donnamaybe Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I wouldn't want a guy who was "completely obsessed" with me. He would seem like way too much of a doormat for my liking. Actually, that was the reason I didn't return interest for two guys in the past, come to think of it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 If you really like him, how about DATING him for a while. A week is no time at all. I advise you to STOP buying into the obsessive behavior. It's flattering, sure, but it really has no place in the "real world" of relationships.
Author Hannah86 Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Fox, He likes me. A lot. He is a nice guy. I am giving him a chance because I like him and I could see this growing into a lot more. Isn't that what guys on LS harp on? "girls don't like nice guys." Well, I found one, and while it is a little overwhelming, I'm relaxing and enjoying it. I do like the attention he is giving me, but is it really "stringing him along" if I enjoy his companionship, the things he says, the way he looks, his confidence, his outlook on life, and could see our relationship lasting because we're so different and yet so similar? I think it would be "stringing him along" if I truly thought he was repulsive but just hung around because he was rich, or had a nice car, or whatever.
Mimolicious Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I definitely am listening to what you all are saying. I truly think it is just a stage and that he will calm down after a couple weeks and it will become more normal. If i cut it off now, I will wonder what could have been because to me he seems completely perfect (albeit very clingy). I am not obsessed with him, he is definitely more into it than I am. Maybe I am co-dependent too and that's why I am enjoying it. I don't know. I hope you are this alert and not in denial when he is raged and out of control.
FoxMulder Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Fox, He likes me. A lot. He is a nice guy. I am giving him a chance because I like him and I could see this growing into a lot more. Isn't that what guys on LS harp on? "girls don't like nice guys." Well, I found one, and while it is a little overwhelming, I'm relaxing and enjoying it. I do like the attention he is giving me, but is it really "stringing him along" if I enjoy his companionship, the things he says, the way he looks, his confidence, his outlook on life, and could see our relationship lasting because we're so different and yet so similar? I think it would be "stringing him along" if I truly thought he was repulsive but just hung around because he was rich, or had a nice car, or whatever. The thing is you don't reciprocrate any of his feelings. You said it yourself, you purposefully make yourself unavailable to him because you want to keep him obsessed by you. And honestly if you really where into him you wouldn't do that... I think you want him to love you, but you don't want to love him back.
donnamaybe Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Yeah, I agree with Fox. This business about manipulating him to "keep him obsessed" is very immature and just plain wrong.
Mimolicious Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Yeah, I agree with Fox. This business about manipulating him to "keep him obsessed" is very immature and just plain wrong. Which full circles back to the subject title given to this thread. Whatever it is that Hannah86 is doing to this gentleman is working, so Hannah86, keep on doing whatever it is that you are doing. (sounds to me like she wants him to act like a puppy)
donnamaybe Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Which full circles back to the subject title given to this thread. Whatever it is that Hannah86 is doing to this gentleman is working, so Hannah86, keep on doing whatever it is that you are doing. (sounds to me like she wants him to act like a puppy) You would advocate for someone dangling a guy on a string like some kind of puppet?
Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I must say it is working for her. It is not a healthy relationship but if he is stupud enough to follow her why not?
Mimolicious Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You would advocate for someone dangling a guy on a string like some kind of puppet? Absolutely NOT! Me too ---> But what can I say.
donnamaybe Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Absolutely NOT! Me too ---> But what can I say. Whew! I thought better of you than that based on your other posts!
Author Hannah86 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Just wanted to say that it's been two weeks since our first date, we're still getting to know each other and he's still head over heels for me, saying the nicest things I've ever heard a boy say. He's at a concert with his guy friend right now, and instead of watching it, he keeps texting me ideas for plans with me tomorrow (I did not provoke these texts, he is clearly not interested in the concert!) I couldn't be happier. I feel stable, my mood is better, I'm more productive, I'm less stressed out, and I find my relationships with my friends and family improving because he makes me a better person... Just wanted everyone to know that you will find the right person one day, and I will hold his attention as long as I can!!!
Woggle Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 You will eventually get sick of this and feel smothered.
Author Hannah86 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 to Woggle: I think he will eventually calm down and get a little more used to me. It's the honeymoon phase. He is wonderful.
Mary3 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Just wanted to say that it's been two weeks since our first date, we're still getting to know each other and he's still head over heels for me, saying the nicest things I've ever heard a boy say. He's at a concert with his guy friend right now, and instead of watching it, he keeps texting me ideas for plans with me tomorrow (I did not provoke these texts, he is clearly not interested in the concert!) I couldn't be happier. I feel stable, my mood is better, I'm more productive, I'm less stressed out, and I find my relationships with my friends and family improving because he makes me a better person... Just wanted everyone to know that you will find the right person one day, and I will hold his attention as long as I can!!! He can't make you a better person. You have to be a good person to begin with and he enhances what you are. I think you are treating him like he is some * ride * at the fair . Treat him like a human being , albeit clingy and needy , but you want to take something unhealthy and make into 2 unhealthy individuals , then you are on the right path.
Woggle Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 to Woggle: I think he will eventually calm down and get a little more used to me. It's the honeymoon phase. He is wonderful. I hope so but I am skeptical about this ending well. If he is more worried about contacting you than he is about enjoying the concert that is not a good thing.
crimsonmike Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 to Woggle: I think he will eventually calm down and get a little more used to me. It's the honeymoon phase. He is wonderful. I'm glad for you. I think people are making too many assumptions who are responding negatively. I have been guilty of this with 2 chics. I was/am into both of them big time. I've had to work at backing off the one I'm dating now. It's tough. Now if he acts this way with every girl, that's not good, otherwise go for it. Word of advice from a dude who has done this. The women who say he will bail after a while are right if certain circumstances occur. My last long term gf got off on blowing me off and stringing me along like you seem to. I interpreted this as her losing interest. It was hurting so bad I ended it. She was very hurt when it was over, but I was so mad when I realized what she was really doing, I didn't want anything to do with her anymore.
cantstandya Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I've worn the pants and ive had a girl wear the pants as well.. Both situations suck.. You're 23 so you're still pretty young.. You'll figure it out through trial and error.. But this doesn't sound very healthy on both ends.. Him being obsessive and you playing games.. If you really respect the guy you wouldnt play games with him.. It sounds like you're infatuated with the idea of someone being infatuated with you.. imo
Author Hannah86 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 We're on week 4 now and I like him more and more everyday. He is starting to get more comfortable--but he is still excited to hang out with me (5 evenings/week, it would be 7 if I let him) Today we talked about how perfect we are for each other. Ladies, let a nice guy in your life. Give it some time. I am so happy! Wish us luck!
Mary3 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 We're on week 4 now and I like him more and more everyday. He is starting to get more comfortable--but he is still excited to hang out with me (5 evenings/week, it would be 7 if I let him) Today we talked about how perfect we are for each other. Ladies, let a nice guy in your life. Give it some time. I am so happy! Wish us luck! You both seem to have a problem and feed off eachother...Not healthy....
torranceshipman Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 (edited) I almost hate logging on here to brag, but maybe it is a testament that you will find what you're looking for one day... I'm 23, he is 26. Lol, well thank you, that is very kind of you Seriously you have know him a week. Wait a few months and if the behavior stays exactly the same and you are just as happy then you can claim the above. Right now you guys don't know each other and he is in big charm mode. He sounds a lot like one of those guys who hardly ever has a serious R but goes full throttle to (literally) charm the pants off a girl, then after a little while goes quiet. But I REALLY hope that doesn't happen and that this is a success story. Good luck, keep us posted! Btw it isn't about having the upper hand - I appreciate you need to give out good signs at the start but don't get sucked into any game playing - just keep going and if he stays respectful and sweet then that is a good sign. Edited to add: my (now) fiance was like this with me from day 1 (but not as in your face, but still amazing, charming and sweet-and that level of loveliness has never tapered off). So it can be a success! But D-lish was also right with her CP analysis - that can also be the case sometimes. Hope it is the former! Edited June 14, 2010 by torranceshipman
Mimolicious Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 You both seem to have a problem and feed off eachother...Not healthy.... For real! It's been 4 weeks... come back in 6 months and read these posts. You're 23, I got married at that age to the person I was with since 17 and my prince charming. I'm 32... he's my exH now. LOL! Don't we think we know it all at 23.
Mary3 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 No, I hope that guy finds someone better than you, no offence. You seem to be very selfish. To me it seems you couldn't care less about him while he is madly in love with you. "I have a strong upper hand and I want to maintain it." Any woman who thinks that way has a Red Flag written all over. Any man or women that needs the upper hand in a relationship is controlling and likely later abusive. Poster was DEAD ON correct when he/she said " You don't know him " You really don't. Its sad . We meet someone . We go crazy for them. Later they show their real side. Give this 6 months and some serious fights and tell me you are still crazy about him and maybe I will consider this valid...
Author Hannah86 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Over the weekend, we met each other's parents. His parents adore me. His mother and I have already exchanged a couple emails. My parents really like him too. My mom talked to me for about an hour on the phone after meeting him and said she was so happy for me that I've found someone that treats me so well. His friends really like me, my friends really like him. I'm so optimistic about it and I love spending all this time with him. It's actually shocking that there are so many negative posts on here. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and when he says things that show his insecurities, I am honest with him and tell him I like him and that I want to be with him. I want this to last. I hope it does. I gave the nice, slightly insecure guy a chance and I'm liking him more and more everyday. I deserve a nice guy. I don't understand what I am doing wrong.
Crow9726 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 If you're happy...if he's happy...if you are both happy together...then nothing that anyone here has to say really matters. This forum is full of people who are bitter, snakebitten, undermotivated, scared, hurt, lonely, etc...myself included. While there are others who aren't any of these things...they are in the minority. That's why many of the responses you got are of the negative type. I am happy for you and glad that you have found a nice guy who makes you feel wonderful!!!
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