Porn Man Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 They will care when OW feels an amazing connection and their wives tires are getting slashed. Playing an OW will result in her making your life miserable. I agree with that. If only they cared from the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I totally agree with Bill Maher.. I think society is starting to realize that MEN cannot be faithful to only one partner all their lives... Women can.. men can't... We've been molded in the Roman Catholic religion or any religions for that matter for sooo long that monogamy WAS the only way to live a happy life. That's baloney.. it's not possible.. MOST if not ALL men cheat.. those who don't.. methink they just can't.. (they are either impotent or too ugly to find a decent woman)... Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex... it seems to be a necessity for men while women can live many many months without it.. it's proven.. You got a good point in your post.. Porn is mainly for men.. Men will jerk off with porn.. women not as much... men will go see strippers and spend a lot of money.. women not as much.. do you see women going to strip joints on Fridays after work with work buddies.. no... The sex industry is made by and for men... Most pedophiles are males... Men go down south or in the third world to get underage prostitutes.. do you see women doing that? Rapist are men... and so on and so on... Men cannot be faithful...to only one woman.. it's ridiculous to think they can.. IMO. You are going from a reasonable point (that most men have the urge to have sex with lots of women) to an invalid conclusion (that men WILL have sex with lots of women). Almost all men want money. That doesn't mean all men are thieves or fraudsters, does it? The majority recognise it is immoral to cheat their employer, their bank, their friends by stealing or defrauding from them. So it's the same with marriage or faithfulness. Yes, most married or committed men *will* eye up other women and imagine what it would be like to have sex with them. But many will refrain from doing so, because they realise it is wrong to promise faithfulness, and then to be unfaithful. Also there is the (for you) inconvenient fact that not only do many men remain faithful (perhaps a minority, but still that's a LOT of men who don't stray), but some are even celibate, e.g. many monks, priests. There is a huge difference between saying most men have the urge to cheat, and all men in relationships actually do cheat. It equates men to unthinking animals who cannot exercise any control over their behaviour. Men have the urge to fight, kill and conquer, to accumulate wealth and status, as well as to impregnate lots of women by force/rape - very few men in today's society actually do all that, despite it being wired into our evolution. There are these things called intelligence, civilisation, restraint, consideration for others' rights, a brain - all of which lead us men not to go round raping and pillaging like a modern Attila the Hun. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 It is ridiculous to think that plenty of men and women are faithful.. how do you know that.. It is no more ridiculous than to think that plenty of men and women are unfaithful. Unless you have personally had sex with the entire male population of the world (a difficult feat), you have no idea how many men are unfaithful or not. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 What I really want to know is whether or not monogomy, in the form of marriage, is really the way to go for the millions who tie the knot every year. For most of them my opinion is no, simply because most people who get married are not a particularly good match, and they get hitched just because it is the done thing, or they are "in love" (this year) and unlikely to still be so in 5, 10, 15 years time. I think that most men & women would be well suited to monogamy with the right person - however most will get involved with the wrong person and will eventually become unhappy and leave or cheat. A sizeable minority won't be suited to monogamy with anyone. IMO the necessary characteristics for a guy to be happy with one woman are: i) good regular sex, the whole "whore in the bedroom" thing ii) no serious drama, nagging, henpecking etc iii) mutual friendship, respect, and admiration iv) open communication Only a few relationships have these qualities, especially after 5-10 years. Half of marriages end in divorce, out of the other 50% how many of those are truly happy rather than "staying together for the kids" or out of inertia? I'd say maybe 10% of marriages or lifelong partnerships are actually a success. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I think that most men & women would be well suited to monogamy with the right person - however most will get involved with the wrong person and will eventually become unhappy and leave or cheat. A sizeable minority won't be suited to monogamy with anyone. I believe that a sizable majority are suited toward promiscuousness. Doesn't mean that they have or ever will cheat, but most people want at least some variety for one reason or another. Most are either too possessive or too threatened by members of the same sex to handle an open relationship, but for instance, a man would typically be more than happy to add an extra lady in the bed and see his wife go to town with him included. Of course she would likely be threatened by this. I also believe that a stifled promiscuousness can attribute to a variety of problems in a long term monogamous relationship. From sexless marriages, to ED, to "porn addiction". Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 How do you know your partner has never cheated? No one, absolutely NO ONE can say that their partner never cheated on them.. it is ridiculous to say that...unless you're together 24/7.. and that never happens.. I know men who cheated and no one even doubt (not even his best friend)... men, unlike women, are extremely secretive about their love life.. On the contrary, I know full well she did. I was responding to your asking to show you a MAN who could go 10 years without cheating, not a woman. This thread is about whether men even want to be monogamous, your point was they aren't capable. Yes, I know men that no one doubts they cheat. I think you meant no one knows however. Secretive? And yet, another point on this thread was about men's tendency to 'kiss and tell'. Yep, we're secretive blabbers. You see, really, we all fit in that little box. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I know this statement will get me in trouble but after reading many of the posts from OW on this board I would not want to go anywhere near one of these types. I think I will stay with my sane and rational wife. Men who are thinking about cheating should read this board and see exactly what type of woman they are involving themselves with. You want crazy? Heh. Crazy's relative. I spent so much time married to a crazy woman(as in nuts for real), I wouldn't even know sane if I saw it, because most women seem rather sane by comparison, even the ones posting here. But, she seemed sane at first too... crazy as in fun, turned out to be more like crazy as in playing with poo. I can understand a woman who's been burnt being misandrist. What I find puzzling are misandrists who are habitual polyandrous OW. I mean, since they despise and distrust men, why reach down to the bottom of the barrel and be SURE of getting a 'bad' one? Fear of intimacy? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 You want crazy? Heh. Crazy's relative. I spent so much time married to a crazy woman(as in nuts for real), I wouldn't even know sane if I saw it, because most women seem rather sane by comparison, even the ones posting here. But, she seemed sane at first too... crazy as in fun, turned out to be more like crazy as in playing with poo. I can understand a woman who's been burnt being misandrist. What I find puzzling are misandrists who are habitual polyandrous OW. I mean, since they despise and distrust men, why reach down to the bottom of the barrel and be SURE of getting a 'bad' one? Fear of intimacy? The funny thing is that they seem to think they are feminists striking a blow against traditional marriage by dating MM. They strike the patriarchy by sleeping with another woman's man? It's no secret that I have my issues with women but I won't even look at a married woman. She can take a hike and look at some other man. I really don't get some women. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Most pedophiles are males... Rapist are men... and so on and so on... Men cannot be faithful...to only one woman.. it's ridiculous to think they can.. IMO. I really don't think these two points have anything to do with a man's ability to be faithful. Rape, be it a child victim or an adult has nothing to do with sexual pleasure. Society puts pressure on men to be in control and powerful. Society tells them sex and power are proof that they are men. An unbalanced man will rape to prove he is powerful. He uses his sex parts to commit the crime but it isn't for the sex itself, it is to prove he can control something and he uses the most physically male part of himself to do it. I get that you don't think men are suppose to be monogamous, but it's pretty warped of you to think that rape is an indication of that. I'm not even a man and I find that statement insulting. Men rape more than women because women are not under pressure to be powerful and in control. Rape is a control thing, not a sex thing. Bringing the topic of rape into this thread is like you are suggesting that lack of sex in a relationship will prompt a man to rape. That is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 It's not the gender that cheats; it's the person. Trying to assign this behavior on a single gender seems a little narrowminded to me. But then I'm a woman that's cheated... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 You want crazy? Heh. Crazy's relative. I spent so much time married to a crazy woman(as in nuts for real), I wouldn't even know sane if I saw it, because most women seem rather sane by comparison, even the ones posting here. But, she seemed sane at first too... My wife has a diagnosed mental disorder (a term I much prefer to "crazy") She's been hospitalized twice for it in acute psychiatric facilities and is currently in a residential treatment facility where she'll spend a total of 60 days. Is any of that supposed to be my excuse to stray and find "comfort" outside of our marriage? Absolutely not! When she's "on" she's absolutely delightful and despite the illness, which I diagnosed after we'd been married four years, she had two great careers before finally retiring five years ago. I find the entire supposition that we men are predisposed to infidelity preposterous. If ever I wanted to have an affair and could get away with it, now's the time yet that thought doesn't even exist. The opposing argument is, in my opinion, a bunch of hot air! Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I find the entire supposition that we men are predisposed to infidelity preposterous. If ever I wanted to have an affair and could get away with it, now's the time yet that thought doesn't even exist. The opposing argument is, in my opinion, a bunch of hot air! I don't think the argument is with fidelity but with monogamy. It's that a majority of men (or people for that matter) are predisposed for promiscuity. You could argue that this means that a majority of people are selfish. Or simply that a majority of people are sexually inclined to have multiple partners. Or you could argue that monogamy is just as selfish by demanding fidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I don't think the argument is with fidelity but with monogamy. It's that a majority of men (or people for that matter) are predisposed for promiscuity. You could argue that this means that a majority of people are selfish. Or simply that a majority of people are sexually inclined to have multiple partners. Or you could argue that monogamy is just as selfish by demanding fidelity. Hmmm...I quite disagree. I do not think it becomes a matter of selfishness unless/until you implement a double standard, or are dishonest about your nature. In other words, you can call a guy selfish if he wants to live a promiscuous life but does not want the same for his spouse. Or, if he wants to set the parameters in such an agreement without negotiation. But if he is up front in saying he has no intentions of living a monogamous life, and encourages his mate to enjoy the same and they agree on what the boundaries are - nothing at all selfish about that. You can call someone who wants to be monogamous selfish, but I call it defining one's own qualifications for a mate. I have no argument if a man wants to live a promiscuous life. He just can't live it and be in a relationship with me at the same time. It isn't the snatch-hounds that bother me, it is the ones who profess monogamy, insist on it with their spouse, and still find some way to rationalize cheating. THAT's selfish. It has nothing to do with whether you want to f**k one or f**k many, it has to be about honesty and respect for the feelings of others... Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I know, but my point was in the majority statement. I often say that a majority of people are promiscuously oriented and am often met with, "they are just being selfish", responses. Unfortunately, not only are a majority of people promiscuous, but a majority are also possessive. And as you have stated, THAT makes them selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Never_Again Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 This makes me never want to get married. Or even ever date again. I hate men. Truly. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 This makes me never want to get married. Or even ever date again. Me too! But most likely for opposite reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 This makes me never want to get married. Or even ever date again. I hate men. Truly. Don't give up on us just yet! You just need to find a good one. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby NoBrains Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I'm writing in rather late in the post, but I still want to say that whether or not men want to be monogamous is not a simple yes or no answer. It will vary with different people depending on their approach towards life, their personal (and perhaps religious) beliefs, the kind of relationship they find themselves in, and their own strength as an individual. Many people would go into a relationship believing they will never stray, but circumstances will weaken their resolve. Others will brave the worst situations but would not stray from their commitments. So it's a very individual thing, and I don't see how it would be easy to generalize. The responses above also indicate the same thing. People post based on their own experiences or their own beliefs, and the difference in the statements is obvious for all to see. I'll have to say there is no straight line answer here. Some men will stray, some won't. So I guess it all depends on whom you are able to find and whether you are able to keep him interested in you by being the person he is looking for in his life. Sounds a little sexist, but the answer was related to men only. I suppose the same would go for women also, that a man would be able to keep his partner faithful by being everything she wants and needs in the relationship. Unless he/she is a serial cheater, and you shouldn't have got involved with one of those in the first place. Anyways ... Just my two bits .. Bobby Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) Your right Bobby, but there is a straight line answer. Forget gender! Some people have a promiscuous sexual orientation, some do not. We call those people monogamously oriented. No generalization there. The OP question does beg a generalization. And the scientific polls do suggest that a majority of men (and women) desire promiscuity for one reason or another. Or for no reason for that matter. Edited April 2, 2008 by shadowofman Link to post Share on other sites
sugarsoul Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 one of my guy friends told me that "men are only as faithful as their options." i think that sums it all up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milan721 Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 I know this thread turned into who cheats and who doesn't. What I was really wondering about are the guys who choose not to cheat and to remain in their marriage. I'm talking about the guys that don't have anything to complain about sexually with their wife, yet still need porn, strip clubs, etc. Although these guys remain physically faithful, are they dying for some kind of relief from the sameness of their spouse? Since many people here seem to agree that most men have different needs due to hormones - are these men raging a battle within themselves to remain in their marriage? Do they stay just because society tells them it's the right thing to do? Do they stay just because of the kids? Do they stay just because their wife is "good enough" or better than most? I know everyone is different. I'm just curious what the majority of men in this situation would say if they were being totally honest. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Do they stay just because society tells them it's the right thing to do? Do they stay just because of the kids? Do they stay just because their wife is "good enough" or better than most? Perhaps. I stay(ed) because of fear. Fear of being seen as inadequate; fear of the process of leaving; fear of bankruptcy; fear of lawyers. Lots of fears. Therapy has helped me face those fears. I'm really not afraid anymore. If my marriage ends, it will be because of clear reasons, not irrational fears. The only fear I'm sure I never had was fear of being alone. No problem there. Hope that was honest enough for you Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I'm talking about the guys that don't have anything to complain about sexually with their wife, yet still need porn, strip clubs, etc. Although these guys remain physically faithful, are they dying for some kind of relief from the sameness of their spouse? Since many people here seem to agree that most men have different needs due to hormones - are these men raging a battle within themselves to remain in their marriage? Do they stay just because society tells them it's the right thing to do? Do they stay just because of the kids? Do they stay just because their wife is "good enough" or better than most? Oh this is a good question. My boss is the strip club king! The guy has a gorgeous wife, great kids... high powered job. Can't drive past a strip club without stopping. Here is why. He is the man here at work, has all the power, makes tons of big decisions every day. At home... he really isn't anything special. Just an ordinary husband. He doesn't feel powerful at all. So... he hits up the strip clubs where he can have that fantasy. Not saying this is the only thing going on... but I know that's the main factor for him. He wants to feel special. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milan721 Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Perhaps. I stay(ed) because of fear. Fear of being seen as inadequate; fear of the process of leaving; fear of bankruptcy; fear of lawyers. Lots of fears. Therapy has helped me face those fears. I'm really not afraid anymore. If my marriage ends, it will be because of clear reasons, not irrational fears. The only fear I'm sure I never had was fear of being alone. No problem there. Hope that was honest enough for you Very honest, thank you But it doesn't seem like your fears had anything to do with hormonal, varietal urges... unless it was the reason to want divorce in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Oh this is a good question. My boss is the strip club king! The guy has a gorgeous wife, great kids... high powered job. Can't drive past a strip club without stopping. Here is why. He is the man here at work, has all the power, makes tons of big decisions every day. At home... he really isn't anything special. Just an ordinary husband. He doesn't feel powerful at all. So... he hits up the strip clubs where he can have that fantasy. Not saying this is the only thing going on... but I know that's the main factor for him. He wants to feel special. The fact that he has a gorgeous wife, great kids, amazing job ... none of this makes him feel special? But paying for strippers (who couldn't give a crap about him, they only want the $$$) to pay attention to him, that does it for him? Makes him feel "powerful"? His bucks are his power there, NOT his personality or looks or job, and they could belong to any old leprous scumbag and they'd still give him the same "king" treatment. WHAT a loser! He has got his priorities seriously f*cked up if your theory is correct. Although I think it has more to do with being in control, rather than feeling special or powerful. He deserves a wake-up call. Link to post Share on other sites
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