.

[Kamille]

Who care she should just call ICE and let them figure out if they are legal or not.

 

True. Who cares. She should focus on managing her anger and accepting that she is about to have a grandchild.

[Green]

True. Who cares. She should focus on managing her anger and accepting that she is about to have a grandchild.

 

She might not have a grand child if she get them deported. They might all just disapear never to bother her again.

 

The girl is probably using him. Not to mention her son thinks he can suport a kid while working in college... what is he going to do send his babies moma 50$ a month and think that covers it.

 

God I hate paying for everyone elses kids.

[Kamille]

Right, the 0,0003$ you might possibly have to provide to support someone else's child really keeps you up at night. Hopefully so does paying for roads you don't use and a war you're not personally fighting.

[Jilly Bean]

That doesn't mean squat. They also aren't supposed to be here illegally and we know how those laws don't work.

 

Exactly! All of Candy Moon's post is the intent of the law, but is certainly not a practice.

 

Technically, you can't get a drivers license without a birth certificate. Yet MOST illegals have them! And how does that happen? FAKE documents.

 

It's exceptionally naive and misinformed to think that illegals aren't sucking off the welfare teat, as they certainly know how to work the system and get phony ID's to get free public aid.

 

But, that's all irrelevant to Sugar's dilemma.

 

Personally, if I were her, I would look at it like my son made a huge mistake by getting this girl pregnant, but no way could I sit by with the attitude that he's 18 and has to be responsible for his own actions. He's a stupid teenage boy who is ruled by his hormones, and completely lacks the ability to understand how the world works. He also lacks the ability to know how having this kid will ruin his life in every way imaginable. How they handle this next will define his life forever. I would not sit by and let my son get sucked into this drama.

 

I would absolutely call INS on the whole family, and get them all deported ASAP. Including the girls anchor baby. No way could I sit by and watch my son's future destroyed, college off the table, getting a minimum wage job with his HS diploma, and have him attempt to co-parent with this girl, an illegal, and her family of co-criminals. No WAY would I want my child to raise a child with this filth.

 

My only responsibility would be to protect my son at all costs, and I would do whatever I saw fit to make sure he had a chance at a future, and put this crap behind him.

[Green]

Right, the 0,0003$ you might possibly have to provide to support someone else's child really keeps you up at night. Hopefully so does paying for roads you don't use and a war you're not personally fighting.

 

With your logic I might as well go rob a bank because the money is insured and after the loss is spread amongst the world its .000000000003 or somethin.

 

cmon kamille open your eyes and see that if this woman doesn't look out for her son no one will

[Mutant Debutante]

Later in the thread (page 3), the OP said that her son found out that his gf is not a citizen. Being born in another country and being here for about 18 yrs does equal being illegal.

 

I totally agree that her son knew his gf could get pregnant without protection. As a matter of fact, that seems to have been the goal for both of them. Still there's a thread of deceit here that makes this pill a little more difficult to swallow. And looking at it from an adult's point of view, opposed to his 18 yr old point of view, it puts a different spin on it in terms of how accepting a person would feel about this.

 

 

This is a huge leap to conclusions. She was born in Mexico, that's all she knows. She could be naturalized, or have a green card, her family could be legal. Hell I was born in Canada and so was my mother but we're both citizens.

 

We're white though so nobody squawks.

 

I can't believe people are suggesting sugarmomma deport jer grandchild behind her childs back. That is one of the grossest things I habve ever heard.

[TheLoneSock]

Your son is an adult. Let him live his life as he sees fit. He will make mistakes along the way, but he will also do some things that will make you proud. Ultimately, it's his life. You've done all you can.

 

Respectfully disagree. Just because he turned 18 doesn't mean you turn him loose and just hope me makes the right decisions. Unless he is %100 financially independent, living on his own, and not dependent on his parents in any way, it IS their business to guide him and give advice. Even if he were all of those things it still would be, he's their son and that will never change. Eighteen year olds are adults on paper, nothing more - they still don't know sh*t about the world and are very naive. Even the ones that join the military are constantly told what to do and how to do it, even more so in fact. The family unit doesn't cease to be a family unit just because one of the kids turned legal. That idea of "You've done all you can." is just asinine. They turned 18, big deal - that doesn't mean you wash your hands of them and just cross your fingers in the hopes that they won't f*ck up their life.

 

My son who is 18 has been dating a mexican female for 2 years who is also 18. She was born here but her parents were not. Her parents speak virtually no english and the father is a mechanic and the mother stays home.

 

Since the parents were not born here, doesn't that mean that the daughter is also an illegal citizen? I heard that even if the daughter was born here she still would not be able to apply for citizenship until she turns 18 but it would be quicker being pregnant by a us citizen.

 

Someone was also telling me that the daughter getting pregnant could be a plan so that the entire family can become us citizens. Since once the baby is born she can apply for public aid and child support while she still lives with her parents which would help the process of citizenship.

 

Is this possible? I am just trying to make sure my son isn't being used. He really cares for this girl.

 

Anybody that is familiar with how these laws work I would really appreciate it.

 

OP, as others have explained the reasons why, I also think that she is most likely not using your son for citizenship. I think she is probably using him for other reasons, whether she knows it or not, but I wouldn't think citizenship is one of them. Of course you can never know until you know her and her family's citizenship status, so that's still definitely something to look into.

 

A far greater concern of yours should be the fact that at only 18, they are trying to get pregnant. That situation just screams lack of guidance. Does he have no older males in his life to tell him what a horrible idea that is? Love at 18 is far from the unbreakable, cultivated love needed to raise a child for life. They are both still too young and clearly FAR too naive to be trying to have a child - and that is exactly what they are doing if they decided to go off BC. Do not assume that it is none of your business whether they have a child or not OP, because regardless that child will become part of your life, and you can bet almost anything it will become your financial and emotional burden.

 

If this goes through I predict the couple doesn't last a year. The gf and her family will gain citizenship (if in fact they don't already have it), a source of income through your son's child support payments, and a link to your family forever. Meanwhile your son will be 18, a single dad, with a financial burden on top of all the other struggles of his age group, and a few years later will be wondering, asking you why you didn't intervene and guide him to a smarter decision. 18 year olds do not make smart decisions even about the smallest of things, there is no way that making the conscious decision to have a child - outside of marriage and with no solid income or education - is one of them.

 

If he were one of my younger brothers I'd be slapping the sh*t out of him.

[Clep]

This is a huge leap to conclusions. She was born in Mexico, that's all she knows. She could be naturalized, or have a green card, her family could be legal. Hell I was born in Canada and so was my mother but we're both citizens.

 

We're white though so nobody squawks.

 

I can't believe people are suggesting sugarmomma deport jer grandchild behind her childs back. That is one of the grossest things I habve ever heard.

 

I have followed all three of the threads regarding this situation. I am surprised that mom didn't already know the whole family's status since the son has been involved with his gf for two years. Shows how involved in her son's life she really is. Sounds like she hasn't tried to befriend the gf at all so far.

 

There are lots of nasty things said here. I agree, it is terrible to think that having a girl deported would fix anything. Her grandchild would never know her father, her son would never know his child. The child should not have to be without it's father because grandma doesn't approve.

 

Wouldn't it be something if she had them deported, assuming all the accusations are true. And what if the son followed them to Mexico since he might view his gf and child to be a greater priority than his controlling mother.

 

The gf and family could sponsor him to become a resident of Mexico.

[carhill]

Given the parent's apparent lack of knowledge/use of the English language, it's unlikely they are naturalized citizens, due to not meeting the language use standards relevant to written and spoken English. They could very well be permanent resident aliens and, with advance parole, easily could have birthed the GF in Mexico and returned and, IIUC, thus granting the child equivalent permanent resident alien status on the coattails of the parents, or they arrived in the US legally as a family, gaining such status via process.

 

As the pregancy progresses, material facts will surface, including the citizen/immigration status of the GF and her family. The GF apparently has decided to carry to term, so, barring adverse events, the boy will become a father. As his advocate/interested party, his mother and father will surely seek to represent and protect the interests of their family, of which he is a part, as will the young lady's family. I hope they can work things out.

 

 

I had some personal experience with this dynamic last year, with the friend from my journals, where her enlisted son (Anglo) met a fellow shipmate female (Philipino) on their duty cycle, fell in love and began 'making plans'. Beyond fraternization violations, my friend IMO way over-reacted to certain aspects of the relationship and was dead-focused on breaking the young couple up. My take as an outside party was, because she had invested so much of herself in her children, and stayed in a toxic marriage to raise them, she had an unreasonable investment in their outcome as adults and this particular outcome was not what she had envisioned. As we broke contact, I don't know what came of the situation, but it was pretty 'emotional' for a good year or so.

 

Hopefully, the OP will find the balance she seeks in this very difficult situation.