my ex made me feel absolutely HORRIBLE today

[shadowplay]

Ha. My boyfriend is awesome. I just told him what happened on im, and he's cracking me up by ripping my ex's facebook profile to shreds. Everything he's saying is so true too.

[You'reasian]

Ha. My boyfriend is awesome. I just told him what happened on im, and he's cracking me up by ripping my ex's facebook profile to shreds. Everything he's saying is so true too.

 

Awesome. You and your ex are still FB friends?

 

NC is definitely the best way to go.

[shadowplay]

Awesome. You and your ex are still FB friends?

 

NC is definitely the best way to go.

 

Yeah, I guess I should delete him. I've had a really hard time doing it but I know that I need to. Problem is even if we're not friends his profile is totally public.

[RobM]

He specifically stated to you that "I hate your body dysmorphia". Does this sound like someone who can be objective about your looks?

 

How is this such a horrible thing to say, I would interpret it as "I think you're beautiful and I hate that you can't see that".

[You'reasian]

Yeah, I guess I should delete him. I've had a really hard time doing it but I know that I need to. Problem is even if we're not friends his profile is totally public.

 

Set your profile to private. Make it unsearchable. Problem solved.

[Star Gazer]

Your ex is, and always was, an arse.

 

I'm still not sure you can love your current BF, particularly given these ne details that you have residual feelings for your ex and are still able to be so hurt by him. If you're in love with someone, no one else matters.

[You'reasian]

Your ex is, and always was, an arse.

 

I'm still not sure you can love your current BF, particularly given these ne details that you have residual feelings for your ex and are still able to be so hurt by him. If you're in love with someone, no one else matters.

 

Excellent point.

 

If you have feelings for the ex, while involved in a relationship with this man - he may pull back.

 

Many women have posted here on LS about their boyfriends still having feelings for their ex - its possible that he might feel the same.

[threebyfate]

How is this such a horrible thing to say, I would interpret it as "I think you're beautiful and I hate that you can't see that".

If you read further into her post, he's also made some unnecessarily remarks, knowing full well she has body dysmorphia. It's one thing to say, "I hate your body dysmorphia" and another to wax eloquent about how much you love the new person and how much more attractive she is than you are. There are two elements of cruelty, considering how he kept shadow from his heart and also, her body dysmorphia.

 

Edit - I should expand on this, in that it smacks of revenge tactics, rather than being straight-forward.

[You'reasian]

If you read further into her post, he's also made some unnecessarily remarks, knowing full well she has body dysmorphia. It's one thing to say, "I hate your body dysmorphia" and another to wax eloquent about how much you love the new person and how much more attractive she is than you are. There are two elements of cruelty, considering how he kept shadow from his heart and also, her body dysmorphia.

 

This is why NC is the way to go.

 

When you need to pick up things from an ex, arrange to have them set so that there's minimal contact and go. Learned this long ago

[threebyfate]

This is why NC is the way to go.

 

When you need to pick up things from an ex, arrange to have them set so that there's minimal contact and go. Learned this long ago

Now that he's shown his real colours, I agree that NC is the way to go. If the break up was relatively amicable and now he's lashing out at you, time to maintain your distance until nothing he says, can hurt you.

 

shadow, here's another thread about a guy who's having a bad time with an ex, who dumped him twice, and now is agitating for his attention, in the work place. People can be retarded.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222037/

[whichwayisup]

Bear in mind we only broke up for good before I started dating my new boyfriend (3 months ago), so I still have some residual feelings for him.

 

I had to see him briefly today to get a camera from him. Stupidly I asked him if he'd met anyone.

 

He told me that he had and that he was already in love with her. What got me is he told me he just met her yesterday for the first time (they were matches on OKCupid) and he was already in love with her and had already told her that. What hurts me so much is it took him a long time to "love" me and even then he was so emotionally stingy. And he meets some new girl and instantly falls totally in love with her?

 

Then I asked him what about he liked and he made it obvious in his description that he thought she was better than me in every respect.

 

And here's the worst part. When he described her as beautiful I asked him if she was prettier than me and he said "yes." (I have body dysmorphia so of course this is going to hurt.) I started tearing up at this point, and he said "I hate your body dysmorphia.") I asked him if she was A LOT prettier than me and he basically indicated that she was.

 

I started really crying and he was completely cold, and said that he didn't want to deal with me and got up and left.

 

I didn't think it would hit me this hard, but the pain I feel now doesn't compare to anything I've ever felt.

 

I feel so completely worthless. Did he really have to emphasize that this girl was better than me in every respect?

 

Your ex is mean.

 

But, and I mean this nicely and respectfully.. You asked inappropriate questions, and he answered them. Yes, he shouldn't have said what he said, but at the same time, by asking those types of questions, it opened the door. I'm sure you know/knew he could be a mean jerk-off, hense you two breaking up..

 

Brush it off and try your best NOT to let this get you down. What he thinks and feels shouldn't matter to you(I know easier said than done), even more so since you have someone new in your life.

 

Focus on the guy IN your life NOW and again, don't let this upset you so deeply.

 

Hope this helps!

[You'reasian]

Now that he's shown his real colours, I agree that NC is the way to go. If the break up was relatively amicable and now he's lashing out at you, time to maintain your distance until nothing he says, can hurt you.

 

shadow, here's another thread about a guy who's having a bad time with an ex, who dumped him twice, and now is agitating for his attention, in the work place. People can be retarded.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222037/

 

Z'actly why you shouldn't date where you work.

 

Keeping your fb profile on private and unsearchable is also a good thing.

Edited February 19, 2010 by You'reasian

[Awesome Username]

It sounds like he was trying to get revenge for you having a new boyfriend.

[SuburbanOblivion]

Is/was she prettier than me? is just one of those questions you should never, EVER ask, under any circumstances. Most guys are both honest and stupid enough to answer it truthfully, and the results as you've seen can hurt.

 

The fact that you've got body image issues and are aware of it is that much more reason you should know better.

 

Still, take heard the girl he met on a dating site that he is 'so in love with' will probably give him herpes, and then where will he turn?

 

You've moved on to better things, let this go.

[lookin2wardthefuture]

Shadow,

 

I totally agree with Awesome. Your ex is showing definate signs of jelousy. You've moved on. I seriously doubt that this new girl even exists, and even if she does his pointed remarks about already being in love were to get to your heart because he knows his coldness during the relationship was an issue. When we're close with someone that person has the ability to build us up, but they also know our weaknesses so it is easy for them to hit us where it hurts the most. I hope your new guy has much better character because you deserve it. Leave the old jerk where he belongs, in your dust!!!!

[anne1707]

Shadow

 

Whilst I feel for you, to be honest what was your ex supposed to say when you asked whether his new gf was prettier than you. If he loves her then he should think and feel she is. If he had said no then that would have been a betrayal of her to an ex gf. Would you tell your ex that he is better looking than your new bf?? You forced him into this corner.

[sagetalk]

Ex's are not your friend. Let me repeat, if you want to be psychologically healthy, ex's should not be your friend. Your just stabbing yourself in the heart, why self mutilate your own mind and well being?

[Citizen Erased]

If he's in love with her, of course he would think she'd prettier than you, it's how he should feel.

 

Sorry, you asked, he gave the truth. How it is his fault is beyond me.

[shadowplay]

Do you guys think an emotionally unavailable guy can be genuinely in love with a woman after meeting her briefly once? I just can't wrap my head around. I keep wondering why he was so cold to me.

[threebyfate]

shadow, try not to go down that slippery slope, especially with someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind, since he's the only person who can answer this question for you.

 

But one thing that happens with men who are truly commitment phobes, rather than a situational one, is that their infatuation phase spikes incredibly high, then burns out pretty quickly, since they freak themselves out with the discomfort from closeness.

[carhill]

Do you guys think an emotionally unavailable guy can be genuinely in love with a woman after meeting her briefly once?

IMO, no. He's full of it.

 

I keep wondering why he was so cold to me.

Same reason my stbx is glacial with me. 'Cause he can. Smile and ignore it.

 

Hope you have a great weekend with your BF. Take care

[amagordos]

I agree with everyone here, but I can also see why it would affect you so much. Sometimes, girls ask questions and get answers they don't want to know but they still ask them because they can't help themselves. I've done it too, so i get that. This guy is a jerk, and you a boyfriend who is probably ten times better than him, so don't worry about what he thinks. He is probably bitter. It's best if you avoid him for awhile and concentrate on the man that you truly love.

[shadowplay]

I have some negative (probably irrational) thoughts swirling around in my head that I'll share on here. Hopefully, people can help me see the reality.

 

It's not just my most recent ex, but the boyfriend I had before him. This guy was pretty messed up. He had a lot of issues, which I didn't realize until after the first few months.

 

Anyway, he was also emotionally withholding to a degree. He would be incredibly passionate about me one moment and go cold the next. Still, I believed him when he told me how he was so in love with me, yada yada. He would make pretty extreme statements about how much he cared about me and I totally ate them up.

 

Anyway, a year after we broke up he told me (I never asked) that he had fallen in love with a girl he was friends with who had a boyfriend. Then he started saying how he had never felt nearly this strongly about anyone, which obviously included me. I think he thought because we were just friends now and I had a boyfriend it was safe to tell me these things. I asked him if he had actually meant it when he told me he was in love with me during the relationship, and he basically discredited what he had said in retrospect. That really hurt.

 

I guess what stings so much in both cases is I gave a lot of myself to both guys, and they both knew me on a deep level, yet they both were cold to me and fell hard for girls they didn't even know well. Worse they both preferred exactly the same type of girl -- breezy, emotionally unavailable, extremely gregarious, narcissistic, a bit flaky, etc. Is it possible to not be like this and have a guy feel extremely passionate about you?

 

I get this paranoid feeling that I can't trust what a guy tells me, because when both exes related those passionate feelings to me at the time I was totally sure they meant it.

 

Even with my boyfriend, I keep thinking what if I get passed up for some other girl and then he realizes what he feels about her invalidates whatever he thought was love for me.

 

I guess I'm feeling a bit unworthy. Like I don't deserve the highest kind of love that a guy can feel. It's always some second rate version, which he realizes in retrospect. I keep thinking even my boyfriend would probably prefer me if I were like the type I described above.

Edited February 20, 2010 by shadowplay

[shadowplay]

^Nevermind, guys. I just reread that and realized how stupid and overblown it is. I think seeing my ex caused me a brief relapse in terms of self esteem, but hopefully I'll plow ahead and forget it.

[Jaytb]

^Nevermind, guys. I just reread that and realized how stupid and overblown it is. I think seeing my ex caused me a brief relapse in terms of self esteem, but hopefully I'll plow ahead and forget it.

 

are you feeling better now? If that guy is a jerk, why would you care what he thinks?