Why are Aspies so horrible with dating?

[brainygirl]

Just so you know, while the conditions may not be directly related, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity-Disorder (ADHD) is something i'm extremely familiar with and have preformed extensive research on adults with the disorder cross-culturally (within America and China). What I found most profound about ADHD is the lack of self-error and calculation. This applies to your situation in it's connection to to their lack of social understanding and norms. Specifically, those with ADHD will report fewer dyadic and close relationships- including friends and parental bonds... but strikingly report the same amount of loneliness as those classified as non-ADHD. The fact is, these people do not recognize their lack of relationships, and consider themselves to harbor normal interpersonal relationships... despite the clear reality.

 

I would not be surprised if this mechanism operates similarly in AS.

 

I work with special needs kids and they know they are different. My son has ADD (the older one, not the one I was talking about above) and he certainly has more issues with peers than other kids due to his impulsiveness and tendency to over react.

 

Luckily we live in a resource rich town. He is involved in an after school program that works on social skills, problem solving and positive decision making.

[Green]

Just so I can try to understand your point, what's a talking function child?

 

And I acknowledge that you are absolutely entitled not to answer, if you choose, but you didn't answer a number of my questions, like do you believe there are some people at the "near" end of the autistic spectrum with a real disorder, and you just object to the use of a label to "mark" them, or do you not believe people with AS have any disorder at all. And do you believe there is a spectrum of autistic disorders, or do you thing that's just a "label," too?

 

I don't have an opinion on that. I'll limit what I said to AS.

 

Just so you know, while the conditions may not be directly related, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity-Disorder (ADHD) is something i'm extremely familiar with and have preformed extensive research on adults with the disorder cross-culturally (within America and China). What I found most profound about ADHD is the lack of self-error and calculation. This applies to your situation in it's connection to to their lack of social understanding and norms. Specifically, those with ADHD will report fewer dyadic and close relationships- including friends and parental bonds... but strikingly report the same amount of loneliness as those classified as non-ADHD. The fact is, these people do not recognize their lack of relationships, and consider themselves to harbor normal interpersonal relationships... despite the clear reality.

 

I would not be surprised if this mechanism operates similarly in AS.

 

If people who have High Functioning Autism consider it part of who they are and wouldn't change it... then why is it considered mental disorder? Wasn't being gay once considered a mental disorder... before it became politicaly incorrect?

[Jilly Bean]

He was assessed by the early childhood team when he was four and found to be in the first to second percentile as far as skills and attention went. He was then placed in a BD preschool and an academic preschool (one in the morning the other in the afternoon) and was recently reassessed for his transition to kindergarden. He's closer to the 50 percentile now, so he's most definitely picking up skills.

 

They wouldn't put an IQ on him at this point because they aren't sure if what they are seeing is him or just how cooperative he's feeling that day.

 

An ADHD/ADD expert looked at his case and ruled that out, as did the autism team. Right now they only will say Developmentally delayed with no explanation as to why.

 

Which also means he could catch up very soon.

 

I have a friend whose son didn't speak a word until he was three. He was delayed in every area of development. He caught up in grammar school, however, and now lives a very normal life.

[marsle85]

I work with special needs kids and they know they are different. My son has ADD (the older one, not the one I was talking about above) and he certainly has more issues with peers than other kids due to his impulsiveness and tendency to over react.

 

Luckily we live in a resource rich town. He is involved in an after school program that works on social skills, problem solving and positive decision making.

 

 

You're very fortunate to live where you do, I'm glad you have the needed resources supplied to you. It's easy to find inconsistencies within our references, as my data is limited to ADHD adults, and you work with children. I don't think it's a matter of knowing you're different, as much as trying to integrate and find an efficient relationship between peers and the individual within a classroom, or collegiate atmosphere. I am so grateful for the opportunity to work with this disorder, as it's very common and the symptomology often goes hand in hand.

 

If people who have High Functioning Autism consider it part of who they are and wouldn't change it... then why is it considered mental disorder? Wasn't being gay once considered a mental disorder... before it became politicaly incorrect?

 

I'm not sure if you thought I was referring to Autism, but unfortunately my knowledge on that is rather limited. Regardless, to me- whether the individual perceives their disorder to be a problem or not, the symptoms often show themselves not just in social impairment, but cognitive abilities and sometimes can be dangers to others. For example, (as Brainygirl said) a lot of the research I studied about ADHD showed those with high levels of ADHD were often involved in more risky sex, automobile accidents and alcohol and drug use. It's assumed the high levels of impulsivity that are typical of ADHD individuals is likely to be the motivator. Homosexuality did not nearly present such a case.

[Trimmer]

...do you believe there are some people at the "near" end of the autistic spectrum with a real disorder, and you just object to the use of a label to "mark" them, or do you not believe people with AS have any disorder at all. And do you believe there is a spectrum of autistic disorders, or do you thing that's just a "label," too?

 

I don't have an opinion on that. I'll limit what I said to AS.

I was asking about Aspergers - it's part of the autism spectrum. So my question is, do you believe that there is no such thing as AS - that this end of the Autism Spectrum does not exist, or do you grant that it really exists, but just object to the way people throw it around in self-diagnosis of themselves and others, as a kind of a crutch or an excuse for being socially awkward or uncomfortable?

[stepka]

Can I just add that refering to someone with asperger's as an aspie is a lot like refering to a handicapped person as a cripple.

 

Labels are tools. They have as much or as little power as we give them. But before I can confront a problem I have to be able to name the problem.

 

Just my two cents.

I've heard that many of them use this term to describe themselves. I'm curious though and tomorrow I'll go ask a teacher that I work with.

 

I agree about naming the problem--there is power in that. However I do share some of Green's reservations b/c it's often a power that is misused.

 

Just so you know, while the conditions may not be directly related, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity-Disorder (ADHD) is something i'm extremely familiar with and have preformed extensive research on adults with the disorder cross-culturally (within America and China). What I found most profound about ADHD is the lack of self-error and calculation. This applies to your situation in it's connection to to their lack of social understanding and norms. Specifically, those with ADHD will report fewer dyadic and close relationships- including friends and parental bonds... but strikingly report the same amount of loneliness as those classified as non-ADHD. The fact is, these people do not recognize their lack of relationships, and consider themselves to harbor normal interpersonal relationships... despite the clear reality.

 

I would not be surprised if this mechanism operates similarly in AS.

Mmm, I've never had a problem noticing my lack of relationships, but was able to compensate in other ways, and if there's one thing those with AD/HD have in abundance it's hope. And that's what I came back on here to say: with any disorder, there are compensations and no disorder is ever 100% negative. The compensations for AD/HD are many: we see the world in a fresh new way, we notice things that others never would, we feel your pain and pleasure with rarely a tinge of judgment or envy, we can come up with new ways to do things. We are rarely guilty of racism or age discrimination b/c we're more likely to look for similarities than differences.

 

My understanding is that the compensations for autism are being able to visualize things in a very dramatic way, and to be able to see how things ought to be done. This ability is so amazing that many would not choose to be normal if they had to lose it in the process.

 

These compensations are also true for many with LD and I've learned that 1/6 of those with LD also have giftedness, which is surely a nice fringe benefit, but it's a tough road. Brainygirl, I hope you find out soon, but I'm sure you know that it's hard to dx at this young of an age. I'm willing to bet that he's a bright young man who has some learning differences and that you'll be able to help him figure out how best to learn.