We were both married... I told his wife and it ended really, really badly!

[MSUE]

MSUE, you are right in one respect that I don't have a traditional marriage, and by that I mean a marriage that involves regular consensual sex. You are incorrect, I have never been an inpatient of any psychiatric wing of any hospital. I have had out-patient treatment in terms of a behavioural therapy program, but never been admitted, as much as I would have liked someone to take care of me at times when this happened the first time and on other occasions. I have had the therapy and I don't need to do stuff like that, nor do I need to get me admitted any more, I can take care of myself a lot better now thanks, so there is no need to worry about me, or what I am going to do next as far as this MM is concerned. I find your attitude rather contrary, on the one hand you said you would support me, on the other hand, you seem to agree with some other posters who are hell-bent on waiting until I do something or that I may do something which will get me admitted.

 

It seems as though some people on this site just want to read or pre-empt some future drama, perhaps due to some human nature to see people suffer (schadenfreude) or because they strongly want their opinion vindicated.

 

Sorry folks, hate to disappoint you, but I ain't coming to the party!

 

 

 

 

easy girl...You know very well where I stand...and I think the inpatient suggestion is getting lost in translation...here you don't need to be psychotic or do harm to yourself or others...here there are amazing resort style places that anyone can check themselves in at a time of need...even for just a depression...or an OCD that's gone too far...and then there are places that are strictly for the extreme scenarios...there are also places with separate buildings and/or floors where patients get placed according to what they are there to get help...it is not always just to drug you up...then again yes that does happen in extreme cases to calm the person down in the meantime while therapy and another long term med can kick in.

 

 

OCD's and depression are usually treated the following way...they will examine every aspect of whats going on and that includes life circumstances and your thought process...usually cognitive behavioral therapy is used...and yes they might give you some meds and or start you in an anti-depressant but its mostly intense therapy...they wake up patients early in the am...they have a group session guys and girls...you'll have lunch...you get an hour to chill and or nap...then is coffee break usually 15 mins...art sessions ...then you have shower time...time is usually monitored so everyone has time to jump in...then dinner time and sometimes another group session or a movie night...you get independant therapy also...

 

so this is all about understanding the situation and your thought processing...because you can't change life circumstances but you can indeed change your thought processing...making sense now?

 

I think where you are might be different...please correct me if I'm wrong...

[MSUE]

 

I told him I was going into a therapy program at a local hospital and he said for me to email him when I 'get back' or something. Being inpatient and still wanting desperately to see him again, one night I was frantic in my psych's office during an appt. and he just said via text something like: "I destroyed everything with my over-analysing, inability to relax and psychobabble..".

 

ok...so you did go to a local hospital...never cleared up inpatient or outpatient

 

I had to call an ambulance to calm me down the day after I made that fateful call. Therapy bills. More therapy bills.

 

 

the fact that you had to call an ambulance led me to believe this was an inpatient...sorry for misunderstanding

[MSUE]

Hello again IfWishesWereHorses. I have almost ended up in hospital again today after seeing the therapist.

 

then again this is is a comment that added to my confusion

[whichwayisup]

Inpatient or outpatient, the bottomline is, you need help. Counselling (CBT) and medication. Your OCD IS affecting your life in everyway..

 

Fact that you are kind of in denial as to how serious this is, shows that you DO need to be assessed. This type of mental illness is forever, and if you want to lead a more normal, balanced life, keep an open mind and if you do need to be an inpatient for 72 hours, go.. It'll help you in the long run.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter Morgan, if it makes you feel happy, I agree that I am a despicable wife to her husband who deserves to be chucked out on the street. Enough said.

 

I don't think you believe that at all.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter, to answer your question about my obsession, I don't know what my therapist would say, as I have not seen her yet. As far as my psychiatrist is concerned, he would say that the reason I obsess is because I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which I had diagnosed when I was about 25, but probably had for many years before. Does that answer your question? He does not tell me to make my husband my focus as he knows I have tried.

 

How have you tried? From what I read and your attitude, I don't see you trying to make your husband the focal point of anything.

 

 

 

He does encourage me to stay with my husband

 

why?

 

 

 

and he sees many patients who have affairs and he does not condone or necessarily condemn his patients who do so. It is just life.

 

its just life...oh well...sucks to be the husband. too bad for him....its just life.

[aussiegirl66]

Now you're contradicting yourself.

 

If you're not getting any help from the posters here, even the ones that are truly trying to help....why are you still here? What is it you need from this forum?

 

 

Am I contradicting myself? Frankly, I don't care even if I am, which I fail to see how I am. I don't think people who are trying to get me committed are trying to help me, frankly - they are just judging me based on their own skewed version of who they think I am. I have apparently outstayed my welcome here and no, I don't think I need anything more from anyone here. There were kinder messages of support left earlier on earlier posts, and I thank those sincerely from the bottom of my heart, but now the remaining posters just see fit to condemn me and execute me by way of wanting to have me admitted. Sorry to have wasted your time.

[Dexter Morgan]

Am I contradicting myself? Frankly, I don't care even if I am, which I fail to see how I am. I don't think people who are trying to get me committed are trying to help me, frankly - they are just judging me based on their own skewed version of who they think I am. I have apparently outstayed my welcome here and no, I don't think I need anything more from anyone here. There were kinder messages of support left earlier on earlier posts, and I thank those sincerely from the bottom of my heart, but now the remaining posters just see fit to condemn me and execute me by way of wanting to have me admitted. Sorry to have wasted your time.

 

i never thought you need to be committed and wouldn't give you so much power in your situation as to say you aren't in your right mind.

 

I just would like to see your husband get some respect.

[aussiegirl66]

This story reads disturbingly similar to one on another website that was posted about 4 years ago under an identical screen name. And she was seriously obsessive. I sincerely hope that its' a different person and that you're not repeating your past actions...

 

Well Trojan John, it probably was me, you are a very smart gentleman. I was waiting how long it would take someone to "twig". I did not change my screen name as I have nothing to hide. Yes, I was seriously obsessed with a man from the UK who I met from the same adult site. For a great deal of time I felt he had hurt me, but that was my first experience of obsession with a man and I vowed it would be the last and regardless, with a great deal of extremely hard and painful self-examination, therapy and reading leading into better insight into what motivated me, I only blame myself for the outcome of that situation now. I have no bitterness towards him, only a very mild caring and respect and after a while I did contact him again to apologise properly and he said he understood and wished me well. He also said that he did not want me to contact him again as he was now remarried. Whether that is the truth or not, I don't care anymore - I have respected his wishes.

 

I did not want this type of situation to happen again when I met the local guy, though at least this man was kind enough to send me an email asking me to leave him alone, after some time, which I did. At the time I felt the final email from him was cruel, but at least he finally respected my need to know. Yes I was seriously obsessed over him, but I got over him in time. In hindsight, he (the UK guy) was alot kinder than the local guy in some respects.

[stillafool]

aussiegirl what sign are you? BTW, I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like you have really been through hell. I wouldn't worry about damaging their marriage if I were you. Having a "bunny boiler" after you can bring a marriage closer together. Just continue to see your therapist.

[Confused4Now]

aussiegirl what sign are you?

My bet she's a Pisces!!!

[MSUE]

wow AG

 

I've been pretty good to you...and now someway somehow I ended up in the shi* list...well I'm done here then...however feel free to PM me if you change your mind

[bubblegum]

Hey aussiegirl, I hope you're finding yourself a little more able to concentrate on your studies.

 

Of course you're not psychotic, I'm not sure that some posters really understand what psychosis is, and what it is to have a psychotic break.

 

I also don't think that some posters realize that having obsessive thoughts means that these thoughts are irrational in nature -- they are more than just ruminations.

 

Moreover, clearly some posters don't grasp what a personality disorder is. By it's very definition, a personality disorder is not something one can "heal" from or "get over" through therapy and medication, because it's definitively rooted in one's personality. The very best outcome one can hope for, with hard therapeutic work and possibly meds, is to manage the aspects of your one's core beliefs about themselves, about others, and about how interpersonal dynamics "ought to" turn out... The therapist becomes like a person's personality manager, so to speak, helping their client stop short of behaving in ways that bring emotional turmoil to their relationships, their job, their health, etc. For example, the client interprets their interpersonal interactions in ways that distress them (moreso than do most people), brings it into therapy, and hopefully the therapist helps them develop coping skills to pre-empt troubling behavior.

Continuous, long-term therapy is most beneficial, perhaps with occasional periods out of therapy, if the client can recognize on their own when they should return. Inpatient hospitalization is NOT the solution.

 

You are quite welcome here. Read some of your posts, and objectively view the intensity of your opinions. The re-read some of the more "contrary" posters words, and view their intensity. What is common is the level of frustration. That in and of itself indicates this is a discussion well worth having.

[aussiegirl66]

easy girl...You know very well where I stand...and I think the inpatient suggestion is getting lost in translation...here you don't need to be psychotic or do harm to yourself or others...here there are amazing resort style places that anyone can check themselves in at a time of need...even for just a depression...or an OCD that's gone too far...and then there are places that are strictly for the extreme scenarios...there are also places with separate buildings and/or floors where patients get placed according to what they are there to get help...it is not always just to drug you up...then again yes that does happen in extreme cases to calm the person down in the meantime while therapy and another long term med can kick in.

 

 

OCD's and depression are usually treated the following way...they will examine every aspect of whats going on and that includes life circumstances and your thought process...usually cognitive behavioral therapy is used...and yes they might give you some meds and or start you in an anti-depressant but its mostly intense therapy...they wake up patients early in the am...they have a group session guys and girls...you'll have lunch...you get an hour to chill and or nap...then is coffee break usually 15 mins...art sessions ...then you have shower time...time is usually monitored so everyone has time to jump in...then dinner time and sometimes another group session or a movie night...you get independant therapy also...

 

so this is all about understanding the situation and your thought processing...because you can't change life circumstances but you can indeed change your thought processing...making sense now?

 

I think where you are might be different...please correct me if I'm wrong...

 

 

Hi again MSUE, yes I tend to agree with you - the "in-patient" thing IS getting lost in translation, though I am not so sure, as only you have alluded to something like the in-patient 'wellness' treatment you describe.

 

I understand the 'resort' style places you are referring to. [i tried to get myself admitted to one of these following or during my first episode of getting obsessed/stalking a man, who was in the UK. He did threaten to call the police on me, but I didn't contact him again (by phone) and left him alone, as I describe in my post above]. I was interviewed and reviewed by this hospital's (well they don't call themselves a hospital) psychiatrist and I would even drive down there a few times to talk to nursing staff while I was going through hell this first time. This happened in 2005.

 

I know what is involved here, MSUE. It means being an in-patient for a month in a very intensive program, like you describe. Unfortunately, I think I was even too unwell for that and my husband a) did not believe it would do any good, since he knows that part of what they do is based on co-dependency models, inner child work, belief systems, etc and he believes any behavioural change as a result of this is not scientifically testable and hence invalid and a waste of time and money, if that makes sense. He only believes in behavioural therapy (which does have some scientific basis for it) and which I have undertaken (the DBT program as an out-patient at a public hospital) and b) he said under no circumstances would he entertain the idea of me being away from him for a month. I definitely remember him saying something like, "Well, they could put you in a room and make you play trumpet for a month, for all their therapy is worth". Basically, what I am saying is that he did not believe in the efficacy of a program like that. So I did not undertake that (in-patient) program.

 

How I got into the DBT Program at my local public hospital, was that an astute and caring clinical psychologist who I was calling when she was the intake officer for the crisis mental health team, noticed that I called often enough to be worthy of further intervention. That program helped somewhat, but even while I was in it, I still did what I did to this other MM, so it was not 100% effective, and also I had not completed it. (I was kicked out of the program temporarily, due to not being able to handle doing homework relating to my OCD behaviour (hoarding newspapers and mail, etc)) and then my individual therapist resigned (who was also the group faciliator and trainer for the rest of the mental health team) and I decided to go back to study on the afternoon that the group sessions were eventually restarted.

 

In any case, it is just too late - I did what I did to this guy and given my BPD/bipolar?/OCD diagnosis, coupled with being unstable mood wise at the particular time I called him and his wife, together with my feelings towards him, I wonder if anything could have kept me from contacting him. Having the police contact me and now having a police record forever, obviously didn't stop me. (Note: I put a query after bipolar as not everyone agrees I am bipolar, even though I had one hypomanic disorder which began just after I joined the sex dating site and communicated with the UK guy online and which lasted many months.)

 

I understand that ALOT OF PEOPLE, IF NOT ALMOST EVERYONE, given my particular situation, would regard him not contacting me as being completely justified for reasons they have explained AT GREAT LENGTH and that this was a clear indication that he did not want anything more to do with me.

 

I also understand that ALOT OF PEOPLE, IF NOT ALMOST EVERYONE, given my particular situation, would NOT need to be told directly that they are being rejected and that they can accept the rejection without needing to contact the person who is rejecting them for an explanation. I understand that this also means that any further communication is not wanted and that they should cease communication, which they do.

 

Perhaps due to my diagnoses, and/or other factors at the time, I felt I needed to be directly told and I felt entitled to some explanation. For example, I know the therapist said briefly when I spoke to her, that for someone with a borderline personality disorder, having this guy be in NC mode is something that I really cannot deal with as successfully as others who don't have this diagnosis, as it just brings up issues of abandonment, annihilation, etc.

 

I understand that perhaps due to my diagnoses, that he thought his NC may have been the kindest deterrent, because he may have realised that I had these mental issues, and thus that I may still have continued to pursue him against his wishes, as I did recently. I understand that the majority, if not all people would not behave as I did. The tragedy is that I did not fit into this category.

 

I am sorry I have continued to bring this up again, thus unnecessarily lengthening this thread and wasting others' time in replying. I have replied at great length to your post, MSUE, to try to convince others' that I really have no need for any intense in-patient program, despite the thoughtfulness of others here who are only thinking of my welfare. I apologise for having misinterpreted you and I thank you.

 

Thank you again for trying to understanding me and seek clarification, MSUE, but I don't think I should say anything more about how I feel, as it just leads to this cycle of posts repeating themselves which must be frustrating for people who are kind enough to post.

[aussiegirl66]

i never thought you need to be committed and wouldn't give you so much power in your situation as to say you aren't in your right mind.

 

I just would like to see your husband get some respect.

 

Dexter I understand what you are saying and it is duly noted.

[aussiegirl66]

aussiegirl what sign are you? BTW, I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like you have really been through hell. I wouldn't worry about damaging their marriage if I were you. Having a "bunny boiler" after you can bring a marriage closer together. Just continue to see your therapist.

 

stillafool, FYI, I am an Aries, though some say on the cusp of being Piscean for what it's worth. I applaud you for your use of irony and must say that I even I am mildly amused.

[stillafool]

My bet she's a Pisces!!!

 

I was thinking Aries.

[aussiegirl66]

wow AG

 

I've been pretty good to you...and now someway somehow I ended up in the shi* list...well I'm done here then...however feel free to PM me if you change your mind

 

Dear MSUE, sorry ...misunderstanding and misinterpretation seems to have occurred (I am giving others the benefit of the doubt). Please see post above ASAP. AG.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter I understand what you are saying and it is duly noted.

 

ok, so question is, if you are sexually incompatible, and you have the attitude that what you do(i.e. cheating) has "nothing to do with" your husband......then why aren't you looking at divorce?

[aussiegirl66]

Hey aussiegirl, I hope you're finding yourself a little more able to concentrate on your studies.

 

Of course you're not psychotic, I'm not sure that some posters really understand what psychosis is, and what it is to have a psychotic break.

 

I also don't think that some posters realize that having obsessive thoughts means that these thoughts are irrational in nature -- they are more than just ruminations.

 

Moreover, clearly some posters don't grasp what a personality disorder is. By it's very definition, a personality disorder is not something one can "heal" from or "get over" through therapy and medication, because it's definitively rooted in one's personality. The very best outcome one can hope for, with hard therapeutic work and possibly meds, is to manage the aspects of your one's core beliefs about themselves, about others, and about how interpersonal dynamics "ought to" turn out... The therapist becomes like a person's personality manager, so to speak, helping their client stop short of behaving in ways that bring emotional turmoil to their relationships, their job, their health, etc. For example, the client interprets their interpersonal interactions in ways that distress them (moreso than do most people), brings it into therapy, and hopefully the therapist helps them develop coping skills to pre-empt troubling behavior.

Continuous, long-term therapy is most beneficial, perhaps with occasional periods out of therapy, if the client can recognize on their own when they should return. Inpatient hospitalization is NOT the solution.

 

You are quite welcome here. Read some of your posts, and objectively view the intensity of your opinions. The re-read some of the more "contrary" posters words, and view their intensity. What is common is the level of frustration. That in and of itself indicates this is a discussion well worth having.

 

Hey bubblegum...hello again and thanks for your time in posting. I think you have correctly interpreted my situation, despite me feeling that others may have not have not done so (and accepting that they may have felt they did interpret my situation correctly).

 

You put the problem of having a personality disorder diagnosed and what can be achieved through therapy very eloquently and I like your way of thinking of a therapist as a 'personality manager'.

 

To answer your question, I have had alot of trouble concentrating on my studies. Firstly, I have taken on too much, wanting to maximise my time at uni this semester, when I didn't need to and secondly, I find myself being absorbed in these posts, to the detriment of study, the latter which I think is not as important as trying to get a handle on my pain and struggle. Also, I guess that is only human nature that we find ourselves and others' the most interesting objects of study (either that or I am in the wrong field/fields of study or perhaps that is my personality disorder too....lol). I also have strange sleep patterns, feeling tired for a little bit, but not being able to sleep at night, then logging on to read and respond to these posts, then struggling to get to classes even though they begin at 11 am, because I need to sleep-in in the morning.

 

I also feel in this "void" in my life...not thinking of him or anyone else filling it, but feeling that way despite trying to cram as much into my life as I can possibly manage (and I know that others do alot more than I do).

 

I agree with what you say, the problem is that I don't see any other way of interpreting my interaction with this man as other than as distressing - it was and is still distressing and will be forever - compounding what I did in the past, he found my latest behaviour distressing. This is the correct way of looking at it, isn't it? - there is no other way of looking at it or of 'reframing' my thoughts.

 

I just can't see any way of me feeling better about it, therapy or not. Perhaps, just like with the man in the UK, I will finally realise and accept that I only had myself to blame for the escalation, perhaps, but I doubt it.

 

My only saving grace this episode is that firstly, I didn't react as badly as I could have to the letter from my mobile phone company - I certainly didn't cause him any trouble after receiving it and thanks largely to the efforts of these posters, I will not never contact him again.

 

Sorry, I realise these last few paragraphs may sound a bit incoherent. I am feeling quite fatigued and brain-drained by it all, but I thank you in welcoming my discussion about it. Still, having regard for the frustration of other posters on this thread, as you mention also, perhaps it is time that I cease responding.

[stillafool]

stillafool, FYI, I am an Aries, though some say on the cusp of being Piscean for what it's worth. I applaud you for your use of irony and must say that I even I am mildly amused.

 

I'm not psychic. I have a girlfriend who was involved with a MM. He threw her under the bus so she started dating his 22 year old son and came home to dinner with him one night. You can imagine the rest. That was just one of her many, many tactics to draw his attention. You reminded me of her and that's why I guessed you were an Aries because she is one. You ram's like to beat your heads against the wall. You don't like to lose.

[MSUE]

stillafool, FYI, I am an Aries, though some say on the cusp of being Piscean for what it's worth. I applaud you for your use of irony and must say that I even I am mildly amused.

 

 

interesting...I'm an aries too

[MSUE]

interesting...I'm an aries too

 

 

but I'm in a different category...this does not mean I am better or worse...I'm just saying...before I get rocks thrown at me :lmao:

[aussiegirl66]

Lol...well sorry, it is hypocritical for me to laugh at the misfortune of others...I have often wondered how much of a "Ram" I really am...I try to accept defeat in other areas of my life more gracefully, though. With regard to other characteristics of Arians, I may be stubborn, but I am not a natural leader, I am more of a follower and I don't think I have other Arian traits like arrogance and that is why I think I probably have quite a bit of Piscean in me. The two men I obsessed about who blew me off were Capricorns so I think the combo of Arian woman and Capricorn male must be a real dangerous mix. Stick to gentle Virgoan men (like hubby) for me, I think!

[aussiegirl66]

I'm not psychic. I have a girlfriend who was involved with a MM. He threw her under the bus so she started dating his 22 year old son and came home to dinner with him one night. You can imagine the rest. That was just one of her many, many tactics to draw his attention. You reminded me of her and that's why I guessed you were an Aries because she is one. You ram's like to beat your heads against the wall. You don't like to lose.

 

stillafool.. lol...well you were spot on! Regarding your friend, well Lol...well sorry, it is hypocritical for me to laugh at the misfortune of others...I have often wondered how much of a "Ram" I really am though...I try to accept defeat in other areas of my life more gracefully, though. With regard to other characteristics of Arians, I may be stubborn, but I am not a natural leader, I am more of a follower and I don't think I have other Arian traits like arrogance and that is why I think I probably have quite a bit of Piscean in me and I wish I was another star sign besides Aries at times!. The two men I obsessed about who blew me off were Capricorns so I think the combo of Arian woman and Capricorn male must be a real dangerous mix. Stick to gentle Virgoan men (like hubby) for me, I think!

 

Also, I think the American expression of "being thrown under a bus" for not giving a damn about someone, or dropping them without explanation is rather harsh, but in a strange way, amusing. This is the correct interpretation, isn't it?