wife's weight

[uniqueone]

You certainly assume much about the OP simply because he doesn't want his wife to get any fatter. Wow. If I could rate someone's integrity and depth of personality simply on knowing a trait they don't find attractive in a person, I could be writing books.

 

No, I rate their integrity and depth of personality by a lot more than the fact that they don't go for overweight women. I've seen qualities in the OP here that tell me a lot about him. It's not an assumption. There's ben quite a bit of data here to back it up.

[uniqueone]

Pretty good synopsis of a script idea for the Lifetime Channel as they are usually interested in this kind of agenda-based fluff. As far as relating to the written facts in this thread - meaningless...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It's only meaningless when you choose to see things in a one-dimensional type of way.

[Racquel Colette]

Heeeelllllllooooooo..... (long pause while waiting for the echoes to subside)

 

Is there anyone in there? How many times does it have to be said on this thread that she continues her nightly binging and NO activity? D'ya really think she's gonna STAY a 10/12? Good gawd.

 

I don't give a s**t what anyone else says, T2BS, you have a right to expect your wife to be the woman you married. I know many people who are all about "looking good" until the ring goes on. Then look out! The gal who did my mortgage here must have an extra 80 lbs on her already, only 5 years after her marriage! She has three chins, and they're getting ready to multiply.

 

I'm betting that most of the people who are bashing the OP are doing so because of their own unresolved emotional issues.

 

No, lots of people lose weight. When I was happiest, that is when I started losing weight and wanting to work out. YOU are forgetting that his wife has lost weight before. She is capable. why do you assume she is going to get bigger than that?

I still got all kinds of interest from men when I was a 10/12, before I lost it. So why are we assuming she is unattractive? I think she KNOWS she is attractive and knows in her heart she doesn't need to lose weight to look beautiful, so why should she? It's HIS issue.

[Mr. Lucky]

I still got all kinds of interest from men when I was a 10/12, before I lost it.

You are right, there are men that are interested in all kinds of body types. Unfortunately, the OP isn't one of them. He's also concerned about the direction she's headed in. Should he wait until she is +50 lbs to bring it up?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

I have been with my GF for around 10 months now and her weight gain is getting worse. I feel terrible even bringing it up, but should I just keep it to myself when it's really bothering me? When I met here she was overweight, but proportionate but still very attractive to me. She has been steadily gaining weight every month and not only is it affecting me, she is starting to see physical side effects from this.

Here is another poster with similar concerns...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Racquel Colette]

You are right, there are men that are interested in all kinds of body types. Unfortunately, the OP isn't one of them. He's also concerned about the direction she's headed in. Should he wait until she is +50 lbs to bring it up?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I don't know why people are assuming she is even going to be getting obese.

AS YOU HAVE STATED HE IS THE ONE WITH THE ISSUE. A 10/12 IS NOT FAT. (BEYONCE WAS A SIZE 10 WHEN SHE STARTED BEING REALLY HOT ON THE MUSIC SCENE). HE IS LOOKING FOR SIZE 6 MODEL PERFECTION BODY, AND HE IS NOT GETTING IT. HE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. GOOD FOR HIS WIFE FOR REALIZING SHE IS ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.

[uniqueone]

Hey....I know....let's talk MEN's weights, shall we?

 

Men....those of you who are "stocky build" that want a thin woman...... How's about going to get some six pack abs first before you place that order for her?

 

You guys out there with no necks...the ones covering it up with goatees......find yourself a nice jawline BEFORE placing that order for a thin, petite woman.....

 

How about you guys out there that I see that have no bicep line (when I DO!). You want a thin, toned woman too? Let's see you do some crunches and some pushups, buddy.

 

And men out there with hips bigger than mine.....lay off the red meat, will ya......all that estrogen in it is doing bad things to you.....and don't go looking for Ms. Twiggy to go out with you...........

 

 

My point is....why is "husky" considered ok for a guy...but not a gal?

 

These men that are raising the concerns.....what do THEY look like? Some might be biologically thin but what about the others that are raising concerns about womens weight here? Are you men all thin, muscular guys? Do you have six packs? Bicep lines? Taut jawlines?

[Racquel Colette]

Well, uniqueone, a size 10 is thin on many women. "Thin" is all in your perspective. Many men think size 10 is a perfect body on a woman.

[uniqueone]

Well, uniqueone, a size 10 is thin on many women. "Thin" is all in your perspective. Many men think size 10 is a perfect body on a woman.

 

Huh? Where are you getting that I'm saying otherwise?

[Mr. Lucky]

"ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) --Curt Schilling and the Boston Red Sox finalized an $8 million, one-year contract Tuesday that keeps the star right-hander with the World Series champions.

The deal provides for him to make an additional $5 million in bonuses and match his 2007 salary. It contains $3 million in performance bonuses based on innings pitched and $2 million based on weight clauses. "We need some protection in case he wasn't able to stay healthy," Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein said. "If he can stay healthy, he's very affordable, protects our rotation. If he does recondition his body and stays healthy all year and has a great season, he'll be rewarded for it."

 

See, even the Boston Red Sox agree!

 

jk...

 

Mr. Lucky

[uniqueone]

"ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) --Curt Schilling and the Boston Red Sox finalized an $8 million, one-year contract Tuesday that keeps the star right-hander with the World Series champions.

The deal provides for him to make an additional $5 million in bonuses and match his 2007 salary. It contains $3 million in performance bonuses based on innings pitched and $2 million based on weight clauses. "We need some protection in case he wasn't able to stay healthy," Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein said. "If he can stay healthy, he's very affordable, protects our rotation. If he does recondition his body and stays healthy all year and has a great season, he'll be rewarded for it."

 

See, even the Boston Red Sox agree!

 

And then they did the drug tests.......

[Try2BeSupportive]

Some random replies to recent traffic -

 

Certain people persist in blaming me for her weight gain since I am obviously not meeting her emotional needs. Because EN is such a conveniently vague accusation I am glad that uniqueone chose to elaborate in post #240 - her amusing (but fictional) tale is not applicable in the least!!

 

My wife does not work outside the home (SAHM, her decision).

On MWF she is free 9a-3p since both kids are in school then.

On evenings and weekends I try to split all the home duties (homework, kids baths, carpools, kitchen cleanup, activities with kids, etc).

She has more opportunity (free time) now than ever before to work out.

No I am not perfect - I have moments of laziness (who doesnt?). At times I certainly take my wife granted. At times my job has me work long hours or occasional travel, and my wife must pick up the slack. She acknowledges this and because she gets schoolday breaks it all evens out.

Yes my wife does all the cooking and shopping and laundry - this is totally by her choice - and I do plenty of stuff that suit me better (home/car/appliances/yard maintenance, etc).

 

Overall the honest reality is that both of us (me and her) bust our asses to be equally good parents. In most ways we are a very effective team. And while some would love to just blame me, the fact is that my own house is in order - I take care of myself physically AND (according to uniqueone's post #240) I also take care of her emotionally.

My concern is NOT that she is over burdened. My concern is that I have made her life too cushy and her response is a new and lazy attitude about life.

 

I have said on here many times I do not expect her to be a "perfect looking model" and I fully appreciate the effects of natural aging (read my post #46). Perfection and aging are NOT the issue!! The issue is her behavior change and resulting weight gain.

 

Some keep saying she is not obese, she is still an average American dress size, etc. The only valid comparison involving my wife is with ..... my wife! And during our 15 years of history together (aside from 2 pregnancies) she maintained a certain weight through good eating and exercise habits. Now in the past few years that has changed and she has been gaining alot of weight.

 

I will not just go away and shut up. I am here to discuss and learn about the weight topic in a long term relationship. I suspect many are reading this thread with great interest but have not posted out of fear of even thinking such blasphemous thoughts as I have written.

[uniqueone]

Some random replies to recent traffic -

 

Certain people persist in blaming me for her weight gain since I am obviously not meeting her emotional needs. Because EN is such a conveniently vague accusation I am glad that uniqueone chose to elaborate in post #240 - her amusing (but fictional) tale is not applicable in the least!!

 

My wife does not work outside the home (SAHM, her decision).

On MWF she is free 9a-3p since both kids are in school then.

On evenings and weekends I try to split all the home duties (homework, kids baths, carpools, kitchen cleanup, activities with kids, etc).

She has more opportunity (free time) now than ever before to work out.

No I am not perfect - I have moments of laziness (who doesnt?). At times I certainly take my wife granted. At times my job has me work long hours or occasional travel, and my wife must pick up the slack. She acknowledges this and because she gets schoolday breaks it all evens out.

Yes my wife does all the cooking and shopping and laundry - this is totally by her choice - and I do plenty of stuff that suit me better (home/car/appliances/yard maintenance, etc).

 

Overall the honest reality is that both of us (me and her) bust our asses to be equally good parents. In most ways we are a very effective team. And while some would love to just blame me, the fact is that my own house is in order - I take care of myself physically AND (according to uniqueone's post #240) I also take care of her emotionally.

My concern is NOT that she is over burdened. My concern is that I have made her life too cushy and her response is a new and lazy attitude about life.

 

I have said on here many times I do not expect her to be a "perfect looking model" and I fully appreciate the effects of natural aging (read my post #46). Perfection and aging are NOT the issue!! The issue is her behavior change and resulting weight gain.

 

Some keep saying she is not obese, she is still an average American dress size, etc. The only valid comparison involving my wife is with ..... my wife! And during our 15 years of history together (aside from 2 pregnancies) she maintained a certain weight through good eating and exercise habits. Now in the past few years that has changed and she has been gaining alot of weight.

 

I will not just go away and shut up. I am here to discuss and learn about the weight topic in a long term relationship. I suspect many are reading this thread with great interest but have not posted out of fear of even thinking such blasphemous thoughts as I have written.

 

 

Well that's good to hear that you're doing your share around the house and that she's not overburdened. Have you discussed this with her? Whether she feels the same way about this? I'm guessing that she probably does based upon what you say, but I think it would be good for you to discuss it with her anyway. Can't hurt, right?

 

I still have to disagree with you on the part about being there for her emotionally though. You're going to have to show me more proof of that because based upon what you've written on this thread, it doesn't hold much water. So, I leave that one in the balance.

 

As for her weight, if you have read my posts, I'm one who has agreed with you that there's nothing wrong with wanting someone who is in shape. I'm not one who is saying that you need to be attracted to a heavier woman. I'm not attracted to heavier guys. There is one caveat to that, however. You DO need to take into account that she's had two kids and add that to the formula. That's something you're not understanding about female biology.

 

It DOES sort of anger women because YOU aren't the one who had to carry around 25+ extra pounds of weight for nine months with bones pressing on your pelvis and then stretching your pelvis as it tried to extract itself from your body through a narrow cavity. If that's hard for you to relate to, think of a narrow cavity that you have and imagine squeezing out a watermelon.

 

And please don't restate how she gained weight after she had the kids because we've already explained how hormones work.

So yes, you can want to have someone fit and that's ok. But you DO need to understand what going through bearing children is like and it seems like you are completely lacking sensitivity and understanding of that.

 

And again, my main point was that you're only concentrating on her weight and weight loss and that's not what you need to concentrate on. I don't think you're going to get this and I think I should just stop here because this thread is going to go on ad infinitum and it's going nowhere.

[OceanBlue]

Well that's good to hear that you're doing your share around the house and that she's not overburdened. Have you discussed this with her? Whether she feels the same way about this? I'm guessing that she probably does based upon what you say, but I think it would be good for you to discuss it with her anyway. Can't hurt, right?

 

I still have to disagree with you on the part about being there for her emotionally though. You're going to have to show me more proof of that because based upon what you've written on this thread, it doesn't hold much water. So, I leave that one in the balance.

 

As for her weight, if you have read my posts, I'm one who has agreed with you that there's nothing wrong with wanting someone who is in shape. I'm not one who is saying that you need to be attracted to a heavier woman. I'm not attracted to heavier guys. There is one caveat to that, however. You DO need to take into account that she's had two kids and add that to the formula. That's something you're not understanding about female biology.

 

It DOES sort of anger women because YOU aren't the one who had to carry around 25+ extra pounds of weight for nine months with bones pressing on your pelvis and then stretching your pelvis as it tried to extract itself from your body through a narrow cavity. If that's hard for you to relate to, think of a narrow cavity that you have and imagine squeezing out a watermelon.

 

And please don't restate how she gained weight after she had the kids because we've already explained how hormones work.

So yes, you can want to have someone fit and that's ok. But you DO need to understand what going through bearing children is like and it seems like you are completely lacking sensitivity and understanding of that.

 

And again, my main point was that you're only concentrating on her weight and weight loss and that's not what you need to concentrate on. I don't think you're going to get this and I think I should just stop here because this thread is going to go on ad infinitum and it's going nowhere.

 

Well said!

[Starry-eyed]

I will not just go away and shut up. I am here to discuss and learn about the weight topic in a long term relationship. I suspect many are reading this thread with great interest but have not posted out of fear of even thinking such blasphemous thoughts as I have written.

 

That's fine, but when are you going to talk with your wife? She is the one who really needs to hear from you.

[Racquel Colette]

I just think that if you think that a size 10/12 woman is a real problem, then you are the one with the problem and you should try to change your perspective on what is attractive. My sister has been from size 4 to size 12 in her marriage and is back down to 8 now, but it has made no difference with how her husband feels about her because he loves her for who she is inside.

[luvmy2ns]

You people are unbelievable. You're hell bent on making excuses for someone to become lazy and overeat! Hitting too close to home, or what?

[allina]

Well, uniqueone, a size 10 is thin on many women. "Thin" is all in your perspective. Many men think size 10 is a perfect body on a woman.

 

Ok this sort of stuff annoys me. A US size 10 is NOT thin! If you're bigger than a 12 you can't even shop at regular clothing stores which go from 0-12, a 10 is not thin. Now I am not saying that a size 10 woman cannot be sexy, beautiful or healthy. I just don't like when people say unrealistic things like "a size 10 is so thin" no, no it's not. I'm not saying it's bad, sloppy of fat but it's also not thin.

[Mr. Lucky]

but it has made no difference with how her husband feels about her because he loves her for who she is inside.

A nice "Hallmark Card" kind of sentiment but it's not a carte blanche to indulge in any kind of selfish behavior when you're in a relationship.

 

For example, let's say I'm a career-driven individual when I meet and marry my wife. I hold down an executive position that brings with it a nice six-figure salary. Is it fair of me to decide, 10 years into the marriage and WITHOUT her input, that I'm going to give it all up and join the Peace Corps? No it isn't, because I have an obligation to her and a need to consider how my actions affect her. There are many components to a marriage, but reponsibility to each other is one that some here seem to forget or ignore...

 

Mr. Lucky

[bish]

T2BS

 

Ok .....this will lay it all out for you. If you don't think you are out of line in your thinking....then show your wife everything you have written on this forum about her.

 

Then get back to us as to her response.

[Micke81]

Ideally, you just talk about it. It doesn't sound like you've got the gonads for that, so here are some suggestions about how to get the results you want without talking about it:

 

1. Take a dance class together = exercise together. Then at night when she goes for her snack, ask to practice dancing.

 

2. Take up double's tennis together. Much more invigorating. Buy a Wii and ask to play her on it when she goes for the snack. If she's doing something else she can't snack.

 

3. Make all the snack food mysteriously disappear. This is obviously harder since she does all the shopping.

 

4. Stop working out for a couple months, gain a few pounds, ask her if she thinks you are fat, then ask her to work out with you to help you lose the extra poundage.

[luvmy2ns]

T2BS

 

Ok .....this will lay it all out for you. If you don't think you are out of line in your thinking....then show your wife everything you have written on this forum about her.

 

Then get back to us as to her response.

 

Oh, such great advice.

[Mr. Lucky]

4. Stop working out for a couple months, gain a few pounds, ask her if she thinks you are fat, then ask her to work out with you to help you lose the extra poundage.

That is definitely thinking outside the box ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[uniqueone]

Ok, I know you really meant well, but I have a few comments on these suggestions.....

 

1. Take a dance class together = exercise together. Then at night when she goes for her snack, ask to practice dancing.

 

Good idea, but it only takes 2 minutes to grab a candy bar so I dont' think that will work. What I mean is, you can't keep someone busy 24/7.

 

2. Take up double's tennis together. Much more invigorating. Buy a Wii and ask to play her on it when she goes for the snack. If she's doing something else she can't snack.

 

Now MAYBE this is just me, but I don't know any women my age or thereabouts that look forward to playing with a Wii. Frankly, I'd rather go for the snack if given the choice....and I don't even eat junk food.....

 

3. Make all the snack food mysteriously disappear. This is obviously harder since she does all the shopping.

 

Nooooo.....bad!.....bad!....idea! We're talking control issues here and this is going to set them off BIG TIME! If you want to see her REALLY start overeating, just take all of the food away. She'll come back snacking with a vengeance. Remember, her problem isn't about food.

 

4. Stop working out for a couple months, gain a few pounds, ask her if she thinks you are fat, then ask her to work out with you to help you lose the extra poundage.

 

Manipulation? Not recommended.

 

First of all, the OP sounds like the type that doesn't gain.....genetics, you know. Some people are like that.

Secondly, he's not going to give up his 31-inch waist that he's talked about several times.

Thirdly, she probably wouldn't notice because I doubt she's paying attention. And if she DID notice, it might even make her feel better about her own weight.

 

 

Just some thoughts on it.

[Racquel Colette]

No, I've seen size 10 women and they are thin and look great.