The OW can actually save a marriage...

[woe_is_me]

That's BS... people, in general, are well-off (my guys anyway) and I can assure you that their family are not suffering from this, financially. I know that for a fact.

 

More money only gives them more opportunity ..

 

And i'd tell you that you can bet your bottom dollar that 'their' families are suffering emotionally .. but none of them are in love with you so you're not really having any impact whatsoever .. bar giving the W a break from his badgering.

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie i think it's hard for some of the OW here to hear you talk about married men in plural when there are so many women here who were and are agonising over just one. One mistake in other words.

 

Not ALL OW are agonizing over their affair.. sorry but I've read a few threads on happy OW.... and it's not fair to say that all or most MM are selfish jerks...

[Lizzie60]

And I do have to say that sometimes Lizzie, you do say some very thoughtful and wonderful things. But then this, it just seems really twisted to me. And yes, we all are entitled to our own opinions.

I just don't even know what to say anymore....

 

This only proves one thing... that OW are also human beings... and could be 'good people'...

 

I am a mother, soon to be a grandmother, a friend, a co-worker... a neighbour... I know I'm smart and 'sensitive' but my sexual life is, for some reason, no big deal to me. I can separate emotions and sex... it's that simple for me. Weird...maybe..it's just like that... and I'm just happy with my life for now. It's hard to explain... but that's the way it is. I really see no big deal with sleeping with lots of men, married or single... as long as the chemistry is there.

[Herzen]

And I do have to say that sometimes Lizzie, you do say some very thoughtful and wonderful things. But then this, it just seems really twisted to me. And yes, we all are entitled to our own opinions.

I just don't even know what to say anymore....

 

This only proves one thing... that OW are also human beings... and could be 'good people'...

 

I am a mother, soon to be a grandmother, a friend, a co-worker... a neighbour... I know I'm smart and 'sensitive' but my sexual life is, for some reason, no big deal to me. I can separate emotions and sex... it's that simple for me. Weird...maybe..it's just like that... and I'm just happy with my life for now. It's hard to explain... but that's the way it is. I really see no big deal with sleeping with lots of men, married or single... as long as the chemistry is there.

 

I'm with you up to the married person part. Like you, I'll go as far as I safely can sexually. Sport sex is way underrated.

 

I just find a married person to be way too burdensome. One MW was more than enough for me. She would still be with me, if I allowed it. And I don't.

 

There are just too many sexually hungry single women in their 30's-50's to play with fire. Leave the marrieds to their usually unhappy marriages. No more emotional rescues.

[Cobra_X30]

Lizzie, Its not healthy to remove the emotional element from sex. Actually, its a good indicator that you have suffered abuse.

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie, Its not healthy to remove the emotional element from sex. Actually, its a good indicator that you have suffered abuse.

 

come on now... I don't think that everyone who can separate emotional element from sex have been abused.... where did you get that?...then most men would have suffered from abuse?

[Herzen]

come on now... I don't think that everyone who can separate emotional element from sex have been abused.... where did you get that?...then most men would have suffered from abuse?

 

I can separate the two, and I was never abused. Most guys can. It's just the way we're wired.

[Lizzie60]

I can separate the two, and I was never abused. Most guys can. It's just the way we're wired.

 

I must be wired like a man...LOL

[Herzen]

I must be wired like a man...LOL

 

There are worse fates. I enjoy women who are wired like us.

[Tomcat33]

Lizzie, Its not healthy to remove the emotional element from sex. Actually, its a good indicator that you have suffered abuse.

 

I think it's quite the oposite, people who suffered abuse cling on to other emotionally. They need the constant reassurance and use sex to gain intimacy and hence cannot seperate the two, they are emtionally starved.

 

Lizzie sounds like she is emotionally in control she doesn't need to feel loved from a man when she chooses to receive love from all the others who surround her, but she is still very much a woman and wants to feel sexually pleased. I think that's a sign of a strong self-esteem actually. She is not banking all her happiness on a man who promised her a rose garden on a peice of paper she finds her own balance for self fulfillment and happiness.

[Lizzie60]

There are worse fates. I enjoy women who are wired like us.

 

there is worst... LOL

 

I enjoy men's company much better...

[luvmy2ns]

I've had a f-buddy while in a state of emotional repair, so I understand the separation of sex and love, but he was SINGLE.

 

As for the spending of money, yes. Every penny spent on the pursuit of the MM's side "f" IS money taken away from the kids. Just because he's spending it on you doesn't mean he won't still buy that expensive car or stop for drinks with the boys. So, yes, you ARE stealing from his family, and the payment is the MM f'ing you or women just like you - the ones with the blinders on in order that they can continue to pursue their own selfish desires.

[PoshPrincess]

Does an A improve a M in anyway?

 

Hmmm, I really don't think so. Yes, I can see what you are saying, Lizzie, in that if all that's missing from a mans M is sex then it can help if he is getting it elsewhere, in as much as if he's not pestering his W for sex then she is happy (in her ignorance), but don't kid us that you are sleeping with MM to sve their Ms! This is purely for your own (and his) gratification.

 

I know that once the BS finds out problems within the M that were there before the A are worked on and things can improve but I can't believe that it is the A itself that has helped that.

 

My exMM was certainly not happier even during the A. Ok, he was happy when he was with me but it certainly didn't make him happier at home or in general. He couldn't handle the guilt and the sneaking around which is the main reason things ended. AND he felt like he was cheating on his kids too. I can't even say our A has helped after D-Day as although he is back with her he is still not happy. Saying that, I know SHE is trying to resolve things so maybe they will get there one day.

 

One thing I will say in your defence Lizzie, is good on you for having the guts to be honest about how you feel. You must've known you would get slaughtered for it. I don't think there is anything wrong with separating sex and love (good for you if you are able to do this) but MM/MW shouldn't be having sex with a third party, simple as that. You really can't justify what you are doing by saying that you are helping to save their M!

[Lizzie60]

I've had a f-buddy while in a state of emotional repair, so I understand the separation of sex and love, but he was SINGLE.

 

As for the spending of money, yes. Every penny spent on the pursuit of the MM's side "f" IS money taken away from the kids. Just because he's spending it on you doesn't mean he won't still buy that expensive car or stop for drinks with the boys. So, yes, you ARE stealing from his family, and the payment is the MM f'ing you or women just like you - the ones with the blinders on in order that they can continue to pursue their own selfish desires.

 

 

oh well... what can I say...it's your opinion...I have mine...

 

So, yes, you ARE stealing from his family..

 

or maybe he'll skip a round of golf and drinks with his buddies... who knows.

[Woggle]

Golf and drinks is perfectly accpetable me time for men while cheating is not.

[Lizzie60]

Does an A improve a M in anyway?

 

Hmmm, I really don't think so. Yes, I can see what you are saying, Lizzie, in that if all that's missing from a mans M is sex then it can help if he is getting it elsewhere, in as much as if he's not pestering his W for sex then she is happy (in her ignorance), but don't kid us that you are sleeping with MM to sve their Ms! This is purely for your own (and his) gratification.

 

I know that once the BS finds out problems within the M that were there before the A are worked on and things can improve but I can't believe that it is the A itself that has helped that.

 

My exMM was certainly not happier even during the A. Ok, he was happy when he was with me but it certainly didn't make him happier at home or in general. He couldn't handle the guilt and the sneaking around which is the main reason things ended. AND he felt like he was cheating on his kids too. I can't even say our A has helped after D-Day as although he is back with her he is still not happy. Saying that, I know SHE is trying to resolve things so maybe they will get there one day.

 

One thing I will say in your defence Lizzie, is good on you for having the guts to be honest about how you feel. You must've known you would get slaughtered for it. I don't think there is anything wrong with separating sex and love (good for you if you are able to do this) but MM/MW shouldn't be having sex with a third party, simple as that. You really can't justify what you are doing by saying that you are helping to save their M!

 

Well I disagree:

 

if all that's missing from a mans M is sex then it can help if he is getting it elsewhere, in as much as if he's not pestering his W for sex then she is happy

 

that for me is making everyone happier...

 

My exMM was certainly not happier even during the A. Ok, he was happy when he was with me but it certainly didn't make him happier at home or in general.

 

That's because you had an emotional affair... then you can expect that one of the two lovers (OW or MM) will get hurt...

Mine are mainly sexual affairs.... very very different.

[Lizzie60]

Golf and drinks is perfectly accpetable me time for men while cheating is not.

 

I would say that most men would not agree with you.

[Woggle]

I would say that most men would not agree with you.

 

I am not most men. I go out and do stuff with the guys all the time but I will never cheat. I am very picky with women so if a woman is worth my monogamy I will be faithful.

[luvmy2ns]

I would say that most men would not agree with you.

 

Hence the divorce rate! Good gawd, do you not get it? It's women like you who make it so easy for the serial cheaters to go on about their business. When a married woman DOES find out, and most do, they usually don't stand for their man needing to find out what it feels like for their c--k to be sliding in and out of some over-used p---y. THAT is when YOUR damage is done. Some women do find out. You are running the risk of aiding a man in ruining his children's lives. I hope you're proud of yourself. You're just doing it for sex and money. Self-serving *insert descriptor here*

[silktricks]

If "save a marriage" means keep the status quo, then yes I'd probably agree with you. An affair can definitely do that. Jeoung the status, though is a long way from improving a marriage, which is what I believe you are attempting to imply.

 

The ws has no reason to address his failures as a husband, as he's getting something (whether that something be sex, as you imply, or an ego boost, as others have stated) he has no reason to examine his relationship from the angle of what he can do to improve it.

 

As for the betrayed wife, she also has no reason for introspection. As far as she knows her husband is happy the way things are. Is she happy? Who knows. The husband is off banging some other chick instead of putting some energy into attemptinh to resolve the problem. All he's doing is avoiding issues.

 

Does the marriage stay intact? It may. But it's no longer a marriage. It's just 2 people living in the same house sharing responsibilities and money.

 

The number 1 item in a marriage that works is honesty. Everything else flows from there.

 

If the ma a having sex problems with his wife (or wife with husband) and instead of honestly discussing it, they pot to take their need to a 3rd party, they are not saving the marriage, they are avoiding the confrontation that could save the marriage.

 

I know, Lizzie, that you don't agree with what I have to say here, but I appreciate your starting this thread to give me the opportunity to say it.

 

I hope there weren't too many strange spellings, ilm using a BB.

[michelangelo]

As if every penny the MM is spending has to go towards his kids ... come on.. I know lots of men that go out and spend a fortune on cars, golf, fishing, smoking, drinking, etc... that's money taken from the family isn't it?

 

That's BS... people, in general, are well-off (my guys anyway) and I can assure you that their family are not suffering from this, financially. I know that for a fact.

 

If you read my posting carefully you can extrapolate my intent. It is the illicit spending on someone helping to disrupt a family that is the taking away from the family resources.

 

Spending on a hobby is not the same thing.

 

Pointing to other destructive spending habits does not validate spending resources and time on an illicit affair that destroys lives.

 

If you think most people in general are well off, then you do not have a grasp of basic economics.

[Lizzie60]

If "save a marriage" means keep the status quo, then yes I'd probably agree with you. An affair can definitely do that.

 

Yes that is what I am implying.

 

The ws has no reason to address his failures as a husband, as he's getting something (whether that something be sex, as you imply, or an ego boost, as others have stated) he has no reason to examine his relationship from the angle of what he can do to improve it.

 

I know it could be selfish but it's exactly that.

 

As for the betrayed wife, she also has no reason for introspection. As far as she knows her husband is happy the way things are. Is she happy? Who knows.

 

I would think she is happy... she's not bothered with the sex issue anymore... everything else works fine.

 

The husband is off banging some other chick instead of putting some energy into attemptinh to resolve the problem. All he's doing is avoiding issues.

 

This is where I disagree... They're not avoiding the issue...I know these guys have addressed the issue of 'no sex' but with no luck...

 

Does the marriage stay intact? It may. But it's no longer a marriage. It's just 2 people living in the same house sharing responsibilities and money.

Again I disagree... they are also sharing love, companionship, parenthood...it's not just about the house and the bills.

[CATENZA]

I feel that sometimes it takes an "incident" sort of say to make you relize how good or bad your marriage is. My thread was "Pregnant and Husband gets lapdance". My marriage is so much better than it was before and the SEX is more amazing than ever!!

[Lizzie60]

If you read my posting carefully you can extrapolate my intent. It is the illicit spending on someone helping to disrupt a family that is the taking away from the family resources.

 

Spending on a hobby is not the same thing.

 

Pointing to other destructive spending habits does not validate spending resources and time on an illicit affair that destroys lives.

 

If you think most people in general are well off, then you do not have a grasp of basic economics.

 

I don't know where you live but where I am, there are NO poor people around me... when I say 'well-off' I mean they are upper-middle class not millionnaires.

 

Sex could be a hobby... no? LOL

[TogetherForever]

Married couples : Do not look at or speak to another person of the opposite sex in order to avoid temptation. Stay in an unhappy marriage til death do you part.

 

Or just don't get married at all.