Author Fun2BMe Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Watcha gonna do? I don't know but I'll keep you posted. I have to think about it and get the guts I think... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Ok, so his letterhead has his office #. Dam it, now I am so scared to call it, you guys are too sharp. BINGO! Knew it. You never noticed the number because you didn't WANT to notice it. Just like you don't want to see anything else about this whole situation. Stop being a little scaredy cat. You're a GROWN woman. Call the damn number and cancel. He has no interest in you besides your being an easy lay for him. It's about time you realized this. If you don't call him and cancel, I for one, will lose the last shred of respect I have left for you (not that you'd care but...) DO IT! Start changing your life NOW. Take control already!!!! I can't believe how patient some of the others are being with you over this. I lost my patience with this a long time ago. You say you're here to ask for help but you don't take the help/advice that's given. You just make excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Call the office and cancel your appointment and say you're not coming in to see him anymore. That's what you need to do, so just do it now, sooner rather than later. THAT will be the first step toward your healing. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I must be so pathetic. The one letter I received from him in the mail, which I keep in a special drawer, is one asking for a fee increase:sick: That just goes back to what I was saying before. His actions toward you have been all business, except for the sex in his office which you pay him for. He's not acting like a lover, or a friend - he has no interest in communicating with you outside the four walls of his office. He even charged you for that one phone call he made to you while he was traveling! You should actually be glad he doesn't call you or come over to visit - he'd probably charge you for that, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I wouldn't be seriously asking help for how I can cancel the appointment./QUOTE] Ok, prove it. If you really mean that. Now you know what to do. You pick up the phone, you dial the number and you cancel. Quite easy really. If you DON'T do it, then it means you've once again talked yourself into thinking that he "loves" you:rolleyes:. If you don't do it, it means you actually ENJOY paying a man to have sex with you. If you don't do it, it means you really don't want help for yourself. If you don't do it, you like playing the victim. So do it. Prove it to yourself that none of what I said above applies to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Wow, now I am feeling more confident to cancel. I mean to see in print his behavior towards me is a wake-up call. Will it be better for me to take my power back by facing him and telling him what he has done to me is so wrong? I feel really fueled up and think he should be told that he is doing exactly what HE asked ME if he was doing, "exploiting my vulnerabilities." If I just cancel, won't it be like I'm running away and he thinks I'm playing games? I got really upset when after I started seeing him again, he didn't apologize or anything, but said I seem to have a pattern or running away and terminating things. I don't think he has a clue how I am feeling towards him right now. He thinks I am madly in love wtih him and after the weekend I am especially fragile because he is with his wife, so I think I might feel better if I am able to tell hiim how I know he has been using me and doesn't love me and that I feel used and so on. What do you think? How about maybe I should write down how I am feeling and give it to him to read??? That way I make sure all my points come across to him? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 BINGO! Knew it. You never noticed the number because you didn't WANT to notice it. Just like you don't want to see anything else about this whole situation. Stop being a little scaredy cat. You're a GROWN woman. Call the damn number and cancel. He has no interest in you besides your being an easy lay for him. It's about time you realized this. If you don't call him and cancel, I for one, will lose the last shred of respect I have left for you (not that you'd care but...) DO IT! Start changing your life NOW. Take control already!!!! I can't believe how patient some of the others are being with you over this. I lost my patience with this a long time ago. You say you're here to ask for help but you don't take the help/advice that's given. You just make excuses. I can't help agreeing with this post. Fun, who CARES if they try to charge you for a cancelled/ missed appointment. If they try to do that, then you write the therapist a letter explaining that you will go to the authorities detailing his professional misconduct, and that you have records of calls, you have kept his texts, and you have a whole lot of people (it doesn't matter if they are people on LS, he doesn't need to know that) who would be willing to back you up. I am pretty sure he won't try to charge you anymore. Personally, I would turn his azz in anyway, but the very fact you want to cancel the appointment is an enormous step forward for you, so well done. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Well I for one, will not congratulate you, Fun until you REALLY do this. No, it's not running away...that's just more manipulations on his part to get you to stay right where he wants you. It's not running away. It's stopping this nonsense of his using you. Yes, absolutely write the letter AFTER you cancel. Write it and send it and be done with it. I really hope you do this. It will be the beginning of a new change in your life I think. That feeling of empowerment is GREAT. Don't you want to stop feeling so helpless...like you have no control over your own life. If you wimp out on this I will be so very disappointed. And I know the others who care and have tried to help you will be too. Do this for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 He and my ex are no longer on speaking terms and I am feeling sickened that he may be hurting/using me intentionally as retaliation on him? I don't know but I am feeling sick of it. There's just an issue I can't discuss here, which makes it hard to end things especially on a bad note so I have to be careful how I handle this situation, and if possible to end things on a positive note, even if it was to pretend I am all better and no longer need the therapy, even if it is PC-BS. Ugh I am so confused but at least on the right path finally... Link to post Share on other sites
yippkiyay Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 This is pretty ridiculous. Do not pay that bill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Yes, absolutely write the letter AFTER you cancel. Write it and send it and be done with it. What if his wife or secretary reads it? I can't do that! But right now I am going to start writing, I think it will be therapeutic for me to write a letter to him (just like he had me write one for my mom!!!). I didn't want to send it to her so he had me read it to him instead, so I will write "Letter to my Mom" cross out the mom and write "Therapist" maybe and mail or give it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 What if his wife or secretary reads it? I can't do that! But right now I am going to start writing, I think it will be therapeutic for me to write a letter to him (just like he had me write one for my mom!!!). I didn't want to send it to her so he had me read it to him instead, so I will write "Letter to my Mom" cross out the mom and write "Therapist" maybe and mail or give it to him. He and my ex are no longer on speaking terms and I am feeling sickened that he may be hurting me intentionally as retaliation on him? I don't know but I think I am feeling feeling like a pawn and so hurt right now. I'd mail it. You're too vulnerable to him to see him in person. Write PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL in bold letters on the outside of the envelope. And why, WHY are you still trying to protect him anyway? So what if his secretary and his wife see it? That will be HIS problem. Not yours. I'm wondering what the issue is that you're not divulging. I hope to god, it's not like someone suggested on here earlier about a pregnancy. I really hope you're not pregnant. But even so, it wouldn't change my advice. You still need to get away from this guy. Good luck, Fun. So when are you going to make the call? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 This is pretty ridiculous. Do not pay that bill. No offense but the bill is the LEAST of Fun's problems with this guy. I'm more worried about her mental state than her pocketbook. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 If I just cancel, won't it be like I'm running away and he thinks I'm playing games? No. It's called taking control of your own life and doing something that will benefit YOU. Make the call, cancel and be done with it. You know why you're cancelling and if he thinks you're playing games, then who cares? You have NO control over what he thinks either way, so at the end of the day, what only matters is YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Yep. And it really bothers me that you are still worried at this point about what he will think of you. Not a good sign. The day you stop worrying about what he thinks is the day you'll do what you need to do. And you never did say when you were going to call to cancel the appointment. Are you really going to do it? Or are you just too scared and/or too worried about what he thinks of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Fun, Whatever this thing is that you are not divulging, it is one more thing that keeps you trapped in the situation, but doesnt need to. You can set yourself free. You know like when you hear of women in abusive relationships who are scared to leave. Are they better to stay there out of fear? Or to fight for their freedom? Look at it this way, there is help out there for you, if you should need it. Whatever help it may be that you need. There is NOTHING keeping you in this situation, but fear. Perhaps it is better to write a letter, telling him that you are sick of the situation, and no longer want any part in it. Cancel tomorrows appointment first. If you ARE pregnant, then I dont think there is any need that he should know this. Set yourself free, really that is most important. Take control back over your life, and open your life up to positive opportunity. If you can possibly ask for help from family or friends, or even that ex of yours, because it sounds as though the reason they dont talk is because he knows exactly what your therapist is up to. Surround yourself with people who care, and can help you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Yep. And it really bothers me that you are still worried at this point about what he will think of you. Not a good sign. The day you stop worrying about what he thinks is the day you'll do what you need to do. Trust me, that other issue doesn't make things easier and I have to admit I do worry about what he will think of me, sadly at that. And you never did say when you were going to call to cancel the appointment. Are you really going to do it? Or are you just too scared and/or too worried about what he thinks of you? I think I had the comfort of not having his number and without knowing it that was giving me an excuse to not cancel, but now that I have it, I am trying to get the courage to call. It is really hard for me to do so, but I feel proud that I even want to. And yes I am too scared/worried what he will think too. I'm not going to pretend I'm suddenly this strong, courageous person when I am so scared, but worse case will be that I will do a no-show. In fact at this point I will be proud to do that instead of give in and go 'like a good patient' so I don't disappoint him. My mind is like really messed up right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I'm not going to pretend I'm suddenly this strong, courageous person when I am so scared, but worse case will be that I will do a no-show. In fact at this point I will be proud to do that instead of give in and go 'like a good patient' so I don't disappoint him. My mind is like really messed up right now. The most courageous people, are those who feel scared, but do it anyway! What would be brave about it if you werent scared? Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Further to that, soon enough you will not care about what he thinks of you. Thats just the initial panic. Once you have had a break from the situation enough to get some perspective, you really will see that the opinion of a manipulative user like this, is the last thing on your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I'd sure respect you if you just did a no-show. In my book, you don't even owe him a call but I didn't think you'd ever do that. Do a no-show then if that makes you more comfortable. This is about you now, not him. He's had his way and not it's going to be your way. As for the "other" issue. If you ARE pregnant, I don't agree with Spinderella. The guy's gotta know. He is not only responsible but it's not fair to the baby (if you're pregnant and having his child) to deny him/her his father. And again, you need to stop worrying about what he thinks...even if you're pregnant. You didn't make that baby alone did you? B/C and the risks, etc. are just as much HIS responsibility as yours. Anyway, you really need to get to a place where you just don't care what he thinks about your decisions. Until then, you're still connected to him in this unhealthy way. Don't worry about everything though. Just take baby steps. Can you and will you do the no-show? That's the FIRST step, Fun. Don't worry about the rest, ok? What's that expression about "all big journeys start with one small step" or something like that...well that's your first step. We're all here to help you through the rest of the journey if you can just start with this one small step. What do you say? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I hope you are ok, Fun. I also hope you are not pregnant. I frankly am frightened to think what this man would do to you if you were. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Ok, I think the best thing is to do a no-show and to not give/send him a letter. Why should I volunteer to spill my heart out to him? If he is interested to know how I am feeling, let him take the initiative on his own time without my footing the bill for it. Let him wonder what I must be feeling to not even call or show up. This will be bad for the other situation I can't talk about, but at this point, it might be the best thing to do. He has also asked that I do some things tomorrow which I feel uncomfortable doing so that makes it easier to end things rather than continue with it, even though I'm scared he might get upset at me about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 As for the "other" issue. If you ARE pregnant, I don't agree with Spinderella. The guy's gotta know. He is not only responsible but it's not fair to the baby (if you're pregnant and having his child) to deny him/her his father. It all depends on whether it is more harmful to both her and the baby or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 It all depends on whether it is more harmful to both her and the baby or not. Yes, I can see what you're saying. I guess we just don't have the facts, so we shouldn't speculate. Fun what did he ask you to do that you're uncomfortable with? Sexual things, or something else? And why am I getting a sick feeling now? Oh dear, dear, dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Ok, I think the best thing is to do a no-show and to not give/send him a letter. Why should I volunteer to spill my heart out to him? If he is interested to know how I am feeling, let him take the initiative on his own time without my footing the bill for it. Let him wonder what I must be feeling to not even call or show up. This is making it into a game, rather than freeing yourself from this horrible situation. Think bigger, this is about how you can best leave this situation entirely. This will be bad for the other situation I can't talk about, but at this point, it might be the best thing to do. He has also asked that I do some things tomorrow which I feel uncomfortable doing so that makes it easier to end things rather than continue with it, even though I'm scared he might get upset at me about it. Think about this, he has asked you to do something you are uncomfortable with, and you are scared of making him angry by not obeying. Its about as far from love as you can get. Link to post Share on other sites
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