Racquel Colette Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Hey, Try2Be, what are your thoughts of getting a home gym system/treadmill and/or her working out with Gilad Body sculpting on the cable FIT TV? I think I have solved the problem here and we can put this thread to rest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Try2BeSupportive Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Hey, Try2Be, what are your thoughts of getting a home gym system/treadmill and/or her working out with Gilad Body sculpting on the cable FIT TV? I think I have solved the problem here and we can put this thread to rest. Thank you for sharing an idea that has worked so well for you (I remember your previous post about Gildad). We are house shopping and plan to have a fitness room (weight bench, treadmill, cycle, plasma tv) in our next home. Meanwhile space is too tight in current house. The wife seems to be getting back into the swing of her gym workouts 3 times a week or so. And our conversation on the weight topic has become a bit more comfortable. Yesterday she said something like "I plan to workout later... because you want me all buff" so I said "definitely". The tone of this was not like I was controlling her to do things against her will, it was more like she was half-joking/half-serious if you know what I mean. So it does she seem like she has "turned a corner" on her gym aversion, and that our communication is a lot better than before. Sex wise, the fact she is now making a clear effort toward physical activity has done wonders for both of us. I think a lot of my desire problems have been just the perception she was totally and irreversibly "giving up" on her figure. Overall things are moving in a positive direction. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Well I for one am delighted to hear that try2Bsupportive. That sounds great. Keep it up! Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 A hearttouching story of an unhappy woman conforming to how her husband thinks she should be so he won't divorce her. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 A hearttouching story of an unhappy woman conforming to how her husband thinks she should be so he won't divorce her. :laugh::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 A hearttouching story of an unhappy woman conforming to how her husband thinks she should be so he won't divorce her. If she was THAT unhappy, and didn't WANT to make a change, then wouldn't she just divorce HIM? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 Sex wise, the fact she is now making a clear effort toward physical activity has done wonders for both of us. I think a lot of my desire problems have been just the perception she was totally and irreversibly "giving up" on her figure. Overall things are moving in a positive direction. I think so too...It was the attitude, not doing anything that was getting to you - not the weight or how she really was looking. I mean, unless she's dropped 30+ pounds already, then the weight wasn't the real reason why you weren't feeling sexual towards her and feeling turned off. Glad to hear that she is active now and wanting to work on herself. IT's just all around healthier that way and soon I bet she'll not only feel happier in general, but feel physically healthier as well. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 As SB129 said, If she was THAT unhappy, and didn't WANT to make a change, then wouldn't she just divorce HIM? That is what I wondered when I read that she is "changing." Many times we are in a rut and think all is "okay," but when it comes to push and shover, we realize that we are not. Sometimes what it takes is a wake up call. And WWIU... I think so too...It was the attitude, not doing anything that was getting to you - not the weight or how she really was looking. I mean, unless she's dropped 30+ pounds already, then the weight wasn't the real reason why you weren't feeling sexual towards her and feeling turned off I agree. It was never that she wanted to be happier and heavier, but it was that she was unhappy and heavy. No, not all "fat" people are unhappy and need to lose weight, but usually those who suddenly change eating habits and gain weight ARE unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 And I can tell you, from studies I've read as well as personal experience, when you up your cardio - rev up your metabolism - you feel better all around! I say good for you, T2BS, for having the caring heart to come here and ask strangers for advice on how to approach your wife on such a touchy subject. If you didn't care how she felt, you wouldn't care about the presentation. I'm happy things are going well for you and your wife! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I think a lot of my desire problems have been just the perception she was totally and irreversibly "giving up" on her figure. I think your desire problems were because of her figure.....not whether she was giving up or what. So tell me....if she puts forth the effort and nothing is happening...and if the pounds are not coming off...you gonna start treating her like the wife you want simply because she is giving it the effort? cuz you clearly in the early stages of your posting made it obvious that you weren't attracted to her figure....had nothing to do with her effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Try2BeSupportive Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 Her gym schedule is pretty much back to normal - about 4 times per week. Also she has signed up for a winter running/training group. So whatever slump she has been in the past few years it seems the spell has been broken. And if it took some prodding from me to make it happen, well expect no apologies because I bet she will be thanking me come spring. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Her gym schedule is pretty much back to normal - about 4 times per week. Also she has signed up for a winter running/training group. So whatever slump she has been in the past few years it seems the spell has been broken. And if it took some prodding from me to make it happen, well expect no apologies because I bet she will be thanking me come spring. She just might thank you....especially if she finds a new man that appreciates her new figure and would appreciate her no matter what...unlike you have. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 She just might thank you....especially if she finds a new man that appreciates her new figure and would appreciate her no matter what...unlike you have. Gimme a break. A guy comes here with a problem, and he needs to endure these kind of jabs. This is unnecessary. And if we take your comments logically, which they are not, they do not make sense. If a new man appreciated her for her new figure, then how can he appreciate her no matter what? He is attracted to her new figure...pure and simple. He may then learn to love her personality (as T2BS has), but what will happen if she decides to become her snacking, depressed self? Will this guy then say...."whoa, you are not who I thought you were!" ...and leave, or will he stick around (like T2BS has) and take the time to learn why she has lost her interest in taking care of her figure and life? T2BS could have so easily moved on from his wife and ignored the problems in his marriage. But no, he had the guts to post his issues here. He seems to have found a solution, or rather he seems to have somehow motivated his wife. Read the many times that this was not about his wife's weight only. Oh yes, this weight gain and lack of interest in former activities that were before enjoyed bothered him, but what bothered him the most was the fact that she changed and became depressed. He has associated it with weight. While I think weight is/was a symptom, his wife will become more motivated if she loses weight and feels better about herself. This change may (and can from my own experience) increase her optimism and mood level. As I kissed my wife as she headed off to the gym, I thought of this very thread. Losing weight and working out does not guarantee a better sex life, and maybe T2BS will find this out. What is needed is a change in attitude towards life, marriage, and one's self. While T2BS is hopeful that this exercising will be the solution, I think he will find that unless this new exercise program is the result of a new attitude, there will be no change. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Her gym schedule is pretty much back to normal - about 4 times per week. Also she has signed up for a winter running/training group. So whatever slump she has been in the past few years it seems the spell has been broken. And if it took some prodding from me to make it happen, well expect no apologies because I bet she will be thanking me come spring. You know she will, and good for the both of you! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 T2BS could have so easily moved on from his wife and ignored the problems in his marriage. But no, he had the guts to post his issues here. ge. that would be all well and good...but his wife isn't the issue...HE is..and he fails to see that. I can hear the contempt in his posts for his wife. the man said he was going to watch her dinner plate on Thanksgiving for gods sake...I'm sorry...thats just plain said. He can backpeddle all he wants saying it is her changed attitude that he finds unattractive...he made it very clear that he didn't want to have sex with her in the beginning posts because she gained weight. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 he made it very clear that he didn't want to have sex with her in the beginning posts because she gained weight Yes he did, but I'm pretty sure at the time, that's what he thought the problem was. Now that his wife is more active, has more energy and probably has a healthier attitude, he more than likely realized that the actual weight wasn't the issue, what was turning him off, it was the NON-action of her just wasting away in the evenings being a couch potatoe and eating junk food. He does find her sexually attractive now, so obviously visually speaking, the weight wasn't the real problem that turned him off. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 that would be all well and good...but his wife isn't the issue...HE is..and he fails to see that. I can hear the contempt in his posts for his wife. the man said he was going to watch her dinner plate on Thanksgiving for gods sake...I'm sorry...thats just plain said. He can backpeddle all he wants saying it is her changed attitude that he finds unattractive...he made it very clear that he didn't want to have sex with her in the beginning posts because she gained weight. Give it a rest. He has learned a few things from this thread, and thankfully their marriage is back on track. Why can't you just be happy for him? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Give it a rest. He has learned a few things from this thread, and thankfully their marriage is back on track. Why can't you just be happy for him? because his posts screamed of utter selfishness....sure things seem back on track for him...but what happens if she puts in the effort and the pounds are not coming off? He'll be right back to watching every bite that goes into her mouth and treating her like crap. Again...I don't think this is about her "effort" at all. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 He has learned a few things from this thread Yes he has, and he's changed his mind, or realized what the 'real' issue was, his wife letting herself go attitude wise. I mean, if it was still her actual weight, he wouldn't be feeling sexual towards her at all UNTIL she lost 20, 30 pounds. Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Wow. I've paged through and read lots of this thread, and there are some very bitter folks on here unwilling to allow this guy to have a happy ending. I'm glad things worked out and that you and your wife are on a good track towards happiness. SOC, I can't speak for anyone but myself but I see the pokes, some humorous and some other, as last ditch attempts to raise Try2Be's awareness of his seriously painful to observe, ego-driven ranting and dare I say displaced? rage against his wife's average build and dress size and her utter failure to keep house to his standards. The concern for Try2Be well-being and personal happiness might be less prevalent because he comes off like a bully. I don’t want to reward that sort of thing. There is still concern for him to be read here. In Try2Be's words I read about a man who is deeply unhappy because he's dissatisfied with himself and his life and is unable to connect with the parts of himself that need healing. This whole thread is about Try2Be's problems and trying to address those problems. I rather doubt much of this dialog is truly about Mrs. Try2Be though the undercurrent of concern for Mrs. Try2Be is ever present; I, for one, worry for her well-being. Her situation appears unhappy and I wonder how it could be otherwise when she is the target of her husband's abuse - hostility, contempt, derision, manipulation, about some aspect of her existence on a daily basis. Again, I speak for myself only, not for anyone else here. I wish Try2Be wellness and peace. I just wish Mrs. Try2Be that and much MORE happiness and joy coming her way. Namaste, Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Tony6 Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 She ALREADY knows you want her to lose weight. Ask her why she won't do that for you. Grow a backbone, man. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Boy oh boy, the posts that were deleted from this thread has taken away alot of the recent feelings of T2BS. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 If he posted on Saturday, then posts are gone forever. There was a glitch in the system, so within a 5 hour span ALL posts during that time are gone for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 Her situation appears unhappy and I wonder how it could be otherwise when she is the target of her husband's abuse - hostility, contempt, derision, manipulation, about some aspect of her existence on a daily basis. Since you're apparently unaware (as others have mentioned) that many pages have disappeared here, I'm going to attribute the clueless, hostile and inappropriately mean-spirited nature of your post to ignorance of what has been discussed to this point... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Since you're apparently unaware (as others have mentioned) that many pages have disappeared here, I'm going to attribute the clueless, hostile and inappropriately mean-spirited nature of your post to ignorance of what has been discussed to this point... Mr. Lucky Well, I've been keeping up with this thread (except for the last 10 days or so) and I completely see where carrotgirl is coming from. I mean, what's it going to be next for Mrs. Try2Be?? What lofty standard is he going to hold her to, once she meets this one?? And GOD FORBID if she has any standards that she wants HIM to meet. Marriage is a two-way street, and it's not always a 50-50 pull. Try2Be's overriding concern about his W's weight was all about HIM and his sexual desire for her... not about the health of THEIR marriage. And if she didn't meet his rigid standard for attractiveness, he was considering cheating as a viable option. That's slavery, in my book. I feel sorry for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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