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how do you play a player?

paleblue

By paleblue,
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paleblue

paleblue

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true. under normal circumstances. but what if you can't bc you work with them. when you haaave to deal with them

 

dont want to look like a loser to everyone in the office with "hard feelings". dont want to hear the gossip - wow she really messed him up crap. so just play along? they flirt, i flirt, but not buy into it. reciprocate the show so they don't think for one second that anything about them affects me? need to learn some kind of buffer system here.

 

this is the price i pay for the hell i made for myself.

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paleblue

paleblue

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don't bother sounds like the general consensus. got it. so ignore the hey whats email i can do. what about being put on the spot in front of co-workers? just smile? laugh? walk? so i dont look pissy?

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SOLACEMENT

SOLACEMENT

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May I ask what happened...maybe I didn't catch a past post..but I don't understand what you are asking.

 

The question in gereral... I would say don't waste your time..but I am not to sure of your story

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paleblue

paleblue

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My ex gf at work – dated 4 years. It ends a year and a half ago. had a fling 6 months ago until I got ditched again! (i know -i was stupid) I ask her to stop contacting me until I decide I want to say hello –she disrespects that. she continues to send me emails here and there. tells me we are friends and “its all good”. that I can contact her. I don’t. she makes noise in hallways behind me, looks at me. makes friends with the girl at the desk next to me. talks directly to me in front of co-workers. she has even followed me home after work recently - then texts me saying she isnt stalking me so relax. I do not ask for this.

 

Its not that she even wants me anymore! she is with her bf! and i have been hearing/seeing a little less of her lately because of it. but I don’t know why she does it. maybe she wants to feel better about herself? look -we're friends -see im not so bad. She couldn’t wait to get rid of me – even sent herself flowers at the office so i would hate her - now she wants to be friends? so how do I deal with it? cant go more than 2 months without hearing something from her. tried the ignore thing, it doesn’t work. So do I now just act friendly so I don’t look like sour grapes all the time?

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Disillusioned

Disillusioned

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Apples & oranges.

It won't work unless you're also a player. When a keeper tries to play a player, the keeper is trying to be something they're not. Every player has a rep, something a keeper can't fake.

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freestyle

freestyle

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So, if I get the gist of this, you're getting unwanted attention from a former gf at work, right? And she has a boyfriend now, so you feel like she's just messing with you..for an ego boost perhaps?

 

Next time she starts a conversation with you, smile sweetly and say,

 

"So, how's your boyfriend?"

 

or

 

"So, are you married yet?"

 

That might shut her up.

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SOLACEMENT

SOLACEMENT

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Women...sigh..:-)

 

Have you told her that you want nothing to do with her..if not you should...Not in a rude way but just be very stern...She should not have the authority to dictate your life...if you have no interest in being friends with her then you don't have to be...tell her you understand that you both work together but outside of the work place you want nothing to do with her..she broke up with you so she can move along now and stop dragging you along.. I find that she is being very selfish..If I was you I would block her number from your phone..since she has no need to contact you...I wish you the best ,you seem like you are hurting from her games..just be stern and continue to ignore her don't let her pull you along

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meerkat stew

meerkat stew

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Was expecting the details to be of some cocky-funny type of guy :laugh: She's just keeping you in the fold in her mind while she solidifies the next thing, she is keeping you in her frame of vision until she weans herself off you and the new guy is providing enough of what you were. Once she feels secure in the new relationship, she will most likely drop entirely out of your life with no warning, or perhaps try to cultivate you as a "friend" so she will have a back burner rock to jump back to for support and attention when she and new guy fight or things are shaky. You are better off without this type in your life at all, nothing she is doing is "evil" per se, but she has no respect for you and your feelings, only her agenda. Best luck finding higher quality next go-round.

 

The best thing you can do is not pay attention to her and cultivate some new options for yourself so whatever an ex is doing is not at the forefront of your mind.

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threebyfate

threebyfate

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My ex gf at work – dated 4 years. It ends a year and a half ago. had a fling 6 months ago until I got ditched again! (i know -i was stupid) I ask her to stop contacting me until I decide I want to say hello –she disrespects that. she continues to send me emails here and there. tells me we are friends and “its all good”. that I can contact her. I don’t. she makes noise in hallways behind me, looks at me. makes friends with the girl at the desk next to me. talks directly to me in front of co-workers. she has even followed me home after work recently - then texts me saying she isnt stalking me so relax. I do not ask for this.

 

Its not that she even wants me anymore! she is with her bf! and i have been hearing/seeing a little less of her lately because of it. but I don’t know why she does it. maybe she wants to feel better about herself? look -we're friends -see im not so bad. She couldn’t wait to get rid of me – even sent herself flowers at the office so i would hate her - now she wants to be friends? so how do I deal with it? cant go more than 2 months without hearing something from her. tried the ignore thing, it doesn’t work. So do I now just act friendly so I don’t look like sour grapes all the time?

She's not a player. She wants attention from you and since you're unwilling to give it to her, is getting off on approaching you in a negative fashion. Any attention from you is better than no attention. Also, the getting off part is her sense of power over you, that she continues to disturb you in some way.

 

People who do this are sick in the head. Just keep ignoring her emails. Try not to show that it bothers you. Fake it until you make it.

 

Unless work involves civil contact, give her no attention at all. She'll go away sooner or later.

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Woggle

Woggle

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Just deal with her strictly on a professional level and refuse to entertain her games. Don't bother trying to play her. She will create all the drama in her life she can handle all by herself.

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paleblue

paleblue

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maybe down the road I wouldn’t mind being friendly - I don’t hate her - but I need some time first. To get everything about her out of my system. I have said to her - I need time. doesn’t happen. i pushed back recently - then she gets annoyed and says" well i guess we cant be friends yet uggggg" just like that. like its inconveniencing her.

 

So since I cant escape this - do I just act friendly and play along? Ha ha ha ya that’s great, cool, awesome, you the girl. Im not good at this junk.

 

obviously she has aggressive behavior. And yes!!! She is selfish and always has been. She says things all the time right in front of everyone – “its all about me” “of course this is important im here” “look how good I look” “my cubicle my rules”

 

Or if there is a decent looking guy in the office she Has to be friends with him.

 

now there is a girl in her area that is more skinny than her - soooo guess what?? now she is on this big diet kick loosing weight new cloths, trying to out do the other one or something.

 

I mean what the heck ya it hurts/angers me. I do not walk by her desk, initiates calls, flirt, text, email or follow her home. I take the long way around the office.

 

i guess i will just have to be a little more stern like suggested. there doesnt seem to be any other way.

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paleblue

paleblue

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you guys are right. i gotta just suck it up. i am even getting sick of listening to myself over it. it is just really frustrating.

 

anyone out there thinking about starting an office romance - i highly suggest you reconsider. this is why.

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freestyle

freestyle

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if it's at all possible---this might not work because you once had deep feelings for her---try to view her antics the way an adult views a child who is acting out.......someone else's kid, that is....(therefore not your problem)

 

If you can see it from that point of view, from a higher ground, her behavior might not affect you anymore.

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You'reasian

You'reasian

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true. under normal circumstances. but what if you can't bc you work with them. when you haaave to deal with them

 

dont want to look like a loser to everyone in the office with "hard feelings". dont want to hear the gossip - wow she really messed him up crap. so just play along? they flirt, i flirt, but not buy into it. reciprocate the show so they don't think for one second that anything about them affects me? need to learn some kind of buffer system here.

 

this is the price i pay for the hell i made for myself.

 

I've never dated anyone whom I worked with and its served me well :)

 

Don't ***** where you eat, simple.

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