Question for Guys 40 - 50

[almost famous]

 

I want to be with a younger woman... Sorry. Most men do also.

 

.

 

That's not true,though.

[shadowplay]

That's not true,though.

 

Yeah, most guys where I live like women who are their age. They don't generally prefer a younger woman over somebody their age, though there are some who do.

[almost famous]

Yes that is what I am not getting. Around where I am, I am approached by guys around my age range, late 30's early 40's. On a website I am on, there are plenty of men a few years older and a couple years younger contacting me, and on their profiles, they aren't putting their preference as women 20 years younger, they are going down a few and up a couple years. These couple guys on here will swear that is the exception, not the rule, but it really is the rule here.

[vonerik012]

I am not South American, I am European, and I live in the USA. I have spent time in South America, North America, Central America, and Europe.

 

Ok Almost. Why don't you tell me what most men want.

 

Shadow, I stated men like women their age or younger. Maybe a year or 2 older. But typically they do not want to marry a woman 7-10 years older. Thats all I have been saying.

 

Take this example, and tell me what makes the most sense.

 

Lets say you are a 25 yr old girl, and you would like to have a family, and get married. You have the outlook that you want one partner for the rest of you life.

 

A. You can marry an 18 yr old guy and start a family. This takes into account the fact that women live 7 years longer on average, lol.

 

B. You can marry a 25 yr old, but most 25 yr old men your age are not ready for marriage. Financially, or emotionally, or mentally.

 

C. You can marry a guy who is 29-34. They are mature enough to raise a family, and are ready to be married.

 

D. Or you can wait until you are 40, and then search for a younger man who wants to marry an older woman and start a family, most likely using some sort of modern medicine fertility techniques.

 

Which mkes the most sense? I choose c.

[Jake Barnes]

Yeah, but Von I have to agree with the ladies that most men past 35 don't want to start a familly. It would be way too exhausting

 

At 34 I've given up on that notion a while back

[vonerik012]

I think most men would like to have the option. When you realize you can never ever have a child with a certain woman, sometimes it hits you.

[Jake Barnes]

Jersey, people fall in and out of love all the time. men and women. People change.

 

Since I know I would leave the old lady if I am the younger man, I am not so selfish as to waste her best years. I should be commended for that, not degraded.

 

Since I do not plan on trading a woman in, I am seeking one that is suitable for the long haul. Some people think ahead, some people think solely in the moment. I think ahead.

 

Some people are bi, some people are gay, some people marry older women. I really don't care. I know what I want to settle down with, and it is not an older woman.

 

I never met any guy in my life, 20-85 that had the goal of marrying an older woman. Some might end up settling for various reasons. But trust me, that is not their first choice.

Oh come on Von, do you really think all guys who marry women a little bit older are settling?

 

I agree with you that the guys who target women more than fifteen years older than them are usually going for sex (almost always), either that or they're very lonley and many times the women delude themselves that they're doing the same thing and then end up falling for the younger guys, put men their own age out of their mind and end up bitter, slutty and alone....that much I agree

 

But theres nothing unusual about either gender dating 5-10 years older or otherwise the dating pool becomes too small and youd miss out on all kinds of opportunities

[almost famous]

Von is all about "I think most men" etc. etc. etc. He doesn't really know what all men feel. Most men don't have set preferences, they see what they want and like and fall for her. They don't think "number."

 

Rebecca Romijn is 36 and her husband Jerry O'Connell, who "opted" for a woman 2 years older, are expecting twins....so there is total hope for you, Jake.

 

Another example is Gavin Rossdale, age 40, and Gwen Stefani, age 39, who just had another baby, also. Wonder why Gaving hasn't traded down yet? Hmmm.

[Jake Barnes]

Von is all about "I think most men" etc. etc. etc. He doesn't really know what all men feel. Most men don't have set preferences, they see what they want and like and fall for her. They don't think "number."

 

Rebecca Romijn is 36 and her husband Jerry O'Connell, who "opted" for a woman 2 years older, are expecting twins....so there is total hope for you, Jake.

Well age is a factor AF, I can't say it's just a number, but as long as it's reasonable it wont factor in

 

My first instinct is to side with Von though, because we have had numerous female posters talking about how boring and unattractive men their own age are and how they can only be with guys signifcantly younger, sometimes decades and nobody says anything and sometimes even applaud them.

 

So Von is good for a little counterbalance

[vonerik012]

I can tell you this..

 

I have a friend who married a woman who is 5 years older. He was 35, and she was 40. Outwardly, everyone feels they have an amazing relationship, and I do think they are a good couple.

 

However he confides with me often.. When they met, she had a big home, and he had nothing. He had a van worth about 50 dollars. I actually introduced the 2 of them.

 

Now that he is more successful, he constantly talks about how he can marry a woman 8 years younger than him easily. Then he adds that up to be a 13 yr difference. Since women do hit on him everywhere he goes, he easily could. Unfortunately, I know he has not been faithful to her as well.

 

Now on the flip side, I do not think I will ever hear a man say "Well I am married now to a woman who is 5 years younger. I am now successful. I wish I had a woman that was 10 years older, which would be a 15 yr age difference."

[Lizzie60]

I can tell you this..

 

I have a friend who married a woman who is 5 years older. He was 35, and she was 40. Outwardly, everyone feels they have an amazing relationship, and I do think they are a good couple.

 

However he confides with me often.. When they met, she had a big home, and he had nothing. He had a van worth about 50 dollars. I actually introduced the 2 of them.

 

Now that he is more successful, he constantly talks about how he can marry a woman 8 years younger than him easily. Then he adds that up to be a 13 yr difference. Since women do hit on him everywhere he goes, he easily could. Unfortunately, I know he has not been faithful to her as well.

 

Now on the flip side, I do not think I will ever hear a man say "Well I am married now to a woman who is 5 years younger. I am now successful. I wish I had a woman that was 10 years older, which would be a 15 yr age difference."

 

WOW... you seem to be surrounded by chronic losers.... (your environment - bars, friends, etc.) kind of 'hillbillies - trailer park' people..

 

Maybe you should move.. then you might get a better idea of how 'decent' people live and think..

[Jake Barnes]

Maybe you should move.. then you might get a better idea of how 'decent' people live and think..

ahahahahhahahhahhahahaahahahaha :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

I need a drink

[vonerik012]

LOL

 

Lizzie..

 

You mean people like you that are almost 60 begging to be set up with 22 yr olds because they are black? LOL.. Are you the barometer for decency? lol Jesus.

 

Yes Lizzie he was 26 when they met. He did not have a new Mercedes.

 

She actually was a professional female divorced from a a famous musician.

 

I never even met a hillbilly or trailer park person in my life, not that there is anything inferior about them anyway.

[Jake Barnes]

Lizzie almost singlehandedly turned me into a Republican

[Dharmaa]

WoW, I am shocked by how long this post has been going on.

 

So if I am to believe what I have read here, according to you lot I have no chance in hell of any man ever having any interest in me unless he is hard up and horny and dirt poor , and even then he won't enjoy me and will just be waiting for a better offer before he dumps me....... Is that about right ladies and gentlemen?

 

My mom died young and my dad remarried a woman 9 years older who didn't look a day older than him. (fact - not fiction or dillusion as was stated by one poster here) He is now in his 70's and she in her 80's. They both had parents who lived well into their 90's. My dad has outlived all his siblings by many years. I attribute it to having a good relationship with a good woman who takes good care of him and herself. Looking back, I think it was because of my moms death, my dad matured enough to recongize a good woman when he met one. He knew what it was to take someone for granted and be selfish and to loose them without warning and to have regret and he knew and said there was no one to blame but himself.

 

I had a two year relationship with a man seven years younger. As time went on I could tell that the difference in our age was more noticeable as I got deeper into my fourtys. A thirty something man is trying to hold onto his youth while this fourtyfive year old woman was thinking on the meaning and purpose in life and what it is all about.

 

If I were to take what I have read here to heart, I would go into my closet and wrap a rope around my neck and that would be the end of it as I have no value as a woman (according to you). Well, I've got some sad news for you - you are going to get old....... really really old very very soon. You better have something going on for you besides your looks and your ability to breed or you are in for a sad time.

 

To the OP, I'd get it out of the way and out in the open on the first date. Best to find out now before your feelings are hurt, what sort of man you have been introduced to.

[vonerik012]

WoW, I am shocked by how long this post has been going on.

 

 

I had a two year relationship with a man seven years younger. As time went on I could tell that the difference in our age was more noticeable as I got deeper into my fourtys. A thirty something man is trying to hold onto his youth while this fourtyfive year old woman was thinking on the meaning and purpose in life and what it is all about.

 

.

 

Yes, exactly my point.. Find a man your age. or older, to avoid this from happening.

 

It's not something she can ask and get a straight answer. She needs the common sense to know it is not practical. Sometimes men's minds are clouded by sex.

[Dharmaa]

Yes, exactly my point.. Find a man your age. or older, to avoid this from happening.

 

It's not something she can ask and get a straight answer. She needs the common sense to know it is not practical. Sometimes men's minds are clouded by sex.

 

She doesn't have to ask, she needs to TELL her age and let whatever happens happen. You know, there is an outside chance that the man is less ego driven and more mature than the average man. You ignored the example of my father that I gave you while you only focused on what validated your point.

[almost famous]

vonerik, explain this to the 26 year old hockey player who is engaged to Rachel Hunter, 12 years his senior. I think he'll disagree with you. It's not like this guy has $50 to his name, either, he is successful in the NHL, so 'ya know it's not like your friend.

[Woggle]

Somebody made a point about younger men being afraid of women their own age. I agree with the jist of what she said but I wouldn't call it fear. I am just turned off by many women my age and as I approach 30 I find that most of them are not maturing with age. They are still the gameplaying drama addicts that they were at 21 and many men are just sick of this crap. With women a little older they are over the drama addiction and if they haven't become completely jaded by too much drama they can actually appreciate a healthy relationship. If my wife has a problem she brings it up and it gets solved. Many younger women would sulk for days and then choose the worst time to start a fight about it and more likely than not embaress me in public. Of course this is a generalization and there are people of all age groups that are like this but there advantages to a man getting involved with an older woman. I was with a woman my own age and I am now with an older women and I can tell you hands down which relationship I prefer.

[LovehateLove]

I love these gender wars, it shows how much the West is like Saudi Arabia and Iran only with false concepts of "freedom", "rights" and "democracy". I care not for a woman's age, if she is what I am looking for and want then I am in there. Some of the finest women I have laid my eyes have been forty odd. Then again I have seen plenty of gorgeous 20 somethings too.

 

I'd probably only have causal sex with anyone in their thirties and forties, but I'd settle in a relationship with someone in their twenties.

[Taramere]

My first instinct is to side with Von though, because we have had numerous female posters talking about how boring and unattractive men their own age are and how they can only be with guys signifcantly younger, sometimes decades and nobody says anything and sometimes even applaud them.

 

I wouldn't say I've heard numerous women talking like that. Personally I'm capable of finding 25 year old men attractive, and I've also met 65 year old men who were very attractive. The qualities I tend to be drawn to last with age. I like people with a happy, mischievous character about their faces...and some people actually develop more (rather than less) of that as they get older.

 

As for talking about guys my own age being boring...it's not true. Or at least it's no more true about guys of my age than guys any other age. Some I find boring and unpleasant company, some I find very fun company and like immensely.

 

From time to time I've dated younger guys. At 30 I was involved with someone 7 years younger. It went on for several years, but there were definite age-related problems. He was vehemently in denial about that....but it was obvious to me. He and his friends (male and female) had a very studenty sense of humour that I'd grown out of. It was easy enough for us to click and get along beautifully when it was just the two of us, but he had trouble with my friends (not so much my female friends, but their boyfriends and my male friends didn't like him) and I had trouble with his.

 

That said, the gap between a 30 year old woman and a 23 year old man/male/boy is far more marked than the gap between, say, a 43 year old man and a 50 year old woman. The argument I'm seeing here is that the women are saying "some younger man, older woman relationships work out very well. People shouldn't turn their backs on the chance of short term - and possibly long term -happiness simply because circumstances don't slot into neatly into the rules prescribed by tradition and convention."

 

You mentioned Lizzie, and there was a shade of disapproval about your post. Fair enough - the choices she makes are controversial ones. My perception of Lizzie is that she's a woman who's been through depression, and has decided "I'm not going there again." She seems to take a pragmatic approach towards the business of life and sex, and probably attracts a lot of men because of that. She's discovered how to make life work for her - and it doesn't involve crawling along on her belly filled with shame, guilt and depression because her lifestyle isn't what the majority think it should be. Lizzie's a threat, because she's learned to shrug off shame and other people's judgements. She doesn't need society's validation to be happy....and when women think in those terms they become infinitely less malleable.

 

Men like Vonerik bank on women living for approval. His posts here remind me of a prissy old church elder wagging his finger at women like Lizzie - and, on a much more understated scale, women like me and some of the others here who do sometimes date younger men. The placard wearing religious freak who walks up and down the High Street declaring that the end is nigh to distract himself from whatever it is that keeps him awake some nights. To drag others into the same pit of depression.

 

The lonely boy peering through the fence at the other boys playing football and thinking "that guy thinks he's such a great footballer. I can't wait to see his face when he tries to go professional, gets rejected and ends up packing groceries for a living. Hahaha" Tries to dissuade others from pursuing any kind of fun or dream on the basis that it's doomed to failure and will cost them more than he believes they can afford, emotionally.

 

In short, he's the guy who doesn't want other people to live. The usual reason for a person feeling that way is that they themselves don't have the first idea of how to enjoy life...and the closest they get to it involves trying to diminish the experience of it for others.

[Balthazar]

Yeah, but Von I have to agree with the ladies that most men past 35 don't want to start a familly. It would be way too exhausting

 

At 34 I've given up on that notion a while back

 

I'm not sure about that.

At 38, I want to start a family and feel ready to do so.

 

It is cultural and people in certain countries marry later in life.

 

Although I will readily agree that ages from 27-33 are probably much better for men to get married.

 

CHeers,

[OpenBook]

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Stop trying to reason with the pessimistic neanderthals on here. You are wasting your breath, and fueling their fire. You know what your are, what your life is like, what is out there, who is attracted to you. I doubt than anyone, younger or older, would go out with these guys once she sensed the level of sexism and contempt, which is only mollified by a youthful appearance and a certain number--while it lasts. Blechhh. It makes me depressed about the state of men. Yet I know they are the exception. So please, stop talking to them.

 

I'm not concerned about the pessimistic neanderthals. I am more worried that some impressionable or sensitive/vulnerable female will read this drivel and take it to heart. There is a grain of truth in it historically, but most of it is totally off-base, given current demographics, social trends, and a little thing called EVOLUTION. And a lot of it is just plain nuts... for example, it's awkward and hard to be single in your 40's and 50's.:lmao: How would they know this??

 

Men like Vonerik bank on women living for approval. His posts here remind me of a prissy old church elder wagging his finger at women like Lizzie - and, on a much more understated scale, women like me and some of the others here who do sometimes date younger men. The placard wearing religious freak who walks up and down the High Street declaring that the end is nigh to distract himself from whatever it is that keeps him awake some nights. To drag others into the same pit of depression...

 

In short, he's the guy who doesn't want other people to live.

 

I was thinking along the same lines... but more like Jimmy Buffett - "I hope Anita Bryant never ever sings one of my songs.":D

[Balthazar]

She doesn't have to ask, she needs to TELL her age and let whatever happens happen. You know, there is an outside chance that the man is less ego driven and more mature than the average man. You ignored the example of my father that I gave you while you only focused on what validated your point.

 

Men desiring younger women is not a sign of immaturity or an ego. It is simply following basic male programming.

It is the way nature has hardwired us to be in order for the species to survive.

 

Can we go against these urges?

Yes, and many men are bombarded into submission by the US media to do so in order to satisfy the large demographic of older, single women.

 

But I don't wish to; I choose to date who I want to date, and consign the views of mainstream US media to the garbage can.

 

 

Do you want to date younger men?

 

DO it, we are all (still) free to exercise our will.

 

Cheers,

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Somebody made a point about younger men being afraid of women their own age. I agree with the jist of what she said but I wouldn't call it fear. I am just turned off by many women my age and as I approach 30 I find that most of them are not maturing with age. They are still the gameplaying drama addicts that they were at 21 and many men are just sick of this crap. With women a little older they are over the drama addiction and if they haven't become completely jaded by too much drama they can actually appreciate a healthy relationship. If my wife has a problem she brings it up and it gets solved. Many younger women would sulk for days and then choose the worst time to start a fight about it and more likely than not embaress me in public. Of course this is a generalization and there are people of all age groups that are like this but there advantages to a man getting involved with an older woman. I was with a woman my own age and I am now with an older women and I can tell you hands down which relationship I prefer.

 

I wouldn't have wanted to date myself when I was 25. I know I gave a whole lot of drama to my then boyfriend. Not intentionally, mind you, but out of insecurity. I was professionally successful but still trying to find my place in the world as an adult, if that makes sense. Today I am the one who would listen to my bf's concerns, not take it all personally, and solve the problem. Then? I took everything WAAAAAY to personally.

 

That's not to say that there aren't 25 year old women who ARE mature and ready for LTR, becuase they are most certainly out there. I just look at myself and my friends and I see how far we've come. And we're still cute