Do men really want to be monogamous?

[Curmudgeon]

I'm sure every men say the same thing before or when they get married.. I'll NEVER cheat.. ME.. come on.. you're full of ****.. ME... this is NOT my style.. I would NEVER do such a thing.. blablabla..

 

They all say that.. and guess what....

 

Come back after you've been married 10+ years and I'd be curious if you'll say the same thing..

 

I've been married to my wife 11+ years, she'll be gone for a total of 60 days and I have yet to have thoughts of infidelity. There are still those things called vows that some of us take seriously.

[Lizzie60]

I've been married to my wife 11+ years, she'll be gone for a total of 60 days and I have yet to have thoughts of infidelity. There are still those things called vows that some of us take seriously.

 

 

No comments..

[Trialbyfire]

Thanks, dear! Now, unblur you're gorgeous self, damn it!

 

Porn Man, you sound very level-headed. And don't let some people who say they have loooottttsss of experience get to you. I mean some people of loads of experience with the same type of cheating scum over and over and over again. Does that mean that ALL men are that way? Of course not.

 

It's such a narrow-minded view. I mean I've never been with a man who cheats but does that mean I think men don't cheat? I mean how stupid would that make me?

No way darling! I have much to hide.

 

I do agree that PM is very level-headed. Know yourself and be firm. You'll find that certain personality types will try to change your thought process into believing it's okay to cheat. It's a form of manipulation and self-justification, so you'll stoop to their level of thinking. Keep to your higher level of behaviour and you'll have something to be proud of. This is the attitude of a true Spartan!

[rainfall]

I'm sure every men say the same thing before or when they get married.. I'll NEVER cheat.. ME.. come on.. you're full of ****.. ME... this is NOT my style.. I would NEVER do such a thing.. blablabla..

 

They all say that.. and guess what....

 

Come back after you've been married 10+ years and I'd be curious if you'll say the same thing..

 

 

100% of men don't cheat. If they did then noone would ever take a chance to get involved in a relationship. Many people probably do cheat, but I think there are certain factors involved that may make certain men more more likely to cheat then others.

Edited March 30, 2008 by rainfall

[Touche]

That was a rude and sarcastic comment directed at curm. Flirting is not cheating. And ALL marriages have their ups and downs. It's just that some choose to fix things and stick to what they started and others run and flee and cheat.

 

Some people have no clue.

[Milan721]

Milan,

 

Can you two compromise and go to some therapy together? A vacation? A sexual retreat? Work on attaining a deeper/new found intimacy before sabatoging the union?

 

I'm married to someone who is NEVER at fault. I'm not over-exaggerating, you'll be hard-pressed to get into an argument with him and actually get your own point of view across.

 

That being said, therapy was a disaster. He hated the first therapist before we even sat down. The second therapist was great at first (because he examined MY faults the first session). But he turned out to be not to my husband's professional standards (the moment the doc turned the spotlight on him).

 

As for sexual retreats and such - sounds like fun, but honestly the bedroom is not boring. I probably have a higher drive than he does.

 

The flirtations and the endless porn addiction are what get on my nerves. But I guess that's all about the "variety" men crave. I'm sure most would say that as long as he's not physically cheating - then I'm lucky.

[Milan721]

Some do, some don't. Are men capable of it? Absolutely. About as capable as women.

 

It all depends what page you're on.

 

A man who's OK with himself has no need for external validation.

 

A man who fully understands sex also knows monogamous sex with the same partner(provided she's healthy in body and mind) gets much better with time and repetition, and will dread the thought of awkward exploratory sex with women who don't have a clue what REALLY works for them beyond the(sometimes very inaccurate) "all men like this stuff" generic... pop culture porno techniques and activities.

 

And, then there are men who care about and respect their partners. Dare I say it? They love them.

 

There are men with strong religious belief systems. Some of them are serious about that.

 

There are men who have value systems, codes of honor that they will not break, for their own sake.

 

Any or any combination of the above can easily trump the evolutionary urge to spread seed. The urge to plant seed is also strong. There's a difference.

 

Listen, I'm at a point where women ALL seem extremely untrustworthy right now. I'm also aware that it's my situation and circumstances leading me to feel that way. I KNOW it's not true, but right now I FEEL that all women are about as monogamous a fruit fly. Natural defense mechanism- it's your heart trying to prevent you from getting screwed over again.

 

You may have restored a little faith for me. But I think I might be in the same boat with you as far as feeling like the opp sex are "as monogamous as a fruit fly".

[nadiaj2727]

I haven't had time to read all the responses yet. I just wanted to add that I have never been cheated on by a boyfriend. I seem to sometimes have the opposite problem -- some of them have been too clingy and "in love" and wanting a happily ever after relationship, when I've just wanted a more casual, fun dating relationship.

 

My younger brother (23) is getting married soon, to the girlfriend he's had since high school, his first and only love/ lover. I would bet my house that he will never cheat on her. He is a very monogamous man. He seems to take after my father, who married my mom (his high school sweetheart) when they were 17 and 18 and who to my knowledge has never cheated, 28 years later. Neither of them seem to be the kind of guys that cheat. They value long-term committed relationships. My sister and I, on the other hand, seem to be the "wild" ones who can't settle down yet...

 

I think there are some men who would cheat, and there are some women that would cheat. Some look for opportunities and some would do it if one came to them. Other men, like other women, would never ever cheat. And some have learned from a bad experience either cheating or being cheated on and they would never again cheat. I really don't think the gender difference is that big here. From what my past boyfriends and male friends and family members have told me, sure, men look at lots of women and *want* to have sex with them, but if they are good men in a committed relationship (even a rocky one) they won't do it, they *know* in their minds that it's hands-off. I think it's the same for good women.

 

And I love Bill Maher but I think he tends to think that *everyone* thinks or should think the way he does. He definitely does not believe in monogamy but I think it's good that he states that up front instead of getting married and then cheating. More people need to decide what they believe, say what they believe, and act on it -- like he does. But that doesn't mean that all men don't believe in monogamy likes he does. I know a lot that do.

[Trialbyfire]

And I love Bill Maher

Okay, some honesty here. I'd date Bill Maher in a shot but would never get jiggy with someone like that. He'd make an amusing companion but if he's not a serial monogamist like I am, I would never take him seriously.

 

I doubt I'm the only person on this entire planet, that believes in commitment and will stick to it, regardless of temptation.

[BetrayedMM]

I'm sure every men say the same thing before or when they get married.. I'll NEVER cheat.. ME.. come on.. you're full of ****.. ME... this is NOT my style.. I would NEVER do such a thing.. blablabla..

 

They all say that.. and guess what....

 

Come back after you've been married 10+ years and I'd be curious if you'll say the same thing..

 

How bout 18 years?

[BetrayedMM]

Yes, such does, but it should not controvert the person's most essential view of themselves and their moral code, essentially what they brought to the relationship in the first place, their autonomy.

 

Yeah, a person's sense of self worth shouldn't depend on someone else.

[Lizzie60]

How bout 18 years?

 

How do you know your partner has never cheated?

 

No one, absolutely NO ONE can say that their partner never cheated on them.. it is ridiculous to say that...unless you're together 24/7.. and that never happens..

 

I know men who cheated and no one even doubt (not even his best friend)... men, unlike women, are extremely secretive about their love life..

[silktricks]

I'm sure most would say that as long as he's not physically cheating - then I'm lucky.

 

If you are unhappy, then you are not lucky. And many times emotional cheating is even WORSE than physically cheating.

[silktricks]

And I love Bill Maher but I think he tends to think that *everyone* thinks or should think the way he does. He definitely does not believe in monogamy but I think it's good that he states that up front instead of getting married and then cheating. More people need to decide what they believe, say what they believe, and act on it -- like he does. But that doesn't mean that all men don't believe in monogamy likes he does. I know a lot that do.

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

I too "love" Bill Maher, but as a person - I personally think he sucks!

 

Like you, though. I appreciate the fact that since he doesn't "approve" of marriage, he isn't married!!!

[fral945]

You may have restored a little faith for me. But I think I might be in the same boat with you as far as feeling like the opp sex are "as monogamous as a fruit fly".

 

Milan721,

 

Just to add my 2 cents (again, lol), I would venture to guess a big part of men being monogamous is in how they are raised (probably similar for women too). A boy without any good male role models in his life will likely have a turbulent love life later on.

 

I was raised in a stable home. My parents have been together since I was born, but they each had a previous relationship & each had a child from a previous relationship. They've set a good example for me, but I'm still not sold on idea of marriage, even though theirs was (and is) successful.

 

As I've grown up and moved away from home, I've come to discover that they are in the minority of society. A pretty significant part of the population is divorced, and the people I have met in my life who have troubled marriages is pretty high as well. It could be just me, or where I live, but if what I see with my own 2 eyes is true, then that leaves a relatively small percentage who are married without any major problems.

 

I could be in a monagamous relationship, and would like to be eventually. Like most everyone else here has said, it takes maturity to realize that although sexual variety is appealing, I realize if I had a decent sex life with one woman and everything else is pretty good (not necessarily great), I really would have no desire to cheat. And, like you, I think the opposite sex is "as monogamous as a fruit fly" sometimes too.

 

The good news is there are exceptions to these generalizations.

[Curmudgeon]

It is ridiculous to think that plenty of men and women are faithful.. how do you know that..

 

No more ridiculous than thinking they're not. While you deal with those who aren't they are not likely representative of the male population as a whole.

 

Actually, I take great comfort in being faithful. It soothes me because the one I love is always here (well, almost always ) and while other women may be attractive and enticing as well, it's just too much work having to start from scratch over and over again.

 

I'd much rather expend my energy wooing and romancing the sure thing who is my wife.

[lovestruck818]

I think men get a bad rap when it comes to wanting to be a relationship. I honestly think that to some degree all men want some form of monogamy. Most are trying to be macho and impress girls by being "players"...but at the end of the day I really think they all want that special girl to hold & fall asleep with.

[Trialbyfire]

I think men get a bad rap when it comes to wanting to be a relationship. I honestly think that to some degree all men want some form of monogamy. Most are trying to be macho and impress girls by being "players"...but at the end of the day I really think they all want that special girl to hold & fall asleep with.

In this, I'll have to partially disagree, at the least with the "all" men part. There are less monogamous men, when you're in your teens and twenties. When you hit your thirties and up, there will be more that realize that hey, ONSs aren't very fulfilling and maybe it's time to settle down and potentially raise a family.

[Milan721]

 

I'd much rather expend my energy wooing and romancing the sure thing who is my wife.

 

can you be cloned?

[foreverinlove]

How do you know your partner has never cheated?

 

No one, absolutely NO ONE can say that their partner never cheated on them.. it is ridiculous to say that...unless you're together 24/7.. and that never happens..

 

I know men who cheated and no one even doubt (not even his best friend)... men, unlike women, are extremely secretive about their love life..

 

 

 

Yes, it does happen. My husband and I are together 24/7. We own our own business and we work together, we come home together, we even go grocery shopping together.

 

To top it all off, we got married when I was 18 and he was 19. I am now 60 and he is 61. Everyone told us it would never work out, yet we are still in love with each other, even more so than we were then. We still hold hands, snuggle, hug and kiss every day, and we still make love several times a week. That doesn't mean we didn't go through our share of rough times. We had arguments just like everyone else, but we always made a point of resolving things, so we wouldn't go to bed being mad at each other.

 

We had two sons very early in our marriage, but we always made sure our love for each other came first. That doesn't mean we neglected the kids, on the contrary, they grew up seeing and feeling the deep love their parents had for each other. They have been married with kids of their own for some time now, and they show the same love to their spouses. Just the other day my daughter in law came to our business to talk to our son (he works with us), and before she left she kissed him goodbye and told him she loved him. And that after being married to him for 15 years.

 

No, you are wrong, not every man cheats. My husband never cheated (he's home every night), and neither have either of our sons.

 

If a spouse gets all their needs met from the other, and if they keep themselves attractive to the other, and if there is spice in the sex life, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to cheat, doesn't matter wether it's the man or the woman.

[Curmudgeon]

can you be cloned?

 

I'll see what I can do.

 

I am not unique.

[Milan721]

Yes, it does happen. My husband and I are together 24/7. We own our own business and we work together, we come home together, we even go grocery shopping together.

 

To top it all off, we got married when I was 18 and he was 19. I am now 60 and he is 61. Everyone told us it would never work out, yet we are still in love with each other, even more so than we were then. We still hold hands, snuggle, hug and kiss every day, and we still make love several times a week. That doesn't mean we didn't go through our share of rough times. We had arguments just like everyone else, but we always made a point of resolving things, so we wouldn't go to bed being mad at each other.

 

We had two sons very early in our marriage, but we always made sure our love for each other came first. That doesn't mean we neglected the kids, on the contrary, they grew up seeing and feeling the deep love their parents had for each other. They have been married with kids of their own for some time now, and they show the same love to their spouses. Just the other day my daughter in law came to our business to talk to our son (he works with us), and before she left she kissed him goodbye and told him she loved him. And that after being married to him for 15 years.

 

No, you are wrong, not every man cheats. My husband never cheated (he's home every night), and neither have either of our sons.

 

If a spouse gets all their needs met from the other, and if they keep themselves attractive to the other, and if there is spice in the sex life, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to cheat, doesn't matter wether it's the man or the woman.

 

Absolutely amazing Hope you don't mind my asking but, do either of you ever get tired of seeing the other? Do you have outside interest/hobbies away from your H?

 

These days, long happy marriages seem so rare that they need to be studied on a petri dish.

[Milan721]

I'll see what I can do.

 

I am not unique.

 

Thanks. Please do work on that.

 

 

Maybe not unique...but certainly not commonplace!

[Curmudgeon]

Yes, it does happen. My husband and I are together 24/7. We own our own business and we work together, we come home together, we even go grocery shopping together.

 

To top it all off, we got married when I was 18 and he was 19. I am now 60 and he is 61. Everyone told us it would never work out, yet we are still in love with each other, even more so than we were then. We still hold hands, snuggle, hug and kiss every day, and we still make love several times a week. That doesn't mean we didn't go through our share of rough times. We had arguments just like everyone else, but we always made a point of resolving things, so we wouldn't go to bed being mad at each other.

 

We had two sons very early in our marriage, but we always made sure our love for each other came first. That doesn't mean we neglected the kids, on the contrary, they grew up seeing and feeling the deep love their parents had for each other. They have been married with kids of their own for some time now, and they show the same love to their spouses. Just the other day my daughter in law came to our business to talk to our son (he works with us), and before she left she kissed him goodbye and told him she loved him. And that after being married to him for 15 years.

 

No, you are wrong, not every man cheats. My husband never cheated (he's home every night), and neither have either of our sons.

 

If a spouse gets all their needs met from the other, and if they keep themselves attractive to the other, and if there is spice in the sex life, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to cheat, doesn't matter wether it's the man or the woman.

 

I'm 61 and my wife will turn 60 this year. While we married late in life (she was 48 and I was 50) and while we both had children from prior marriages, we, too, always put one another and our marriage first. While the chances of our having as many years of marriage in total as you and your husband already have are slim, I truly look forward to next year when I retire and we can be together 24/7.

 

Cheating is not an option or even a conscious or unconscious thought. Cheating is not a loving act!

[foreverinlove]

Absolutely amazing Hope you don't mind my asking but, do either of you ever get tired of seeing the other? Do you have outside interest/hobbies away from your H?

 

No, we never get tired of seeing each other, actually on the rare occasions when we do have to spent time apart we miss each other terribly. It's almost as if a part of yourself is missing.

 

We do each have our own hobbies that we spend time on, but we're still within shouting distance of each other. My husband enjoys woodworking and painting, and I love quilting, sewing and embroidery. We both like home improvement and working in the yard. We have mutual friends we see on a regular basis, and we also go out to dinner once a week. Of course the grandkids keep us quite busy too.