Dumbledore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 From this point forward, please introduce yourself by stating your job. Or, in those other rare cases, your career. Of course, people with jobs should realise that their opinion matters little, if at all. Giving up a job is like giving up a STI. There is no satisfaction in a job, and a job will never give you an orgasm like a career will.
grogster Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Right. And "careers" don't necessarily last either. They can get stale, they change, they die..etc. Good point--especially in today's perilous economy.
Taramere Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 From this point forward, please introduce yourself by stating your job. Or, in those other rare cases, your career. Of course, people with jobs should realise that their opinion matters little, if at all. Giving up a job is like giving up a STI. There is no satisfaction in a job, and a job will never give you an orgasm like a career will. Great! Okay. Qualifications: None of your business. You know, anyway. Experience: telling people what to do, arguing on some occasions and peacemaking on others. Generally, dealing with conflict. Now that that's out of the way....I find it fascinating that until recently you appeared to have no issue with TBF. Then suddenly the tide against her turned, and guess who's jumping atop the wave of ill feeling to surf it with glee. Why, you of course! Be a man. Try.
Touche Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Seems so. Not being a parent, I'm not really qualfied to comment...self-denigrating, humble stance etc etc. But I like to comment - so of course I will. I hope the parents on here have the discipline and maturity not to bitch in front of their kids in the manner that's going on here. Some of you with daughters might consider, though, the possibility that they won't go on to have children. Maybe they'll contribute in other ways. Daughter A might become a paediatrician, daughter B might become a child psychologist, daughter C might devote a large chunk of her life to working with difficult or disadvantaged children. Will you also denigrate them in any discussion about children, and tell them that they're not qualified to comment? I wouldn't denigrate them. They would certainly have a right to comment but nope...that still wouldn't make them qualified to comment on being a parent in my book. This has been brought up..working with kids is not the same as RAISING them.
grogster Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Seems so. Not being a parent, I'm not really qualfied to comment...self-denigrating, humble stance etc etc. But I like to comment - so of course I will. I hope the parents on here have the discipline and maturity not to bitch in front of their kids in the manner that's going on here. Some of you with daughters might consider, though, the possibility that they won't go on to have children. Maybe they'll contribute in other ways. Daughter A might become a paediatrician, daughter B might become a child psychologist, daughter C might devote a large chunk of her life to working with difficult or disadvantaged children. Will you also denigrate them in any discussion about children, and tell them that they're not qualified to comment? Good points, Tara. Parenthood does not necessarily guarantee a credible, persuasive argument. As always, it comes down to perspective. A different perspective is not necessarily a wrong perspective. Children do not always a correct argument make. Just because we're parents does not necessarily make us right.
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 If parents feel they've martyred themselves for their children, then they shouldn't have had children. Parenting should come from a place of wanting to do things for their children. These things aren't "sacrifices" or "look what I've done for you". Ridiculous. That's the kind of parenting that's full of guilt, guilt all over their children, which is driven by personal unhappiness.
Touche Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Ok, let me put it this way. Say I had a behavioral issue about my child that concerned me...would I go to an "expert" - child psychologist, pediatrician, etc. first or to another parent who had experience raising a child who had the same issue. Speaking for myself it would be no contest...hands down I'd go to the parent first. This reminds me of the time my ex and I went to a marriage counselor once. The girl was in her 20's and never married. Let's just say we never went back. I mean come ON! I'm not saying these people aren't knowlegeable in their fields but I can't take what they say too seriously. What about substance abuse counselors who have never dealt with addiction...I mean seriously. (No offense to anyone who fits these profiles..just my opinion.) So that's where I'm coming from with this. Does it mean that the parent's advice or way of handling the issue is better than the "expert's?" Not necessarily. But for me, it would hold more weight.
Dumbledore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I find it fascinating Perhaps you need to get out more. Just kidding. Yes, really. P.S. I like the imagery.
Dumbledore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Parenting should come from a place of wanting to do things for their children. Cue the nanny.
Touche Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Cue the nanny. But seriously, any parent who lords their sacrifices, whatever they may be, over their heads should be ashamed. No good parent would do that. "I gave up my car..err job for you!" Parenting should come from a place of wanting to do things for their children Very true. But it also means doing things for them even when we don't feel like it.
MindoverMatter Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Say I had a behavioral issue about my child that concerned me...would I go to an "expert" - child psychologist, pediatrician, etc. first or to another parent who had experience raising a child who had the same issue. Speaking for myself it would be no contest...hands down I'd go to the parent first. Call me crazy, but I would go to both. The other parent could help me cope with the situation of being a parent, and the expert could educate me about the issue at hand and offer possible solutions or ideas on how to adapt to the situation. Then I'd go find myself a group of people with the same thing and compare experiences. Only in case of a real problem, like severe ADD, Asperger etc. If it was a parenting issue, then yes, I'd go seek out my peers (other parents, my own parents) first. I am NO fan of putting labels on childrens behaviour, and can't stand people who put their child in therapy over no real reason. Sickening tendency, imho.
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Parenting isn't rocket science. People need to get a grip... If your child has behavioural problems to the extent that a child therapist/psychologist is necessary, look to your own parenting skills 9/10 times. Having said that, any parent who grits their teeth through mental illness, is doing their child and themselves no favours. Once again, poor, negligent parenting.
Touche Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 MoM I agree. You're not crazy. I guess I'd go to both too but if I had to CHOOSE, I'd go to the parent. Someone who had successfully navigated through the behavioral issue and not just read about it in a medical journal.
marlena Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Personally, I think that there are good and bad parents on both sides of the fence. Working or not working isn't the definitive factor in establishing whether a parent is good or not. Other things such as patience,love, understanding, affection, setting a good role model and just being there at critical times is what is of utmost importance. That said however, I do believe that in the first few years of a child's life it is a good idea, if the finaces permit it, for the mother to stay at home. To this end, we women should fight for legislature that would afford us more rights as mothers such as extended maternity leave and shorter working hours, days off in the event of a child's illness etc. .. Once those few crucial years are up and the child can go to school, a job with decent hours is perfect.
marlena Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 and can't stand people who put their child in therapy over no real reason. Sickening tendency, imho Yes, it is a very disturbing trend indeed.
Touche Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Parenting isn't rocket science. People need to get a grip... If your child has behavioural problems to the extent that a child therapist/psychologist is necessary, look to your own parenting skills 9/10 times. I would tend to agree with this...of course there are exceptions...brain abnormalities, etc. that are beyond the parent's control Having said that, any parent who grits their teeth through mental illness, is doing their child and themselves no favours. Once again, poor, negligent parenting. Huh? Who does that?
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 If it was a parenting issue, then yes, I'd go seek out my peers (other parents, my own parents) first. I am NO fan of putting labels on childrens behaviour, and can't stand people who put their child in therapy over no real reason. Sickening tendency, imho. Let's pretend you had a child who's afraid of leaving the house, trapped in front of their PC, afraid to interact with real people in real life. How would you handle this, as a parent? More importantly, how did this child get this way?
Dumbledore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 A child's upbringing isn't just another task to delegate, or a project template to fill in. Grandchildren might fit better into this mould, if that's what one is looking for.
MindoverMatter Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Let's pretend you had a child who's afraid of leaving the house, trapped in front of their PC, afraid to interact with real people in real life. How would you handle this, as a parent? More importantly, how did this child get this way? I'd have to check with nanny, but I am sure it's dad's fault. I don't know. I don't have a child yet. Ideally: If it happened all of a sudden, approach the child, offer to talk, call the school/club/boy scouts (whatever said child would be involved in) and find out if there had been any troubles, problems, disturbing events and when they had started noticing something. Depending on the outcome, my reactions would differ. If it was a slow development, I'd also talk to the kid, cut off the internet, and take the games and look for reaction. I'd also talk to teachers/club members etc to find out if they noticed other signs. And then I'd take it from there as well.
anne1707 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 trapped in front of their PC, afraid to interact with real people in real life. Sounds like a LS addict to me
Dumbledore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Sounds like a LS addict to me You don't understand - I'm a multitasker. As I'm posting this, I'm simultaneously doing any number of other things. For example, with my other hand... actually, I think you get the idea.
anne1707 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 You don't understand - I'm a multitasker. As I'm posting this, I'm simultaneously doing any number of other things. For example, with my other hand... actually, I think you get the idea. Trying to get that image out of my mind.....but failing
MindoverMatter Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 More importantly, how did this child get this way? Sorry, didn't read that. How the F do I know? It's your imaginary kid, I am guessing you will know what my future husband George Clooney and I did to the poor youngster to make him into a cyberaddict. Anyway, if he doesn't change within 2 weeks, he will be fed to the crocodiles in the moat surrounding our castle. George says that builds character.
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Sorry, didn't read that. How the F do I know? It's your imaginary kid, I am guessing you will know what my future husband George Clooney and I did to the poor youngster to make him into a cyberaddict. Anyway, if he doesn't change within 2 weeks, he will be fed to the crocodiles in the moat surrounding our castle. George says that builds character. And you want to be a parent?
Touche Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 One of the most important qualities needed to be a GREAT parent is having a sense of humor.
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