Finally gave in to the ex and am back in therapy

[a4a]

Wow Fun you like playing the victim..... drama is fun, oh and hurting people must be a passtime for you as well.

 

You know better, you know the difference between right and wrong.

 

When your crying because the ex hurts you, and you are crying about the therapist dumping you for his wife. You need to know who is responsible.

 

You are.

 

 

And got news you certainly can choose who you love and spend your time with.

 

Nothing is normal about any of this. Unless it is on a soap opera.

[sb129]

Reading this is like having my words when I was an OW played back to me. I am horrified that I was once that naieve and deluded, but I was.

 

HE SAYS HE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Oh for pitys sake, GROW UP Fun2BMe. He can SAY whatever he wants.

ACTIONS tell you if someone loves you, and his actions show that he cares diddly-squat for your feelings, and he is getting PAID to have sex with you, then he gets to go home to wifey.

What a great situation he is in- big FAT cake, and he gets to eat it too. He is in a better situation than many MM, as he is getting your money too.

 

It's easy for you to sit back and judge but obviously you haven't been in a similar situation so you don't know how difficult it is. It's not like I chose these men, now that they are in my life I am trying to deal with it the best I can and am trying to get help in doing so.

You're right that I do want their approval and adoration, but what woman doesn't want those things from a man? And no I'm obviously not oblivious to what is being said, but I don't know if you can really understand the feelings involved and how difficult it is.

 

Wrong sister, I have been there, and your situation is no more special than any other OWs. Start with a large dollop of low self esteem, add one (or more) "unavailable" man. Seduce until the resultant ego boosts are followed by deep depression when you realise they don't want you for YOU, they won't leave their wives, and you have been used. Cue lower self esteem. Repeat cycle. ad infinitum

 

If falling in love is so self destructive, then I will take that risk. Now that I'm in love I am trying to figure out how to deal with the different aspects involved. It's not like I'm smoking or driving drunk or doing something that is REALLy self-destructive! Also, aside from the neighbor, the other men are the ones throwing themselves at me so how is that self-destructive of MYself?

 

Falling in love SHOULDN'T be self destructive. True love between two people isn't. And yes, I do know the difference. trust me, if you ever get out of this cycle and experience REAL love, you kick yourself for not looking for it sooner.

 

Not in my experience. Usually it's like getting teeth pulled to get a guy to admit or reveal their love. I don't know what planet the other men are in where "they all say it."

 

As another poster said- its called Earth. I wondered where all those men were too. They are out there- but they aren't already married as a general rule.

 

HE'S A BIG FAT LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You need to open your eyes and understand that YES, he is fully capable of lying because he's already lying to his wife so he can cheat on her. And you need to open your eyes and understand that YES, he is taking advantage of you because HE LIKES F*CKING YOU, and you're paying him to do it.

 

EXACTLY! My MM lied and lied and lied to me, and SWORE black and blue that even though he lied to his wife who he had been with for 14years, he would NEVER lie to me.:rolleyes: What a crock. At least he didn't get any of my money.

 

Well, I'm not going to read threads that don't apply to me since I am NOT an OW. I am my ex's ex, my neighbor's neighbor and my therapist's patient.

 

Hmmmm. You are shagging another womans husband, and you have your eye on ANOTHER womans husband. I think that puts you squarely in the OW category.

 

Your therapist deserves to be struck off his practising register- he is not only NOT curing you of your mental illness, he is making it WORSE.

 

How unprofessional. I don't know what makes me more angry- the fact that you are being sucked into his lies, or the fact that he is so clearly abusing his position.

 

Come on Fun, this isn't love. Love isn't meant to be this hard.

[Fun2BMe]

I feel like I'm in crisis now. My ex called and I finally spoke to him after all these months. I had been portraying myself as strong, all together and moved on, but I broke down and cried and was so weak and emotional on the phone:o.

 

On top of it I have to tell my therapist but I have to wait til Wed. I have no idea how he's going to respond so I am so nervous about it. I feel like everything with everyone is falling apart. I also had emailed the neighbor in the morning but it took him all day just to send a brief reply back so I am suddenly so over him. I'm feeling really crummy in one day, more than I can manage.

[norajane]

Did you tell your ex that your "therapist" is charging you to have sex with him?

 

And what will you do Wednesday when your therapist only wants to have sex with you and doesn't actually give you a 'therapy' session? Isn't that what happened last time? He just screwed you, charged you for it, and you never actually talked with him?

[Fun2BMe]

Did you tell your ex that your "therapist" is charging you to have sex with him?

 

And what will you do Wednesday when your therapist only wants to have sex with you and doesn't actually give you a 'therapy' session? Isn't that what happened last time? He just screwed you, charged you for it, and you never actually talked with him?

 

I know you and others are using words like 'screw' to hurt me more and you're happy things are falling apart - not that they were so wonderful to begin with obviously. No, I didn't tell him about the physical aspect of the therapist because a) that would serve to get pitty for me and obviously very easily destroy the therapist b) that would be selfish to do considering he's not raping me and I am consenting c) I am tempted and have been planning on telling my ex but only so he can give me advice and so now I am trying to resist telling him so I can think if that's the best thing to do because it will obviously ruin their relationship even more to the point where it will be damaged permanently and I just need to think what the best thing to do is, not just for me but for the therapist too. I do have feelings for him and he's helped me a lot so it's not like me to turn around and destroy him just because I'm either not getting more than I want just yet out of him or out of spite or whatever. Again, I'm confused about what to do basically.

 

I don't want his relationship with the therapist to be on bad terms because of me, considering they've known each other much longer, so when he told me on the phone how he confronted the therapist about him advising me not to talk to him anymore, I tried to defend the therapist by telling him I don't talk to the therapist about him out of respect for his privacy. He was silent and pretty much shocked. I was very emotional and he was being very compassionate and said I could tell the therapist anythign I wanted about him as long as it would help me out in any way, so that really meant a lot. I mean he could've easily rubbed it in and made me feel bad for avoiding him alll this time.

 

He apologized about the girl who I was originally jealous about and said I know he's a very friendly person but he can't not talk to people just so I don't get jealous. He wanted me see me but I said I wasn't ready but I am really dying to see him. I've been crying for an hour now.

 

When I first started seeing the therapist, the therapsit convinced me that he cared more about me than my ex and I had come to believe that, but after talking to my ex, I feel with all my heart that he's the only person in the world who REALLY cares about me. And yes I am scared the therapist won't discuss my problems. At the same time, I'm scared if it's my therapist who REALLY cares about me and I'm making a big mistake talking to my ex, and that the therapist will get really upset that I have. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I called my sister all hysterical, she told me to have a glass of wine to calm down and was very concerned but I had to act like I was over it or else she wouldn't hang up. I am so confused.

[norajane]

I know you and others are using words like 'screw' to hurt me more and you're happy things are falling apart

 

You're wrong. That's not why I use those words. I don't want to hurt you, and I'm not happy things aren't going well for you. I use those words because that's the reality of what's happening, and I want you to see it for yourself so that you stop letting your 'therapist' hurt you more and more, again and again.

 

You may not want to think of it that way, but really, if your best friend came to you and said she was having sex with her 'therapist' and she was paying him for it and he never saw her outside of their sessions, wouldn't you say she was being screwed over by him? Yes you would say that, and I know you would, because you very accurately analyzed an email that an ex of Stargazer's sent her, and you were dead-on in seeing how duplicitous and cowardly and self-serving he was being. This 'therapist' of yours is being far more duplicitous and self-serving. You would see that yourself if you weren't so mired in the middle of it and if you didn't so very much NEED to believe that he loves you.

[dropdeadlegs]

Fun,

 

Nothing I say is intended to be mean or hurtful. I honestly only want to help, and to see you get the help from an ethical professional qualified to do so.

 

It feels like I'm beating a dead horse to continue replying to your threads of this nature. Tonight I'm wondering who needs help more, you or me?

 

I'm not a licensed therapist, but anyone of average intelligence can see that you have an identifiable mental disorder. I won't try to pinpoint what is is based solely on LS posts, but I'm certain there is a name for what ails you. This therapist that you have been seeing knows what it is and is using it against you in every possible way.

 

He may have helped you at one time, but your sessions aren't about helping you anymore, they haven't been for some time now. For the hefty price of, what, $200, are you getting any counseling at all anymore? I don't think so. If you choose to be involved with a married man, that's your choice, but under any other circumstance would you pay that man $200 to show you physical attention? I don't believe that you would, but in actuality that is what you are doing right now. You call these visits therapy sessions, but there isn't any therapy happening anymore. It's sex, and while releasing sexual tension may have some therapeutic value in some cases, in your case it is not helping you and is making your pocketbook lighter as well.

 

All the talk about how much he has helped you, that's all in the past. You don't want to start from scratch with a new therapist, but without that effort you will remain right where you are, at best, and spiral further into confusion, anxiety, depression, and heartbreak at worst. In the meantime you will have wasted thousands of dollars while making your so-called therapist much richer.

 

Does your sister know the entire truth about this? If not, ask yourself why you cannot be completely honest with her about it. I'm betting that the answer is because deep inside you know it is wrong. If you were not involved in your own travails, you would easily see that your choices in men and relationships are largely bad choices.

 

I don't understand your belief that some things are "meant to be" and damn the consequences of whoever may be hurt in your quest for your own happiness. That seems such a selfish way to look at things, when I have many times seen you as being a caring, loving, and generous lady, sometimes to a fault. It is confusing to try to see some of the things you say as coming from the same person.

 

Just before posting I noted that 24 people have responded to your post, and all 24 have said the same thing although in different ways. So, 24 out of 25 posters think that what is going on is wrong in some way, either wrong concerning the therapist, or wrong concerning your actions. You constitute 4% for, and the rest of us constitute 96% against. The numbers don't lie. This is just one thread. On the last one involving the therapist the percentages against were surely higher.

 

To stop feeling so confused is easier than you think, but you will have to make changes. You have to stop repeating behavior that hasn't worked before, yet you somehow feel will work out this time. Remember, the one common denominator in your life and relationships is you. You have the power to control your destiny. My suggestion would be therapy with a woman therapist, and no relationships with men until you have your demons under control.

 

I hope the fog clears soon, Fun. I really do.

[CaliGuy]

If I didn't have morals or self respect, I wouldn't be trying to get help here.

 

You are not trying to get help here based on your actions. You already know your therapist is a pig and you're making googly eyes at your neighbors husband.

 

If you know these things are wrong why do WE need to remind you?

 

I've said already that I feel guilty about the neighbor but am confused in case we were meant to be and I throw the opportunity away due to others judging me.

 

What part of MARRIED do you not understand? That means you are NOT meant to be. PERIOD!

 

Write now my biggest concern is what to tell my ex who wants to see me. I am eager to get help and support from him but don't know if I can tell my therapist about it which would mean telling the ex to keep it a secret and that wouldn't look so good telling him to do something like that. I already feel like I am betraying the therapist by emailing with the ex but my appointment isn't for another few days and I could no longer resist the NC.

 

You can see a therapist but not the regular one. Find a FEMALE therapist, one who's ugly as hell but gets the job done. You need to see someone who will help you by keeping you DRESSED during the session.

 

When I think of the girl he was with I get angry all over again yet now I want to see him again and feel bad for all the NC I've been imposing on him. I think part of the reason I want to see him is to question him about what he knows about the therapist's track record as far as any rumors of him having hooked up with any other patients, since he's known him for a long time but the therapist no loniger speaks to him ever since their fight about me. He brought up that incident in his email this morning which I don't know how to respond to, where he asks to at least talk to me and I am on the verge of giving in, not being able to wait until my next therapy appt to get the advice of help of my therapist.

 

Forget your freaking ex. He's insignificant right now. The one who needs serious help, from people who care, is you....

[sb129]

I feel like I'm in crisis now. My ex called and I finally spoke to him after all these months. I had been portraying myself as strong, all together and moved on, but I broke down and cried and was so weak and emotional on the phone:o.

.

 

Fun, the only way you will get over this and move on is if you cut these men out of your life, ESPECIALLY the therapist.

 

He is not helping you, he is contributing heavily to your downfall.

 

You aren't together and moved on, you know it, we know it. Nobody thinks any less of you for that, and nobody is pleased in the slightest.

 

We can see how destructive this could turn out to be, and we only want you to be happy and healthy- neither is possible while this therapist continues to abuse you. You say he isn't raping you- not physically, but he is mentally destroying you, and that is just as bad IMHO.

 

I know you are scared that if you leave him you won't see him again, but is that really a bad thing? Being along isn't that bad= in fact its better than being strung along by someone elses husband.

 

Think about it.

 

PS Keep the neighbour thing at arms length- you don't need anymore complications.

[underpants]

This reminds me of a very close relative that got Cancer and had some resection surgery to remove it.

 

I cared for her during her recovery and she did not get better but much, much worse.

 

Infection set in and wounds reopened. I got particulary worried when she threw up bile. Quite gross actually. Ambulance calls and extended stays in the hospital. Her doctor was very 'its' all normal, don't worry'. After a little investigating by me I found out that this surgeon actually amputated the wrong leg on somebody.

 

She was in super denial for months and months. She was from a time when you did not question your doctor and she was commited to his care for much longer then she should have been. Well, after a few more surgeries, transfusions and just ...a whole lot of angst and more problems...we (her family) did step in and intervene.

 

Ultimately she got a new doctor and like a miracle that doctor fixed her.

 

She is healthy now.

 

Fun, change therapist and get healthy.

[Spinderella]

I read some of your old threads about the ex because I wasnt sure of the story. Obviously there were alot of them, so I may have missed some info. I didnt really get the bit where you found out he was definetly cheating on you with this other girl, it seems you werent sure, but then you definetly thought it was true despite the fact that you hadnt seen or spoken to him. I'm not sure if I have that right.

It sounds as though this therapist has COMPLETELY manipulated you in every way he can, including cutting you off from anyone that you might talk to about this, and possibly manipulated you into thinking the ex was DEFINETLY cheating on you. If the therapist were truly concerned about what was best for you, then he would NOT be having an affair with you, and if he actually LOVED you then the last thing he would be doing is putting you through this. What are his reasons for not actually leaving his wife? If your love is so real and so deep then he would move mountains to be with you, exclusively, not take little risks just to sleep with you. That just means he's a cocky arrogant ***** who knows he can lie and manipulate himself out of a sticky situation. If youre so convinced that he is taking risks to be with you, therefore cares more about keeping you than keeping his current home situation, then try showing up at his house when his wife is home.

The ex, well it sounds as though he was insensitive and selfish, maybe he was cheating on you, maybe he wants to make up for the way he was. He certainly has gone to great lengths to make contact with you.

Regardless, I think if you HAVE to make a choice out of these two, then the ex is by far the best of the two evils.

Youre just running around from one man to another, wanting each to save you from the others. Do you ever go and try to meet real and decent men?

Are you afraid of the therapist?

Or maybe the fear is that you let him use you and you feel disgusted and degraded. Convincing yourself that a horrible situation is okay is a way of not facing the fear, so your fear keeps you somewhere fearful.

Be brave, and set yourself free.

Your sister sounds nice, is it possible you can take some time off and go and stay with her. If you just brave up, and ask for help you will get it.

[Touche]

It's very sad and very clear, Fun that you have no concept whatsoever what love is or what it looks like. Very sad. I know with every fiber of my being that none of these men really love you. They don't. Their actions tell me that. Why you think any of them might possibly be the "one" for you is beyond me.

 

I really don't understand what you're so confused about. You need to get rid of them all. You're your own worst enemy. I'll bet you've turned down countless, nice single men, haven't you?

 

And I hate to say this, but I agree with some of the others that there's something really wrong here. What you're doing is so insane. There's nothing at all normal about any of this. Don't you see that?

 

I mean how can you not say you're an OW, for example? Talk about denial! What do you think an OW is? You are one.

 

And if I were that neighbor woman, I wouldn't want to be friends with you at ALL. You obviously can't be trusted around other women's husbands. You are a typical OW. It saddens me. I used to like you but his makes me lose all respect for you. You're a damaged human being, Fun. Very damaged. You need some REAL help. This therapist isn't providing that at all.

 

And LS can't really help either. Your problems are not of the "garden variety" type. They go much, much deeper than that.

 

Please ditch the therapist and get REAL help, Fun. If you don't I fear for you. I'm scared of what your life will become. It's not looking good for you right now. But you can really change this. Please listen to everyone. What do you have to lose? I mean you're already miserable. Why not go for real happiness in your life?

 

It's all up to you.

[whichwayisup]

In reverse order - first I contacted my ex-therapist and started seeing him again, then I finally gave in and sent my ex an email responding to his voicemails.

 

I can't tell my therapist about it because he doesn't want me to have any contact with the ex and our physical relationship has rekindled.

 

It looks like I will be seeing both behind each others backs and am feeling stressed about the whole thing. In the meantime I am falling crazily in love with a neighbor who is married with 3 kids:o

I joined his gym so I can bump into him and figured out at least one day/time that he's there for sure that I end up going and it's making me feel really guilty, especially since he has a nice wife. I feel so lost and confused.

I haven't read your whole thread yet, just this one post by you.

 

I have to be honest with ya Fun. You know I ya, but WTF are you doing?

 

It wasn't long ago you were posting in the OW/OM forum, bashing away the OW...Now, you're gonna BE one? Come on!!! Don't put yourself in a stupid situation!

 

You just don't seem to be learning from your past mistakes...I wish I could help you, but I don't know how anymore. Sorry if I'm coming across harsh..I DO care, I just don't understand....You were doing SO well, and then BOOM, you're right smack in the middle of it all over again and worse, now the MM with 3 kids?

[whichwayisup]

I also wanted some advice about the two exes who had been contacting me, stressing me out.

 

Fun, we all helped you with that...Atleast I thought my advice was good and helpful, you even seemed to be listening for a while....

 

I hope you get out this mess unharmed....I hope you end things with the ex's again, tell the therapist goodbye AGAIN, forget the new MM and just find a woman therapist who can help you. That and take a long break from men in general. You need to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else.

[whichwayisup]

Well, I'm not going to read threads that don't apply to me since I am NOT an OW. I am my ex's ex, my neighbor's neighbor and my therapist's patient.

 

Sadly, you are an OW. Not only with your therapist (big time fooling around, emotional affair) but now you are getting involved with the MM...You may not be full-on OW, but you're getting realllllllllyyyyy close to it.

 

Please stop and think about what it is you're after. Love? Affection? To be cared for, to be adored? To be looked after, to be made to feel safe and secure? To be appreciated? To be held? Kissed? Made love to?

 

Unfortunately ALL the men in your life are not capable of ANY of that. NONE.

 

Sorry to sound harsh FUN, but you need the kick here...I hope you see that I'm trying to help.

[Touche]

Sadly, you are an OW. Not only with your therapist (big time fooling around, emotional affair) but now you are getting involved with the MM...You may not be full-on OW, but you're getting realllllllllyyyyy close to it.

 

Please stop and think about what it is you're after. Love? Affection? To be cared for, to be adored? To be looked after, to be made to feel safe and secure? To be appreciated? To be held? Kissed? Made love to?

 

Unfortunately ALL the men in your life are not capable of ANY of that. NONE.

 

Sorry to sound harsh FUN, but you need the kick here...I hope you see that I'm trying to help.

 

Which, what does it take for her to be a "full-on" OW? She IS having a physical and emotional affair with the therapist. Someone already quoted her on that. Unless we're misunderstanding she's having sex with the therapist and she's paying him for it. It that's not an OW I don't know WHAT is?!

[Trimmer]

Which, what does it take for her to be a "full-on" OW? She IS having a physical and emotional affair with the therapist. Someone already quoted her on that. Unless we're misunderstanding she's having sex with the therapist and she's paying him for it. It that's not an OW I don't know WHAT is?!

I took the "may not be a full on OW..." comment to be specifically in the context of the MM next door, not the therapist, which seems clear.

[Touche]

I took the "may not be a full on OW..." comment to be specifically in the context of the MM next door, not the therapist, which seems clear.

 

OH, ok. Got it now. Thanks, Trimmer. Sorry, WWIU.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, Trimmer got it right. I was talking about the other MM...

[Fun2BMe]

Well, things are spirally down faster than I can keep up with. The ex emailed me this morning that it was nice talking to me yesterday. I then emailed back impulsively as I was about to leave the house, that it was nice talking to him too and accepted his invitation to see him tonight. To my regret I added a note for him not to inform my therapist that I was going to see him but I then got the idea that they are definitely no longer on talking terms so I regret writing that

 

As I was driving home I was about to have a panic attack so I texted my therapist that the ex wanted to see me tonight and how should i get out of it, not filling him in that we have already spoken, emailed and so on. I then get a phone call back from his secretary that he is in session with a patient and I get both jealous in case it's another female and then pissed off that he'd leave his phone with his secretary when we used to text private stuff to each other. I mean what I had sent more info.

 

This all went down around 4:50pm. His session should've been up at 5pm and it is now 5:45pm and he hasn't called or texted back when I went way out to seek his help on this, so I am totally totally devestated. In the meantime just a few minutes ago my ex called and I let it go to vm he's waiting for me to call back to let him know that I'll be on my way over. I have no idea what to do...

 

I couldn't lie about this and keep it from the therapist, and at the same time now I'm so mad he is not responding to me, and I have no idea what to do or tell my ex I also went to get my hair done so I look extra nice should I meet with my ex and now my therapist might catch on tomorrow when I wanted him to think it was for him originally. I can't handle this. What if he thinks I'm trying to get his attention by texting him about my ex? I mean he has no idea we've been in contact again and now all of a sudden I send a panic text asking him to get to me...

 

My ex is very persuasive so I don't know how to call to cancel on him but I have a feeling I'll regret if I don't go or if I do go I'm scared I'll regret it even more, but at this point it's my therapist's fault for leaving me hanging like this when I need his help the most. WTF??????? I'm almost tempted to see my ex just to throw in the therapist's face how much he screwed things up for me by not getting back.

[Touche]

What do you mean you can't handle it? You THRIVE on it, Fun. I see that now. If you really couldn't handle it then you just wouldn't. But instead you're running around getting your hair done for them and texting and just generally stirring up more drama for yourself. Can't you just step back from it all? Just let it go. It's pretty simple really.

 

Who the hell cares what they think. And yes, I think you're going to feel even worse about yourself if you go. And don't blame that loser therapist. If you go, it's YOUR fault.

 

Just tell him you had second thoughts and it's not a good idea. Say goodbye and hang up. Simple.

 

If you don't do that, then you have your answer. It means you thrive on the drama.

[whichwayisup]

Fun, please go back and read my replies to you....

 

I think you've slipped backwards because it's what you know, it makes you feel safe. As weird as that sounds - It is your comfort place - The ex's, the therapist...The craziness...You are scared to let go and move forward...Scared of the unknown, what's around the corner, so instead of pushing through to get to the other side, you've turned the other way to something that is familar, even if it isn't healthy for you...It's what you know and it's safe.

 

I hope when you reach your limit, your enough is enough stage, you'll reach out again to let us pull you out of this mess...And let us all help you to the other side where you can BE happier and live a healthier life without the ex's, the T, the MM...You deserve so much better and it makes me feel sad that you can't see that. You're settling for crap on a stick.

 

Hugs...

[StaringContest]

Wow, just wow. My head is spinning, Fun. I'm not even sure where to begin, but one thing is clear. None of these men in your life right now can give you the help and support you need. It's almost sad that the most supportive people in your life are people on an internet message board. What's sadder is that you choose for it to be that way. You chose to stay caught up in this drama with these people who are destroying you. You could get a good female therapist and start working your way to a normal, happy life, but you chose not to.

 

To make it clear, the therapist is really not a sleezeball.

 

I know you don't want to hear it, but he's a grade A ball of sleaze. I'm sorry to have to say this to you, but he doesn't love you. He doesn't even respect you. If he had any respect for you, he'd have stopped seeing you as a patient, recommended you to another therapist, and gotten a divorce before having sex with you. The fact that he told you that's what he did with his current wife means he knows that would be the respectful and loving thing to do. Yet he didn't do it.

 

(Of course, I think the story about him and his current W waiting until they were divorced is just made up to convince you that's he's such a great guy that he would never do this kind of thing if you weren't so special to him. It's all BS. Too bad you're falling for all of it.)

 

He asked if I was ok with it, it's not like he's raping me.

I don't have to rape a girl to be a sleazeball. If I feed her all kinds of lines, make her feel special and loved all on my own time for my own selfish purposes, I'm also a sleazeball. This is what your guy is doing. It's plain as day.

 

It's just that we have SO much chemistry when we are together that it's kind of impossible to ignore

When the guy is married, it doesn't matter how much chemistry there is. If you find it impossible to ignore, you remove yourself from temptation by not being a part of each other's lives anymore.

 

but I'm confused and am being honest with him because I really do want to discuss it with my therapist first, but I do write that I miss him and not sure the therapist would let me send that email.

You've got the right idea about talking to your therapist before making rash decisions about exes. Unfortunately, your particular therapist will be of no help in making decisions regarding other men in your life. I'm not proud of it, but like most guys, I've given a girl what probably wasn't the best advice about her bf because I liked her. And I'm sure if any of these men came to you with advice about other girls, you'd end up giving them biased advice.

 

This is why you can't trust your therapist's advice. He has a personal stake in your love life. It's best for you to have another therapist. You don't seem to see that, but you can be d*mn sure he knows it... and he doesn't care. He doesn't care what's best for you.

 

It's easy for you to sit back and judge but obviously you haven't been in a similar situation so you don't know how difficult it is. It's not like I chose these men, now that they are in my life I am trying to deal with it the best I can and am trying to get help in doing so.

 

You do choose these men. You already admitted that there are plenty of single, better guys that you could be with. You've just chosen to be with the destructive men instead of the healthy ones.

 

You're right that I do want their approval and adoration, but what woman doesn't want those things from a man?

You're right that most women want that, but you have an unhealthy need for it that's causing you to make self-destructive decisions.

 

Not in my experience. Usually it's like getting teeth pulled to get a guy to admit or reveal their love. I don't know what planet the other men are in where "they all say it."

 

You've really never had some guy tell you he loves you just to get in your pants? Yeah, if it's a decent guy who's trying to build a healthy relationship, it's probably going to take awhile for him to say that because he needs to be sure. If it's a decent guy who happens to be commitment phobic, it'll be like pulling teeth. But scumbags, especially married scumbags will throw it out there because they know some women are desperate to hear it and it'll get them laid. Sorry to have to say that, but it's the truth.

 

I think we all know that we don't CHOOSE who we FALL in love with. It happens through fate, not choice. If I was so happy about it, I wouldn't be posting her to help coping with the situation.

 

You don't chose who you're attracted to. You do chose who you fall in love with. I think you'll be a lot better off once you realize that.

 

I don't think you're even in love with any of these men. You're using them as a tool to fill a void that you've got in yourself. You need to get to a female therapist who can help you work out your issues and fill those holes in a more productive and healthy way.

 

As I've mentioned earlier but in more detail in my old thread, I have already invested a lot of time and money into this therapist. I needed immediate help and can't start brand new from square one with a new person.

You're making excuses. What good does it do to keep going back to this therapist? Ok, he knows a large chuck of your story, but you don't even get to talk about your issues in your therapy. Your money would be better spent actually talking to someone, even if you have to provide that person with some back story.

 

Also like I've said, on the therapy side of things, he is excellent and I doubt I could find anyone else to help me as much as he has.

So what does it hurt to find out? Go to another therapist and if that person helps you, wonderful. If not, you've at least spent your money talking about issues instead of blowing it on sex. If the first therapist doesn't help, try a couple more. What do you really have to lose? You're already blowing your money.

 

Fun, a therapist is supposed to help you with your issues and your pain, not cause you more. If any therapist is causing you this much grief for any reason, you need to change therapists.

 

I don't want his relationship with the therapist to be on bad terms because of me, considering they've known each other much longer

Your therapist chose his own actions. If his friend (your ex) gets made at him because of those actions, it's not your fault.

 

When I first started seeing the therapist, the therapsit convinced me that he cared more about me than my ex and I had come to believe that, but after talking to my ex, I feel with all my heart that he's the only person in the world who REALLY cares about me. And yes I am scared the therapist won't discuss my problems. At the same time, I'm scared if it's my therapist who REALLY cares about me and I'm making a big mistake talking to my ex, and that the therapist will get really upset that I have.quote]

 

I don't think either of them really care about you the way you should be cared about, but the ex does seem like the lesser of two evils.

 

But I don't know why you guys think that I have so many issues, it is just relationship stuff you all have only with multiply people at once in this current situation I am trying to resolve things with.

This is the biggest thing that stood out to me. This stuff you're doing is not "just relationship stuff". I don't want to sound mean here, but it's difficult not to and still get my point across. If I read a thread from someone who had even a fraction of the issues with relationships as you do, I'd suggest she see a counselor. The fact that you've got all these things going on at once says there's something majorly wrong. This is not normal and it's not healthy.

 

Fun, something I'm curious about your relationship with your father. Do you know him? Do you two have a good relationship? Is it possible you're looking for approval from these unavailable men because you had an unavailable father? Maybe that's not it in your case, but it's the most common scenario.

 

I hope you get the help you need, Fun. You seem like a decent, but (and I say this in the nicest way possible) screwed up girl.

[Touche]

That was an absolutely excellent post Staring. And it's funny that you picked out that very same quote that I did as one that stood out to you. It was that quote that made me realize that Fun doesn't really see that this kind of stuff is really not normal. It's beyond the scope as I said before. But it seems like in her mind it's just stuff everyone goes through...uhm, no.

 

And I too wondered about her father but also about her mother. Didn't your mother ever explain to you Fun, that yes we DO choose who we fall in love with. And whether we fall in love. We're not animals. We're humans and can make choices. That's the key word here CHOICES. It doesn't sound like you think you have any. It's like you think stuff just happens to you that you have no control over.

 

It's not like that. You need some real therapy. What you're getting now isn't even close to the real thing. You're wasting your money.

 

As for as wanting love and adoration. Sure we all want that from a man. But the difference is that some of us are a little pickier about who we expect to get it from. Not just anyone will do.

 

You're living in a fantasy world. Look how you thought that MM and you had all this chemistry, etc. But yet when you foolishly emailed him, you seemed stunned that he took "a whole day" to get back to you and when he finally did it was very brief. You were disappointed and now you're "so over him."

 

I think the whole thing was in your mind. He was trying to be polite. But he sent you a message didn't he? He clearly wants you to back off. He's taken. And so is the therapist. But he's scum. He'll use you until you figure it out. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He doesn't care to be there for you when you're not on the clock so to speak. You're a paycheck and a piece of ass to him and nothing more. Don't you see that? He's not the good guy you think he is. He's fooled you though. Stop being so naive. It only hurts you.

 

Please stop this craziness. You can do it.

[underpants]

Choo Choo....that crazy train is gathering momentum.

 

Fun, are you just having 'fun'. Is this even real?

 

You really would do yourself a huge favor to just spend an evening alone with all the phones off. Print of this thread and read it.

 

Go back and print and read previous threads of yours from the previous episode.

 

It is your mental stability at stake...and it is no one else's fault. You need to look out for yourself.