-just got served papers

[tnttim]

that's far from NC, you have to stay NC. All this talking is burying you. Words can't fix this only action can. We all make mistakes, learn from them and move on. Going back and forth in your head will only drive you crazy. Pick a plan and stay with it. Your plan should be working on NC rule, and becoming independent of her. Listen or learn the hard way.

[mikeymad]

dude, you did it. that's awesome. i'm jealous of you. but this is heading down D whether I like it or not. it doesn't work for everyone. it's circumstantial. I have a feeling this is gonna get worse before it gets better, and it's gonna get real ugly unless I roll over and die for her...for what? not even knowing if we have a chance? Homer don't work if she aint there, mentally, physically, or hell-even spiritually. i have to go NC now, don't need a harassment lawsuit up my alley.

[Chrome Barracuda]

get your stuff and move on...

 

she's rewriting things to justify what shes doing in her head, because shr's guilty.

 

...period.

 

Why talk to her, just ask can I come get my stuff when she gets back.And just remind her you would do this amicably so to avoid court but you will do what needs to be done.

 

A year from now when your moved on and dating some hot young thang. She'll regret it, right now she isnt your wife, she is your adversary until proven otherwise. Let the OM be the chump to get the short end of the stick it'll happen sooner or later.

 

Live for you. After you get your clothes, 180 seriously. I would have just asked simple questions. Keep it one word answers only. Dont get into any Relationship talk.

[mikeymad]

my lawyer said in no way should I wait until she gets back and to "ask" to get my things. She said the way it looks she will change the locks and get an exclusive occupancy order if i ask, meaning i'm not allowed in the house. i need to go in there while she is gone (hasnt technically left yet, living at parents but i still have access to house). heck, my lawyer said don't wait till this weekend, she wanted me to do it last night or today! and yes it truly does feel like i'm being treated like an enemy.

Edited January 14, 2010 by mikeymad

[tnttim]

I'm always here to help, when you need it let me know then. Good luck.

[reboot]

and yes it truly does feel like i'm being treated like an enemy.

 

mikey, you ARE the enemy now. It's time to start acting the part. If you want to spend the next 5 or 10 years digging yourself out of a gigantic financial hole, fine, but if not, you need to grow a big pair right now. She's not thinking about you, she's not worried about you, or what happens to you. You and your hired gun are the only ones that are going to do that.

[mikeymad]

fortunately this will never see a courtroom, as we don't have enough stuff to haggle over. our finances are also pretty much a non-issue as we don't have much. the house is upside down right now and she owns it. right now it looks like all they want me to leave with is my furniture and stuff i brought into the marriage and my clothes. and now she won't talk to me and i think i have to go through the lawyer, which tnttim, don't think homer can even overcome.

[tnttim]

and now she won't talk to me and i think i have to go through the lawyer, which tnttim, don't think homer can even overcome.

You'll never know until you try. It was an awakening to me before I got her back. So it will work either way, but we're past that right?

[Chrome Barracuda]

So go get your crap, stop being down about things and start living life before you met her. Why are you giving her so much power in your mind???

[DenverBachelor]

fortunately this will never see a courtroom, as we don't have enough stuff to haggle over. our finances are also pretty much a non-issue as we don't have much. the house is upside down right now and she owns it. right now it looks like all they want me to leave with is my furniture and stuff i brought into the marriage and my clothes. and now she won't talk to me and i think i have to go through the lawyer, which tnttim, don't think homer can even overcome.

 

First, congratulations on getting through med school and your own practice by 27 -- that's damn impressive.

 

Second, you said "a light switch flipped." That is EXACTLY how it happens -- especially with women.

 

Third, you're doing a great job. I know this is tough on you but keep your sights forward right now (as hard as it is to do).

 

Those texts made me cringe because I remember going through something similar. It was like someone just sucked all the love out of her in a short span of time.

 

Isn't it amazing how differently people become when they convince themselves of things that are in left field?

[mikeymad]

You'll never know until you try. It was an awakening to me before I got her back. So it will work either way, but we're past that right?

 

 

We're past what?

[tnttim]

We're past what?

You trying out the Homer method. You have to have faith in order for it to work. Do you have faith?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you looked in the mirror lately and pointed your finger at the only cause of and solution to your problems.

ME

[phineas]

We're past what?

 

Past you posting here for the rest of the day.

You need to get your **** out of her house! LOL!

[tnttim]

Past you posting here for the rest of the day.

You need to get your **** out of her house! LOL!

I agree, get off your a*s and move.

[flc]

In my state the divorce has to be filed through a lawyer. In my case the ex got the lawyer and I did not. In my case it was a 20y marriage and she had not worked for about 10 years so I was hosed. A 50/50 split of all marriatial assets and permanent alimony for her. I did get a consultation on the alimony and was told I was lucky as she could have asked for more.

 

The key thing is to let it go, don't get hung up on the money but also don't get taken advantage of. If you don't get a lawyer recognize her lawyer represents her interests not yours so you have to pay attention. If things are not contentious you can avoid a lawyer but make sure you are getting a fair deal.

 

In the end for me I rationalized that the amount I was paying alimony was less than she was spending when we were married and it is tax dedcutable so I am ahead. I am much happier now and probably will never remarry (I'm 52). Good luck in the end you will be happier I am sure.

[seibert253]

get your stuff and move on...

 

she's rewriting things to justify what shes doing in her head, because shr's guilty.

 

...period.

 

Why talk to her, just ask can I come get my stuff when she gets back.And just remind her you would do this amicably so to avoid court but you will do what needs to be done.

 

A year from now when your moved on and dating some hot young thang. She'll regret it, right now she isnt your wife, she is your adversary until proven otherwise. Let the OM be the chump to get the short end of the stick it'll happen sooner or later.

 

Live for you. After you get your clothes, 180 seriously. I would have just asked simple questions. Keep it one word answers only. Dont get into any Relationship talk.

 

Mr. Cuda always is blunt, to the point, and right.

Follow his advice, you will get no better than this right here.

[mikeymad]

call me stupid, hopeless romantic, rose colored glasses...whatever, but on some level i still feel like we can reconcile, maybe it's later on once we got our **** together, but as for all of us who go through emotional times, we do and say things that we normally wouldn't, turning into different people.

 

and yes, it's hard having internet access and down time during the day. at least this keeps me sane talking to LS

[tnttim]

call me stupid, hopeless romantic, rose colored glasses...whatever, but on some level i still feel like we can reconcile, maybe it's later on once we got our **** together, but as for all of us who go through emotional times, we do and say things that we normally wouldn't, turning into different people.

 

and yes, it's hard having internet access and down time during the day. at least this keeps me sane talking to LS

If you want a recon I can help, I reconed w/ my W. You have to have faith in the process and follow the rules. If you can do that I will help you.

Check this thread if you doubt me:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215621/

[silic0ntoad]

Stop filling his head with this Reconciliation BS. Right now he is in the fight for his life, and if you keep filling his head with hope he will lose in the long run.

 

Mikey, get your sh*t out of her house. She isn't your wife right now. She is the enemy. And the enemy doesn't give or take quarter, so neither should you.

 

Get your sh*t, get your attny, and get this over with. Reconciliation can happen in the future. But for now, from what I read, it's dead and gone, bro. You need to think about YOUR best interests, and those interests should not include being with a woman who doesn't want to be with you, and has to lie to herself to justify her choices.

[WTFO]

...... it's dead and gone, bro. You need to think about YOUR best interests, and those interests should not include being with a woman who doesn't want to be with you, and has to lie to herself to justify her choices.

 

 

Amen x2. Why do you want to be with someone who DOESN'T want to be with you?

[tnttim]

Stop filling his head with this Reconciliation BS. Right now he is in the fight for his life, and if you keep filling his head with hope he will lose in the long run.

 

Mikey, get your sh*t out of her house. She isn't your wife right now. She is the enemy. And the enemy doesn't give or take quarter, so neither should you.

 

Get your sh*t, get your attny, and get this over with. Reconciliation can happen in the future. But for now, from what I read, it's dead and gone, bro. You need to think about YOUR best interests, and those interests should not include being with a woman who doesn't want to be with you, and has to lie to herself to justify her choices.

I agree he should do all of that recon or not, get out.

[mikeymad]

i want to recon, but don't think it will happen before this d is over.

[tnttim]

This ain't for the faint of heart. this will help whether you recon or not. You have to do the opposite of what you think you should do. The no contact is a must, everyone here agrees on that. I'll give you a list of things I did to recon with my wife, you can try it at your own pace, and any order or not at all.

1. NC, unless it was about kids

2. I chose one day a week were I went out and tried to have fun

3. I read books on women to understand the species

4. I dated other women, or made it seem like I was

5. When we argued I would always agree with her, unless it was money or kids

6. I wasn't afraid of the divorce, I pushed for it

7. I exposed the affair, and then told her I didn't care what she did

8. If we did talk, I was all business, kept it under 10 mins, and I always ended the call.

there are others here that can help with the way you feel right now. I am not in a position to discuss feelings with you, all I know is you will go through a rollercoaster of emotions.:D

Edited January 15, 2010 by tnttim

[mikeymad]

She doesn't want to speak, and won't contact me. She has stated pretty bluntly that she is done and no chance or reconciliation, and that no need to talk anymore, everything will get settled in the divorce.

, so 1 and 4-8 are seemingly useless to me at this point

[WTFO]

She doesn't want to speak, and won't contact me. She has stated pretty bluntly that she is done and no chance or reconciliation, and that no need to talk anymore, everything will get settled in the divorce.

, so 1 and 4-8 are seemingly useless to me at this point

 

 

I'm so sorry about this. It's weird. I have been Separated since April. She still said she thinks of me alot,but you know what? I met a great woman who is totally into me and shows me affection I haven't seen in a long time. What I'm trying to say,it is not the end of the road. Life goes on. And to make myself feel better,I just keep saying to myself, the STBX wants NOTHING to do with her old life that we once shared. It stinks,but that's life. Now, I'm going to concentrate on this new one and give her the affection she deserves, not the EX. My 02. Hang in there.