sally4sara Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I met the most incredible guy a week ago. He is everything I want You cannot know if someone is everything you want after only a week. Everyone I've read is telling you to watch out for this guy, but I think you need to watch out for yourself. He is obsessed? Ha! You've already decided he is everything you want with little to go on for coming to that conclusion. I'm not going to tell you to treat him in a false way to prolong this. I'm going to tell you to take things much, much slower so you don't make a horrible and rash decision by investing way too much in a practical stranger.
Mimolicious Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Over the weekend, we met each other's parents. His parents adore me. His mother and I have already exchanged a couple emails. My parents really like him too. My mom talked to me for about an hour on the phone after meeting him and said she was so happy for me that I've found someone that treats me so well. His friends really like me, my friends really like him. I'm so optimistic about it and I love spending all this time with him. It's actually shocking that there are so many negative posts on here. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and when he says things that show his insecurities, I am honest with him and tell him I like him and that I want to be with him. I want this to last. I hope it does. I gave the nice, slightly insecure guy a chance and I'm liking him more and more everyday. I deserve a nice guy. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. You starting to sound like a troll. If you're so much over the rainbow then why are you looking for input? Whatever!
Mary3 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Over the weekend, we met each other's parents. His parents adore me. His mother and I have already exchanged a couple emails. My parents really like him too. My mom talked to me for about an hour on the phone after meeting him and said she was so happy for me that I've found someone that treats me so well. His friends really like me, my friends really like him. I'm so optimistic about it and I love spending all this time with him. It's actually shocking that there are so many negative posts on here. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and when he says things that show his insecurities, I am honest with him and tell him I like him and that I want to be with him. I want this to last. I hope it does. I gave the nice, slightly insecure guy a chance and I'm liking him more and more everyday. I deserve a nice guy. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. Yes but you don't KNOW his parents. His parents dont KNOW you. Your parents don't KNOW him after such a short time . Your friends don't KNOW him . He does not KNOW your friends. You don't know that his father might have choked small animals when he was a child. You don't know if your new boyfriend has a sadistic or mental issue . Nobody KNOWS anything about anyone after such a short time ! Please post back in January of 2011 and let us know how wonderful your bf is.. Also I do agree with many posters that YOU are the one with issues . I am not sure about the bf because we only hear YOUR side of things. Why are you posting that you want him to be psycho about you ? What do you lack that you need NEEDY CONSTANT attention ? Did you get any when you were a child ??
Mary3 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 If you're happy...if he's happy...if you are both happy together...then nothing that anyone here has to say really matters. This forum is full of people who are bitter, snakebitten, undermotivated, scared, hurt, lonely, etc...myself included. While there are others who aren't any of these things...they are in the minority. That's why many of the responses you got are of the negative type. I am happy for you and glad that you have found a nice guy who makes you feel wonderful!!! Thats weird Crow that you would say bitter , snakebitten , scared , hurt , lonely , overweight , shy , flea bitten , scared , sassy , cranky , lame , overzealous , rotten , cranky , nasty , mischevious and all the others.. But for me it is that I am a REALIST. Don't tell me what you are going to do. Do what you say. ( Action - not word of mouth ) If something does not Jive or things don' make sense thats called INSTINCT. Its called COMMON sense. If something smells like poo and looks brown like poo then it probrobly is poo.. Don't incite the OP to think that what she is doing is normal. It isn't. If she said " Wow you guys I met a great guy ! " And then asked us for advice along the way ( she is in a help forum ) we would be glad to help. But she starts it off with " I want him to be completley obsessed with me and I want it to stay that way " Who would want an obsessive relationship ? Maybe a 13 year old ?
marsle85 Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Yes but you don't KNOW his parents. His parents dont KNOW you. Your parents don't KNOW him after such a short time . Your friends don't KNOW him . He does not KNOW your friends. You don't know that his father might have choked small animals when he was a child. You don't know if your new boyfriend has a sadistic or mental issue . Nobody KNOWS anything about anyone after such a short time ! Please post back in January of 2011 and let us know how wonderful your bf is.. Also I do agree with many posters that YOU are the one with issues . I am not sure about the bf because we only hear YOUR side of things. Why are you posting that you want him to be psycho about you ? What do you lack that you need NEEDY CONSTANT attention ? Did you get any when you were a child ?? Dude... are you SERIOUS? This girl has not given any indication of mental problems or neediness in this entire thread, and has ONLY followed what any common how-to-catch-a-guy book would instruct. This girl is not acting as extreme as you think she is... she's not saying she's going to MARRY the guy, or planning to go away with him or something. Of course she doesn't know him know him, or his parents. Of course they don't KNOW her on a level parents know their daughter in law... everyone has to meet SOMETIME. She doesn't want him to be "psycho" about her. She never said that. She doesn't want him to singularly focus on her... she wants to feel pursued, chased, special. What's so wrong with that? It seems like to me, everything she's doing is working. Perhaps if she didn't "calm him down," he would be seeing her 7 days a week, and their flame would have died out. Mary, I find your arguments far from "realistic," you just told her to watch out because: his father could have choked small animals as a child? Sure, it's a possibility, but isn't that a possibility with ANYONE you meet? There is no way to know, and it's not like she's going to give him a polygraph test. She LIKES the guy, and is not allowing him to take things as fast as he pleases. It sounds like to me, she's protecting herself and pacing the relationship. Sure, she's excited about where things are going. Maybe she'll end up marrying this guy! They're in the early-stage, everything's blissful and sexy. She already acknowledged that! Everyone has exceedingly different ways of interacting in a relationship, he and she have found a way. It works. Why does this bother you so much? Don't you think worrying he has a "mental illness" when all he does is *text her at a concert* is a little extreme? And lastly, stop trying to give psychological rationalizations... I find it hard to believe you've had any educational background in the field. You both seem to have a problem and feed off eachother...Not healthy.... This is called LIKING ONE ANOTHER. He can't make you a better person. You have to be a good person to begin with and he enhances what you are. I think you are treating him like he is some * ride * at the fair . Treat him like a human being , albeit clingy and needy , but you want to take something unhealthy and make into 2 unhealthy individuals , then you are on the right path. You take nearly everything she says out of context. What is the difference between her saying, "I feel happier because he's making me a better person" and "I feel happier because he is enhancing who I am". Com'on. You know exactly what she meant. For real! It's been 4 weeks... come back in 6 months and read these posts. You're 23, I got married at that age to the person I was with since 17 and my prince charming. I'm 32... he's my exH now. LOL! Don't we think we know it all at 23. What do you want her to do? What age is a person's opinion substantial? Should she wait until she's 32 and THEN start dating? Maybe not, you're 32 and you're single, right? I mean absolutely no offense, I'm just saying that who knows what age you meet the right person... and it's compltely irrational to discredit her feelings because she's young. Feelings are feelings, at whatever age. They feel REAL, at whatever age. She has to go with her heart, win or lose. She'll learn, just like you- and make other decisions... to then go with her heart, maybe lose... learn- and make other decisions.
Star Gazer Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 This could go one of two ways: 1. Crash and burn; 2. Repeat of TBF's fairytale. TBF's romance was EXTREMELY rare. I'd play the odds on this one.
marsle85 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 If she liked him she wouldn't want to have an upper hand over him and she wouldn't ask how to keep him obsessed by her. To me it seems that she is not putting in any effort what so ever with him, he is the one doing all the work, he is the one initiating every contact every date it seems. She wants him to chase her endlessly and make her feel special and give all his attention to her... The thing is she doesn't want to reciprocrate any of his feelings. Sadly though this is how all women are so I can't really blame her. It's obvious that she doesn't care about him and her only concerns are about having an advantage over him and keeping him obsessed by her. You haven't read anything she's written apparently. It's a case of semantics. She ENJOYS him. The OP has mentioned several times that she really, really likes this guy. I don't think she really would be interested in a man who was HONESTLY obsessed with her. She was exaggerating. Furthermore, she is reciprocating the feelings! She is emailing his freakin' mother! And who cares if she hasn't initiated any of the dates? It appears HE has the control in that situation anyhow. HE sees her when HE wants. Just because he happens to like her, and makes that frequently- doesn't mean it's not his choice. She hasn't turned him down, ditched him, nothing. She's letting him lead the pursuit Nothing wrong with that.
shadowplay Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Over the weekend, we met each other's parents. His parents adore me. His mother and I have already exchanged a couple emails. My parents really like him too. My mom talked to me for about an hour on the phone after meeting him and said she was so happy for me that I've found someone that treats me so well. His friends really like me, my friends really like him. I'm so optimistic about it and I love spending all this time with him. It's actually shocking that there are so many negative posts on here. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and when he says things that show his insecurities, I am honest with him and tell him I like him and that I want to be with him. I want this to last. I hope it does. I gave the nice, slightly insecure guy a chance and I'm liking him more and more everyday. I deserve a nice guy. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. It's just that many of us have been down exactly the same road as you have and it almost never ends well. Also, the fact that you seem so invested and certain after only a month is a bad sign. You don't really know him. It's too early to judge whether it's a viable relationship. My most recent ex was just like this guy -- charming and doting from the get go, talking about life time commitment extremely early. Then out of the blue he suddenly dumped me after four months. No warning, nothing. It was the most devastating loss I've ever experienced. So please...be careful. Btw, what is this guy's relationship history? Why did his previous relationships end?
Mary3 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Dude... are you SERIOUS? This girl has not given any indication of mental problems or neediness in this entire thread, and has ONLY followed what any common how-to-catch-a-guy book would instruct. This girl is not acting as extreme as you think she is... she's not saying she's going to MARRY the guy, or planning to go away with him or something. Of course she doesn't know him know him, or his parents. Of course they don't KNOW her on a level parents know their daughter in law... everyone has to meet SOMETIME. She doesn't want him to be "psycho" about her. She never said that. She doesn't want him to singularly focus on her... she wants to feel pursued, chased, special. What's so wrong with that? It seems like to me, everything she's doing is working. Perhaps if she didn't "calm him down," he would be seeing her 7 days a week, and their flame would have died out. Mary, I find your arguments far from "realistic," you just told her to watch out because: his father could have choked small animals as a child? Sure, it's a possibility, but isn't that a possibility with ANYONE you meet? There is no way to know, and it's not like she's going to give him a polygraph test. She LIKES the guy, and is not allowing him to take things as fast as he pleases. It sounds like to me, she's protecting herself and pacing the relationship. Sure, she's excited about where things are going. Maybe she'll end up marrying this guy! They're in the early-stage, everything's blissful and sexy. She already acknowledged that! Everyone has exceedingly different ways of interacting in a relationship, he and she have found a way. It works. Why does this bother you so much? Don't you think worrying he has a "mental illness" when all he does is *text her at a concert* is a little extreme? And lastly, stop trying to give psychological rationalizations... I find it hard to believe you've had any educational background in the field. This is called LIKING ONE ANOTHER. You take nearly everything she says out of context. What is the difference between her saying, "I feel happier because he's making me a better person" and "I feel happier because he is enhancing who I am". Com'on. You know exactly what she meant. What do you want her to do? What age is a person's opinion substantial? Should she wait until she's 32 and THEN start dating? Maybe not, you're 32 and you're single, right? I mean absolutely no offense, I'm just saying that who knows what age you meet the right person... and it's compltely irrational to discredit her feelings because she's young. Feelings are feelings, at whatever age. They feel REAL, at whatever age. She has to go with her heart, win or lose. She'll learn, just like you- and make other decisions... to then go with her heart, maybe lose... learn- and make other decisions. Dude, I think you should be the Bridesmaid at their wedding.... Since its normal for you to think him talking about weddings after one week is normal after they start the relationship.
Mary3 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 It's just that many of us have been down exactly the same road as you have and it almost never ends well. Also, the fact that you seem so invested and certain after only a month is a bad sign. You don't really know him. It's too early to judge whether it's a viable relationship. My most recent ex was just like this guy -- charming and doting from the get go, talking about life time commitment extremely early. Then out of the blue he suddenly dumped me after four months. No warning, nothing. It was the most devastating loss I've ever experienced. So please...be careful. Btw, what is this guy's relationship history? Why did his previous relationships end? Yup....agreed...
marsle85 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Dude, I think you should be the Bridesmaid at their wedding.... Since its normal for you to think him talking about weddings after one week is normal after they start the relationship. Where did the OP say that?
sigurpol Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I can't say I'm stunned at the amount of pessimism you've received. I won't get into that though, because that's not the topic. Anyway, very cool of you to be in such a state of joy, here's to hoping it stays that way. However, the last line in your post (How can I keep him this way? "I have a strong upper hand and I want to maintain it."). Please don't do that to him. You'll burn someone out by having them power out so much on a mental and emotional state. Just enjoy it as it is. If it ain't broke. Don't fix it.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Congratulations. My advice? Don't become a fat pig. That's all.
Mimolicious Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 (edited) Dude... are you SERIOUS? This girl has not given any indication of mental problems or neediness in this entire thread, and has ONLY followed what any common how-to-catch-a-guy book would instruct. This girl is not acting as extreme as you think she is... she's not saying she's going to MARRY the guy, or planning to go away with him or something. Of course she doesn't know him know him, or his parents. Of course they don't KNOW her on a level parents know their daughter in law... everyone has to meet SOMETIME. She doesn't want him to be "psycho" about her. She never said that. She doesn't want him to singularly focus on her... she wants to feel pursued, chased, special. What's so wrong with that? It seems like to me, everything she's doing is working. Perhaps if she didn't "calm him down," he would be seeing her 7 days a week, and their flame would have died out. Mary, I find your arguments far from "realistic," you just told her to watch out because: his father could have choked small animals as a child? Sure, it's a possibility, but isn't that a possibility with ANYONE you meet? There is no way to know, and it's not like she's going to give him a polygraph test. She LIKES the guy, and is not allowing him to take things as fast as he pleases. It sounds like to me, she's protecting herself and pacing the relationship. Sure, she's excited about where things are going. Maybe she'll end up marrying this guy! They're in the early-stage, everything's blissful and sexy. She already acknowledged that! Everyone has exceedingly different ways of interacting in a relationship, he and she have found a way. It works. Why does this bother you so much? Don't you think worrying he has a "mental illness" when all he does is *text her at a concert* is a little extreme? And lastly, stop trying to give psychological rationalizations... I find it hard to believe you've had any educational background in the field. This is called LIKING ONE ANOTHER. You take nearly everything she says out of context. What is the difference between her saying, "I feel happier because he's making me a better person" and "I feel happier because he is enhancing who I am". Com'on. You know exactly what she meant. What do you want her to do? What age is a person's opinion substantial? Should she wait until she's 32 and THEN start dating? Maybe not, you're 32 and you're single, right? I mean absolutely no offense, I'm just saying that who knows what age you meet the right person... and it's compltely irrational to discredit her feelings because she's young. Feelings are feelings, at whatever age. They feel REAL, at whatever age. She has to go with her heart, win or lose. She'll learn, just like you- and make other decisions... to then go with her heart, maybe lose... learn- and make other decisions. Marls- you really don't know much about me and I don't have my business plastered on LS either, with that said... sounds more to me that you are trying to imply that because I am 32 and single (by choice), my opinion is less substantial than the OP. "What do I want her to do"? Who am I to want her to do anything? Anywhere on my reply did I say "You need to or should do this or that"? I dont think so! With all due respect, does this "fairytale" even sound REAL to you? The OP basically wants to have a puppet who she wants to continue to be "obsessed" over her after 4 weeks of dating him, meeting each others family, etc... Does that sound like a sane relationship to you? It's not that her "oipinion" is not substantial, her state of mind doesn't sound too adult'ish. 23 is not exactly 12... I gave the nice, slightly insecure guy a chance and I'm liking him more and more everyday. I deserve a nice guy. Sounds more like she did him a favor and now she likes to have a puppy drooling after her. I am done with the unicorns and butterflies stories here! Edited June 17, 2010 by Mimolicious
Mary3 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Where did the OP say that? He initiated a relationship within days. He is very genuine. I am not worried about how quickly it is moving, I know I am the only girl in his this has happened with: our 20's crowd in the city we live in is small enough that I hear everything, and his last relationship was years ago. I know it will fade a little as we get to know each other, but how can I keep him in this state? I have a strong upper hand and I want to maintain it. He was dying to hang out tonight so I purposefully made other plans (he texted me the whole time, i didn't answer until I got home)...I'm going out of town this weekend...made myself unavailable to chat with online today so we could both get work done. I'm sort of trying to maintain my life but enjoying the attention and perfection of what we have. He's joked about marriage and engagement several times already. There ya go. No-one healthy starts a relationship that fast. You get to know the person first .
Author Hannah86 Posted July 1, 2010 Author Posted July 1, 2010 Week 6 going strong, happier than ever. This is by far the best relationship I have been in and I feel so lucky that we are together. We are going out of town for the 4th of July and I am so excited. To the positive people--thank you!! To the negative people--you deserve a significant other who will do whatever they can to keep you happy. I want him to be happy too. Give the nice guy a chance! He still makes references to our future and marriage and engagement. He is still very enthusiastic and I haven't played mind games or anything on him, I'm just being myself.
jamal Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Hannah, congrats on finding a man who is crazy about you. Most of these women would rather have a man who treats them like the #10 item on his list. There is no evidence that a man who falls head over heels is more likely to turn psycho and violent. I am the sort of guy who will give his all and still maintain the momentum. It is only because of these stupid dating games that I have resorted to hiding my affection and adopting the alpha male bad boy image - you can not beat em join em. I believe I am a well balanced guy - in fact, I have never raise a hand or my voice to a woman. Besides, love is not a switch which you can just turn on and off. It just happens. Sometimes, at a time and place you least expect. If people could just stop complicating relationships. Let it be: boy meets girl...both like each other...both fall in love. Of course his affection will have its phases but I believe it can last the long run as long as you do not change so much. By change I mean not returning his affection. I can not guarantee what the future holds but I will say ride this one until the wheels fall off. Love is a gamble but a lot of these LS peeps are not willing to draw but would rather wait out for a sure thing. Good luck on that. Please, people, give love a chance and stop all this business of strategizing and applying computations. Try following your heart for once and you might just have a shot at happiness. I am not saying you should throw away all logic.
torranceshipman Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Lovely to hear it is still going well! As I said before, my fiance started our R this way and we're still so happy - it just gets better! Just be aware that 6 weeks is so early and do listen to Shadow as she was in a similar situation. Nothing wrong in being alert - but hope it all continues well!
aerogurl87 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Glad to hear all is well. Nothing better than having someone who is willing to go above and beyond to make you happy and be with you. My boyfriend was, and still is, crazy about me the moment we started talking. He told me he knew after the first month of talking to me that he was in love with me and we're going on month 5, happy together even if it is at a distance. I wouldn't trade being with him for the world.
Mary3 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Hannah, congrats on finding a man who is crazy about you. Most of these women would rather have a man who treats them like the #10 item on his list. There is no evidence that a man who falls head over heels is more likely to turn psycho and violent. I am the sort of guy who will give his all and still maintain the momentum. It is only because of these stupid dating games that I have resorted to hiding my affection and adopting the alpha male bad boy image - you can not beat em join em. I believe I am a well balanced guy - in fact, I have never raise a hand or my voice to a woman. Besides, love is not a switch which you can just turn on and off. It just happens. Sometimes, at a time and place you least expect. If people could just stop complicating relationships. Let it be: boy meets girl...both like each other...both fall in love. Of course his affection will have its phases but I believe it can last the long run as long as you do not change so much. By change I mean not returning his affection. I can not guarantee what the future holds but I will say ride this one until the wheels fall off. Love is a gamble but a lot of these LS peeps are not willing to draw but would rather wait out for a sure thing. Good luck on that. Please, people, give love a chance and stop all this business of strategizing and applying computations. Try following your heart for once and you might just have a shot at happiness. I am not saying you should throw away all logic. Jamal : It is infatuation. Infatuation crashes and burns.. She should have slowed it down and slowed him down and just have fun but she is taking it too fast. If OP had not started the thread : " He is completely obsessed with me and I want him to stay that way and I want the upper hand " it would not have thrown out a red flag. But OP says it herself " I want to give this nice guy a chance " which makes me think she wants to make him her puppet .. People should date eachother and use the DATING as a LEARNING TOOL not as an assumption of quick vaca trips , fast relationships and fast marriages . If this relationship is not balanced it just won't last . Period. Jamal, women want a man with a BACKBONE. You can be nice until doomsday but unless you assert yourself you will always be known as the * Nice Guy * ....kinda of what the OP has right now. Women want a " Good Guy " not a " Nice Guy " . Nice guys get footprints on their backs. Good guys don't take alot of cr__ from women ...
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) Women want a " Good Guy " not a " Nice Guy " . Nice guys get footprints on their backs. Good guys don't take alot of cr__ from women ... I would honestly like to know from where these rules and breakdowns on what constitutes a "good guy" and a "nice guy" came, and who says they are seperate? and why this person/people believe one is bad and one is good? coz you know dictionary.com still views nice as its definition. You know, just for the record.... "virtuous; respectable; decorous: a nice girl." Same can apply to males in the definition as per education of proper definition. Excuse me, I really would like to understand this whole contention I see. Im not asking WHAT they mean, I know that already. Im saying WHO got the authority and wisdom to put in place as what appears to be a "biblical" status on LS, what the terms mean?. Answer that with a single name and I'll go back in my corner of hope for the world of dating. Edited July 2, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior
Author Hannah86 Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 3.5 months and going strong--we just got back from the beach and had an awesome time together, just the two of us! Continuing the story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244064/ :love::love::love::love:
meerkat stew Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 (edited) edit necro edit Edited September 1, 2010 by meerkat stew NM
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