Career VS Family

[sb129]

I'm not debating absolutes, only freedom of choice.

 

Well yes, this is true. As am I.

 

But the somewhat personal manner in which the debate is being held detracts from the issue.

 

On both sides.

[Trialbyfire]

Well yes, this is true. As am I.

 

But the somewhat personal manner in which the debate is being held detracts from the issue.

 

On both sides.

I won't disagree and I'm willing to retract my claws and fangs, if people start being honest and stop with the denigration of women who choose another path, than their own choice of being a SAHM. As expressed numerous times, I can respect people who make the best choices for their situation. It's difficult to respect people who make it sound like it was all for altruistic reasons when it was a freedom of choice with a sense of personal fulfillment.

[marlena]

Is there something missing that perhaps we would have gained from mum staying at home?

 

I'll answer that!!! No, there isn't. On the contrary, you probably gained a lot by having as a role model a mother who was dynamic, independent and probably happy to get out of the house and contribute to society as a whole.

 

IMO, if working makes a woman happier in the sense that it provides her with fulfilment, then, that's what she should do. If staying at home makes her happy, then, that's fine, too. It really does boil down to this: happy children come from happy parents.

[amaysngrace]

As expressed numerous times, I can respect people who make the best choices for their situation. It's difficult to respect people who make it sound like it was all for altruistic reasons when it was a freedom of choice with a sense of personal fulfillment.

 

I can too. People do what they have to do to get the job done and everyone is different. Every situation is different.

 

Being a SAHM doesn't make me a martyr or mean it was an easy decision for me but these are the choices I've made. To best suit my situation.

 

I don't have a woe-is-me attitude. I love my life or else I would change what I am doing with it. Again I think about the trade off. The sacrifice. What I am giving up as opposed to what I am getting.

 

And lucky for me it works as is.

[Meaplus3]

 

IMO, if working makes a woman happier in the sense that it provides her with fulfilment, then, that's what she should do. If staying at home makes her happy, then, that's fine, too. It really does boil down to this: happy children come from happy parents.

 

This is it in a nut shell Marlena boy do I agree with you.

 

Mea:)

[Star Gazer]

IMO, if working makes a woman happier in the sense that it provides her with fulfilment, then, that's what she should do. If staying at home makes her happy, then, that's fine, too. It really does boil down to this: happy children come from happy parents.

 

Again, not a mother here... but I have to agree with this 10000000%.

 

(Reminds me of the "Happy cows come from California" commerical... )

[Trialbyfire]

I can too. People do what they have to do to get the job done and everyone is different. Every situation is different.

 

Being a SAHM doesn't make me a martyr or mean it was an easy decision for me but these are the choices I've made. To best suit my situation.

 

I don't have a woe-is-me attitude. I love my life or else I would change what I am doing with it. Again I think about the trade off. The sacrifice. What I am giving up as opposed to what I am getting.

 

And lucky for me it works as is.

Then in this we can agree, to respect freedom of choice and making the best decisions to suit individual situations and needs.

[amaysngrace]

Then in this we can agree, to respect freedom of choice and making the best decisions to suit individual situations and needs.

 

Absolutely.

[Touche]

Again, not a mother here... but I have to agree with this 10000000%.

 

(Reminds me of the "Happy cows come from California" commerical... )

 

The cows are Stay-At-Pastures though. They don't go off to some other pasture across town. They give milk and do what cows do right from "home" with their calfs (calves?) beside them. And unless there's something wrong with the mother's milk they don't hire out surrogates to nurture/feed. They do it themselves.

 

:laugh:

 

Just tryin' to lighten it up here in between work.

[sb129]

I'll answer that!!! No, there isn't. On the contrary, you probably gained a lot by having as a role model a mother who was dynamic, independent and probably happy to get out of the house and contribute to society as a whole.

 

IMO, if working makes a woman happier in the sense that it provides her with fulfilment, then, that's what she should do. If staying at home makes her happy, then, that's fine, too. It really does boil down to this: happy children come from happy parents.

 

Absolutely!

 

Thanks marlena, you got it one.

 

Conversely, if a mother is happier at home, then that makes for happier children.

[marlena]

Conversely, if a mother is happier at home, then that makes for happier children.

 

Yes, of course, it does. Children need happy parents whether they work or not. A happy parent is a good parent.

[Touche]

So if the mother is thrilled with her career and working like crazy and is hardly ever home but she's HAPPY, then the kids are too? Hmmm...not sure I agree with that. I've seen plenty of evidence to the contrary. (Think latchkey kids for one.)

 

I can acknowledge everyone's right to choose but I also have a right to express disagreement with certain choices. Doesn't mean I think you shouldn't HAVE the choice. Of course you should.

 

This thread was started under PARENTING not Business not Water Cooler, not Venting etc. It's under Parenting. And so that's where my angle is in responding.

 

We should all go back and read the FIRST post (where is OP by the way?). That's what I've been responding to mainly. She/he didn't really talk about anything about respecting freedom of choice or the best decisions for individuals, etc. At least not that I recall.

 

But OP DID bring up the whole sacrifice issue.

 

I guess I'm saying we have several different debates going on in this one thread. I've tried (for the most part) to stay true to the original topic.

[marlena]

So if the mother is thrilled with her career and working like crazy and is hardly ever home but she's HAPPY, then the kids are too?

 

Well, one could say the same thing about SAHMs. If they are at home but miserable, does that make the kids happy? No, I think not.

 

Besides, most rational women would make time for their children no matter how hectic her career. Nobody works 100% of the time.

[Touche]

Well, one could say the same thing about SAHMs. If they are at home but miserable, does that make the kids happy? No, I think not.

 

True. But then I don't think they should be SAHM's. What would be the point?

 

Besides, most rational women would make time for their children no matter how hectic her career. Nobody works 100% of the time.

 

Also true. It's just a matter of how MUCH time.

 

For me personally, I don't feel right having to "make time" for my child. It implies you have to squeeze in time with your child after your other obligations are met. I don't have to "make time" for my child. It's a given.

[marlena]

Touche,

 

Just because someone is a SAHM does not necessarily mean that she is spending time with her children or giving them the attention they need. Many just sit around talking on the phone or watching soap operas all day.

[Touche]

Touche,

 

Just because someone is a SAHM does not necessarily mean that she is spending time with her children or giving them the attention they need. Many just sit around talking on the phone or watching soap operas all day.

 

Very true and I would judge them as harshly as I judge those parents who work when they don't have to. No difference. A bad parent is a bad parent whether they stay at home or not. On that we can agree.

[Star Gazer]

The cows are Stay-At-Pastures though. They don't go off to some other pasture across town. They give milk and do what cows do right from "home" with their calfs (calves?) beside them.

 

But they get pumped from milk right from the barn (home). So I guess they're still working cows, they just do it from home.

 

I wonder if attorneys can legitimately ever work from home? I do on sick days, but for the majority of the time? Hmm.

 

I know lots of women who "work from home," but I've never really understood how that works exactly... What professions allow that? (I'm being serious. I want to know - for future reference.)

[Touche]

Ok, let me add this:

 

What's the most valuable thing one can give another human being? Our TIME. At least that's what I think.

 

One can give too little of it, on that I think we can all agree, but can one ever give too much of it? Especially when it involves a loved one, namely your own child?

 

I think not.

[Touche]

But they get pumped from milk right from the barn (home). So I guess they're still working cows, they just do it from home.

 

Working cows! Too funny. But they're there to give their calves milk and feed them like I was saying. I don't think they have surrogates do they? I mean I'm no farmer so I don't really know. Maybe they have special "nanny" cows that feed and take care of the working cows' offspring?

 

I wonder if attorneys can legitimately ever work from home? I do on sick days, but for the majority of the time? Hmm.

 

From what I understand it happens more and more...telecommuting. I don't really see why not? Much of what my H does could be done at home. Other than court appearances and appointments of course. And that's maybe half of his hours I'd say. But I guess for everyone it would be different.

 

I know lots of women who "work from home," but I've never really understood how that works exactly... What professions allow that? (I'm being serious. I want to know - for future reference.)

 

Well speaking just for myself, when I don't go into the office, and as I've said when I do, I'm home by the time our son is, I answer the phone which we forward from the office to home and I type up documents from home, as well as order supplies, deal with bookkeeping issues, etc. etc.

 

Almost everything I personally do at the office I can also do at home. That's just the way we set it up.

 

Not sure how it is for others though. That's just my situation.

[sb129]

I know lots of women who "work from home," but I've never really understood how that works exactly... What professions allow that? (I'm being serious. I want to know - for future reference.)

 

Not mine! (not without astronomical set up costs anyway)

 

So Touche- you ARE a working mom? You just go to the office when your son is at school?

 

That reassures me even further that WB and I will be fine, as he will be home when our kids are from school, and my hours are pretty flexible too.

[Tomcat33]

Some of the comments in this thread are SO ridiculous and so OFF the mark, that unless you ARE a parent you haven't a clue what it is REALLY like to be a parent. I would hate to see some of the non-parent know it alls here eat a HUGE piece of humble pie when they do become parents.

 

 

On my own personal observation being surrounded by family and friends with kids this is MY conclusion and let me tell you I am spectacular with kids, have worked with grade school kids tutoring them and have worked with suicidal teens and of course my nieces and nephews they all take to me but NEVER can any of that prepare you for what it is like to be a parent. A 24/7 HANDS on parent. I respect that, I understand that and would never be so completely arrogant to think otherwise. It is such a slap in the face to parents and mothers in general to think you know more than they do. You just don't know what it's like until you have one of your own, I have seen that with my siblings and their kids.

 

Of the children I know here is what I have seen:

 

 

The kids that come from a working mother home, and these are mothers that have nannies and are very "modern" women who are home but put their children off on their husbands and nannies as much as they can and this is during social gatherings I can imagine even more so these kids get put off when the woman comes home tired and cranky from work every day, one of them works from home and has a home office, their kids:

 

throw temper tantrums when socializing with other kids if they don't get their way are more selfish with their toys in a group setting

they need to be centerer of attention all the time

one little boy is just downright mean

they are STARVED for attention and will go to anyone in the room for affection

they cry over nothing and are extremely temperamental

when all the other kids in the room retreat to their moms when they are done play, these kids retreat to anyone in the room BUT their mother

 

 

Now the kids with SAHMs are socially more accommodating, they don't cry over nonsense they follow their moms around more and are more cautious of strangers in the room.

[sb129]

Some of the comments in this thread are SO ridiculous and so OFF the mark,

Examples, please?

 

that unless you ARE a parent you haven't a clue what it is REALLY like to be a parent.

 

You aren't a parent either, however you are quite happy to dispense advice about it too, just like the other non parents on this thread who you have criticised for doing so. Doesn't that make you a bit of a hypocrite?

 

I would hate to see some of the non-parent know it alls here eat a HUGE piece of humble pie when they do become parents.

Quite prepared to do so in the not too distant future when it happens. we shall have to wait and see.

 

Are you? Are you open-minded enough to be prepared to change YOUR stance on this issue if you become a parent?

 

Thank you for your opinions Tomcat.

We are all entitled to them, and some of the posters on this thread who you have accused of being "off the mark" are merely expressing theirs.

 

You don't want us to pick apart your argument now, do you? Its only fair seeing as you have been so scathing of others. (without backing up your statements I might add)

[sb129]

 

The kids that come from a working mother home, and these are mothers that have nannies and are very "modern" women who are home but put their children off on their husbands and nannies as much as they can and this is during social gatherings I can imagine even more so these kids get put off when the woman comes home tired and cranky from work every day, one of them works from home and has a home office, their kids:

 

Quite an extreme example here, don't you think? Not ALL working moms do this.

 

 

Now the kids with SAHMs are socially more accommodating, they don't cry over nonsense they follow their moms around more and are more cautious of strangers in the room

 

This called also be classified as "clingy" "needy" and "antisocial"- not necessarily a good thing.

[Touche]

Not mine! (not without astronomical set up costs anyway)

 

So Touche- you ARE a working mom? You just go to the office when your son is at school?

 

That reassures me even further that WB and I will be fine, as he will be home when our kids are from school, and my hours are pretty flexible too.

 

I've already answered this, SB. I work both from home AND at the office. But I'm always done with my work by the time our son is home.

 

This works best for us.

 

All of my comments (judgments) regarding working moms are only directed towards those who don't have to work...in keeping with the original topic.

As I've said, I've worked full-time and part-time when I wasn't home when our son came home...none of it was right for US.

 

You're lucky you will have flexible hours and can be home for your future child(ren) In my opinion, that's the best of all worlds. Of course, in the early years I think we should be there for them almost all the time. I thought Dumbledore made an excellent point about it being about "accessibility."

[Star Gazer]

From what I understand it happens more and more...telecommuting. I don't really see why not? Much of what my H does could be done at home. Other than court appearances and appointments of course. And that's maybe half of his hours I'd say. But I guess for everyone it would be different.

 

I can see how sole practioners (or VERY small firms) can do this, but when you're working on the types of cases I do (sometimes with as many as 5 attorneys working on one case) and constantly in-and-out of each others' offices and meetings to pow-wow and strategize, the idea of telecommuniting doesn't make much sense.

 

Makes me wonder about being a solo someday.......