Question for Guys 40 - 50

[almost famous]

No, a lot of guys don't really think a number when they date someone. My point is obviously that love is love, not everyone is seeing a virtual number as an obstacle. most people date within their own age range. You don't understand love at all, I don't think you've experienced true love and passion for a person if you would put a statement like a guy just sticks around until he finds someone better.

That makes absolutely no sense.

You're saying that because of my age of 40, all my relationships have been guys that were just waiting for someone better?

Vonerik, you have no clue, that is obvious.

 

Thats your evidence? 2 dates with a guy who was 6 years younger?

 

 

He may have just been trying to get into your pants, who knows?

 

 

I have dated older women as well. Thats does not mean at all I want to marry them, trust me.

 

None of it means anything until a man is putting a ring on your finger. Hey Tony, could you please get this message off of here? This poor woman could be a member on here, who knows. I find this very offensive, she is getting shredded to bits by people calling her unattractive, obese, etc. .

[soserious1]

No, a lot of guys don't really think a number when they date someone. My point is obviously that love is love, not everyone is seeing a virtual number as an obstacle. most people date within their own age range. You don't understand love at all, I don't think you've experienced true love and passion for a person if you would put a statement like a guy just sticks around until he finds someone better.

That makes absolutely no sense.

You're saying that because of my age of 40, all my relationships have been guys that were just waiting for someone better?

Vonerik, you have no clue, that is obvious.

 

That's exactly what he's saying Almost, you were just a handy cum rag, a place for the guy to park his dick till somebody better came along. If you were a decent old woman who knew your place, you'd stay alone till you could find some 60 yr old who'd lower himself enough to marry you.. you could then spend all your energy,time and money care taking for him and his extended family.

[almost famous]

That's exactly what he's saying Almost, you were just a handy cum rag, a place for the guy to park his dick till somebody better came along. If you were a decent old woman who knew your place, you'd stay alone till you could find some 60 yr old who'd lower himself enough to marry you.. you could then spend all your energy,time and money care taking for him and his extended family.

 

Yes this guy is getting on my nerves. I guess when I was married at 31 and divorced at 35 he was just looking for someone better the whole time and it was all a sham.

It's not like I am asking for 23 year old Michael Phelps to show up with flowers, but if a younger guy wants to date me and there is a mutual attraction, why not, give me a break. this is a reality that could happen and does happen a lot, not just with celebrities. If the OP wants to date younger men, she can do it, she has the attitude and confidence.

My brother married a woman 8 years older, he 32, she was 40, she had 2kids about to graduate high school, he was divorced from a younger woman who had cheated on him.

Oh and my brother had options, he's good looking, successful engineer in a larger city. But hey, he met his love, they have been married 5 years now, he's not looking to trade her in. Hey love happens.

[vonerik012]

I never used the term"cum rag"

 

I said (Now follow closely), If I fall in love with a woman 10 years older, I know I would end up leaving her, and trading her in, in the future. I never said I would leave a woman my own age, as we are both aging together. Since I am not a user, I do not waste the females time. Some men do.

 

Sure, nobody sees anything except love when looking for a partner, lol. What planet are you from? Women do not see a man's earning potential? His height? Men do not see a woman's age? or weight?

 

It is not my fault if men in their early forties want younger women, and most men do not want to marry an older woman.

[Taramere]

The vast majority of men will not consider marrying an older woman. The vast majority of women ACTUALLY DO marry older men. From 1 year older, to 20 years older..

 

 

 

http://bulletin.aarp.org/states/ca/articles/when_men_marry_later_age_gap_is_larger_researchers_find.html

 

While the age differential is narrowing in first marriages, a significant portion of husbands are still substantially older than their wives.

 

Here's a 2003 BBC article on the subject. Albeit it deals with the situation in the UK - where I live - and attitudes towards the older woman/younger man thing might well be very different here.

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3312377.stm

 

26% of women marrying younger men indicates that it's hardly an unusual state of affairs. 7% of women marry men 6 or more years younger, so that's more unusual...but it's not a small enough percentage to be discounted.

 

Statistics looking at age differentials taking an average age differential, you have to consider the fact that these statistics are significantly impacted by some men marrying "mail order brides" - these perhaps being men who have difficulty meeting women from their own culture. Ask any divorce lawyer about that scenario, and they'll tell you that it's a bit of a moneyspinner. I used to work in family law, and a fair amount of my matrimonial clients were women from overseas. Even if a marriage between a 60 year old man and a 25 year old Thai girl only lasts for 16 months, it's included as relevant data for the purposes of compiling stats.

 

The fact that a lot of people move to the US or the UK from countries where the culture is for a middle aged man to take a young bride also impacts significantly on statistics. If you don't consider issues like that when you're relying on statistics to prove a point, it reduces the credibility of your argument.

 

Anecdotally, three of my closest friends are in long term relationships with men 5 to 7 years younger than them (two of them have had children, one of them is married to the guy - the other one doesn't believe in marriage). Another friend's grandmother is in her eighties and has been happily married for a number of years to a man who's 15 years her junior.

 

Statistically, as you say, a higher proportion of marriages are still between older men and younger women, but the gap has narrowed a great deal in the last 30 years or so. The fact is that people often click with partners of a significantly different age group. It's always been socially acceptable for older men to marry younger women. Now that the older woman/younger man relationship is regarded as more "normal", and doesn't have the stigma it used to, those relationships - and marriages - are on the increase.

 

There's little point in you lecturing your sister or any other woman on the risks of getting embroiled with a younger man on the basis that statistically men tend to marry younger women. First of all, it's none of your business. Adults are free to choose/sleep with/marry whoever they want to provided the other person is of age and has capacity. Secondly, I would think that most people make decisions about their own relationships based on their personal emotions and preferences, rather than being guided by what stats tell them they should want in order to fit the average profile or what strangers on a message board tell them.

[soserious1]

I never used the term"cum rag"

 

I said (Now follow closely), If I fall in love with a woman 10 years older, I know I would end up leaving her, and trading her in, in the future. I never said I would leave a woman my own age, as we are both aging together. Since I am not a user, I do not waste the females time. Some men do.

 

 

You've been very clear as to your thoughts on "cougars" that you feel men use for sex so my use of "cum rag" is more than appropriate.

 

I've got not a doubt in my mind that you'd dump an aging wife who was your age so fast her head would spin if you figured you could dump her cheaply enough and a younger woman was available to you.

[almost famous]

Nothing you say has any merit. You are really just basing 'most men' and 'men' on your own preferences, while I am telling you from my relationship experience that what you are saying is hogwash.

It is not my fault that all my serious relationships have been with men who were no more than 4 years older or younger. Men want women their own age. Funny you don't comment on my brother, ha ha.

 

quote=vonerik012;1805547]I never used the term"cum rag"

 

I said (Now follow closely), If I fall in love with a woman 10 years older, I know I would end up leaving her, and trading her in, in the future. I never said I would leave a woman my own age, as we are both aging together. Since I am not a user, I do not waste the females time. Some men do.

 

Sure, nobody sees anything except love when looking for a partner, lol. What planet are you from? Women do not see a man's earning potential? His height? Men do not see a woman's age? or weight?

 

It is not my fault if men in their early forties want younger women, and most men do not want to marry an older woman.

[OpenBook]

Here's a 2003 BBC article on the subject. Albeit it deals with the situation in the UK - where I live - and attitudes towards the older woman/younger man thing might well be very different here.

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3312377.stm

 

26% of women marrying younger men indicates that it's hardly an unusual state of affairs. 7% of women marry men 6 or more years younger, so that's more unusual...but it's not a small enough percentage to be discounted.

 

Statistics looking at age differentials taking an average age differential, you have to consider the fact that these statistics are significantly impacted by some men marrying "mail order brides" - these perhaps being men who have difficulty meeting women from their own culture. Ask any divorce lawyer about that scenario, and they'll tell you that it's a bit of a moneyspinner. I used to work in family law, and a fair amount of my matrimonial clients were women from overseas. Even if a marriage between a 60 year old man and a 25 year old Thai girl only lasts for 16 months, it's included as relevant data for the purposes of compiling stats.

 

The fact that a lot of people move to the US or the UK from countries where the culture is for a middle aged man to take a young bride also impacts significantly on statistics. If you don't consider issues like that when you're relying on statistics to prove a point, it reduces the credibility of your argument.

 

Anecdotally, three of my closest friends are in long term relationships with men 5 to 7 years younger than them (two of them have had children, one of them is married to the guy - the other one doesn't believe in marriage). Another friend's grandmother is in her eighties and has been happily married for a number of years to a man who's 15 years her junior.

 

Statistically, as you say, a higher proportion of marriages are still between older men and younger women, but the gap has narrowed a great deal in the last 30 years or so. The fact is that people often click with partners of a significantly different age group. It's always been socially acceptable for older men to marry younger women. Now that the older woman/younger man relationship is regarded as more "normal", and doesn't have the stigma it used to, those relationships - and marriages - are on the increase.

 

There's little point in you lecturing your sister or any other woman on the risks of getting embroiled with a younger man on the basis that statistically men tend to marry younger women. First of all, it's none of your business. Adults are free to choose/sleep with/marry whoever they want to provided the other person is of age and has capacity. Secondly, I would think that most people make decisions about their own relationships based on their personal emotions and preferences, rather than being guided by what stats tell them they should want in order to fit the average profile or what strangers on a message board tell them.

 

Nice post Taramere! This is what my GF's and I have suspected - it's not just us; this is a social trend that is most definitely happening. We are living it. The old rules no longer apply.

 

But I still say, love is a crapshoot.

[vonerik012]

Taramere

 

93% of men in Britain marry women that are younger,the same age, or less than 6 years older.. I suppose a few more men are now settling than before.

 

All I have ever said is men typically want to marry a woman their same age or younger... Maybe a year or 2 older. That is still pretty much the rule for about 90% of the worlds population, lol.

 

Ladies, as I said. If you are meeting lots of younger men that are offering marriage, go for it. Trust me, I am not jealous. That leaves more of the younger, firmer, energetic, fertile, desirable ones that I like around for myself..

[Balthazar]

Excuse me but I've been able to express my POV without the use of demeaning terms like "hag" and I feel you do have a problem with the idea that older women dare to have any sort of standards whatsoever concerning

the men they date. I think it enrages you to no end that we're not smiling,cheerful and laughing as we're shipped off to the glue factory.

 

You want not only the right to express and exercise your preferences for younger women which is totally fine but you also wish to reserve the right to make debasing,mean degrading comments to and about older women in the process.In short it pisses you off to no end that women like me won't sit back content to live sexless lives, relegated to providing all sorts of caretaking and money for adult children and grandchildren before we're shipped off to die alone in some sub-par nursing home.

 

I might have been born at night but it wasn't last night, your agenda here

is crystal clear to anyone with the ability to read.

 

You are entirely incorrect and you are doing more of the same Soserious.

 

A constant complaint of mine has been the fact that I say one thing and you "credit" me with another.

 

You say I am "enraged" that older women have standards.

 

Where do I say this or even so distantly imply it?

 

I state that older women have every right to date younger, as do I.

I then mention that older women dating younger is a bit of an uphill trek.

Is that demeaning or just the truth?

 

How much clearer can i get?

What exactly are you trying to achieve here?

DO you wish to slander and discredit us as posters?

DO you wish to make LS an all-ladies club where you can moan about men and brainwash younger men into adopting your rhetoric?

DO you wish to create a generation of subservient males and then moan about how there are no "real" men left?

 

If an objective observer where to read the post, he would think YOU have an agenda or are not entirely there.

 

I have nothing but respect for all women, younger or older.

I may not date older, but that is my prerogative.

I am 38 and wish to start a family in the near future.

A woman under 33 is more attractive to me and a better prospect any way I look at it.

I mean no insult whatsoever.

 

The term "hag" is in no way directed to you SoSerious, nor to many other females on LS!

 

It is directed towards all those women posters on LS who call men "trolls" and shout conspiracy when someone expresses a different point of view.

 

Personally, I am appalled at some of the things certain posters said, people I have talked to and known for months.

Their true colors were revealed.

 

Again, I have no problem with you SoSerious and I respect your right to express your views. But I will not sit and let you put YOUR words into my mouth.

 

Thus, I state clearly:

 

YOU ARE INTENTIONALLY distorting and fabricating comments in an effort to discredit us.

 

As such, I would warn all readers to read all posts CAREFULLY so they can see what I actually say and contrast it to what you "claim" I have said.

[Balthazar]

She doesn't look worse than she did, she just looks different and definitely not in a bad way.

A woman who is older isn't less attractive or beautiful, she just has a different beauty.

That is why there are many men who have been married 25 years and still believe their wives are as beautiful as they were when they first were married.

Personally I think I look better than I was when I was 25 as I exercise more and am 10 pounds thinner, a size thinner, and have more muscletone. Also my face is gorgeous.

There are also a lot of women in their 20's who only date men in their 20's and in fact that is the majority of women. I had no desire to date men in my 30's when I was in my 20's. On college campuses you are seeing men and women the same age walking around and in love, these women aren't going for the older men. that is where you are delusional yourself, that the majority of younger women than yourselves are interested in men your age, and you are facing that reality, whereas many of us women in our mid 30s/40s (not necessarily grandmas, that is why you are rude and trollish, because of your smug condescending attitude) are getting interest from men younger than ourselves because we look great and they like us.

 

Also, love is love, why can't we just leave it at that. If I fall in love with a man and he is 5 years younger, that is who I fall in love with, and vice versa.

 

Love is love.

 

Very interesting.

You insult and slander then finish with a "love is love" mantra.

 

First of all , let me respond to your rude, "hag-like" attitude.

 

If you believe Teri is just as beautiful today as she was 15 years ago, good for you.

I wonder if Teri feels the same?

I know I was more attractive 10 years ago than I am today, but I accept it. Everybody ages.

 

Of course couples continue to love each other after years of marriage. When did anyone here say anything contrary to this?

If I did, Point it out to me and I will retract.

 

But you can't point it out because I NEVER SAID what you attribute to me.

 

AND THAT IS WHERE you lose my respect.

 

You say the majority of women date men the same age.

If you believe that, fine. I don't.

 

You say I am delusional in that I believe young women like older men?

 

Ok, then let me be delusional.

In fact, let me restate my point.

 

I believe that MOST women are in a relationship with a man who is older than them, and that many women would have no problem being with men 5-7 years older.

If you live in Europe, most women have no problems with men 8 to 12 years older(No US media you see).

 

You say that I am rude and condescending and call women in their 30/40's grandmothers?

 

Well, I will come out and call you a LIAR!

 

In which post did I say that ALmost Famous?

 

Finally, you say you look better now than at 25.

Good for you girl!

 

So you see, you are the one out to rip men to pieces; not us.

 

Peace,

[OpenBook]

Ladies, as I said. If you are meeting lots of younger men that are offering marriage, go for it. Trust me, I am not jealous. That leaves more of the younger, firmer, energetic, fertile, desirable ones that I like around for myself..

 

You seem very confident that they would have you.

 

As I said earlier, most of the younger single dudes I know are almost afraid of women their age or younger. They sense an agenda of great expectations (ah, the idealism of youth!) that they fear they will never measure up to. They are NOT eager in any way to get married and have babies. They typically want a companion. Older women are too smart to fall for their lines anyway, in order to get us into bed. They know they have to switch their game with us. And from everything I can tell, they are loving every minute of it!!

[vonerik012]

Balthazar good point.

 

Much of it is due to the US media.

 

When I was in South America, I was dating a woman who was may age, 31. She continually asked me if I am sure I do not feel she is too old. Most men in my position would be dating 16-23 yr olds according to her.

 

There it is EXTREMELY common for younger women to marry older men. They do not even prefer men their same age or younger. But then again, they are more in touch with their natural femininity, and don't want to sleep around with 100 younger guys to find one that will keep them for a couple years. They have more common sense, and know what works.

 

They want to be the younger woman, they don't want to be the one left for the younger woman.

[Balthazar]

Great post, Balthazar. Excellent.

Thanks for reading ShyGirl.

 

The last few days have been interesting to say the least.

 

People I have been chatting pleasantly with and exchanging advice for months have been all too eager to shoot to kill, and all because there is a difference of opinion.

[CaliGuy]

They want to be the younger woman, they don't want to be the one left for the younger woman.

 

That pretty much says it all right there.

[Jersey Shortie]

There's little point in you lecturing your sister or any other woman on the risks of getting embroiled with a younger man on the basis that statistically men tend to marry younger women. First of all, it's none of your business. Adults are free to choose/sleep with/marry whoever they want to provided the other person is of age and has capacity. Secondly, I would think that most people make decisions about their own relationships based on their personal emotions and preferences, rather than being guided by what stats tell them they should want in order to fit the average profile or what strangers on a message board tell them.

 

Vonerik just got owned!

 

I said (Now follow closely), If I fall in love with a woman 10 years older, I know I would end up leaving her, and trading her in, in the future. I never said I would leave a woman my own age, as we are both aging together. Since I am not a user, I do not waste the females time. Some men do.

 

If you fell "in love" with a woman 10 years older then yourself and left her in the future to "trade her in", that was never love to begin with. And the fact that you could even say a sentence makes me understand that love isn't really important to you. Which is fine, but it makes me happy because it teaches me about the kind of men not to look for.

 

It is not my fault if men in their early forties want younger women, and most men do not want to marry an older woman.

 

It's not our fault men in their 40s are aging with the rest of us and most younger women don't want to be perved on by older men.

 

Jersey, Rod Stewart just had a healthy child at the age of 60. How do you feel about that?

 

I think it was careless of Rod Stewart to have a child at his advanced age and selfish. This still does nothing to prove the fact that a man with aging sperm and an aging body is not the best potential mate biologically to have a baby with. I'm sorry. You think men don't get older , men don't get achy joints, men don't get liver spots? You think their sexual organs remain in tip top shape while the rest of their body depreciates because of what hollywood has told you for generations? I'm sorry you don't seem to want to understand biology.

 

 

Most men in my position would be dating 16-23 yr olds according to her.

 

If you are dating 16 year olds you are a pedohphile. And I am sorry but you say you would date someone your age and treat her respect but then go and say something like this?

 

The difference between being judged for your height and being judged for your age is that you can't change your height. If a woman dates you and accepts you for the height you are, that isn't going to change. But if a man dates you, you build a life with him, you build a family, and all he thinks is that younger is better, that makes women disposable. Apparently that is how you wish women to feel. I'm younger then you Vonerik and quite honestly, if I went by your posts, I would have very little hope for men in general and their respect, love and kindness towards women. I am young now but that always won't be the case. You give no woman, young or old, any reason to want to build a life with a man and love him and care for him if the only thing that matters to men is if his woman is younger.

[vonerik012]

Jersey, people fall in and out of love all the time. men and women. People change.

 

Since I know I would leave the old lady if I am the younger man, I am not so selfish as to waste her best years. I should be commended for that, not degraded.

 

Since I do not plan on trading a woman in, I am seeking one that is suitable for the long haul. Some people think ahead, some people think solely in the moment. I think ahead.

 

Some people are bi, some people are gay, some people marry older women. I really don't care. I know what I want to settle down with, and it is not an older woman.

 

I never met any guy in my life, 20-85 that had the goal of marrying an older woman. Some might end up settling for various reasons. But trust me, that is not their first choice.

[Shygirl15]

Thanks for reading ShyGirl.

 

The last few days have been interesting to say the least.

 

People I have been chatting pleasantly with and exchanging advice for months have been all too eager to shoot to kill, and all because there is a difference of opinion.

 

 

Yeah, that shocked me too.

[Jersey Shortie]

You are contradicting yourself a bit now.

 

And if you think you should be commended for the way you treat and think about women, you are kidding yourself. You've done nothing but degrade women in this thread. I'm younger then you and I find your comments completely degrading.

 

You don't plan on trading a woman in but you consider younger better. So no matter what women do, they just can't win. Perhaps thats the way you like it. Treating women like that. Perhaps it makes you feel strong and good. It doesn't seem to matter what women do because we get older and are "less" for it. I just know that as someone younger then you, I would never want to be with a man that thought like you. There would be no loyatly there. No real love. No respect. There would only be his own self love.

 

You're the one that used the hypothetical situation of you marrying an older woman, then turn around and say you would dump her in a few years. That isn't love. That's self love. When you finally do get married, I feel sorry for your wife. She probably won't know when she marries you how much less a person you think she is already just for being a woman who everyday, is getting older.

[vonerik012]

LOL Jersey,

 

I want to be with a younger woman... Sorry. Most men do also.

 

If I am 50, and she is 45, she is still younger. That is my ideal. When I am 70, she is 65. Etc I never said I want to marry a younger woman, or woman my age, and then trade her in as we age together. NEVER

 

I said I would not be so stupid as to marry a 40 yr old now, then have a woman that is 10 years older when I am 50.

[Shygirl15]

Ha ha, this thread is getting funnier by minute. Some of us have been condemned for not supporting our own gender, guess what I only support intelligent, realistic opinions regardless of gender, fu%^ck gender. This men vs. women thing is silly and getting too boring, really.

[Jersey Shortie]

I have no issue with you wanting to be with a younger woman. I have issue with you speaking for all men like your truth is their truth. I alos have issue with your degrading comments about women. Although, the comments about 16 year olds you have made are especially worrisome.

 

 

I never said I want to marry a younger woman, or woman my age, and then trade her in as we age together. NEVER

 

You yourself said relationships change. If you are alawys looking at women like younger is better you are a perfect canidate to treat a woman exactly like that.

 

I said I would not be so stupid as to marry a 40 yr old now, then have a woman that is 10 years older when I am 50.

 

My mom hops I don't marry someone 10 years older then myself either. As a voice of experience that did marry someone older then herself. To her credit, when they started dating, she did think he was younger then he looked and was taken aback by his age. But my mother knows the pit falls of marrying an older man and always advises me against it.

[vonerik012]

Jersey, do you know how to read?

 

If you look back, the GIRL I WAS DATING SAID THAT ABOUT 16 YEAR OLDS. NOT ME. She was telling me about her culture, and that it is common for 30 yr old men to date 16-23 yr olds.

 

Or do you have to twist that too?

[Capricciosa]

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Stop trying to reason with the pessimistic neanderthals on here. You are wasting your breath, and fueling their fire. You know what your are, what your life is like, what is out there, who is attracted to you. I doubt than anyone, younger or older, would go out with these guys once she sensed the level of sexism and contempt, which is only mollified by a youthful appearance and a certain number--while it lasts. Blechhh. It makes me depressed about the state of men. Yet I know they are the exception. So please, stop talking to them.

[shadowplay]

I wonder if some of this can be attributable to cultural differences. If Von hails from South America, he may have a completely different notion of what men want based on the culture he was raised in. Some cultures are more misogynistic and "traditional" than others. It's true that men in general prefer younger women, but the older woman/younger guy combo iis more common in America and parts of Europe than other places.