Hi, this is my first post!

[Tomcat33]

I don't quite agree with the two kinds of cheaters though, 'the one time offenders who realise they made a huge mistake and will never repeat again', I think in rare cases, these men are 'reformed' but most of the time, they become serial cheaters. They get addicted to the rush and the excitement really fast.

 

Yeah maybe I am just naively wishfully thinking...

 

During work hours, that is not unusual at all. They could be executives who step out for a meeting, they could be business owners, financial advisors who visit clients, etc. or anyone who can take some time off work.

 

Yeah that doesn't surprise me at all. Especially guys who are on the road a lot. I can TOTALLY see that. My financial advisor used to come by my house to do my finances (his suggestion not mine) he was young v attractive and I used to think to myself "I wonder how many women come to greet him at the door scantilly clad, or what happens in other homes" it would be SO easy for him to have a fling if he so intended it. He was a good friend of my then boyfriend and it would make me feel sort of weird having him in my house, it felt a little bit too personal. I'd think, I'd hate to be THAT guy's gf/w

 

It's not the pressure from work...it's more the facility to get away without being caught. They are always available, if need arises, on the BB or cell phone to answer an urgent call.

 

SO true!!! With today's technology there is NO excuse for no returning a call or not getting in touch as soon as one is contacted. They keep coming up with more and more improvements to technology only fascilitating the perfecting of the art of sneaking around. Computers are smart but humans are smarter.

 

I think that over 95% of men cheat and I do not believe in monogamy for a long period of time, and I would say that over 99% would if they had the chance and were 100% sure they wouldn't get caught

 

WOW 95% huh!! So what's the remainder 5%? Bed ridden ill? LOL

I dunnow that seems rather high...

 

Yeah I think most men would cheat if there were 100% no chance of getting caught, I'd have to agree with that. Would they actually admit it...not sure about that.

 

I personally don't think humans were meant to be monogamous for ever. I think monogamy has a shelf life. You can be friends forever but not monogamous. And sex is usually what adds problems to a friendship or destroys it. I don't on the other hand believe that people should cheat, because it does inflict pain on their s/o but I think that when the time is up just get out. Everyone is entitled to be loved properly and to be respected. But it's up to you if you are going to let someone disrespect you or not.

[2sunny]

? No, but I am realistic, I think that over 95% of men cheat and I do not believe in monogamy for a long period of time, and I would say that over 99% would if they had the chance and were 100% sure they wouldn't get caught. I even tested this theory once.

 

Same theory as all druggies think that EVERYONE does drugs.... geez, get real. NOT ALL or even 95% of men cheat... that number is way too high.

[Trimmer]

Well if infidelity is SUCH a painful topic, and I know that it is, and I seem to see MOST the anger directed from the BS, then why in the world do they even come here to THIS particular support forum?

This is a good question in general, and in the spirit of staying on topic and true to the OP, I would like to turn the floor back over to her: Lizzie, why in the world did you even come here to THIS particular support forum?

 

You sound quite happy with your life, you don't sound like you need support or that you even have any interest in entertaining anyone else's opinion of your situation:

 

I am over 50, I know what's good or not for me. I don't need anyone to tell me how to run my life.

 

I sincerely don't think I have a problem. Seriously... I don't....

 

I don't need anyone to encourage or discourage me... I'm old enough to know exactly what I want and most of all, what I don't want.... No one has a clue about my lifestyle... this is solely my business.

 

So then why are you here? I can't help but wonder about you, about what brought you here. On one hand, you seem perfectly in control of your life and unapologetically happy with your choices. And yet you post here on a support forum for OM/OW. Why? What are you looking to get out of it? And yes, I know you are "sharing", but I'm asking you why -when you are happy, confident, and don't need or want anyone else to comment on how you run your life?

 

[My father...] was also a cheater but my mother never left him... I didn't really suffered from the cheating though.

I really think this little nugget slipped by without much notice. I question whether it's really true that you didn't suffer from it. At what age did you learn of your father's cheating - were you aware of it as a child, or did you learn of it later?

 

Even though you say you have never been cheated on (that you know of), did you feel no pain, no betrayal upon learning of your father's infidelity? What was your relationship like with your mother - were you able to empathize with her pain?

 

I'm just imagining that you must have had, at one time anyway, all kinds of feelings of betrayal by your father, helplessness on behalf of your mother, ultimately growing into a desire to insulate yourself from the trauma you witnessed within your own family. And so you take control, by becoming the OW, unapologetically distancing yourself from the emotional consequences of your choices, and those of your father. What better way to ensure that you are never in a position to be betrayed by another man than to flip to the "other side" and fashion yourself as the perennial other woman.

 

You try to distance yourself from the pain your father perpetrated upon your family, yet each married man that you so unapologetically fall into bed with is symbolically your father. By going outside his marriage, your father rejected his bond with you, and you are still trying to fill that void by becoming the girl he really wanted.

 

 

No body can ever say that they've never ever been cheated on... sorry but that's BS. How can you know for sure? There is absolutely no way!

 

...I am realistic, I think that over 95% of men cheat and I do not believe in monogamy for a long period of time, and I would say that over 99% would if they had the chance....

Thank you, daddy.

[Trialbyfire]

This is a good question in general, and in the spirit of staying on topic and true to the OP, I would like to turn the floor back over to her: Lizzie, why in the world did you even come here to THIS particular support forum?

 

You sound quite happy with your life, you don't sound like you need support or that you even have any interest in entertaining anyone else's opinion of your situation:

 

So then why are you here? I can't help but wonder about you, about what brought you here. On one hand, you seem perfectly in control of your life and unapologetically happy with your choices. And yet you post here on a support forum for OM/OW. Why? What are you looking to get out of it? And yes, I know you are "sharing", but I'm asking you why -when you are happy, confident, and don't need or want anyone else to comment on how you run your life?

 

 

I really think this little nugget slipped by without much notice. I question whether it's really true that you didn't suffer from it. At what age did you learn of your father's cheating - were you aware of it as a child, or did you learn of it later?

 

Even though you say you have never been cheated on (that you know of), did you feel no pain, no betrayal upon learning of your father's infidelity? What was your relationship like with your mother - were you able to empathize with her pain?

 

I'm just imagining that you must have had, at one time anyway, all kinds of feelings of betrayal by your father, helplessness on behalf of your mother, ultimately growing into a desire to insulate yourself from the trauma you witnessed within your own family. And so you take control, by becoming the OW, unapologetically distancing yourself from the emotional consequences of your choices, and those of your father. What better way to ensure that you are never in a position to be betrayed by another man than to flip to the "other side" and fashion yourself as the perennial other woman.

 

You try to distance yourself from the pain your father perpetrated upon your family, yet each married man that you so unapologetically fall into bed with is symbolically your father. By going outside his marriage, your father rejected his bond with you, and you are still trying to fill that void by becoming the girl he really wanted.

 

Thank you, daddy.

Some really good stuff here Trimmer. We are a product of our environment.

 

I also enclose a link for a quick list to identify a narcissistic personality.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1133986&postcount=5

[woe_is_me]

I don't quite agree with the two kinds of cheaters though, 'the one time offenders who realise they made a huge mistake and will never repeat again', I think in rare cases, these men are 'reformed' but most of the time, they become serial cheaters. They get addicted to the rush and the excitement really fast.

 

So you don't think there are MM out there who actually 'fall in love' with the OW and struggle with it?

 

These men you put out for sound like nothing more than diry old perverts in suits and ties who frequent strip clubs and get lapdances during their lunch hours. YUK!

[Touche]

Nope, Lizzie..I've never been cheated on (to answer your question to me from pages and pages ago.) I'm as sure of that as one can be. You yourself said you were never cheated on...so what makes you think 99% of men cheat? What's this little theory of yours and how did you test it?

 

I'd stake my LIFE on the fact that you, or any other woman, could never get my H to cheat on me. He tells me every time a woman comes on to him. It happens quite often actually. The fact that he wears a wedding band doesn't seem to matter to them at all. He laughs at them and thinks they're sad and pathetic.

 

See, not sure if you know this, since your own father's morals were questionable but there are MANY men who actually have morals and values and can resist temptation. Quite a concept, eh?

 

And sorry, but I have to agree with the poster who said that "class" is not defined by what clothes you wear or any other superficial thing you care to bring up. It's goes much, much deeper than that. I guess we have a different definition of what "class" is.

 

I'm glad you're happy with your lifestyle but if I were in your shoes doing what you are doing, I'd consider my life a total and utter failure.

[Lizzie60]

Nope, Lizzie..I've never been cheated on (to answer your question to me from pages and pages ago.) I'm as sure of that as one can be. You yourself said you were never cheated on...so what makes you think 99% of men cheat? What's this little theory of yours and how did you test it?

 

I'd stake my LIFE on the fact that you, or any other woman, could never get my H to cheat on me. He tells me every time a woman comes on to him. It happens quite often actually. The fact that he wears a wedding band doesn't seem to matter to them at all. He laughs at them and thinks they're sad and pathetic.

 

See, not sure if you know this, since your own father's morals were questionable but there are MANY men who actually have morals and values and can resist temptation. Quite a concept, eh?

 

And sorry, but I have to agree with the poster who said that "class" is not defined by what clothes you wear or any other superficial thing you care to bring up. It's goes much, much deeper than that. I guess we have a different definition of what "class" is.

 

I'm glad you're happy with your lifestyle but if I were in your shoes doing what you are doing, I'd consider my life a total and utter failure.

 

No body on earth can be 100% sure that their partner has never ever cheated on them... This is just impossible...unless you are with him/her 24/7.

 

I said I don't think I've been cheated on... but maybe I was, I don't know for sure.

 

He tells you every time a woman hits on him.... and he says they are pathetic... do you think he would say: 'hey honey, this amazing woman flirted with me today and I thought I would..... ' NO, he won't...sorry but they don't say that...they will say: they are pathetic...LOL

 

and for your information, I have tested my theory once... and he failed... and I see men on a regular basis that I am sure their wife would say the same thing: I would bet my life that he's not cheating on me... ha-hem... yeah right! Oh and when I think about it... I know a few more that they swear their husband has never cheated...but I know they did... (not with me but I know who).

 

If you choose to think that way...and it makes you happy... good for you.. I don't, I know men way too much.

[Woggle]

I don't care what you did you would never get me to cheat you don't know men as well as you think.

[Lizzie60]

I don't care what you did you would never get me to cheat you don't know men as well as you think.

 

Then you're in the 1% who don't cheat... but never say never. LOL

[Woggle]

Then you're in the 1% who don't cheat... but never say never. LOL

 

Good women are one in a million so since I have managed to find one I will not do anything to ruin it. I have women come on to me all the time when I visit my old friends in New York and I can get away with it if I wanted to cheat but I never will. I think some people here are right that your father had more of an impact than you would like to admit.

[whichwayisup]

I think some people here are right that your father had more of an impact than you would like to admit.

 

I think so too. The problem is, lizzie is quite proud of her lifestyle and doesn't care that she's actually hurting marriages, doing damage - Even though she cannot 'see' it firsthand. She doesn't see that her having sex with various MM, IS a problem.

 

lizzie, do you announce that you have sex with MM for pleasure to your co-workers? Friends? Family? Just wondering.

[Lizzie60]

I think so too. The problem is, lizzie is quite proud of her lifestyle and doesn't care that she's actually hurting marriages, doing damage - Even though she cannot 'see' it firsthand. She doesn't see that her having sex with various MM, IS a problem.

 

lizzie, do you announce that you have sex with MM for pleasure to your co-workers? Friends? Family? Just wondering.

 

I don't think that is any of my co-workers' business (one of the manager is a lover)... A few friends know. My children don't and again what goes on in my bedroom is not my kids' business...

[whichwayisup]

I meant family as in mom, dad, brother, sister...Cousins, aunts, uncles...Not your children. Sorry, I thought that was obvious, but maybe not seeing as the way I worded it you thought I meant your own children.

[Trialbyfire]

My children don't and again what goes on in my bedroom is not my kids' business...

The only problem is that what goes on in your bedroom could easily affect many other peoples' children but, I doubt that matters to you.

[Lizzie60]

I meant family as in mom, dad, brother, sister...Cousins, aunts, uncles...Not your children. Sorry, I thought that was obvious, but maybe not seeing as the way I worded it you thought I meant your own children.

 

it's the same... why would it be their business?

[Lizzie60]

The only problem is that what goes on in your bedroom could easily affect many other peoples' children but, I doubt that matters to you.

 

It is not affecting any children... these guys are good fathers, plus I don't want them to leave their family so I don't see how it affect these children.

[Trialbyfire]

It is not affecting any children... these guys are good fathers, plus I don't want them to leave their family so I don't see how it affect these children.

When people are cheating, there's impact. Regardless of the ability to compartmentalize, cheaters do show signs that impact on previously healthy relationships. Cheating drains primary relationships, although I doubt you care because...you're happy...

 

I mean really. Who cares about other peoples' children if you're happy? That you've managed to buffer your children makes it all okay...

[Lizzie60]

When people are cheating, there's impact. Regardless of the ability to compartmentalize, cheaters do show signs that impact on previously healthy relationships. Cheating drains primary relationships, although I doubt you care because...you're happy...

 

I mean really. Who cares about other peoples' children if you're happy? That you've managed to buffer your children makes it all okay...

 

I know you're trying your best not to understand... I know what I know about these guys.. you don't .. don't make hypothetic suppositions... this is too easy.

[Trialbyfire]

I know you're trying your best not to understand... I know what I know about these guys.. you don't .. don't make hypothetic suppositions... this is too easy.

Nope. If anyone's in denial, it's you.

 

I've lived with a serial cheater so I do understand the draining on the primary relationship very, very well. Just read a few threads in this forum about cheaters getting busted by wives and husbands and the impact on the OWs.

 

It's just a matter of time before D-day comes along and when it happens, there's no happiness for anyone, only pain all around. Your fantasy world of happiness will come crashing down around your head, especially if the betrayed wife is someone who believes in getting her pound of flesh and blood.

[Touche]

No body on earth can be 100% sure that their partner has never ever cheated on them... This is just impossible...unless you are with him/her 24/7.

 

I said I don't think I've been cheated on... but maybe I was, I don't know for sure.

 

He tells you every time a woman hits on him.... and he says they are pathetic... do you think he would say: 'hey honey, this amazing woman flirted with me today and I thought I would..... ' NO, he won't...sorry but they don't say that...they will say: they are pathetic...LOL

 

and for your information, I have tested my theory once... and he failed... and I see men on a regular basis that I am sure their wife would say the same thing: I would bet my life that he's not cheating on me... ha-hem... yeah right! Oh and when I think about it... I know a few more that they swear their husband has never cheated...but I know they did... (not with me but I know who).

 

If you choose to think that way...and it makes you happy... good for you.. I don't, I know men way too much.

 

 

You know what? I don't think you know men any better than I do...I'm no spring chicken either...I've done a lot of living. It's so sad that you think most men are the way you think they are. The man you tested your little "theory" on was obviously not as upstanding as you may have thought or else he would have passed your "test."

 

As far as my H, he says they are sad and pathetic and desperate (the ones who come on to him) because he really believes that. He doesn't have to tell me anything at all. I wouldn't know about it unless he told me. And for your information, when I've asked him, he's admitted that one or two of them WERE attractive...but still sad and desperate.

 

And sorry but I do know with 100% certainty that he has never cheated on me and never will. You've have to know the kind of man he is to understand this. But I think you've never really met a good man..one with honor and integrity. So of course this is all a foreign concept to you. I mean when your own father doesn't have those qualities, I can understand why you would think what you do about other men. It's really sad, Lizzie.

[herenow]

22 pages later and I still don't understand what the OP is after. We all know that she is very happy with her life. We all know that she has no problem with anything she is doing. We all know that nothing anyone can say will change anything. We all have our own opinions about the situation, but Lizzie is who she is and that isn't going to change. So what's the point?

 

Please tell us Lizzie what is it that you want? What did you intend to get out of this post?

 

If you just want a place to tell people how you feel, then by all means spill away, but you certainly can't blame others for not understanding how you can live your life this way.

 

Some of us really care about the people who get hurt. Most of the time the OW is hurt along with the rest of the family. I guess it's just hard for me to understand how someone can live like you do and not care about those that could be hurt by their actions.

 

I for one would never want to be part of something that could devastate another human being. But that's just me. You are who you are and as much as I don't get it, that's the fact. So be it.

[Lizzie60]

22 pages later and I still don't understand what the OP is after. We all know that she is very happy with her life. We all know that she has no problem with anything she is doing. We all know that nothing anyone can say will change anything. We all have our own opinions about the situation, but Lizzie is who she is and that isn't going to change. So what's the point?

 

Please tell us Lizzie what is it that you want? What did you intend to get out of this post?

 

If you just want a place to tell people how you feel, then by all means spill away, but you certainly can't blame others for not understanding how you can live your life this way.

 

Some of us really care about the people who get hurt. Most of the time the OW is hurt along with the rest of the family. I guess it's just hard for me to understand how someone can live like you do and not care about those that could be hurt by their actions.

 

I for one would never want to be part of something that could devastate another human being. But that's just me. You are who you are and as much as I don't get it, that's the fact. So be it.

 

What I want? Nothing. This is a public forum... and OW/OM forum btw... so what's wrong with an OW or OM for posting here?

 

I am not blaming anyone for not understanding... I know that my lifestyle is not for everyone.

 

Most of the time the OW/OM gets hurt...BUT not all the time... some are happy with the way it is... I'm sure I can't be the only one!

[herenow]

What I want? Nothing. This is a public forum... and OW/OM forum btw... so what's wrong with an OW or OM for posting here?

 

I am not blaming anyone for not understanding... I know that my lifestyle is not for everyone.

 

Most of the time the OW/OM gets hurt...BUT not all the time... some are happy with the way it is... I'm sure I can't be the only one!

 

No problem. Like I said, spill away.

[Trialbyfire]

Most of the time the OW/OM gets hurt...BUT not all the time... some are happy with the way it is... I'm sure I can't be the only one!

Your children will be proud of their mama when it hits the fan. When you have to look into their eyes and see a true reflection of yourself, you will not be very happy.

 

Continue your denial but the odds say, based on your purported numbers, your house of cards will fall.

[Lizzie60]

Your children will be proud of their mama when it hits the fan. When you have to look into their eyes and see a true reflection of yourself, you will not be very happy.

 

Continue your denial but the odds say, based on your purported numbers, your house of cards will fall.

 

Get over it... if sh*t hits the fan it will be my problem... geezzz, it won't be YOUR problem but I'm NOT worried.