Career VS Family

[Dumbledore]

Dumble, you are not a parent but at least you KNOW you're out of your depth, right?

:lmao:

[Touche]

Not always. I know this for fact.

 

Bull crap. You know no such thing. Ridiculous.

 

 

Once again, you're blowing this out of proportion and going to extremes. The example amasyn gave was very different from the one you're giving.

 

For myself, I'll be working but at home. For mothers AND fathers who work outside of the home, there's always the telephone or nanny cam.

 

Once again, your taking things to extreme.

 

sorry I don't think so.

 

As for walking the walk of YOUR description of what makes a great mother...yep. I pretty much do fit it. But I also have my own description. They would include things you not only didn't mention but probably never even thought of.

 

It's not up to me to fit YOUR description of what a GREAT mother is anymore than it is for you to fit mine.

 

Our descriptions of what make up a GREAT mother don't have to be the same. I already said that. Why get all defensive about it? I'm not. I'm fine with the kind of mother I am. I hope that someday you can say the same.

[sb129]

Ah its OK. Its getting a little hot in here for me.

[Trialbyfire]

Bull crap. You know no such thing. Ridiculous.

Since I was on the phone with you when your son wasn't in bed, since he would come out and interrupt, it appears you've misplaced certain memories.

 

sorry I don't think so.

 

As for walking the walk of YOUR description of what makes a great mother...yep. I pretty much do fit it. But I also have my own description. They would include things you not only didn't mention but probably never even thought of.

 

It's not up to me to fit YOUR description of what a GREAT mother is anymore than it is for you to fit mine.

 

Our descriptions of what make up a GREAT mother don't have to be the same. I already said that. Why get all defensive about it? I'm not. I'm fine with the kind of mother I am. I hope that someday you can say the same.

Who's getting defensive? I stated some of my views on what a GREAT mother entails. You agreed with it. How is that defensive?

 

As for fitting my partial description, we'll need to agree to disagree.

[amaysngrace]

Oh, then it's okay to not always be there for everything, right?

 

I never said you need to be there for everything. They go to school at age five and you can't be with them then. But during their early formative years, yes, I was there for it all.

 

(With the exception of when they went to pre-school nine hours a week.)

[Touche]

Oh, then it's okay to not always be there for everything, right?

 

DUH! Uhm, yeah. Of course. But are we talking about missing taking a kid to a party or are we talking about being there when your son was teased at school that day or when your daughter was disappointed because she didn't make the cheerleading team?

 

BIG difference.

 

As Amy said...it's the difference between needing and wanting.

 

Was your mother usually there when you needed her? She may not have always been there when you wanted her but I'd venture to say she was there when you needed her, right?

 

Why would you want anything less than that for your own child(ren)?

 

You always claim you had a perfect childhood with perfect parents. If that's so then why change the formula?

 

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[Trialbyfire]

I never said you need to be there for everything. They go to school at age five and you can't be with them then. But during their early formative years, yes, I was there for it all.

 

(With the exception of when they went to pre-school nine hours a week.)

Sorry, that must have been the accessibility comments made by other members about SAHMs.

 

Since I'll be home for the formative years, I'm not concerned. If I wasn't self-employed, I would take the almost one year maternity/parental benefits, then go back to work for the rest of the time, once again, employing a nanny and domestic help.

[Trialbyfire]

DUH! Uhm, yeah. Of course. But are we talking about missing taking a kid to a party or are we talking about being there when your son was teased at school that day or when your daughter was disappointed because she didn't make the cheerleading team?

 

BIG difference.

 

As Amy said...it's the difference between needing and wanting.

Working parents can drive home too, just like SAHMs can drive to the appropriate school, when they're needed. No difference.

 

Was your mother usually there when you needed her? She may not have always been there when you wanted her but I'd venture to say she was there when you needed her, right?

Either my mother or my father was there, when I needed them. So? My dad worked...

 

Why would you want anything less than that for your own child(ren)?

I'll always be there for my children. This doesn't mean I have to be at home.

 

You always claim you had a perfect childhood with perfect parents. If that's so then why change the formula?

Wrong again. I've always claimed I had a happy, healthy and functional childhood. My parents are perfect, maybe not perfect to everyone else but perfect to me. This doesn't mean I can't use their formula for my child, whether it's being at home or working.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I'm not my mother and definitely won't be having four kids. No more than two, but one is fine, as well.

[Touche]

Since I was on the phone with you when your son wasn't in bed, since he would come out and interrupt, it appears you've misplaced certain memories.

 

Nope. Go back up and read. First of all I said I am not ALWAYS hands on. He does have a dad you know. Who is actually married to his mom and lives under the same roof! Imagine that?! I do take my "time outs." And they're well-deserved. Trust me. I'm not only a mother you know. I'm also a wife. A business partner. A daughter. A sister. A friend. I do have other roles.

 

 

Who's getting defensive? I stated some of my views on what a GREAT mother entails. You agreed with it. How is that defensive?

 

As for fitting my partial description, we'll need to agree to disagree.

 

Ok, fine. Agree to disagree! You're funny.

 

Ah its OK. Its getting a little hot in here for me.

 

Oh stop it, SB! We're just debating like we always do on here. Isn't that what LS is all about? Wouldn't it be boring if we all agreed with each other all the time?

 

I really love hearing other people's opinions on things. I do. I mean I may not agree but it's still interesting to hear other people's views on things that have meaning in our lives. And maybe we sometimes get personal and sometimes we go over the line but for the most part I think we respect each other's opinions.

 

I know it may not seem like I do sometimes, but I really do. But anyone who knows me knows I rarely will back away from an interesting and intelligent debate...no matter the topic.

 

So please stick around.

 

I love to interact with intelligent women on LS even when I don't agree with them.

[amaysngrace]

Since I'll be home for the formative years, I'm not concerned. If I wasn't self-employed, I would take the almost one year maternity/parental benefits, then go back to work for the rest of the time, once again, employing a nanny and domestic help.

 

It's nice you have this planned out and all but you may change your mind after you meet your child and become a mom.

 

And that's okay too.

[Trialbyfire]

He does have a dad you know. Who is actually married to his mom and lives under the same roof! Imagine that?! I do take my "time outs." And they're well-deserved. Trust me. I'm not only a mother you know. I'm also a wife. A business partner. A daughter. A sister. A friend. I do have other roles.

 

HINT: An absent mother, whether at home or not, is still an absent mother.

Hmmm....so, it's okay for you to work from home and be a GREAT mother but not for anyone else? Hmmm...

[amaysngrace]

Like you say, there are people on this thread who are completely out of their depth.

 

Hey I just saw this. I never said that.

[Dumbledore]

It's nice you have this planned out and all but you may change your mind after you meet your child and become a mom.

 

And that's okay too.

There's no substitute for experience.

 

I'm amazed at how some people on this thread believe they know what's best when they have no grounding. They feed their ego with a reckless and judgemental attitude directed at those who are successfully navigating their own personal journey through parenthood.

[Trialbyfire]

It's nice you have this planned out and all but you may change your mind after you meet your child and become a mom.

 

And that's okay too.

It's possible I might change my mind but that's the beauty of it, I have freedom of choice! This is my POINT in this entire thread. I can do what I want and are capable of doing, just like any other woman can.

 

While sure, I took some side-swipe when the SAHMs got rigid but overall, there's no right or wrong about each woman's choice. It's annoying when people are trapped in their own thinking, unable to see that there are other choices out there. This is the martyr syndrome I spoke of, one that relies on guilt and uses the "selfish" comments to push other women towards non-feasible solutions for them.

[Touche]

Working parents can drive home too, just like SAHMs can drive to the appropriate school, when they're needed. No difference.

 

What the hey? We're not talking about going to their school! Sheesh, no kid over the age of 7 wants that embarrassment! They need you at HOME! When they get HOME! To talk to you when they have your full attention.[/i]

 

Either my mother or my father was there, when I needed them. So? My dad worked...

 

So? One or the other was there for you. But you're proposing that a "nanny" might have to be the one there for YOUR child.

 

I'll always be there for my children. This doesn't mean I have to be at home.

 

Sorry but this makes zero sense. "I'll always be there for my children except when I'm not home and the nanny can take over when I'm not."

 

Wrong again. I've always claimed I had a happy, healthy and functional childhood. My parents are perfect, maybe not perfect to everyone else but perfect to me. This doesn't mean I can't use their formula for my child, whether it's being at home or working.

I'm not my mother and definitely won't be having four kids. No more than two, but one is fine, as well.

 

That bolded part above doesn't make sense. The very crux of the "formula" that your parents had entailed your mom being at home. You can say you can incorporate this than and the other leaving out the part about her being AT HOME all you want. But then you will be rejecting your perfect parents' formula won't you?

 

And again, this has nothing to do with how many kids you have or your mom had...it's irrelevant.

 

The fact of the matter is that you want to do it differently than your parents did. Why? If it was so perfect why mess with the formula?

[Dumbledore]

I never said that.

But you wanted to.

[Trialbyfire]

Touche, I don't know why you can't understand that the majority of my parents formula isn't about having one partner be a SAHM. I'm also not going to get into explaining the entire formula. All I'm going to say is that I'm going to use it, with 2 - 3 children less.

[amaysngrace]

It's annoying when people are trapped in their own thinking, unable to see that there are other choices out there. This is the martyr syndrome I spoke of, one that relies on guilt and uses the "selfish" comments to push other women towards non-feasible solutions for them.

 

I think women work because they have to work. I think any woman who doesn't have to work and chooses to be a parent should not work.

 

Our First Lady Michelle Obama doesn't want to concern herself with platforms. Even she says her first job is being a mom. She wants to be hands-on for her daughters realizing that their lives have all been impacted with this presidency. She needs to see her daughters through it.

 

Would some women get in there with thoughts of how they can change the world? Surely. She isn't one of those women. She'd rather do for her daughters first. And who better to do it for them than their mom?

[Dumbledore]

This is my POINT in this entire thread. I can do what I want

It's the self-righteousness that's most at issue, here. Rather than simply stating a case, some feel the need to bludgeon others with their often uninformed point of view. My best guess is that it's some sort of ego trip, or possibly narcissism. Anyway, I respect every poster's right to their opinion, as long as they offer those opinions in the spirit of constructive debate.

[amaysngrace]

But you wanted to.

 

You are so bad.

[Touche]

Hmmm....so, it's okay for you to work from home and be a GREAT mother but not for anyone else? Hmmm...

 

Of course not. I've never said that. But you were talking about working at home and pawning your kids off to the nanny when you were busy.

 

I only work while our son is in school. I mean take the last week or so. My laptop that I work from at home was sent off for repairs. I had to do all my work from the office computer in our downtown office. (NO internet..NO LS!)

 

I was home before our son was home every day last week when I went in to work.

[Trialbyfire]

I think women work because they have to work. I think any woman who doesn't have to work and chooses to be a parent should not work.

 

Our First Lady Michelle Obama doesn't want to concern herself with platforms. Even she says her first job is being a mom. She wants to be hands-on for her daughters realizing that their lives have all been impacted with this presidency. She needs to see her daughters through it.

 

Would some women get in there with thoughts of how they can change the world? Surely. She isn't one of those women. She'd rather do for her daughters first. And who better to do it for them than their mom?

Not all women work because they have to. Many work because they want to. I have friends who are mothers and successful career women. I also have SAHM friends.

 

I don't much like or care about M. Obama. No offense.

 

Don't stereotype all women.

[Dumbledore]

I think women work because they have to work. I think any woman who doesn't have to work and chooses to be a parent should not work.

 

Our First Lady Michelle Obama doesn't want to concern herself with platforms. Even she says her first job is being a mom. She wants to be hands-on for her daughters realizing that their lives have all been impacted with this presidency. She needs to see her daughters through it.

 

Would some women get in there with thoughts of how they can change the world? Surely. She isn't one of those women. She'd rather do for her daughters first. And who better to do it for them than their mom?

Points well made.

[Trialbyfire]

Of course not. I've never said that. But you were talking about working at home and pawning your kids off to the nanny when you were busy.

Pawning? I think not. We're talking about an experienced nanny, one who has more childcare experience under her belt than your average SAHM.

[Touche]

I think women work because they have to work. I think any woman who doesn't have to work and chooses to be a parent should not work.

 

Our First Lady Michelle Obama doesn't want to concern herself with platforms. Even she says her first job is being a mom. She wants to be hands-on for her daughters realizing that their lives have all been impacted with this presidency. She needs to see her daughters through it.

 

Would some women get in there with thoughts of how they can change the world? Surely. She isn't one of those women. She'd rather do for her daughters first. And who better to do it for them than their mom?

 

Great post, amay. I agreed with all of it from start to finish. And i'm not big fan of Michelle Obama either. But I respect her as a mother.

 

Touche, I don't know why you can't understand that the majority of my parents formula isn't about having one partner be a SAHM. I'm also not going to get into explaining the entire formula. All I'm going to say is that I'm going to use it, with 2 - 3 children less.

 

And I don't understand why you can't see that the majority of your parents formula WAS about having one of them there and at home for you and your siblings.

 

Why not ask them?

 

You say you're not going to get into their "entire formula"...well you don't have to. The main part is the one part you want to ignore..the part where one parent was AT HOME!!!! No small thing that. As good as the rest of the "formula" is/was it doesn't compare to the most important part. The part where your mother was there for you when you needed her.

 

 

I don't get why you don't understand that.