Author notspiritual Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 I told her that I will not finance her 1 month trip to Spain with the religious group. She would be far away from me, alone with her male practitioners . She replied: as usual, you never keep your promises! I also promised long time ago I would finance another 1 month trip to Asia so she can see her sick grand-mother this year. I am enclined to keep my promises on this one, I have too much compassion for her grand-mother. I told her she should wake up earlier every morning (she always wakes up at 11 am, then meditate for 1 hour and start her day at noon) to work on her entrance exams for university. I am trying to regain control but it is not easy because I have to break some promises. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 She is trying to get money from friends and family. It seems that she is not in very good terms with them. The other day she said to her friend she would never lower herself to work in some menial tasks. Her friend is doing baby-sittting, that was very insulting. At home, I told her she should never despise any kind of jobs, every job is noble because it brings food on the table. I said I admire more someone who picks up dog **** for a living than someone sleeping all day like she does. I pushed her to study her entrance exams. She said why do I have to so so much effort to be with a non spiritual like me. I told her, as far as I am concerned she can stop. She study for herself, not for me. If she wants to travel in the future, she better study and get a job because I won't finance any travel anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 God, leave this woman I implore you!!! lol. Did she actually say that stuff about having a job??? What kind of world does she live in? Everything costs money, car insurance, car gas, electricity, transportation, books, cable. What the hell??? She does sound like a little kid. If you dont have a child I think you should rethink your whole marriage and weigh the pro's and cons because this isnt what a marriage should be. Have you guys gone into MC, how old is everyone? does she have daddy issues cause that what it looks like to me. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 good to hear that you're standing up to her. Maybe this is the time to get right in her face and ask her what she wants – be married and work on your relationship, or continue to be an abuser, using you for money, for support, etc. I know this is not the way to handle a marriage, but I think you've already hit the point of no return when she started being disrespectful of you and y'alls marriage. it's hard admitting when it's quitting time, especially when we've got so much invested in that job, that project, that relationship, but it's not being dishonorable to want to maintain your dignity, and having to walk away from someone or something to do that ... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 1. 2 weeks ago, she said she wanted to leave me: “I don’t love you anymore”, “You don’t deserve me”, “You are not spiritual enough. 2. So she wants to live on her own and meet someone more spiritual... I am also learning that there is another meditation session at the apartment of one of the male member. 3. she started to revert her behaviors. One night, she came with new bought lingerie (she was gorgeous) to seduce me again and say she wants to stay with me. I was happy she changed her mind. 4. Now she wants me to give up my career and move with her to London. She also wants to borrow 30k from me to pursue graduate studies. I picked out a few things here that stood out for me. I wouldn't be so quick to blame the cult and think that's the only reason she is backing out on you. These behaviors I'm seeing are classic affair behaviors, and the whole cult thing is the big old gaslight keeping you from seeing what is really going on. 1. Classic lines from people who are either at the cusp of cheating, or already have. 2. Its either this guy she is with, or someone who meets at that guy's house. I expect that is why you are being shut out, not because of any particular desire on the cult in general to keep you out. The key thing here: who told you to stay away - her or the cult leader? If she is the one telling you this, then be wary. 3. Again, this happens when people have affairs - perhaps the guy told her he was uncomfortable being involved with her and she backpedaled when she saw that she could lose both her cake and her ability to eat it too. 4. Anyone else moving to London that she would have reason to want to follow there? Sounds like she wants to get together some cash before she bails on you. Honestly? You have the funds, so at this point I'd be seeing a lawywer and hiring a good PI to find out what is really going on. Women don't leave secure marriages that aren't that bad for "spiritual" reasons. They leave them because they found someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I told her that I will not finance her 1 month trip to Spain with the religious group. She would be far away from me, alone with her male practitioners . She replied: as usual, you never keep your promises! I also promised long time ago I would finance another 1 month trip to Asia so she can see her sick grand-mother this year. I am enclined to keep my promises on this one, I have too much compassion for her grand-mother. I told her she should wake up earlier every morning (she always wakes up at 11 am, then meditate for 1 hour and start her day at noon) to work on her entrance exams for university. I am trying to regain control but it is not easy because I have to break some promises. Leave her and marry me !!! Please !!!!! I would love to be able to be spiteful and cruel to some one and still have them support me financially and send me on trips to visit my family. You've reached a point where this is becoming your fault. As long as you enable her, she will continue to do it and you have no one to blame but yourself. I'm having a hard time being very sympathetic as long as you keep supporting her. You need to kick her out. Her spiritual friends can take care of her now. YOU DESERVE BETTER !!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I told her that I will not finance her 1 month trip to Spain with the religious group. She would be far away from me, alone with her male practitioners . She replied: as usual, you never keep your promises! I also promised long time ago I would finance another 1 month trip to Asia so she can see her sick grand-mother this year. I am enclined to keep my promises on this one, I have too much compassion for her grand-mother. Hell yea! I'd finance her way to Spain, Japan, China, Bumf*** Egypt wherever ~ whatever on the first thing "smokin'" out of town! Thing is? It'd be a one way ticket! You've got a bad case of NGS ~ Nice Guy Syndrone! Guys with NGS get used and abused by women ~ and women don't respect men with NGS. I'm not saying do a 180 and become a jerk, but I am saying its time for you to man up. You've been so busy studying business and finance and climbing up the food chain that you've not studied what works and doesn't work with women. Being a nice guy doesn't work. Being a man does. Men aren't women ~ and women aren't men. Women are constantly testing you! To see if you're a man or not. They're like VC (Viet Cong) always testing your perimeter for weaknesses to exploit. I've been easy with you so far ~ but when your woman comes home talking about how great some other guy is? Be it a preacher, guru etc while putting you down for any and every little thing? Dude! She's either scroggin the guy or she's seriously wanting to. All this "spirituality" BS is just another version of "fog talk" You want this marriage? There's one way and one way only! Put her azz to the curb with her hat in her hand! Check out this tread! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95838/?highlight=wolfe Quit procrastinating in doing what you know you have to do to get this right! Procrastination is like masturbation ~ its only a question of time before you realize your just screwing yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
mammax3 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 "Procrastination is like masturbation ~ its only a question of time before you realize your just screwing yourself!" :lmao: That's hilarious! It's scary tho, I totally understand the procrastination angle! But I agree with everyone else too, Ns, she doesn't deserve you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Procrastination is like masturbation ~ its only a question of time before you realize your just screwing yourself! You're right, Mamma... that's GOT to be the quote of the day~!!! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 Thank you everyone for your input. I got Xuma’s e-book, I will start to read it. There are moments I want to finance her trips but I remain firm on my decisions to not pay for her trips even if I look like a jerk for not keeping my promises. The spiritual thing might well just be an excuse but I don’t think that she has someone else. I think she has just met some other guys in her meditation class she was attracted to. It is funny how she justified her attraction; she says you were cheating on me with your video games. I decided that for now I still want to keep the marriage but on my own terms. Take it or leave it. You think being nice is what will make her happy but since I have refused to pay for her trips, she seems to be nicer with me (cooking me a nice meal). Maybe she just wants to manipulate me in paying for her trips because she has difficulty to borrow the money from her family. She told me, now I will have to work to find the money for my trips and be treated like a dog. She got a job 1 month ago (baby-sitting) but she quit after 1 day, she did not like how she was treated. She complains she made a sacrifice to come to the US to end up doing menial tasks. I was thinking in my head that would be a good lesson for her. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Thank you everyone for your input. I got Xuma’s e-book, I will start to read it. You think being nice is what will make her happy but since I have refused to pay for her trips, she seems to be nicer with me (cooking me a nice meal). Xuma has a pretty good approach. Bottom line being that regardless of what has happened in the last 50 years as far as women become more indepandent or how men are supposed to be more sensitive etc. You can't discount the millions of years of evolution. Women still want a strong man who won't take any crap from anyone, especially women. Look at the number of women who stay with men no matter how poorly they are treated? There's such a thing as being too nice or loving someone too much. This is not logical but it is often true. This doesn't mean being some kind of heartless brute. It does not mean being emotionless, in fact it's a plus to be able to read and understand emotions. But you must not be the weaker side of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Glad to hear you've got the book. In it, its not so much about being in control of her or the relationship ~ its about being in control of yourself, your life, and your emotions and not being contorlled by them. That with or without her ~ your life will go on as it was meant and destined to be. In a relationship the one that cares the least ~ controls the relationship ~ ummmm that wouldn't be you. Not trying to hurt your feelings there, just saying the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 You definitely do not want to bury your head in the sand at this point. I'm telling you, you will want to seriously consider hiring a PI. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 1, 2007 Author Share Posted May 1, 2007 I keep arguing with my wife and always manage to piss her off with my reasoning, i think it is fine as long as I am not insulting. I have decided that I will never ever let any women make me suffer again. Amazingly, the more I piss her off, the nicer she is (after the heat is gone). She keeps ironing my shirts, and cooking nice meals without me asking for it. When we argue with each other, she claims she is leaving but one hour later, she is planning which movie we should see next week. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Get her to a Dr ~ she sounds as though she's bi-polar and needs to be on medication. I'm being seirious here my Man. Link to post Share on other sites
Lezbean Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I would get out of this marriage NOW. My fiancee was married to a woman like her for 9 years. She was 29 when they got married and only had a high school diploma. She refused to work during the marriage and then divorced him at 9 years. She took him to court and now he gets to pay $4,800 a month for 5 years so she can go to school. (Only 3 more years to go - woo hooo) But it has been extremely hard on him financially and emotionally because she is always there with her hand out like he OWES it to her. Your wife sound like she feel entitled and is very ungrateful. There are women out there who will treat you like a God! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lezbean Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Glad to hear you've got the book. In it, its not so much about being in control of her or the relationship ~ its about being in control of yourself, your life, and your emotions and not being contorlled by them. That with or without her ~ your life will go on as it was meant and destined to be. In a relationship the one that cares the least ~ controls the relationship ~ ummmm that wouldn't be you. Not trying to hurt your feelings there, just saying the way it is. She sounds like an immature manipulator who was tying to bully him into getting her way. She sounds like a selfish a-hole that plays games. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Quick tip: Don't get her pregnant!!! Divorce Divorce Divorce. Get your ducks in a row and get an attorney. There are plenty of good women out there if you decide you want a R. You don't need to hold onto this one. She is not your responsibility....... let her go meditate with the rest of the cult. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 She sounds like an immature manipulator who was tying to bully him into getting her way. She sounds like a selfish a-hole that plays games. I think she's bi-polar with a side of OCD. If it were me I'd drop her like a bad habit. Not because of her mental and emotional issues ~ but because she's not doing anything to manage them. If she this bad at such a young age it will only get worse with time. To the OP you need to read CC's (Crying Canuk's) 23 years of Hell thread! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I know this is serious...but I couldn't help smiling at: Don't get her pregnant! Let her go meditate with the rest! Run! They're all GOOD advices!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Stack your paper, get your mind right and bounce?!? Why are you putting up with this bull****??? You need to live your life if she's out having an affair you need to find out, keylogger and PI. Do whatever it takes to prove the truth and then when you have it, you can make an informed decision. Trust me you dont need a woman using you for money. You already got enough to deal with at work. But if something is going on with her than you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Yo she wants you to give up your career where you make over 150k???!!? is she smoking crack?? God doesnt pay the bills! Hard work and tenacity pays the bills. If I was in your shoes I'd run. All things considered she does not understand how the real world works. Look at all these preachers and reverend's and church guru's they spout off all these things like spirituality, believing in christ, and being true to spirit. but yet they the most richest hypocritical bastards ever to put on a sacrimonial robe. k. Love it. great words. Sadly they are true in this case. OP- get rid of your wife, she is bleeding you dry. Link to post Share on other sites
Lezbean Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Love it. great words. Sadly they are true in this case. OP- get rid of your wife, she is bleeding you dry. Word! And the longer you stay, the more the freeloading, ingrate is "entitled" to. Do you really want to pay the next 5 years to keep her self-entitled, greedy, free loading ingrate in the "life style" she has become accustom to? Read my previous post. The longer you stay, the more she gets to gouge you. She doesn't want the marriage. She has made it VERY CLEAR. Stop playing her stupid manipultive games and GET OUT WHILE THE GETTINS GOOD!!! I'd call a lawyer tomorrow if I were you. LOL can you imagine the look on her face when she sees you are dead serious about not playing her games. Call her bluff! Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 1, 2007 Author Share Posted May 1, 2007 I hear you all, but i want to give the relationship a few more weeks to see if I can help her become more responsible. I really appreciate all your comments because I have a strong tendency to forget and forgive. When I give, I do not expect anyone to be thankful for it, I give without strings attached. I will stop giving her that much, not because she has not been thankful but because I just don't feel like giving too much anymore. Funny, she says I am giving you another chance. She does not know that I am really the one giving her a second chance. I will try to find out if she has an affair but I think it was just bluff and anger talks. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Well if that's the case about giving freely how about giving me 10k to get a car. that would be nice. lol:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
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