boogieboy Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 edit oh you changed your post lol why would I tell him? the whole point is avoiding embarrassment. How embarrassing can it possibly be? What exactly do you think he will say? I know youre looping all these scenarios in your head, you should write them out. You cant run from possible embarrassment for the rest of your life. You really have to tell yourself that youre not going to change, and it doesnt matter what he thinks. If he leaves you because of how you look (which he most likely wont) then you know that he isnt the guy for you. Dont build up the embarrassment to something that it isnt. If he doesnt like them, its not that big a deal. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I have considered counselling, what other avenues do you mean? No avenue you take will be painless like you want - when you continue to ADD pain to the situation. All you have to do is relieve yourself of the guilt from caring what people think of you. it can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 18, 2009 Author Share Posted December 18, 2009 How embarrassing can it possibly be? What exactly do you think he will say? I know youre looping all these scenarios in your head, you should write them out. You cant run from possible embarrassment for the rest of your life. You really have to tell yourself that youre not going to change, and it doesnt matter what he thinks. If he leaves you because of how you look (which he most likely wont) then you know that he isnt the guy for you. Dont build up the embarrassment to something that it isnt. If he doesnt like them, its not that big a deal. well, it's just that so many people act like having sagging breasts is something to be ashamed about, maybe that affects me a lot. he called up a while back, asking to meet for a dinner date, I told him I was busy elsewhere.. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 well, it's just that so many people act like having sagging breasts is something to be ashamed about, maybe that affects me a lot. he called up a while back, asking to meet for a dinner date, I told him I was busy elsewhere.. And there are a lot of people who have TOLD you that having sagging breasts is no big deal!?!?!? Why do you keep harping on that which is causing you all the emotional turmoil? Counseling, counseling, counseling. And, as a matter of throwing up one's hands, I am out of this thread. Emma, you are frustrating too many of us who are trying to help you by the continual Pity Party you are giving yourself. If you can't "man-up" and see that you have a problem that needs to be dealt with in a professional manner, than we can't help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 18, 2009 Author Share Posted December 18, 2009 I'll consider counselling, I think it'll help me. But, in the meantime, what do I do about him? Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 And there are a lot of people who have TOLD you that having sagging breasts is no big deal!?!?!? Why do you keep harping on that which is causing you all the emotional turmoil? Counseling, counseling, counseling. And, as a matter of throwing up one's hands, I am out of this thread. Emma, you are frustrating too many of us who are trying to help you by the continual Pity Party you are giving yourself. If you can't "man-up" and see that you have a problem that needs to be dealt with in a professional manner, than we can't help you. Her name is Ella, Not Emma. Its obvious she needs counseling, but I think she's hoping to get a guys approval instead. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Her name is Ella, Not Emma. Its obvious she needs counseling, but I think she's hoping to get a guys approval instead. Sorry, Ella. And a girl can't get validation from a guy. It has to come from within. And if she thinks she needs it from a guy, she has to be willing to get naked with him which she is unwilling to do because she can't validate herself. Vicious circle, but throwing away a guy because she doesn't feel good about herself is like throwing away a Christmas package without opening it. What if I don't like it? I'm safer throwing away the present not know what's in it because than I won't be disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Ella, there isn't a woman on this post that doesn't know what it feels like to be insecure about a body part, or two or three...or four. And I don't have much advice for you on it either. Men are really tough about women's bodies. It's not like the type of women they worship and drool over have imperfect bodies. It's clear what kind of women men like and want through popular male mediums. Maxim, FHM, porn..all the women have perfect bodies and that's what men want. 18 yaer olds with perfect bodies. They certainly don't want real women with real imperfections. it's very rare to have saggy boobs at 20, which might put him off. give it a try though. You only think that because you've been entrenched in media that shows you a very narrow percentage of young women with perfect bodies. real 20 year olds do infact have all types of sizes of breasts and are infact can be saggy because breasts, real ones, are nothing but fat. And no, they do not sit high on your chest like watermellons despite what men wished women looked like. Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I think it's normal for a guy to be bothered by sagging breasts, but what's not right is to not date a girl over the imperfection. He should be willing to look past it, and see the entire package. I can't imagine a guy dumping a girl just because her breasts. This is the reason, I was so curious what exactly the OP is talking about. I mean how bad could her breasts actually be. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 My breasts were never perky - weight gain, weight loss has left them, well shall we say with the ability to hold a number of pens and pencils under each of them (very handy when I've forgotten my pencil case). I look enviously at girls with perky breasts and nice upturned nipples...but you know what, despite not being perfect, they are large-ish, therefore guys who like large breasts can't wait to get their hands on them. Do they make me stand there and then say 'boy, looks like you could hold a whole stationery store of pens under those babies, ugh I'm outta here'. No! All they see are big breasts, which they usually are too busy groping to notice that they are not perfect. I have a friend who got dumped because she had stretch-marks, she had a number of boyfriends since then and is now married with kids. I've been told that I was too fat, but then other guys have urged me not to lose any more weight. Different strokes for different folks. Just because your last boyfriend was a total idiot who purposefully tried to hurt you with that comment, doesn't mean that that comment it is true!!!! You are allowing your stupid, immature ex with his petty comments to affect the rest of your dating life FOREVER by taking this on-board, are you sure you want to give your ex this much power over your future relationships??? Don't let this guy who obviously likes you slip through your fingers. Arrange to meet him and simply say 'look I'm sorry if I've been avoiding getting intimate with you, my last boyfriend made some nasty comments about my body and I feel a bit insecure'. No need to point out your breasts in particular, it's only human nature that his eyes will scrutinise that area of your body if you draw too much attention to it and then you will get even more paranoid. I've no doubt he will call your ex a fool and won't see what the problem was. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 .... I am seriously tempted to tell you to go get the breast lift already, if it bugs you that much. Look, honey, I have eczema, my entire legs and a few other parts of my body is covered with scars. I have given the bf countless hard-ons and orgasms. He has never suggested that I get dermabrasion, laser, whatever else there is on the market. But you know what? I think he would suggest it if I harped on it as much as you do about your breasts. Maybe you don't talk about it to your guy, but it's going on in your head all the same. Link to post Share on other sites
DollyMix Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Doon't get surgery! i really hate plastic surgery, boobs getting lower is natural and beautiful I think the best thing you can do for yourself is get undressed infront of him with the lights on I bet he'd love it and you can hang up your hang up Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Ella, You only have to choices really: 1) Accept your body the way it is and the hell with everyone else or 2) Get plastic surgery I do not see why you wouldn't consider plastic surgery if it's THAT much of an issue for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) .... I am seriously tempted to tell you to go get the breast lift already, if it bugs you that much. Look, honey, I have eczema, my entire legs and a few other parts of my body is covered with scars. I have given the bf countless hard-ons and orgasms. He has never suggested that I get dermabrasion, laser, whatever else there is on the market. But you know what? I think he would suggest it if I harped on it as much as you do about your breasts. Maybe you don't talk about it to your guy, but it's going on in your head all the same. I had accepted the sagging as it was a result of weight loss(especially after seeing 007b.com and what normal breasts look like) and wasn't so worked up before. I think only after my ex-boyfriend told me that he found me unattractive and wanted me to get a lift done, that I started feeling this insecure. Edited December 19, 2009 by ella23 Link to post Share on other sites
LostLamb Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I had accepted the sagging as it was a result of weight loss(especially after seeing 007b.com and what normal breasts look like) and wasn't so worked up before. I think only after my ex-boyfriend told me that he found me unattractive and wanted me to get a lift done, that I started feeling this insecure. Why let your nasty ex win? I have a horrid body due to illness and weight issues and haven't even had a baby. I last "got em out" during a hospital test last weekwhich was bad but I had to do it. If I was with a new partner i'd just jump under the covers and take it from there as unless you have a lift , you have decided to live the life of a sexless nun. Most men don't care enough to dump a woman because she isn't perky so stop thinking that your ex's views are the only ones that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 Don't let this guy who obviously likes you slip through your fingers. Arrange to meet him and simply say 'look I'm sorry if I've been avoiding getting intimate with you, my last boyfriend made some nasty comments about my body and I feel a bit insecure'. No need to point out your breasts in particular, it's only human nature that his eyes will scrutinise that area of your body if you draw too much attention to it and then you will get even more paranoid. I've no doubt he will call your ex a fool and won't see what the problem was. I guess it would be easier to tell him that. I called him and told him I wasn't busy elsewhere anymore and that I was free to meet him for dinner, and so we're meeting up. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Most men don't care enough to dump a woman because she isn't perky so stop thinking that your ex's views are the only ones that matter. Shes been told this in every other post in this thread and it doesnt sink in. She WANTS to believe that she will get rejected. She WANTS to worry about what people think about her body. She depends on it. She is SO afraid of rejection, she would rather be a nun than deal with being rejected. She cant grasp the idea of not caring what people think of her body. Link to post Share on other sites
aaron12 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 well, even if it is normal, you can't expect men to like it. that doesn't mean that you should get surgery done if you don't want to obviously . Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) Just get the surgery, what do you have to lose? At least you can get surgery to fix the problem. What am I supposed to ever do about my height? There's nothing I can do about it and I'll forever be judged because of it. Just be glad you can fix it. no, I don't want to. imo the risks and certain possible side effects are enough to put me off it. I've done enough research on it and spoken to doctors. Edited December 19, 2009 by ella23 Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Shes been told this in every other post in this thread and it doesnt sink in. She WANTS to believe that she will get rejected. She WANTS to worry about what people think about her body. She depends on it. She is SO afraid of rejection, she would rather be a nun than deal with being rejected. She cant grasp the idea of not caring what people think of her body. considering how cruel some guys can be with their comments, do you blame her? Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) exactly. can't blame her for being insecure. Edited December 19, 2009 by sugar_and_spice Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 You only think that because you've been entrenched in media that shows you a very narrow percentage of young women with perfect bodies. real 20 year olds do infact have all types of sizes of breasts and are infact can be saggy because breasts, real ones, are nothing but fat. And no, they do not sit high on your chest like watermellons despite what men wished women looked like. yep. some men clearly need a reality check:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 Well, we are meeting up but it's for dinner so I don't think it'll progress to anything unless I invite him to my place or go over to his after the meal. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 considering how cruel some guys can be with their comments, do you blame her? If it was a few guys, I'd understand. It was only ONE guy. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 If it was a few guys, I'd understand. It was only ONE guy. what i meant was, guys making nasty comments in such situations (saggy boobs, small boobs) isn't exactly unheard of. her fear is understandable . Link to post Share on other sites
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