I am not spiritual enough

[notspiritual]

I was checking the old text messages I sent her from the outbox of my cell phone. It was 3 months ago when I wanted to leave her.

 

Here they are:

 

"I dont want to reconciliate with you, it is useless, i wish you a better future without me."

"Even if it is easier for me to go back with you, it is my whole body that rejects any reconciliation, it has suffered too much."

"It is the end for all the many times you left me, my body got used to that idea step by step."

"I cannot consider a futur with a person who always seeks excuses, who blames me for all her failures."

"You purposely wanted to hurt me to get revenge from something I am not even aware of, I cannot forgive you, it is the end."

"My sufferings were such that I prefered death, I will never forgive you for that, you will never make me suffer again, never."

 

When I beg her 3 weeks ago, I told her I gave her a second chance, so she should be forgiving and return the favor. She replied, you gave me a second chance because you did not really want to leave me.

 

I need all my strength to show her I mean it this time.

[quankanne]

frankly, dude, it sounds like a kind of emotional abuse she was inflicting on you. Because in a healthy marriage, mutual respect is what you strive for, even when you really just want to pinch the other person's head off for being a jerk (or in a's case, stab their tater-head with a fork). And it sounds like she didn't quite get that part about interpersonal relationships.

 

you need to document events or occasions of the abuse she heaped on you to build up a case for divorce. And the suggestion to hire a detective to check out what she's up to is a smart one as well, because you are going to need everything you can get your hands on to remove this poison from your life ...

[Gunny376]

I'm not going to say you couldn't do worse, although its hard for me to imagine at the moment ~ but I know damn well you could do better than her and "this".

 

Anything she's got to offer, you can find just as good as if not better, just as much of, if not more!

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. She told me it did not work with her spiritual guy in the meditation class because he thinks she is snobby and materialistic.

 

2. She speaks freely because in her mind it is completely my fault that she was attracted to that guy.

 

Classic affair moves. This girl is so predictable its frightening.

 

1. Hmmm... first things first. Is she or is she not still with the OM?

 

If she is: when a person is having an affair - and the other person suspects it, they will badmouth the OW/OM with things like: oh, he/she is gay, you have nothing to worry about. He/She is ugly, I'd never go for something like that.... etc. You get the picture. Pretty much anything to throw the betrayed spouse off the scent.

 

If she isn't: let's say it didn't work out - and given her attempt there at reconciliation with you, perhaps the OM told her from the bosom of his spiritual nature to f*ck off, and that's the reason it didn't 'work out'. Of course she is going to badmouth him, because he turned her down. Then she will come running back to you, because you are the safety net.

 

My guess? He told her to get bent, she tried to reconcile with you, then OM changed his mind and decided to go for it and now she wants out again.

 

2. Your fault, eh? You wouldn't be the first betrayed spouse to be accused of that, nor the last. It is in the "script". Blame the betrayed for your own shortfallings.

 

With less than a year under your belt with this girl you at least have a chance at annulment. Talk to a lawyer, and hire a PI. You'll be glad in the end that you did.

[Chrome Barracuda]

This morning I told her to check her email to learn about the minimal finance help I am giving her for the separation.

 

She started yelling, blaming me for everything. I told her that it was what she wanted for the last 3 weeks, so be happy because now her dreams will come true. She says crying that I have no heart. I told her that she is the one wanting to leave the marriage, so leave me alone. I am sick that I still have to cope with her for the next 2 weeks.

 

She told me it did not work with her spiritual guy in the meditation class because he thinks she is snobby and materialistic. She speaks freely because in her mind it is completely my fault that she was attracted to that guy.

 

The truth is we have been married only for 10 months (I said 2y earlier to remain anonymous). I never got the chance to buy her an engagement ring, we get the marriage certificate very fast so that she can stay in the US, I promised her I would offer her everything (ring, wedding party etc) after I pay off my huge student debt at the end of the year. She was fine with that. But 3 weeks ago, I understood that she wanted a ring. So I decided to go and buy it with her to show that I can correct my mistakes. But everytime I was about to buy it she said no it is not necessary anymore. I am sad because I really wanted to offer a ring, I just did not have the money at that time. She says I am the stingyest man alive.

 

I won't have much peace in the next 2 weeks, she will fight for more.

 

 

Good lord!!! it didnt work out with the spiritual guy??? WTF is that supposed to mean? So she cheated and attempted to step out on you. In her mind everything SHE does wrong is YOUR fault?!?! WTF#2!!!

And not accepting an engagement ring even after your married reeks of deviousness. WTF#3!!!

 

Yo partna, it's time to go. Please go contact a lawyer asap and get this sham of a marriage annulled.

 

Also you said she's not from this country?? Where is she from, you need to ship her ass back inside a big box and stamp return to sender!!

 

For what it's worth you didnt cause this to happen. I bet you she's gorgeous but something isnt right in her head. Dont carry her mental baggage for her, if she doesnt see that she's causing a problem. That's her problem not yours!!!

[notspiritual]

Chrome, you are right, she is very beautiful. She was a model when she was younger. I agree that there are many fishes in the see but there are very few gorgeous fishes in the see.

 

I want to help my wife, that is why I need to kick her out, I want her to learn to be financially self-sufficient.

 

We will negotiate the terms of our separation tonight. She is quiet because I promised to give her a little more if she leaves me alone before her moving out.

[sumdude]

Chrome, you are right, she is very beautiful. She was a model when she was younger. I agree that there are many fishes in the see but there are very few gorgeous fishes in the see.

 

I want to help my wife, that is why I need to kick her out, I want her to learn to be financially self-sufficient.

 

We will negotiate the terms of our separation tonight. She is quiet because I promised to give her a little more if she leaves me alone before her moving out.

 

Sure there are plenty of beautiful women in the world. Some of them are even beautiful on the inside too...

[Chrome Barracuda]

Sure there are plenty of beautiful women in the world. Some of them are even beautiful on the inside too...

 

Indeed.

 

lol.

[Moose]

I promised to give her a little more if she leaves me alone before her moving out.

First off......10 months of marriage doesn't constitute a settlement of ANY kind.....walk into the courthouse and get the thing annulled.....and put her on the curb.

 

She's obviously capable of using her looks as a skill to gain whatever she wants....she'll be just fine, don't let her fool you!

 

Secondly:

agree that there are many fishes in the see but there are very few gorgeous fishes in the see. & She is quiet because

Are you trying to pull something over on us? Someone who works on wall street earning 6 figures a year damn sure ought to spell sea and quite correctly???

[sumdude]

 

Secondly: Are you trying to pull something over on us? Someone who works on wall street earning 6 figures a year damn sure ought to spell sea and quite correctly???

 

Yo Moose... give the guy a break. He's originally from another country and english isn't his first language if you read the thread....

[notspiritual]

Oops just a typo . I saw it but it won't let me edit it. There are many foreigners on Wall-Street you know, Chineses, Indians, Koreans, French whose English is not their native language. English is my fifth language, so sometimes I make a typo.

 

Yes, I should just give her enough to move out but the problem is her family cannot help her.

[Moose]

Yes, I should just give her enough to move out but the problem is her family cannot help her.

IMO, that's NOT your problem.....

 

If you think for one second that she can't fend for herself, you're majorly off!

 

Liken her to a marine with full gear being dropped off in a hot zone......she'll come out with a new car and a fist full of $100.00s........

 

Wash your hands man!

[Lezbean]

Oops just a typo . I saw it but it won't let me edit it. There are many foreigners on Wall-Street you know, Chineses, Indians, Koreans, French whose English is not their native language. English is my fifth language, so sometimes I make a typo.

 

Yes, I should just give her enough to move out but the problem is her family cannot help her.

 

So, get her an apartment in HER name and then go and get your marriage annulled..... unless you like being used as a meal ticket.

 

How can you feel sorry for her after all the crap she has done and said?

 

Grow some manberrries and look after yourself. It's not like she was looking out for you at all!

 

After the marriage is annulled the INS can send her back home. You won't have to pay for it. After all, she USED you to stay here.

[Chrome Barracuda]

So, get her an apartment in HER name and then go and get your marriage annulled..... unless you like being used as a meal ticket.

 

How can you feel sorry for her after all the crap she has done and said?

 

Grow some manberrries and look after yourself. It's not like she was looking out for you at all!

 

After the marriage is annulled the INS can send her back home. You won't have to pay for it. After all, she USED you to stay here.

 

Indeed,

 

Ship her ass right to where she came from. It doesnt make sense you got to pay her for a divorce. You have the control. Do not negotiate, what they teach you down in wall street, remember to take the bull by the horns!!! control your own destiny, and your own life!

[notspiritual]

In fact, she is planning to flight back to our home country in 2 weeks and stay with her father or brother. So there is no need to find her a new apartment here.

 

She says she has lost all her social rights because she followed me to the US for so long. I know she doesn't deserve my help but, when you think about it, she never cheated on me (though she might have tried). She has been just a bit insane. Isn't it the job of a good husband to go beyond that?

[Moose]

She says she has lost all her social rights because she followed me to the US for so long.

She's just trying to make you feel guilty.....

I know she doesn't deserve my help but, when you think about it, she never cheated on me (though she might have tried).

She may not of gone through the act, but she did start the ball rolling. In my mind, (and many others), that's just as bad as if she had gone through with it.

She has been just a bit insane.

This is a red flag man....

Isn't it the job of a good husband to go beyond that?

No....it's not! You've only been married for 10 months and you're already dealing with her infidelity.

 

Get the marriage annulled......if you don't......and please don't take this wrong.....you're being a fool......

[Chrome Barracuda]

In fact, she is planning to flight back to our home country in 2 weeks and stay with her father or brother. So there is no need to find her a new apartment here.

 

She says she has lost all her social rights because she followed me to the US for so long. I know she doesn't deserve my help but, when you think about it, she never cheated on me (though she might have tried). She has been just a bit insane. Isn't it the job of a good husband to go beyond that?

 

Yeah it is, the vows said for better or for worse, which is true. But since when are you responsible for her mental issues when they bring harm to you?

 

She might have tried to cheat, you arent sure about that, but that besides the point. You arent responsible for her mental well being, period. Especially when they hurt you. It's like if you marry a drug addict are you gonna be responsible for keeping her off crack? Or is that a persoanl decision that she has to do on her own?

 

Just take fact in the knowledge that you have done your best and she's the one with the issues. She needs to fix herself. You cannot fix them for her.

 

I wouldnt stay with a woman so intrinsicnally flawed in her mindstate. I been through that before I aint going through that again. But that's just me.

[sb129]

Sure there are plenty of beautiful women in the world. Some of them are even beautiful on the inside too...

 

Yup.k Just because it looks pretty doesn't mean it isn't poisonous- take mistletoe as an example.

 

She has been just a bit insane.

 

A LITTLE bit????

 

NS- you are still making excuses for your wifes APPALLING behaviour.

 

Forget being a good H, SHE is not being a good WIFE.

 

Please cancel her flight back to the US. If she stays in her home country, you will both be much happier I am sure.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yup.k Just because it looks pretty doesn't mean it isn't poisonous- take mistletoe as an example.

 

 

 

A LITTLE bit????

 

NS- you are still making excuses for your wifes APPALLING behaviour.

 

Forget being a good H, SHE is not being a good WIFE.

 

Please cancel her flight back to the US. If she stays in her home country, you will both be much happier I am sure.

 

LMAO!!! that be funny when she get's to board on the plane back the flight attendeant cancels her ticket saying it is null and void. Man she would be pissed. !!!!

[notspiritual]

that my wife thinks I used her and then get rid of her because I don't need her anymore now that I have a career. True, I once said I don't need her anymore but it was when I was very angry and don't even remembered when and in what context I said that. She has been using that line all the time in our fights.

 

If she knew that my true desire was to give her everything, to help her have a good career, to protect her financially from everything. I don't know what she is telling her friends but she says they think I am a monster. I remained with her all that time, doesn't that mean that I really loved her? Action speaks louder than words. She said I did not have the courage to break up, so I mistreated her so that she had to break up.

 

Mistreating was: me studying like a crazy for my exams, being busy with job interviews, playing video games, not letting her chose the movies we would go to see, not letting her have english class when I was completely broke and still a student.

 

Anyway, we agreed on the terms of the written separation agreement. In NYC, you need a serious ground to get divorced. So we opted for uncontested divorce with one year of separation. She wont end up in the street, but she seriously needs to find a job within the next 6 months if she wants to survive.

 

I am sad to see her in that situation but it is the only way she will appreciate all I did for her. I know she was not with me for the money because when we met I had nothing but dreams. I wanted to share my dreams with her and we almost made it. We were the perfect couple, everyone was jaleous of our happiness.

[notspiritual]

What the hell, I will pay for her trip to Asia as promised, 3000 usd does not mean **** to me, but the trip to see her Grand-Mother means so much to her.

 

I am a failure. I failed to help her become financially responsible. I am one of those guys who focused too much on the wrong thing (money) and neglected the essential (love). I hope people who bothered reading my thread will not make the same mistake.

[annabelle75]

Why is it your responsibility to make her financially responsible?

 

It makes me sad to see you blaming yourself for her actions. It seems she has really messed with your head over the short time you have been married. I'm thinking you might want to speak to some sort of couselor. I'm afraid that posting here isn't giving you the support and encourgament that you need. Do you have any close friends that you have been confiding in? You really need a support system right now to help you see the truth about what is happening with her. I wish I could be of more help.

[Gunny376]

What the hell, I will pay for her trip to Asia as promised, 3000 usd does not mean **** to me, but the trip to see her Grand-Mother means so much to her.

 

I am a failure. I failed to help her become financially responsible. I am one of those guys who focused too much on the wrong thing (money) and neglected the essential (love). I hope people who bothered reading my thread will not make the same mistake.

 

 

Let me tell you one thing right here! And right now!

 

There's no room for "pity parties" around here! You got that! Got it? Don't forget it!

 

You did what you did, you said what you said ~ she did the same!

 

We can sit around here all night talking about ~ she could have, he should have, he could have, she should have and that's not going to get us anywhere!

 

"If" grasshoppers had Colt .45's (I'm not talking beer, here!) crows wouldn't f**K with them!"

[sb129]

What the hell, I will pay for her trip to Asia as promised, 3000 usd does not mean **** to me, but the trip to see her Grand-Mother means so much to her.

 

I am a failure. I failed to help her become financially responsible. I am one of those guys who focused too much on the wrong thing (money) and neglected the essential (love). I hope people who bothered reading my thread will not make the same mistake.

 

I agree with Annabelle!

 

The minute you start taking responsibilities for other peoples actions is the minute you put the weight of the world on your own shoulders.

 

Your W is her own person. She is JUST as much to blame for the marriage breakdown as you are, if not more.

You cannot blame yourself for the terrible things SHE said to YOU.

 

You need to look out for yourself, and stop letting this woman manipulate you into feeling this way.

 

OK, send her to Asia.

 

But once that is done, you need to stop her sponging off you. Agree on a monthly allowance and stick to it. Not a penny more.

 

She has abused your trust and generosity, and you are separating. Its time for it to stop.

 

I am genuinely sorry you feel so bad, its totally normal to feel this way when a R ends. You will recover, and you will get over it with time. It may not feel like it right nowm but you will. And you may even find happiness with a woman who is more suited to you.

But you must not blame yourself.

 

It taked two to tango my friend.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Man the hell up as gunny would say!!! You didnt fail her, the marriage is over because she failed to be your wife!!! You are not fianancially obligated to help her in anyways. As soon as that LSA decree comes down from the judge. you dont owe her S*it!!!

 

She's the one with the issues and she's trying to make you feel guilty because of her actions. She attempting to twist it on you. Dont listen to her BS. It's not your fault. You did everything you could. It sounds to me like she's the one with the problems.

 

Man UP!!!

 

Stop being a doormat. Take the bull by the horns!!!