Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Oh so she just has to accept what you throw at her because you warned her? Yeah that is a good basis for a solid marriage! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Oh so she just has to accept what you throw at her because you warned her? Yeah that is a good basis for a solid marriage! Good luck! If I am upfront about my ways and how I am before the marriage than I have done my part in being honest about things. I am who I am and her or any other woman can take it or leave it. Luckily the problems seems to have been solved tonight though. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I probably would worry but women are more likely to let their friends ruin their relationships. There have been many cases of women letting their manhating friends ruin their relationship with their husband or boyfriend but not too many cases of the reverse happening. I actually sat both of them down tonight and came to a sort of peace. I let my friend know that I sympathize with his pain but he needs to quit it with trying to get me to leave my wife because she is nothing at all like his ex. I resassured my wife that I am only being a friend to him and in no way do I agree with him. This is a difficult process he is going through after years of being a doormat in his relationships but I put him in his place tonight. Also I am not gay in the least so no I am not having an affair. I think some people may have missed this post good on your for trying Woggle you did the right thing. I do hope he got the message and stops doing what hes been doing and hopefully your W has a bit more piece of mind now. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I am usually not one that believes in sexist double standards but it is different for a woman. There is a long history of relationships and marriages being ruined by a woman's manhating friends while a man's friends usually don't try to ruin his relationships and even if he does the guys usually look at it as crazy talk. I have a hard enough time convincing men to leave women when there is a damn good reason so how would a guy convinve me to give up a good thing? Women on the other hand tend to find a new single or divorced friend and all of a sudden she wants to join her and the man is left wondering WTF happened. Two very different situations. I wouldn't feel good and I told you why. It is different for a woman and yes that is sexist but it is true. Women can be very influenced by friends. I know my first wife started cheating on me and resenting me when she got a job as a temp and ended up in an office full of bitter women. I would not try to control her because you can't do that to another adult but I would let her know I thought her friend was no good and I would start preparing for divorce because it would be a matter of time as far as her turning on me. Such hypocritical thinking on your part. You were getting better there for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Women can be very influenced by friends. I know my first wife started cheating on me and resenting me when she got a job as a temp and ended up in an office full of bitter women. Wow, this caught my attention. So can men. But this does not make one sex more likely to conduct an affair because of it. I know your experiences may be different than mine, but mine do not prove this to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I probably would worry but women are more likely to let their friends ruin their relationships. There have been many cases of women letting their manhating friends ruin their relationship with their husband or boyfriend but not too many cases of the reverse happening. Oh good grief! We're not talkin about ALL women here, we're talking about your wife! Wog, you let what other people do and say taint you. On here, on other forums, in public, seeing couples together, your friends etc...Don't flip it on your wife. Your trust issues are yours alone, not anyone else's. We live across the street from each other so if I am getting the mail or taking out the garbage and he is there we chat for a little. Okay so your wife is feeling smothered by your friend, knowing that you basically have access to him 24/7 and your friend, because he lives across the road from you, IS IN your daily life. I bet your wife feels like she gets no privacy with you because he lives across the road. I wouldn't feel good and I told you why. It is different for a woman and yes that is sexist but it is true. Bullsh*t! Again, we're not talking about ALL women, we're talking about your own wife. Women can be very influenced by friends. I know my first wife started cheating on me and resenting me when she got a job as a temp and ended up in an office full of bitter women. I would not try to control her because you can't do that to another adult but I would let her know I thought her friend was no good and I would start preparing for divorce because it would be a matter of time as far as her turning on me. You are controlling her by not compromising or doing any changes for the better in your marriage. Your friend in the long run is not a good influence on your marriage, I wish you could see this. I do care about how my wife feels but I told her before we got married to not try to change or tell what I can do or who to have as a friend. If anything I am honest and this is no exception. I never said I would do the same but her making friends with a manhater will eventually lead to the I want a divorce bomb being dropped by her and an affair might be involved. Compromise. Woggle people change when they get married, it just happens...Though most i know are quite happy with the changes and have NO PROBLEM letting some things go that they did when they were single. You'll understand this later in your life, in your marriage. Again, compromising is not controlling, yet I think you think that is what it is. If I am upfront about my ways and how I am before the marriage than I have done my part in being honest about things. I am who I am and her or any other woman can take it or leave it. Luckily the problems seems to have been solved tonight though. To you it's solved, but to your wife it isn't. Trust me on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I feel sorry for his wife. I know how pig headed and set in their ways men can be - I think Woggle needs to read some posts from guys who had the same attitude as him and who have lost their wife forever and now realis their mistakes, just too late! Just because you are honest that you are a male chauvanist pig, it does not make it right and it will not make your wife happy! I also agree that Wog had improved in his attitude lately, now that is blown too! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Woggle, I wish you could see that you are being part of the problem; not the solution. There are bitter, uber-feminists out there. This wasn't always the case. Women use to be meek and compliant. The use to follow their husbands to the grave. But they were not always given good reason to. Their daughters grew up watching this and made adjustments. They put up with a lot too and their daughters saw that and so on and so on. Today we have some who take it too far for whatever reason they find justifiable. How is thinking of women as your forefathers did helping in the "war of the sexes" you claim is going on? Today, you gotta give some to get some in a marriage. If you want respect, you have to show that you respect and are respectable. How are you doing this? Everyone on here is telling you they see how easily influenced you are by negative propaganda against women. You have had a tough run of luck and I feel for you about that, but don't let it poison you. You know what they say - We become what we hate. This is what you are doing. Everything you say and how you let yourself get stirred up, spills over into your marriage. Your views on women has made you behave and think the same way the woman that have hurt you in the past behaved and thought. And now your wife has to pay for their crimes just so you can think of her as one of the good ones? How is that fair? If she gets sick of it, you won't have to sweat about whether or not she will stay true. Is that what you want? To turn her into an angry bitter woman? Its going to be hard for you to change. This has become how you define yourself. You stated that you will be there for every guy left in the trenches of this war of the sexes. This is your thing; your soapbox. You don't know who you are if you are not spitting rage at women. Will you let this consume you? Will you let it ruin your marriage? The sad part is I believe you are so convinced that women are out to get you that you won't rest till you've driven your wife away. If she does, who will be the bad guy? I know who you will think is the bad guy. Are you are so driven to be right on this issue that you are willing to set your wife up for the fall? How will that punish the women who have hurt you? It won't. It will just cause you more hurt and make you become even more like what you hate. You are holding yourself back in your marriage. You will not give yourself fully to it or your wife. You will not treat her with the respect and love she deserves and you are doing this because you are sooooo afraid that if you do, if you let yourself be happy and satisfied, THAT is the moment she will rip off her mask and stab you in the heart. But if you don't change this Woggle, I promise you your marriage will fail and YOU will own the biggest part of that failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Would you rather I be like other men and promise change that I won't deliver? Too many men do that and when he slips back to old habits she starts resenting him. At least I am 100% honest with my wife and I tell her flat out that this is me and this what you are dealing with. Doesn't honesty count for something? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Would you rather I be like other men and promise change that I won't deliver? Too many men do that and when he slips back to old habits she starts resenting him. At least I am 100% honest with my wife and I tell her flat out that this is me and this what you are dealing with. Doesn't honesty count for something? Not when you are clearly wasting her time Woggle. I'm sorry to say it, I want for you to be happy, and I think your wife is just the person to make you happy. But you are incapable of change. You make baby steps and then take about 10 giant leaps backwards. Fact is, you have to choose. Is your wife or your views you cling to like a security blanket more important? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Would you rather I be like other men and promise change that I won't deliver? Too many men do that and when he slips back to old habits she starts resenting him. At least I am 100% honest with my wife and I tell her flat out that this is me and this what you are dealing with. Doesn't honesty count for something? Not when you are honestly dooming your chance at a happy and successful marriage. Have you ever sought a personal therapist for your fears and the damage of your past relationships? It might help you work this out. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Oh what a cop out! You can not excuse your awful dealing of this problem on the fact that you were honest! We are not doubting your honesty, we are doubting your ability to be a good husband due to your bad bad attitude! You will learn the hard way one day if you are not careful! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I do feel that I am a good husband but I don't make promises I can't keep. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Well if you cant promise to defend your wife then, in my book, that makes you a bad husband! I actually like you so I dont want to see you single and heartbroken when she decides enough is enough! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpinkrockstar Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 tell her just what you told us, it seems pretty reasonable. And if she is still really that worried about you being talked into divorcing her by some sad little man, maybe there are other issues to address... p.s. and why tell your wife he is saying all this stuff? i mean, did you think she would handle it well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I have defended her and stood up for her but I understand my friend is not in a rationale state of mind. I know that some women here have gone through their manhating times after being treated horribly in a relationship. Should their friends who were in happy relationships have abandoned them? I told my friend that I will never leave my wife unless she betrays me and so far I don't see that happening so what more can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Okay so your wife is feeling smothered by your friend, knowing that you basically have access to him 24/7 and your friend, because he lives across the road from you, IS IN your daily life. I bet your wife feels like she gets no privacy with you because he lives across the road. As usual WWIU, what I was trying to say but better said. Woggle, give up this frat boy idea and focus on your wife. We agree on one thing - you've got a good thing going with her. Start putting a higher value on it... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 How can you be a friend with a guy who is trying to split you and your wife up! With friends like that, who needs enemies! It's incredible that you do not see this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Wake up man!!!!!!!!!! You have already said you would not accept the same from your wife. Stop acting like a chauvenist pig and wake up and smell the coffee! You will lose the lot you silly alpha male! (I mean that in a nice way) Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I have defended her and stood up for her but I understand my friend is not in a rationale state of mind. I know that some women here have gone through their manhating times after being treated horribly in a relationship. Should their friends who were in happy relationships have abandoned them? I told my friend that I will never leave my wife unless she betrays me and so far I don't see that happening so what more can I do? There is a big difference between a friend venting about men in general after her's drags her through the mud, and a friend telling me my guy is just like all the crappy men out there and I should drop him fast before I get hurt. My best friend went through this. At first is was just men in general. I let that slide cause I knew she was in pain. Then she did start running her mouth about my relationship and my BF. I told her she was out of line and and to shut up. You don't want to know what lengths she went to after that to try to get me to believe her, but it resulted in me not talking to her for 3 months and I had known her for 8 years. I only let her back in my life after she profusely apologized to me and my BF and it was very sparingly at first. What she tried to pull took him about a year to forgive her for. Trust me Woggle, you don't want to know what a friend in pain is capable of when they want to lash out. and they tend to lash out at the people who have happiness in their lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Okay now I am starting to understand where my wife is coming from. I was talking with him last night and he is going to Montreal this spring and he wants me to go with him. I see nothing wrong with a married man going on a trip with a friend so I told him I would think about it but then he talked about us getting laid and my wife would never find out. That is when I drew the line and had some words with him. I think deep down he is jealous of what I have and that is why he is trying to destroy it. His wife treated him like crap and then betrayed him so when he sees me being huggy and kissy with my wife it eats him up inside. He should build himself up after the divorce like I did so when a worthy woman comes along he will be able to bring something to the table but he wants everybody to be as miserable as he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 About bloody time!!!!!!!!!! You have hit the nail on the head now (at last) So now you have 'seen the light' what are you going to do about it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 About bloody time!!!!!!!!!! You have hit the nail on the head now (at last) So now you have 'seen the light' what are you going to do about it? I will deal with him as long as he never mentions my wife again. I still think eventually he will snap out of this phase but he is crossing a line. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 But he isnt mentioning your wife is he? he is just trying to get you to cheat on her. How can you even call this man a friend? Do you not think you should tell your wife the truth and that although you will find it hard to ignore him completely, that you will not be going anywhere with him and that you will not put up with him either putting her down or treating you like you are a single man? Stand up for your marriage! Stand up for the woman you love! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Oh and I have to say this one as well, when I split with my sons dad I hated ALL men, to me they were ALL horrible. I couldnt have been more of a man hater if I tried. But never once did I try to split up ANY of my friends relationships/marriages! That is not what a FRIEND does! I think you need to look in a dictinary and define the word 'friend' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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