Milan721 Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 I'm not trying to start a man-hating thread. I'm just really curious about this. In a world where we say "men are visual" as a reason for accepting their need to pop in the hardcore Gang Bang or even the softer Girl-on-Girl action DVD every now and then... In a world where a depressed wife gets freakish porn boobies as specified by her husband's, uh, research into the proper breast size, only to find out he still needs to do more "research"... and still is apparently not that in to her... In a world where a MM, who loves his beautiful wife and kids, yet feels the need to party with his hot, single coworker while the wife is out of town just because he's "curious" to know if the OW wants to f*** him... Do you guys really want to be married? I was watching Bill Maher discussing the Spitzer scandal the other day and here's what he said: "Oh yes, let's convene a panel of experts for that. Let me help you: because he wants to get his nut off! Stop with all the analysis! It never ends, I hear all these people talking about how powerful people think they can get away with anything, so it's a thrill, or that it's for this psychological reason or this one -- please, he wanted to CUM WITH SOMEONE! Stop overthinking this: people need sex, and married people generally aren't getting it. Studies show (OK, I'm making that up, but it's true nonetheless) that people married 20 years only have sex on Valentine's Day, their anniversary, and their birthdays. You can hate me as the messenger, but it's true -- how can anyone be expected to still want to score with someone you've been having sex with for a score? Mr. Spitzer simply wanted what humans desire, to feel that sensational sensation when you're hot for someone, to touch and hug and bump and grind -- this is really not that complicated! If you're ascribing more to it than that, it's probably really more about your own fear that your spouse wants to do the same thing. "Or is doing it. Married people are often starved for sex, touch, affection, not to mention the kinky stuff that wifey definitely won't do. So if you find yourself at such a place in life -- and this is most certainly wives as well -- where you're dieing like this, you can do one of three things: get divorced, cheat, or continue to live a life with little or no passion, sex, etc. It's easy to point fingers, but how about some recognition that society's rules are so at odds with human nature that there are actually no good options for an Eliot Spitzer, and the ZILLIONS OF PEOPLE JUST LIKE HIM, many of who are tut-tut-ing today. I guess a guy is a hero who sticks it out and leads a life of quiet desperation. I'm not so sure it's heroic to make him." I guess the same question could be posed to women who feel the same way. I just don't know of any female friends who say things like, "Gee my husband is great, but I just have the need to lock myself in a room and watch live streaming videos of hot men jerking off." Are there any men really looking forward to the golden years with their spouse? Or is the thought of being with only one person till death so daunting that you need to immediately seek outside stimulation? Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 I think there are a lot of men who are looking forward to the golden years with their spouse AND wanting (not "needing", nobody died from a lack of exciting sex, or even any sex) to have that outside stimulation. I think many men feel a certain entitlement, permission from themselves, their buddies who might be doing it and societies perceptions of men generally. They realize it's not honourable, but hey, they're MEN, they have "needs". Like women don't ! I think women are just more invested in their families, more connected, more afraid of censure (because women who cheat always get slammed more than the men, let's be honest), so they keep their skirts down. If I had been hearing, throughout my life, that I was just by nature hornier and needing sexual novelty, then I'd probably do it, too. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 Yes .......... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 I totally agree with Bill Maher.. I think society is starting to realize that MEN cannot be faithful to only one partner all their lives... Women can.. men can't... We've been molded in the Roman Catholic religion or any religions for that matter for sooo long that monogamy WAS the only way to live a happy life. That's baloney.. it's not possible.. MOST if not ALL men cheat.. those who don't.. methink they just can't.. (they are either impotent or too ugly to find a decent woman)... Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex... it seems to be a necessity for men while women can live many many months without it.. it's proven.. You got a good point in your post.. Porn is mainly for men.. Men will jerk off with porn.. women not as much... men will go see strippers and spend a lot of money.. women not as much.. do you see women going to strip joints on Fridays after work with work buddies.. no... The sex industry is made by and for men... Most pedophiles are males... Men go down south or in the third world to get underage prostitutes.. do you see women doing that? Rapist are men... and so on and so on... Men cannot be faithful...to only one woman.. it's ridiculous to think they can.. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 Can and want are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milan721 Posted March 29, 2008 Author Share Posted March 29, 2008 I totally agree with Bill Maher.. I think society is starting to realize that MEN cannot be faithful to only one partner all their lives... Women can.. men can't... We've been molded in the Roman Catholic religion or any religions for that matter for sooo long that monogamy WAS the only way to live a happy life. That's baloney.. it's not possible.. MOST if not ALL men cheat.. those who don't.. methink they just can't.. (they are either impotent or too ugly to find a decent woman)... Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex... it seems to be a necessity for men while women can live many many months without it.. it's proven.. You got a good point in your post.. Porn is mainly for men.. Men will jerk off with porn.. women not as much... men will go see strippers and spend a lot of money.. women not as much.. do you see women going to strip joints on Fridays after work with work buddies.. no... The sex industry is made by and for men... Most pedophiles are males... Men go down south or in the third world to get underage prostitutes.. do you see women doing that? Rapist are men... and so on and so on... Men cannot be faithful...to only one woman.. it's ridiculous to think they can.. IMO. Well, I was trying not to be harsh, lol But I think I agree with you. However, I don't think it's just because men want and need sex while women can go without it. Even women with ridiculously high sex drives can't seem to keep their men satisfied. I can't remember the movie, but I'll never forget the quote: "Wherever there's a beautiful woman, there's always some guy tired of f*cking her." Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 There are plenty of female pedophiles. They usually teach middle school and troll for sex with young teen boys. Routinely, we read in the news about yet another teacher busted for this. Every guy that is cheating is cheating with a willing female, many of then cheating as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 There are plenty of female pedophiles. They usually teach middle school and troll for sex with young teen boys. Routinely, we read in the news about yet another teacher busted for this. Every guy that is cheating is cheating with a willing female, many of then cheating as well. Of course there are female pedophiles.. but the number is still much much lower than male pedophiles. Women pedophiles, like you say, will go for teen boys.. men pedophiles will go for infants and young children.. Every guy is cheating with a female but a lot of 'single' females.. ha-hem... Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Men cannot be faithful...to only one woman.. it's ridiculous to think they can.. IMO. I also disagree with this statement. I know plenty of faithful men and women. I have only (technically) been cheated on once by my first boyfriend and I wised up. Although, I have seen the handwriting on the wall a few times and just ended it or vice versa. If you align yourself with cheaters then that is what you will welcome into your life. Seeing as how you enjoy being an affair partner that would be your perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milan721 Posted March 30, 2008 Author Share Posted March 30, 2008 What I really want to know is whether or not monogomy, in the form of marriage, is really the way to go for the millions who tie the knot every year. I read an archived thread about monogomy in which several men said that they love their wife, but can't speak for the future. They said that they'll "try" to remain faithful. They also said something to the effect of, "Hey, we're guys, we always think of banging other people." Would you really take those vows if when the minister said "For better or worse" your partner said "I'll try"? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I've never cheated on any of my girlfriends and I've had many opportunities! How old are you? How long have you been in a relationship? How many relationships did you have? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I also disagree with this statement. I know plenty of faithful men and women. I have only (technically) been cheated on once by my first boyfriend and I wised up. Although, I have seen the handwriting on the wall a few times and just ended it or vice versa. If you align yourself with cheaters then that is what you will welcome into your life. Seeing as how you enjoy being an affair partner that would be your perspective. It is ridiculous to think that plenty of men and women are faithful.. how do you know that.. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Of course there are female pedophiles.. but the number is still much much lower than male pedophiles. Women pedophiles, like you say, will go for teen boys.. men pedophiles will go for infants and young children.. Every guy is cheating with a female but a lot of 'single' females.. ha-hem... So are you trying to say that the female variety of perving on children is "better" than the male variety? Men and women both cheat at roughly the same rate. I would also venture to guess that most married cheats do so with other married people. Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Do you guys really want to be married? I would say no. Some men (more so the religious than the non-religious) will marry. Most need some prodding. Given the choice between living together unmarried and being married, I think most men would opt for living unmarried. Now, I should say that for myself I do want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I want kids and a family. I have no burning desire to get married, as I am agnostic and feel it's an outdated institution that will only put me at great finanacial risk. With that said, if I happen to find a woman that is really special, that I feel I couldn't live without, and she insists on it, I would probably do it. But I'm not optimistic about that happening. Are there any men really looking forward to the golden years with their spouse ? Probably not. My parents (for example) spend much of their average day apart. Dad still works part-time, my mom has grandkids she takes care of and other obligations. They come together for meals and bedtime, but watch TV seperately and have different hobbies and interests. Another old couple I know lives this way as well. And these are the successful marriages. Could just be my small circle, but I'd imagine after 20, 30 or more years together you need some time apart. Or is the thought of being with only one person till death so daunting that you need to immediately seek outside stimulation? It's not daunting, but I think most people want to find someone they really like if they're going to have to spend 50+ yrs. together. Remember, when marriage first came around (and up until fairly recently I'd say, meaning the last 100 yrs. or so), people didn't live as long, so they didn't have to deal with each other quite as long either. Also, the expectations of marriage now and what they were when it originally came around have changed drastically. I won't get into a history lesson here (unless you really want to - maybe we can start another thread, lol), but it's safe to say that the expectations now are different and much higher for both men and women. One example would be that many men had concubines for sexual gratification, as the wife was not expected to satisfy the husband sexually all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 So are you trying to say that the female variety of perving on children is "better" than the male variety? Men and women both cheat at roughly the same rate. I would also venture to guess that most married cheats do so with other married people. Yes.. if you ask me .. I would say that a 40 yr old man f*cking a 2 yr old girl.. is tremendously more disgusting than a 40 yr old female f*cking a 14 yr old teen... sorry but that's reality.. the damage won't be the same.. No.. men are still way way higher than female cheaters.. most married people DO NOT do so with other married people.. sorry.. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 It's just been my feeling that there as many warped individuals of either gender so that to bang on men as being incapable of monogamy because some very few are despicable creatures reduces the argument to an extreme level. Neither men nor women who cheat do so because they are potential pedophiles. And yeah, who is going to argue that raping an infant is anything but a horror? That known, has no bearing on whether a 13-year-old is traumatized by a randy teacher. Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 What I really want to know is whether or not monogomy, in the form of marriage, is really the way to go for the millions who tie the knot every year. No. I read an archived thread about monogomy in which several men said that they love their wife, but can't speak for the future. They said that they'll "try" to remain faithful. They also said something to the effect of, "Hey, we're guys, we always think of banging other people." Would you really take those vows if when the minister said "For better or worse" your partner said "I'll try"? I think those are pretty truthful statements, though probably not what most women want to hear. Polygmy has been practiced much more in history than monogamy (you can check me on that, but I'm pretty it is true), and for good reason. Men crave sexual variety much more than women (generally speaking of course), and having multiple wives (or concubines, depending on the society) was an outlet for their sexual needs. Monogamy is sort of an idealistic notion. Some will be able to do it, but I would say most men will not. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 It is ridiculous to think that plenty of men and women are faithful.. how do you know that.. The people that I align myself with IRL have the character trait of fidelity and loyality to the core. Pretty simple. As I said before you have a different perspective. I recall that your first encounter was with a married person, this is your continued admitted lifestyle, and so it is really all you have ever known ...or maybe your comfort level. What you aspire to be and seek out. It is fairly easy to see through the deceptions of others'. Those that enjoy the deceptive lifestyle are in their own world of denial. So be it. We all choose our paths, and we are on very different ones. Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Are there any men really looking forward to the golden years with their spouse ? My dad is. He and my mom are in their early 60's, have been married since age 22, and have been faithful to each other all during their marriage. They can hardly wait to retire and spend their time traveling, gardening, learning more healthy gourmet cooking, and all their hiking/biking together. They're really cute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milan721 Posted March 30, 2008 Author Share Posted March 30, 2008 fral945 - Thanks for giving the most honest answers. I understand and have read much about the history of marriage and I agree with you. I suppose I just want to know what to do if you're the woman who has found yourself in this unhappily married situation. My husband's actions tell me he's one of the many who are reluctantly married, yet he doesn't want to let me go. We have a child together so walking out isn't as easy as I'd like it to be. No, he hasn't physically cheated on me (at least I hope) yet. But it certainly seems like I'm forcing him against his nature to remain monogamous. I dream of ending the marriage, but he doesn't want to. He wants the marriage AND the outside "stimulation". I wish I followed my original instincts and never got married! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milan721 Posted March 30, 2008 Author Share Posted March 30, 2008 My dad is. He and my mom are in their early 60's, have been married since age 22, and have been faithful to each other all during their marriage. They can hardly wait to retire and spend their time traveling, gardening, learning more healthy gourmet cooking, and all their hiking/biking together. They're really cute. I swear, relationships like these are like urban legends. It's good to know at least some people aren't wishing their spouses dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I also know a couple who are 90 and 89 yrs old.. they've been married for over 65 yrs.. maybe more.. they just moved to an old-age residence together.. They are sooo cute together.. he's always joking about her.. she still takes care of him as if he was a baby... they are truly still in love.. and it shows. If you wouldn't know his past.. you'd swear that he never cheated on his wife.. well.. he cheated probably 40 yrs out of the 65... he had the same mistress for over 20 years.. until she died.. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Milan, Can you two compromise and go to some therapy together? A vacation? A sexual retreat? Work on attaining a deeper/new found intimacy before sabatoging the union? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I swear, relationships like these are like urban legends. It's good to know at least some people aren't wishing their spouses dead. I'm sure they did at times over the years. But they've always been a team, playing for the same side and playing to win - not playing against each other. One of my cousins has that kind of marriage, too. He and his wife have 4 kids, one of which they adopted. They love each other and are still in love - they're also a team. They're in it together, and I believe they always will be. And I have a few friends whose marriages are also solid and they couldn't be happier. The solid marriages are out there. Those marriages seem to have a common goal, a common commitment to going through life together. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 The solid marriages are out there. Those marriages seem to have a common goal, a common commitment to going through life together. Yes they are, and they are a beautiful thing to see. I would settle for no less. Link to post Share on other sites
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