Ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, and texts me this...

[Thorgs]

She just text me, "Hey". I feel horrible for ignoring her, ahh! Don't worry Hops, I didn't text her back!

Edited July 3, 2010 by Thorgs

[Trimmer]

No because I do want a second chance and she's the one that broke things off .... I feel like if I said straight up NC that it would never give me another chance.

I think this is a huge problem for you at your end, which you will need to resolve before the tension will ever reduce.

 

Blah, relationships suck when they come to this!

The thing is, and I mean this to try to be helpful: you are not in a relationship.

 

As long as you consider this a "relationship on hiatus" and are waiting around for your second chance, you will, indeed, allow yourself to be strung along, because you won't be able to cut the cord, turn around, and begin to envision a future without her.

 

Once you accept that the relationship is OVER, that it does not exist any more, and won't in the future, then it will still be hard, but you will be able to do the things you need to do, like ignore her calls, texts, etc, as then you will be ignoring her to truly heal yourself and move on.

 

Right now, you are reluctantly taking the advice to ignore her as a temporary measure, but at the very same time, you are worried that you are damaging something that you don't want to damage. That's causing huge tension in you, and that tension won't resolve until you either decide for yourself that it's truly over and you need to move on, or until you engage her in another attempt to rekindle the relationship, in which case you will just be providing her the opportunity to stomp on you some more, after you do her the favor of inflating her ego by trying desperately to get her back again...

 

As long as you believe you have a "relationship on hold" and are waiting for the second chance to come around, you will be torn, and pouring salt in your own wound.

Edited July 3, 2010 by Trimmer

[Thorgs]

Thanks Trimmer. I meant that relationships suck when they end. Your advice is spot on though.

 

She just text me again, "Thanks a lot for ignoring me...you are really showing your true colors...glad you ran..."

 

Ugh.

[Hop_prophet]

She just text me, "Hey". I feel horrible for ignoring her, ahh! Don't worry Hops, I didn't text her back!

 

Good, keep it up. You are doing better than I thought. A one word text? Think about what that is supposed to accomplish. You should look at that as an insult. The only purpose of that is to get a reaction out of you. Her other childish texts are the same thing. She sounds really immature to me and you are better off without her. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. Remember, she abandoned you.

[Trimmer]

Thanks Trimmer. I meant that relationships suck when they end. Your advice is spot on though.

 

She just text me again, "Thanks a lot for ignoring me...you are really showing your true colors...glad you ran..."

 

Ugh.

 

Good, keep it up. You are doing better than I thought. A one word text? Think about what that is supposed to accomplish. You should look at that as an insult. The only purpose of that is to get a reaction out of you. Her other childish texts are the same thing. She sounds really immature to me and you are better off without her. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. Remember, she abandoned you.

Actually, I took the "Ugh" as his reaction, not that it was one of the texts....

 

And indeed, Thorgs, look at what she has done to herself here: She left you, and now she's accusing you of "running"??? How embarrassing for her.

[Thorgs]

Thorgs, look at what she has done to herself here: She left you, and now she's accusing you of "running"??? How embarrassing for her.

 

Touche, it's always nice to see other people's view.

[TheLoneSock]

Thanks Trimmer. I meant that relationships suck when they end. Your advice is spot on though.

 

She just text me again, "Thanks a lot for ignoring me...you are really showing your true colors...glad you ran..."

 

Ugh.

 

Lol wow, what a joke. The way this woman rationalizes things is unbelievable.

 

What did I tell you before? That she would end up telling herself that you abandoned her in her 'time of need'. This is a perfect example.

 

Eric, consider yourself lucky that she is making these pathetic statements. It is actually making it easier for you to move on because you see how immature and manipulative she is. Twisting the situation how ever she can to validate her decision. Amazing.

[spriggig]

I was wrong, carry on.

[Thorgs]

Ok so Saturday night I sent her an email because I was sick of her texting me trying to manipulate the situation with her brain ninjas. I basically told her I’m not the one who is running and that I had nothing against her and her children, thanked her for the good memories we had together and wished her the best. About a half hour later she text me and tried joking around like we used to. Stupid me responded because I was completely bored out of my mind. Anyways, I found out she deleted me from FB because I wasn’t responding to her and she said there was a status of me hanging out with other girls that she didn’t like. WTF!

 

Whatever! So I added her just to be friends. MISTAKE! It took her 3 days to accept my friend request, which was last night. When she did I saw that she had been doing the things that we had planned on doing together before she canned me. (i.e. – go to the beach on July 4th, etc etc). That got me worked up because I was looking forward to those times. Anyways, I deleted her on Facebook and out of my phone and I sent her an email saying it was too hard for me to be friends with her and from the things she’s mentioned I know I won’t ever have another chance with her. Wished her the best and that was that.

I guess she called me last night but I was sleeping so she text me, “Thanks, I guess we are nothing but a memory. I’m sorry you have made this decision.”

I haven’t responded, but it makes me so ****ing mad that she keeps turning this on to me, like I’m the one that ended things.

[whatadeer26]

Cut all ties. Do not respond to her. She is playing stupid games. I wish I could listen to my own advise, I wouldn't be feeling like Sh*t today. Our minds like to rush to conclusions, so cut ties with her and stop playing these dumb games. You will be happier for it.

[Brightmoon]

She is hanging on to you more than you are her. Playing games. She is bad news. Very insecure and manipulative woman indeed. She will always get the better of you when you let her in.

[Trimmer]

I guess she called me last night but I was sleeping so she text me, “Thanks, I guess we are nothing but a memory. I’m sorry you have made this decision.”

I haven’t responded, but it makes me so ****ing mad that she keeps turning this on to me, like I’m the one that ended things.

 

Actually - I'm going to give you that alternate perspective again: what she said this time is not so bad... When she accused you of "running", that was totally lame - you weren't the one who ran.

 

But here, she is saying you made a decision. You made a decision. She's right, you did. She may not like it, and she may be pouting about it, and it may take away her play toy, but you did what you needed to do: you made a decision.

 

See, for as long as you dwell in looking at it like "she left" (which she did) then you end up feeling powerless - like you had no choice, no say. And that's true for a time, up to a certain point. You need to wallow in that and feel it and grieve in that space for a bit. But as long as that is your only focus, then you haven't taken control, and you aren't moving forward.

 

Once you've made a decision, it doesn't suddenly change the story as if you left her or ran away (although she may try to spin it that way, if it doesn't meet with her need to keep toying with you, stringing you along, and pushing you away at the same time...) But it does mean that now, you are moving forward in your life again, to the point that you are taking control, you are calling the shots, and making decisions about what you need.

 

So although she certainly didn't mean it as a compliment, nonetheless she's right: you made a decision. Good work.

Edited July 7, 2010 by Trimmer

[Thorgs]

Thanks guys. I just wish I had something to say back to her that would just open up her mind to the fact that she's done this to herself. Oh well. NC continues.

[lunita]

I think she feels guilty and insecure and I don't think she really knows what she wants. My ex broke up with me but then he says things like, "well it's not like you've been calling". Duh, .... um you left me??? Why should I call???? Why can't these people just admit to what they've done? Don't do stuff you might regret later and if you do regret it finally, grow a pair of balls, step up and admit your wrong doings.

 

At some point she will figure it out but until then, please take care of yourself. It sounds to me like you have your life together and she is still kind of splashing around. Either she will wake up and you might still want to try or by that time, you will have moved on to something better.

 

Hang in there!!!! Don't let her play tricks with your mind. She's doing it for herself...not you.

[Brightmoon]

Thanks guys. I just wish I had something to say back to her that would just open up her mind to the fact that she's done this to herself. Oh well. NC continues.

 

 

There is nothing you can say that will get her to understand that. It is unachievable. She must have compelling reasons to make her behave the way she does. Nothing you can say will make a difference. All you can do is look after your own feelings. NC is the best way to do that.

[Thorgs]

Well, I text her saying it's not a decision that I wanted to make. She text me back saying, "Eric I'm not mad...I just want you to be happy."

 

I text her back saying, "We both know what makes me happy but that woman doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. Good luck on your new endeavors. Best wishes sweetheart."

 

Haven't heard back from her for 2 days.

 

God this whole situation is so hard. I hate feeling worthless

[txsilkysmoothe]

Where do you live? I'm coming to get your phone!

 

 

For all of the times she has contacted you, has she said even once that she wants to reconcile? NO, then go no contact. She is using the comfort of your past relationship to get her through the break-up. But make no mistake, she intends to go through the break-up and move on without you. Stop playing her game.

 

She isn't coming back so why continue talking to her?

[txsilkysmoothe]

You're not worthless. No one is immune to being dumped - it happens to the wealthiest, smartest, kindest, most beautiful people in the world every single hour of every single day. You're in good company!

[vivrantflo]

Stop communicating with her man.

 

I know it's hard, but really, it shouldnt be that hard. Cause even if she was texting you for reconciliation, I would STILL advise you to tread very very carefully.. and she isn't even doing that.

 

How can she just text "hey" and you would feel bad for not responding?

 

I say "hey" to my cat when I come home from work. There's no effort on her part for any reconciliation, so just ignore her for your own good.

 

She's more than likely seeing another dude on the anyway, cause that "time/space" bull$&%@ normally means that's the case

[AlwaysConflicted]

This woman sounds like a nightmare. She's controlling, manipulative, bipolar, and has kids. Nothing about this sounds comfortable and easy.

[JLB]

WTF! She just text me this, "Glad to see you have moved on and are ignoring me...take care!!! Btw thanks for ignoring my calls..." I didn't reply.

 

This is ****ing hard...I feel like if I don't talk to her she'll move on, but I feel if I do talk to her, she'll keep stringing me along and keep me in the inferior position.

 

 

That text right there, is PURE MANIPULATION at it's finest. Don't fall for it...I have seen it many many times with my ex....they are master manipulators and know how to work you....it's her way of getting you to respond. I haven't read the rest of the thread here, I am hoping you didn't reply....whatever you are doing, it's WORKING!!! this is proof, she is thinking about you!!! hang in there, NC NC NC!

[rager]

Dude, stop replying to her crap. Go NC like everyone suggested on the first page.

[Thorgs]

I know. It's hard, but I'm on to day 4.

[Thorgs]

Hey guys, quick question.

 

Apart of what is making this so hard is that I have the summers off so no work, no extra money to go out and enjoy life. I just sold those Rascal Flatts concert tickets I bought to take Rosie and her girls to (ironically I bought them a day before she canned me). I'm going to try and start going to the gym and beach though...even though it'll most likely be by myself, like it's always been.

 

As for my question, Rose's younger daughter goes to school where I work. Last year we hung out all the time during lunch when she would eat with my students and we all got along great (I'm a paraprofessional...with a crappy paycheck, blah). Towards the end of my relationship with her mother, after school got out for the summer, she would give me the cold shoulder when I would go to her house (probably influenced by her father, Rose's ex husband). My question is, when school starts up again in 6 weeks, should I tell her she can't eat with us anymore and that she needs to eat in the cafe with the rest of her 8th grade peers (she doesn't have many friends, but I don't blame her, a lot of her peers are mean and immature) or should I continue to be the fun loving guy she's always known and let her hang with us? I still care for Rosie's girls even though she made me her mental punching bag and the girls didn't always treat me right.

 

My feeling is that I let her continue to hang out with us and act as noting happened, even though it'll probably bring up my past feelings and memories of her mother, but it's the mature thing to do.

 

Just looking for some outside input/advice.

[AlwaysConflicted]

Kids aren't very nice, but it's because they are still trying understand emotions and get a sense of life. I wouldn't take the kid's attitude towards you so hard. They don't what they're doing.

 

If it's not too painful, I'd let her sit and eat with you if she wants. You need to be the more mature person here.