Far Behind Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 ya know that old great white song, my my my once bitten twice shy? I just put that on my songlist, and also the old vanilla fudge song, you just keep me hangin' on. I express myself best through music. My kids and I are going to my parents for dinner in a little while, but I can't wait to come home and start my new books. Oh...what'shisname is Don Henley, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 once bitten, twice shy. i'm not going there this time. it's going to be all about me now and passion and the moment, like it always was before. i'm too old to be playing at games and worrying about men who aren't strong enough to be honest with themselves, never mind me. and i'll be damned if i let them manipulate me into thinking there is something wrong with me when it's them. have fun at dinner. and let us know how the books are. there's always some value and universal truth in them even though every person and situation is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 You nailed it...they are weak, manipulative, flawed, broken men. I'm with you on not letting it happen again, but I have to say, I'm scared to death right now of even going out with someone new. But I know I fell off the horse, so to speak, and I need to get right back on. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 i think so. even if it's just to stay busy. you have to stay open and not let them shut you down to life and life's possibilities. you're in charge of it all. i don't know how many women here have said, i had a wall built around my heart...he knocked it down...now it's back up. that's natural. and it happens everytime, and what that wall means is that you might need time to heal before you can go forth again, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try anyway or leave it up until someone else knocks it down. that someone else might not get a chance if you shut down. Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 My guy used to say that I had this box I was in, and he was getting inside the box, which of course, he did. And once he was in, he ran away. And ran away again. And again. Now the box is nailed up tight. I know what you are saying, and I'm not the kind of person to stay hardened to all possibilities, just right now I'm scared s'less! Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 i know you are. me too. ttyl tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Oh boy, guys.... So predictable and true to form.... I am retreating and he knows it. He called last night and I didn't pick up. He left a voice mail just to say Hi....he's thinking about me.... Today, I received an Easter e-card. He NEVER contacts me by e-mail. Seems to me that he is getting oh so much more interested now that I'm not. Oh, the joys of commitmentphobia. I am so done with this. The yo-yo game is over. But, thought I'd share. It's all just so predictable.... WA Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 i don't know how many women here have said, i had a wall built around my heart...he knocked it down...now it's back up. that's natural. and it happens everytime, and what that wall means is that you might need time to heal before you can go forth again, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try anyway or leave it up until someone else knocks it down. that someone else might not get a chance if you shut down. My problem (well ok, one of my problems) is that I lower my defenses much too quickly. I believe in them right off the bat. I'm afraid of doing that again and then finding out (again) that it was just an illusion. Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Oh boy, guys.... So predictable and true to form.... I am retreating and he knows it. He called last night and I didn't pick up. He left a voice mail just to say Hi....he's thinking about me.... Today, I received an Easter e-card. He NEVER contacts me by e-mail. Seems to me that he is getting oh so much more interested now that I'm not. Oh, the joys of commitmentphobia. I am so done with this. The yo-yo game is over. But, thought I'd share. It's all just so predictable.... WA Wow. A textbook case. Amazing. You sound so strong when you write. Good for you! Have you found your peace? I'm hoping to get to resignation soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Wow. A textbook case. Amazing. You sound so strong when you write. Good for you! Have you found your peace? I'm hoping to get to resignation soon. I am strong simply because I have had it with the ups and downs. And if I choose to place myself into this mess any longer, I am just going to go through the same cycle over and over and over. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I think the only way to break the cycle is to tell the guy in no uncertain terms that you never want to see him again and not to contact you. i think this is the only thing that works. Or has someone done that and it hasnt worked? Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I did that to one guy from my past (the married minister). He left me alone for a few months, then started back up again with the contact. And, believe me, I chewed him out. There was no doubt that I was done with his shenanigans. I blasted him. Every once in a while I still get an email from him. Rarely, he will call. But, it doesn't even matter to me anymore. He doesn't make my heart go pitter pat, so I am indifferent to his contact. So....there you have it. It worked when I told him to leave me alone.....yet, it didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I think the only way to break the cycle is to tell the guy in no uncertain terms that you never want to see him again and not to contact you. i think this is the only thing that works. Or has someone done that and it hasnt worked? Me. He broke up with me. I said I don't want to be friends, but he does. We can't see eye to eye on this because I still have feelings for him and he doesn't. I told him for my sake, he shouldn't contact me (stop text messaging, etc.) but hasn't stopped. I asked him "Why can't you let me go? You did it before and you can do it again. You have new friends now, you know you'll be fine and I'll be fine." His response: "That's not a good enough answer for me. I'm not happy with that." After I told my guy friend this, he said "We're guys. We want everything." Male LS members, go have a field day with that. I guess it's just enough to say that my ex does not know what he wants. He told the girl he likes (liked?) how he felt towards her and he was unfazed, not sad that she rejected him. A friend asked about it and he said it's because he already knew that she didn't like him that way, but he had that tiny chance so he took it, etc. I don't really know and ultimately, I've decided I don't want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 My problem (well ok, one of my problems) is that I lower my defenses much too quickly. I believe in them right off the bat. I'm afraid of doing that again and then finding out (again) that it was just an illusion. i used to do that. not lately though. doesn't seem to make a bit of difference in the end whether i give them trust or they earn it. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I think the only way to break the cycle is to tell the guy in no uncertain terms that you never want to see him again and not to contact you. i think this is the only thing that works. Or has someone done that and it hasnt worked? works with some and only seems to make it worse with others. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 what's with the damn holidays? hell i don't even celebrate this one. he texts...happy easter. three hours later same thing as earlier this week...why don't you call or text? i didn't reply this time. easier not to with a text. ugh what would be the sense? but if i had replied i guess i would have said, i'm respecting your wishes, despite what you said about calling you or texting you anytime i needed to. well i don't need to. you asked for time. you have it. take it, use it, figure out what you want and need or don't i don't care. none of it has a thing to do with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Good girl! Hang tough! Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 HOw retarded is this...I wish I'd just get some kind of contact so I could NOT respond. NOthing, all day, hasn't even been on line since Friday night. I am soooooooo frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I know you are.... Did you get those books we recommended? They will help you get some peace. Really, they will... Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 HOw retarded is this...I wish I'd just get some kind of contact so I could NOT respond. NOthing, all day, hasn't even been on line since Friday night. I am soooooooo frustrated. But you arent contacting him either so thats half as good. look its easter and people who are normally online arent. Also maybe he;s thinking what a jerk he is and is in his cave? He'll probably come online Monday night Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I know you are.... Did you get those books we recommended? They will help you get some peace. Really, they will... Yes, I got "Don't Call that Man" and "Men Who Can't Love" I'm about to get in bed and do a little reading before the xanax kicks in! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Both books are great. I have them both, too. Trust me, they will help you get some peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 But you arent contacting him either so thats half as good. look its easter and people who are normally online arent. Also maybe he;s thinking what a jerk he is and is in his cave? He'll probably come online Monday night I think the cave part could be right, that he could be embarrassed about Friday night and avoiding confrontation...so his m.o. The fact that it's Easter doesn't really apply because he has no family here, and he hasn't been on since Friday. I see it this way. There are basically 3 acceptable reasons to have not heard from him (in no particular order): 1. He was kidnapped by aliens; 2. He is laid up in a hospital somewhere; 3. He is dead. None of them seems remotely possible...well I guess 2 COULD be, but even at that...all indications are that I have been bailed on. Again. And there will be some regret at some point on his part that will lead to the inevitable email. I repeat...I am never going to initiate contact, so if he doesn't, then this chapter of my life is closed, which it is anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Hey you guys...just reading all your threads. WOW. How is it that everything can seem so the same? a) there has to be some solace in that that "unique" connection we all felt with our SO is not that unique after all? Is it? Since we all felt it!? (and believe me, I too wholeheartedly believe I felt it!!) b)are men taught to react this way in some secret bording school class? (am thinking of a dungeon like room in "dead poet's society") c) What part of "I love you babe, Know that I will never hurt you...Never" did you mistakingly let fumble out of your mouth? Damm. I txt'd sunday morning. "Hey, happy easter. Wish you were here hiding chocolate eggs with me" NOTHING Soooooooo I called! (double damm!) It was noon (we are ...were ) LD. He answered "Hello, ** speaking" What? did he erase my number from his phone? how could he not know it was me? conversation lasted a whole min. and went like this: me: Hi (smile on my face) Him: Hey..how are you? you ok? what's going on? me: well nothing really..just couldn't sleep (8hrs diff) and was thinking of you SILENCE me: you ok? him: yeah, just working on some drawings in the control room. Am kinda in the middle of this..can I crack on? me: yeah sure him: you take it easy ok? me: sure. hey...will you call later him: pause. yeah sure. speak to you later Guess what? He didn't call! (duh!) Am I too far in to have NC be significant at all? Am utterly humiliated now But i do feel like I'm done. For the first time in 3 weeks....I am losing faith As one of you said, if this REALLY was love...he would be there wouldn't he?????? It just hurts so much! thanks, Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Damm. I txt'd sunday morning. "Hey, happy easter. Wish you were here hiding chocolate eggs with me" NOTHING Soooooooo I called! (double damm!) It was noon (we are ...were ) LD. He answered "Hello, ** speaking" What? did he erase my number from his phone? how could he not know it was me? conversation lasted a whole min. and went like this: me: Hi (smile on my face) Him: Hey..how are you? you ok? what's going on? me: well nothing really..just couldn't sleep (8hrs diff) and was thinking of you SILENCE me: you ok? him: yeah, just working on some drawings in the control room. Am kinda in the middle of this..can I crack on? me: yeah sure him: you take it easy ok? me: sure. hey...will you call later him: pause. yeah sure. speak to you later Guess what? He didn't call! (duh!) Am I too far in to have NC be significant at all? Am utterly humiliated now But i do feel like I'm done. For the first time in 3 weeks....I am losing faith As one of you said, if this REALLY was love...he would be there wouldn't he?????? It just hurts so much! thanks, I know this isnt about the original threa but i just have to say.... OUCH I KNOW that conversation and Ive had it. I know how you feel. What happens know is that you will get into a panic and keep calling and ten he will call you a stalker.... You have to leave him alone because if you keep calling him his response will only get worse. AND you will feel worse. Stop calling. Link to post Share on other sites
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