The OW can actually save a marriage...

[rainfall]

In my experience, I've been told that it actually rejuvenated their boring marriage. The cheating spouse is usually happier and he makes his family happier... The MMs I'm seeing are all good fathers and they all love their wives. They treat them well. They don't want to hurt her. We talk about their wife, they will ask me advices... we talk about their kids (that's their favourite subject, LOL)

.

 

 

If they really loved their wives they would be working on the problems in their marriage instead of going out and finding someone on the side.

[whichwayisup]

Exactly RF. MM or MW choosing to go cheat so THEY feel happier in their marriage is just plain selfish!! It is self serving and NOT in the best interest of the betrayed spouse, or the kids.

[Lizzie60]

If they really loved their wives they would be working on the problems in their marriage instead of going out and finding someone on the side.

 

the thing is.. the 2 guys I'm talking about in this thread, did just that... but their wives didn't want to hear anything about it...

 

It's a nice thing to try to make it work...but it takes two to make it work... right? Patience has a limit...

[mopar crazy]

Don't worry I am not hurting myself one bit... I've been in relationships most of my life... (23 years total). I'm almost 55, and now I know what I want. I want to be free, single and have as much sex as I possibly can before I get all dried up like a small raisin... LOL

 

Seriously, don't think that I have low self-esteem and not worthy of a better life... I love my life now... I've never been happier... I know this is hard to believe but it's true. I am extremely independant, in all aspects and I know I am good looking and have a great body... I'm proud of how I look.

 

I have a good, well paid job, in the gov't, I have amazing friends... a wonderful (THE most wonderful) daughter who is expecting my 'little treasure' in the fall... and that keeps me quite busy too... I am doing all the decoration for the nursery and doing all the crib linens, curtains, etc. I love that. I have many lovers... but most of all, I enjoy being alone, I never get bored and lonely... My life is 'full' and happy.

 

So I only hope I could have the life I have right this moment for many many years to come.

 

I think it's great you feel so good about yourself. But I have one question. Maybe this has been asked and you answered but I don't have the time to go through the thread. Since you are so great looking, have a great body, why don't you find a SG? Why a MM? I'm sure there is plenty of SG that would love to just have sex w/ you, no strings attached. Why does it have to be a MM?

 

I love sex too, and if I were single I wouldn't go after a MM just to get laid, I would find a SG and I would make sure there was protection. Which I hope you are doing by the way. Some woman can seperate love and sex, I could do that when I was in my 20's. Not proud of it but I did.

[Meaplus3]

This has probably been discussed before... but I truly believe that in many cases, a marriage can be saved because one of the spouse (mostly men) is having an affair. This is a serious thought, I'm not trying to stir the pot... I'm just tired of hearing that OW/OM are dogs...

 

In my experience, I've been told that it actually rejuvenated their boring marriage. The cheating spouse is usually happier and he makes his family happier... The MMs I'm seeing are all good fathers and they all love their wives. They treat them well. They don't want to hurt her. We talk about their wife, they will ask me advices... we talk about their kids (that's their favourite subject, LOL)

 

Plus in some cases, they have more sex with their wife, it boosts their sexual life for some reason. I guess it could be the fantasy of the OW...

 

I would never ask a MM to leave his wife... I am not 'in love' with any of them.. It's fun, we connect on all levels.

 

I've heard it from most of the MMs that I've seen that it does help their marriage, otherwise they would just leave their wife and children... and everyone would be hurt.

 

I know most won't agree with me but I truly don't blame any OW/OM...and not just because I'm one. I honestly think it helps.

 

Plus in some cases, they have more sex with their wife, it boosts their sexual life for some reason. I guess it could be the fantasy of the OW...

 

Lizzie, While I don't agree with most of your post here, I do agree that an OW could boost a MM sex life with the W. The reason I say this is because it's something that was mentioned to me by my therapist in a session. Men are very "Visual". In my case since I live so close to MM he can look at me all he want's and have the "Fantasy" of me, which I'm sure could assit in the bedroom.

 

AP:)

 

[rainfall]

the thing is.. the 2 guys I'm talking about in this thread, did just that... but their wives didn't want to hear anything about it...

 

It's a nice thing to try to make it work...but it takes two to make it work... right? Patience has a limit...

 

Well if the relationship isn't working and is obviously over why not get a divorce? Then the man can be free to sleep with as many people as he chooses without being a cheating jerk.

[Babybird]

the thing is.. the 2 guys I'm talking about in this thread, did just that... but their wives didn't want to hear anything about it...

 

It's a nice thing to try to make it work...but it takes two to make it work... right? Patience has a limit...

 

When one person is giving their all and the other makes no attempt than an A could be just what is needed to keep the M together. Of course this would be for the kids sake and the BS would never find out.

 

Their have been a few people on here that have said they found out about their H's A and their M came back better and stronger because of it.

 

I think that there are three things that couples fight over the most: money, sex, and the kids.

 

So one of the people, the one that doesn't have as much sex as they want gets some on the side...He/she leaves their spouse alone and the spouse doesn't have to make up excuses which would probably cause a fight.

 

There have been so many people here that have said that the MM is using OW just for sex. If he isn't taking away from the W and kids and the sex is making him happy than in a round-about way that is making the M better.

 

Not all A's have the cheater neglecting his fatherly or husbandly duties. My MM used to sneak out when the W and kid were asleep. The only thing they missed out on was...uh nothing.

 

Of course when the BS finds out that can reek more havoc than helping a M. That's a given.

 

Oh if the MM brings home incredible techniques that the OW taught him in bed that could bring the W happiness(unless she finds out where he got them).

 

So I suppose in the long run even when its helping it hurting but more often than not, if he is discreet and not going to bang the OW instead of going to the sons game, no one is is getting hurt.

 

Even the BS have to admit, when they didn't know their H was cheating did they really notice that he was gone that much more than usual? If they did than why are so many shocked to find out that their spouse is having an A?

 

Just some thoughts.

[Babybird]

Well if the relationship isn't working and is obviously over why not get a divorce? Then the man can be free to sleep with as many people as he chooses without being a cheating jerk.

 

Because it just doesn't work that way.

 

Fear of losing the lifestyle, not seeing the kids, and losing the W even if he doesn't love her. There is still a sense of security even in a loveless M. Plus most guys, no offense here to any men, don't want to pay child support. Usually because it's hard to support themselves financially with that big of an income loss not because they don't want to support their children.

 

If it is all about sex and she doesn't know than why bother to leave anyways? (I don't agree with this but I bet there are a bunch that think that way

[Lizzie60]

I think it's great you feel so good about yourself. But I have one question. Maybe this has been asked and you answered but I don't have the time to go through the thread. Since you are so great looking, have a great body, why don't you find a SG? Why a MM? I'm sure there is plenty of SG that would love to just have sex w/ you, no strings attached. Why does it have to be a MM?

 

I love sex too, and if I were single I wouldn't go after a MM just to get laid, I would find a SG and I would make sure there was protection. Which I hope you are doing by the way. Some woman can seperate love and sex, I could do that when I was in my 20's. Not proud of it but I did.

 

I'm not exclusively seeing MMs... I have many single guy friends as well...but the problem with them.. is that, after a while, they want more, they cling more... except a few who just enjoy sex...

 

I have lost some guys like that, they wanted more and I just don't want to give more... plus I would have to give up my lifestyle...no way... they would want the exclusivity...and there is no way I will give up my 'harem' LOL

 

MMs don't ask for exclusivity...they just can't...they know I'm single and I will not wait for them by the phone. They don't cling... they come and go, they don't question me. They are always on their best behaviour, they are sweet.... and they are much better lovers...

 

and yes, I use protection... and one thing my MMs like about me... I am extremely clean... my house is spotless so they feel much safer with me and they don't feel threaten by me... I would never ever stalk them...or try to hurt their family... and if I call them (which is extremely rare) and they can't talk, they simply say 'sorry you got the wrong number'... I get the message.

[mopar crazy]

Lizzie, come on! You can't tell me that you can't find three, four, or even more SG that would just love to bang you once in awhile w/o getting serious.

I find that hard to believe. There is more men that don't want anything serious than ones that do. And why not just tell them "I just want to have sex w/ you, nothing more. If you start getting to clingy, or needy I will find another man to plz me in bed and you will be history."

[Lizzie60]

Well if the relationship isn't working and is obviously over why not get a divorce? Then the man can be free to sleep with as many people as he chooses without being a cheating jerk.

 

The relationship is working except for the sexual part... and he gets it outside... Then why would he go through a divorce, hurt his wife, hurt his kids. A divorce is costly... what if the wife is a SAHM...then what...put her through financial misery with her kids... You got to be realistic...

[Lizzie60]

When one person is giving their all and the other makes no attempt than an A could be just what is needed to keep the M together. Of course this would be for the kids sake and the BS would never find out.

 

Their have been a few people on here that have said they found out about their H's A and their M came back better and stronger because of it.

 

I think that there are three things that couples fight over the most: money, sex, and the kids.

 

So one of the people, the one that doesn't have as much sex as they want gets some on the side...He/she leaves their spouse alone and the spouse doesn't have to make up excuses which would probably cause a fight.

 

There have been so many people here that have said that the MM is using OW just for sex. If he isn't taking away from the W and kids and the sex is making him happy than in a round-about way that is making the M better.

 

Not all A's have the cheater neglecting his fatherly or husbandly duties. My MM used to sneak out when the W and kid were asleep. The only thing they missed out on was...uh nothing.

 

Of course when the BS finds out that can reek more havoc than helping a M. That's a given.

 

Oh if the MM brings home incredible techniques that the OW taught him in bed that could bring the W happiness(unless she finds out where he got them).

 

So I suppose in the long run even when its helping it hurting but more often than not, if he is discreet and not going to bang the OW instead of going to the sons game, no one is is getting hurt.

 

Even the BS have to admit, when they didn't know their H was cheating did they really notice that he was gone that much more than usual? If they did than why are so many shocked to find out that their spouse is having an A?

 

Just some thoughts.

 

I totally agree with everything you said. Good post!

[Lizzie60]

Because it just doesn't work that way.

 

Fear of losing the lifestyle, not seeing the kids, and losing the W even if he doesn't love her. There is still a sense of security even in a loveless M. Plus most guys, no offense here to any men, don't want to pay child support. Usually because it's hard to support themselves financially with that big of an income loss not because they don't want to support their children.

 

If it is all about sex and she doesn't know than why bother to leave anyways? (I don't agree with this but I bet there are a bunch that think that way

 

Another good point... plus most of the time the house has to be sold... the kids have to move (they lose their friends, change school) and they don't get to kiss both their parents before they go to bed... They sometimes have to give up on some social activities (sports, etc.). If the wife is a SAHM...it can be very hard on her and the kids...

 

It is really expensive to live alone... plus pay the child support... same thing with the spouse who has the children... so it's not really the best solution. IMO

[rainfall]

The relationship is working except for the sexual part... and he gets it outside... Then why would he go through a divorce, hurt his wife, hurt his kids. A divorce is costly... what if the wife is a SAHM...then what...put her through financial misery with her kids... You got to be realistic...

 

 

If he doesn't want to hurt his wife then he shouldn't sleep with other women. I think the kids would be better of in two seperate households then they would be in one where their daddy doesn't care about their mommy.

A divore might cost him alot of money but thats his own fault for sleeping with other women.

[mopar crazy]

Another good point... plus most of the time the house has to be sold... the kids have to move (they lose their friends, change school) and they don't get to kiss both their parents before they go to bed... They sometimes have to give up on some social activities (sports, etc.). If the wife is a SAHM...it can be very hard on her and the kids...

 

It is really expensive to live alone... plus pay the child support... same thing with the spouse who has the children... so it's not really the best solution. IMO

 

I give up. No matter what anyone says you will believe that sleeping w/ a MM is not wrong. Keep believing that lizzie if it helps you sleep at night. I just PRAY the BW find out about their H's A and throw them to the curb!

[Lizzie60]

If he doesn't want to hurt his wife then he shouldn't sleep with other women. I think the kids would be better of in two seperate households then they would be in one where their daddy doesn't care about their mommy.

A divore might cost him alot of money but thats his own fault for sleeping with other women.

 

disagree... They wouldn't sleep with me if they had enough sex at home...that's my point. If the wife doesn't want her spouse to cheat then she should give him more sex...simple.

 

And no..the kids are better in one household, with both daddy and mommy because they have absolutely no clue what's going on... nothing has changed as far as they're concerned.

[michelangelo]

Every dollar spent by a MM on an OW is a dollar taken away from their wife and and kids.

 

A gift of jewelry, a surprise dress, meals and booze on nights out, gasoline to go visit, TIME spent, all of it is a theft from their family at home.

 

You might argue otherwise, but that is a fact.

 

When one's kid finds out they can't afford college, or can't go on vacation, or dad can't help buy a car, that dad's been squiring some OW, they can do do the math.

 

People, in general, are not rich, so the money spent secretively in an affair really is a theft from the family resources. The college fund, the vacation penny jar, funds for braces, you name it. There are more unfunded needs in a typical family than money to pay for 'em. An affair only makes that a bigger squeeze on resources.

 

And please, don't say this is not an issue for your own affair since you are richer than Bill Gates. Or you being the OW don't think it is a theft from a family to receive gifts or cash.

[NoIDidn't]

Oh if the MM brings home incredible techniques that the OW taught him in bed that could bring the W happiness(unless she finds out where he got them).

 

Why do OWs think that THEY wrote the book on sex? Incredible my a.ss. How about just different?

 

Even the BS have to admit, when they didn't know their H was cheating did they really notice that he was gone that much more than usual? If they did than why are so many shocked to find out that their spouse is having an A?

 

Ummmm, let's see......because they are being LIED TO!!!!! When they ask the WS why they are gone more, they are told "had to work", "long day at the office". And they are shocked because before then, they usually have no reason to think that their spouse is cheating.

 

Not calling you dumb, but these were some dumbass questions.

[Woggle]

It is obvious that Lizzie's father has affected how she approaches things and how she sleeps with married men. Being somebody myself that is deeply affected by a parent's abuse I won't judge her but in no way can I condone somebody who benefits from a couple's marital issues especially if there are children involved.

[ridingthebulls]

Gross. How many men do you want to rationalize screwing in order to save their marriages?? LOL Honestly, the "rejuvenation" retort used is usually JUST a strong front. I'm sure in some marriages, it MIGHT make the marriage stronger, but mostly it just makes one crumble to pieces. Not to mention that staying together, whether revived or not, the pain doesn't just subside!!!

[lonelybird]

I don't see how can one feed one man's "dishonest" and "sexual desire and lust" can help his marriage and his personal growth:confused:. The more you feed it, the more he got "dishonest, disrespect and lust". One case was ok for him (you didn't make trouble for him), he would prey for next.

 

This isn't a way for helping their marriage.

[Zona76]

Let me tell you my story then you can ream my A$$

After 30 years of a marriage to someone who always lied (and he said I didn't hear him right the first time*or the 4th or 10th time) Our sex life was dead. We had separate bedrooms and as I was the only working partner I had my escape in spending time with my horse, books, gardening..

He was unappealing and rarely bathed nor brushed his teeth. Couldn't hold a job longer than 6 months. And couldn't figure why I had no desire for him.

He told me one day he'd met someone.

Maybe it was to shock me? Maybe it was to gloat. I merely said that's nice and went about my business.

Time goes on He continues to gloat about his friend and I smile and nod and say, "That's nice. I'm happy for you" (I honestly didn't care)

Then I met someone on the Internet. And happiness does exist. I was joyous! Life is beautiful again.

Husband asks for a separation... I ask when he's moving out... and when HE asks for the divorce and after I agree, it comes down that I am the Harlot. I am the one who broke the LAW and sanctity of the marriage vow.

I was the one who committed adultery. (I'd not yet "met" my lover)

I am now re-married. Yes it is my beloved I met on the Internet. I am happy. Husband #1 is still out there wondering why I was so mean and left him. He still can't hold a job and he's still miserably unhappy.

[woe_is_me]

Lizzie i think it's hard for some of the OW here to hear you talk about married men in plural when there are so many women here who were and are agonising over just one. One mistake in other words.

 

Mine (or not mine) called me after just over 4 years of no contact to tell me he'd been trying to email to wish me a happy birthday etc...

I moreorless hung up in shock after a 3 or 4 minute convo of him firing questions at me..you know i was dealing with everyday things at the second that he called .. bad timing on his behalf.. then felt this HUGE sense of loss (all over again) when i realised i couldnt get back in touch with him again... yet he could me.. he held all the cards didnt he..?

 

Until i did a search on his once unlisted number the next day ..it came up listed..so i waited four nail biting days for him to call again..and he didn't!

And i know i said to my mother..'he called me ...i'll die if he doesnt call back.." this was the very day he rang!..and call me back he didnt:confused:

 

So i called his now listed number (5 days after his call to me) when i thought she might be at work..BZZZZ bad timing on my behalf this time... But u know what?

It was meant to be! His Wife was obvioulsy there.. and you know, if his marriage mattered so little when he called me....it obviously matters a lot more now that she knows.

 

So.. my only advice to anyone hung up over such a situation..(sure i DID kick myself that circumstances cost me laying eyes on and holding him once again - so i really understand OW who are in situations where the wife is oblivious ..it just wasnt Gods will for me..) is to let his wife know..not that i could ever do that on purpose of course..but it sure lets you know where you stand and where u stood in his selfish eyes.

 

A lot of women struggle with ONE affair Lizzie..however i don't believe his A with me made his marriage better.. and i'm sure D day is stil causing havok.

[Lizzie60]

Every dollar spent by a MM on an OW is a dollar taken away from their wife and and kids.

 

A gift of jewelry, a surprise dress, meals and booze on nights out, gasoline to go visit, TIME spent, all of it is a theft from their family at home.

 

You might argue otherwise, but that is a fact.

 

When one's kid finds out they can't afford college, or can't go on vacation, or dad can't help buy a car, that dad's been squiring some OW, they can do do the math.

 

People, in general, are not rich, so the money spent secretively in an affair really is a theft from the family resources. The college fund, the vacation penny jar, funds for braces, you name it. There are more unfunded needs in a typical family than money to pay for 'em. An affair only makes that a bigger squeeze on resources.

 

And please, don't say this is not an issue for your own affair since you are richer than Bill Gates. Or you being the OW don't think it is a theft from a family to receive gifts or cash.

 

As if every penny the MM is spending has to go towards his kids ... come on.. I know lots of men that go out and spend a fortune on cars, golf, fishing, smoking, drinking, etc... that's money taken from the family isn't it?

 

That's BS... people, in general, are well-off (my guys anyway) and I can assure you that their family are not suffering from this, financially. I know that for a fact.

[raincloud]

It is obvious that Lizzie's father has affected how she approaches things and how she sleeps with married men.

........ no way can I condone somebody who benefits from a couple's marital issues especially if there are children involved.

 

 

I've been thinking the same thing after reading this thread.

 

And I do have to say that sometimes Lizzie, you do say some very thoughtful and wonderful things. But then this, it just seems really twisted to me. And yes, we all are entitled to our own opinions.

I just don't even know what to say anymore....