St. Nick Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 He may want to do it, but I also know he would never make me do it. As for the whole "he's gay." He's definitely not gay, perhaps he is bi-curious, and if that was the case, it wouldn't really bother me. Sex isn't black or white. There's no "perhaps he is bi-curious", he's bi-curious at the very least. It does bother you, otherwise red flags wouldn't go up in your head and you wouldn't be uncomfortable sexting him about it. If later on you have problems with this and the red flags are confirmed, you've got no one to blame but yourself. Listen to pandagirl, she's been there before. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 I didn't know either. I'm 30 but dated a 40-something for a long time but my GFs are all 20 and 30 somethings dating in their age range. My thought was maybe 20-30 something men are just more willing to try out new things or are willing to spell out fantasies without discomfort. IDK. I mean all of my GFs have said this is something they do, that's like 20 GFs. So out of 21 of us I am the only one not doing it apparently. Haha! Wow. Where do you live? Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Haha! Wow. Where do you live? I'm in Texas.... But my GFs elsewhere are doing it too. I was like "what?" .... I've missed a whole new sexual revolution. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted February 26, 2010 Author Share Posted February 26, 2010 I'm in Texas.... But my GFs elsewhere are doing it too. I was like "what?" .... I've missed a whole new sexual revolution. Honestly, I think it's cool that men are open-minded (not homophonbic) and comfortable enough with themselves to do this sort of thing! Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Sorry.. but this would make me uncomfortable... I wouldnt like the fact that my bf would think its ok for me to sleep with someone else.. I get digusted when I think about my (ex-bf now) is with someone else... and him having a fantasy with another man involved.. I dont know.. maybe im just not open minded enough but I would consider that a red flag Link to post Share on other sites
BellaMoon Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 It'd bother me if my boyfriend mentioned another guy in a fantasy. I'd probably have to get opinions from a few guys though to see if something like that was 'normal.' On the plus side, it's good that he felt open and secure enough to share it with you. Definition of Fantasy (Merriam-Webster Dictionary): the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need Link to post Share on other sites
nddb Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Men (and women) have curiosity and if we love our mate, we compromise on what we would, and wouldn't do based on the mate's level of comfort. As long as you clearly make clear that it's only fantasy and what your firm limits are, and that it won't go beyond that, then it's fine. Think of it this way. It's a curiosity and we all know that if a curiosity is forbidden, it makes it that much more exciting. The forbidden curiosity will tear at you to try it. If you play it out, you relieve some of the curiosity factor and by making it clear that you'll never ever put up with it in RL, the combination of reduced curiosity and having an outlet for this fantasy and firm hard limit of not doing it in RL would be safer than letting the curiosity fester and build up and up and risking him one day saying "I live only once..need to try it....with someone else." My wife and I have role-played some outrageous, and some stupid, scenarios. Some we thought would be hot, turned out to be ehhhhh (like mile-high club or flashing the truckers). Some we thought would be silly turned out to be hot. But we made clear afterwards that this is only fantasy to enhance our own sex lives--not RL and never involve another person in RL. Yes we have role-played a pretend threesome with another guy, with another girl, pretending her with another guy, teacher-and-student, dominatrix-and-submissive, dom-and-submissive, cop, boss-and-employee, stripper, etc. I don't have a gay or bi fantasy, but we have tried strap-on and it's not exciting enough to repeat but neither of us thought it's bad bad. But if my wife feels dominant one day and wants to try it again because it's a huge turn-on for her, I'd do it for her. Why not? How can it be gay if it's with my wife only? As long as it doesn't involve another person in RL (our hard stop), we are game to try it. Both my wife and I feel lucky that we are free to explore and fantasize and feel accepted. It enhances the "I'm-lucky-I-found-you" feeling versus threatening, in my opinion and my wife says the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Oh my. Hmm. So his fantasy is that the other guy who is boinking you, also boinks him? I tell you this guy wants another guy to do him and then when it's over with say it was all her idea. Don't marry this guy whatever you do. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Ok, so considering a man's prostate is in his bum, I can kinda understand why this fantasy may be a turn on to him. But really, if he just wants to feel like he's getting it from the back, why not just buy a strap on and go for it? No harm in that in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 All I can come up with is that he's gay or bi. Sorry, I know that's not what you want, but that's true. A guy never tells her his sexual fantasy unless he's hinting at what he wants. Unlike women, men in general try to be more active on their sexual fantasies. He tried to cover it up and say it was pretend and then said he'd probably do it if you wanted it? And then he tried to cover it up with a text saying, "You know you're the only one I want"? Sorry, I cannot beat around the bush. He's gay. I'm damn sure he was getting horny during it and touching his pee-pee as he was sexing you. I'm apologizing a third time cuz I know you don't wanna hear it, but the dude's gay. Here's a thing about guys: when a guy starts talking about things he considers kinky to his girl, then he's hinting that's what he wants to do. He was actually hinting to you that he wants to do that. There's a red flag here all right. It means now you have to watch out for him trying to hook up with other men in addition to watching out for him hooking up with females. Amen brother! This guy is as gay as the wind. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Amen brother! This guy is as gay as the wind. Exactly, or bi-curious in the least. I can't even believe the non-challant answers of "fantasy is just fantasy most people don't want to act them out" I say Horsesht to that! What if the guy said he was fantasizing about having a threesome with the OP and having the dog lick her while he licks the dog's butt? Would you all still be saying "who cares if he's into bestiality fantasies, fantasies are just that"? ditto for if he said a child. OP I'd be concerned about his sexual openness considering I don't want to be with a bi man. But paint me closed minded.. Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Lol that called a 3sum hun MMF It is a lifestyle and if it doesn't float your boat and he is curious about that then you will have problems in the future if you don't sort it between yourselves now... If that's his fantasy and he says it's roleplaying that's b....x because obviously he's either curious or has tried it - either way he's open minded in that sense and obviously you are not.. I personally am not against MFF as long as my partner is OK with it but I think am not as open minded to share my missus with a male in a MMF.. I tried it with my ex and was fun and she wanted it again,, Maybe MFF is wrong too but that's how I feel, can't help it. I have seperated from her but maybe if we continued it would have gotten even further to MMFs or even GBs etc etc Anyways swinging is good in a sense as to make your relationship stronger with your partner but you also risk loosing your b/f or g/f just for a night's fantasy - or sooner or later - maybe? I have seen the most confident couple into lifestyle and loosing each other because there is no end to these types of fantasies... like an endless well. Be careful, you might seriously get hurt - it is like a swamp that pulls you down, the more you move the more you dribble in shiat Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Ok, so considering a man's prostate is in his bum, I can kinda understand why this fantasy may be a turn on to him. But really, if he just wants to feel like he's getting it from the back, why not just buy a strap on and go for it? No harm in that in my opinion. Might a finger suffice? Seriously a good point, I think a lot of straight men like the prostate massage. Maybe that is his interest. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Ever had a fantasy of having sex with another man? Or in this case, having another man penetrate you? Not me. Though there was this period with a woman and a strap-on. PG, fantasies are private thoughts that we all have. Sometimes, we share them with others, like I just did above, as an example. That is what it is. It's your BF's actions in real life which matter. To me, the sharing indicates an openness about sexuality which the two of you can explore together, which IMO can foster further intimacy. Having healthy boundaries (between fantasy and reality) and communicating those is key. 'Wow, hon, that sounds like a hot fantasy, but I'd be really uncomfortable with it in real life', as an example. Also, consider sharing your fantasies in person, rather than via text. Much more is conveyed by tone, expression and body language than a keyboard ever could. Clarity. Glad the LDR is going well Link to post Share on other sites
nddb Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Exactly, or bi-curious in the least. I can't even believe the non-challant answers of "fantasy is just fantasy most people don't want to act them out" I say Horsesht to that! What if the guy said he was fantasizing about having a threesome with the OP and having the dog lick her while he licks the dog's butt? Would you all still be saying "who cares if he's into bestiality fantasies, fantasies are just that"? ditto for if he said a child. OP I'd be concerned about his sexual openness considering I don't want to be with a bi man. But paint me closed minded.. Not necessary to drag in extreme examples to prove a point. Obviously, in every discussion, the rule of reasonableness applies. Kinda like discussing big SUVs. It's not for everyone, but some people may like them. Then someone says "what if a crazy man owns a big SUV and goes and mows down 20 kids in the playground and turns around and runs over grandma?" It doesn't follow then that owning big SUV is a deviant thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted February 26, 2010 Author Share Posted February 26, 2010 Not me. Though there was this period with a woman and a strap-on. PG, fantasies are private thoughts that we all have. Sometimes, we share them with others, like I just did above, as an example. That is what it is. It's your BF's actions in real life which matter. To me, the sharing indicates an openness about sexuality which the two of you can explore together, which IMO can foster further intimacy. Having healthy boundaries (between fantasy and reality) and communicating those is key. 'Wow, hon, that sounds like a hot fantasy, but I'd be really uncomfortable with it in real life', as an example. Also, consider sharing your fantasies in person, rather than via text. Much more is conveyed by tone, expression and body language than a keyboard ever could. Clarity. Glad the LDR is going well Thanks Carhill. In my original post, I didn't go into details, but he got pretty graphic with his words and I was taken aback. I told him, and that was that. He made sure to tell me I had nothing to worry about and that I am all he needs, but it really hit an insecure chord with me. And I know the reason he even revealed his thoughts to me is because he feels very comfortable around me. As for the LDR. It's going well, but we hit another snag today...seems like he's going to move to Miami for a year for an amazing job opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 seems like he's going to move to Miami for a year for an amazing job opportunity. PG... Seriously Girl.. You are way to invested in this guy... He isn't invested in you any where near the amount you are or the amount he should be to continue on an LDR that has now gone from a few months to over a year.. IMO, You need to decide if he is really all that.. if he hasn't been lying to you.. if he is worth waiting for a year only to hear again there is another great job opportunity.. If I were in your shoes I would be dumping him in short order.. I'm not you.. but you haven't got the toughest of skins and he is about to really try your patience.. How do you feel about this change in plans ? Did he consult with you about it before making the decision to accept the offer ? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 While fantasy is usually just fantasy, he went beyond fantasy and said if the opportunity presented itself, he would like to engage in sexual acts with a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 It's more a wish than a fantasy.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted February 26, 2010 Author Share Posted February 26, 2010 PG... Seriously Girl.. You are way to invested in this guy... He isn't invested in you any where near the amount you are or the amount he should be to continue on an LDR that has now gone from a few months to over a year.. IMO, You need to decide if he is really all that.. if he hasn't been lying to you.. if he is worth waiting for a year only to hear again there is another great job opportunity.. If I were in your shoes I would be dumping him in short order.. I'm not you.. but you haven't got the toughest of skins and he is about to really try your patience.. How do you feel about this change in plans ? Did he consult with you about it before making the decision to accept the offer ? Oh no, he hasn't accepted yet, and he's been telling me about every step along the way. He doesn't know what he's going to do yet. Am I going to marry him? I have no idea. But I want to try to make it work, until it doesn't anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Am I going to marry him? I have no idea. But I want to try to make it work, until it doesn't anymore. PG... Seriously.. Options girl.. you need to start looking at your options... You have like 2 months dating this guy and he decides to move for a few months.. Okay... Then he springs the new job on you.. for a year... Not Okay.. If you think having him basically use your emotions this way is what you want and you can work it out with the guy by all means do it.. What will you do in a year when he says they extended his stay another 6 months ? Do you have any family that you could talk this through with ? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 As for the LDR. It's going well, but we hit another snag today...seems like he's going to move to Miami for a year for an amazing job opportunity. Good for him. At under 200.00 r/t, he can fly you down at least once a month. Nice way to spend a weekend Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted February 26, 2010 Author Share Posted February 26, 2010 PG... Seriously.. Options girl.. you need to start looking at your options... You have like 2 months dating this guy and he decides to move for a few months.. Okay... Then he springs the new job on you.. for a year... Not Okay.. If you think having him basically use your emotions this way is what you want and you can work it out with the guy by all means do it.. What will you do in a year when he says they extended his stay another 6 months ? Do you have any family that you could talk this through with ? I guess I'm not looking at it this way. We both have careers that are tough to succeed in. I understand career choices. I'm also not going to lose myself in this relationship. If in three months it isn't working out for me, I will have tried my best, and I will walk away. Good for him. At under 200.00 r/t, he can fly you down at least once a month. Nice way to spend a weekend That's right! And he suggested weekend getaways to the Keys, too. Link to post Share on other sites
troggleputty Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 I'm NOT looking for comments saying he's gay or bi. Well he's obviously a flaming heterosexual. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 And, when he gets tired of the humidity (oh, the humidity ), he can pop up to the city and enjoy some good theater and big city grub. Seize the day. Link to post Share on other sites
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