Ladyjane14 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I laughed at some of the replies... I know this is serious...but I couldn't help smiling at: Don't get her pregnant! Let her go meditate with the rest! Run! They're all GOOD advices!!! How nice for you that this man's painful and confusing situation could provide you with a few laughs. I'm sure it just means the WORLD to him that he could entertain you. :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I hear you all, but i want to give the relationship a few more weeks to see if I can help her become more responsible. Just bear in mind that you can't change anybody but you. You can't make anyone else's choices FOR them. All you can do is set up parameters in which the array of choices available becomes clearer for the wayward. Funny, she says I am giving you another chance. She does not know that I am really the one giving her a second chance. Maybe it would help her to clarify her choices a little better if she knew that. (????) It's not always a good thing to avoid conflict, you know. Facing conflict helps us to resolve problems. So yeah, if you lay this out for her as YOU giving HER another chance... she's NOT gonna like hearing that. But at the minimum, she'll know in advance that her choices will have consequences. Who knows, that little tidbit of knowledge might give her some impetus to get in the game. That is, AFTER the dust settles. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 1, 2007 Author Share Posted May 1, 2007 How nice for you that this man's painful and confusing situation could provide you with a few laughs. I'm sure it just means the WORLD to him that he could entertain you. :rolleyes: => I don't mind, I have a good sense of humour. Yesterday, one of my co-worker announced she was pregnant, she asked me, so when is your turn? I replied jokingly, I am not interested I don't want to pay an alimony. At home I repeated the joke to my wife, she was mad. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 How nice for you that this man's painful and confusing situation could provide you with a few laughs. I'm sure it just means the WORLD to him that he could entertain you. :rolleyes: => I don't mind, I have a good sense of humour. So do I. In fact, I've refrained from quite a number of humorous comments just today... primarily directed at TROLLS. I'm not laughing right now though. I don't find anything even remotely funny about a guy's wife flaking out on him, leaving said guy bemused and trying to formulate a plan for dealing with it. Yesterday, one of my co-worker announced she was pregnant, she asked me, so when is your turn? I replied jokingly, I am not interested I don't want to pay an alimony. At home I repeated the joke to my wife, she was mad. What did you say to her after she got mad? Did you tell her 'why' you think parenting together right now is a bad plan? ... Or did you try to smooth her over? If you tried to smooth her over, this is probably one of those times when "facing the conflict" might have served you better. She NEEDS to know how you feel, even when she thinks she doesn't want to hear it. This is all data that goes into her 'decision-making computer'. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 How nice for you that this man's painful and confusing situation could provide you with a few laughs. I'm sure it just means the WORLD to him that he could entertain you. :rolleyes: => I don't mind, I have a good sense of humour. Yesterday, one of my co-worker announced she was pregnant, she asked me, so when is your turn? I replied jokingly, I am not interested I don't want to pay an alimony. At home I repeated the joke to my wife, she was mad. LMAO!!! Alimony or child support. I'd say keep your love juices safe, you dont want to have babies with a woman like this, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 I hear you all, but i want to give the relationship a few more weeks to see if I can help her become more responsible. The best predititor of furture behavior ~ is past behavior! Kick this woman to the street! When you've got them by the b****, they're hearts and minds will follow! Link to post Share on other sites
Wedded25 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 What's the name of the cult/belief in question? You might be able to find more info on the following fine databases and forums: Freedom of Mind Rick Ross Institute Skeptic's Dictionary Cultic Studies Journal James Randi's Encyclopedia of Claims, Frauds, and Hoaxes of the Occult and Supernatural James Randi Educational Foundation/SWIFT online (can be searched -- see upper right corner of home page) Non-Abrahamic Religion & Philosophy forum at Internet Infidels (requires registration to post or use search function, but can be browsed freely) Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 LJ, the reason she got mad is because everyone will now suspect that there is a problem in our couple!!!! I don't get it, doesn't she always say that she wants to leave me? I was supposed to get into the meditation class tomorrow, but she shut me off. The email of the instructor agreed to welcome me for one class but she does not want me to come. I said, I have the right to know where my wife is going just for safety reason. Then she said, you don't have to, I am leaving you and going back to our home country in 2 weeks. I told her that is her choice. I need to stick with her choice at least during 2 weeks to show her that I am not kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 I don't want to give the name of the religious group as I want to infiltrate it. But sincerly, I don't think it is a dangereous one. The guru was accused to be a sexual abuser but nothing was proved. Also there are millions of followers and it is not recognized as a sect. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 This is just getting pathetic. Why have you not yet kicked her out? My god man... have some self respect, you're a whining doormat and she is wiping her faeces covered shoes all over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 This is just getting pathetic. Why have you not yet kicked her out? My god man... have some self respect, you're a whining doormat and she is wiping her faeces covered shoes all over you. That's un-called for! Tony? Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 The man needs some tough love Gunny. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 We're giving hin nothing "but" Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 The man needs some tough love Gunny. I see your point! We"re on target! Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 I just can't sleep, so I decided I'd post something. I need to stick with separation/divorce even if she attempts a reconciliation, 2 more weeks and she is out. I know there is no other choice if I want to keep my mental sanity. She needs to face the consequences of her choices. I am so mentally and emotionnally exhausted that I would not have the energy to save the marriage even if I wanted too. The first time she wanted to leave, I aknowledged my mistakes, I was indeed too much in my career and video games bubble. But I corrected them, stopping video games and being there for her. I explained that I was so stressed by the studies, the career and the challenge that I neglected her. 3 weeks ago, I begged her to stay with me. All the career effort I made was ultimately for us. She replied heartlessly, I am sorry but I cannot bear your misery. Today, I am thinking I cannot bear her anymore. She'll just get my minimum financial help to get out, nothing more, because I am a decent guy. It also appears that her other girlfriend who was ready to finance her meditation trip, changed her mind when she learned about my wife's interest in some other spiritual guy, reminding her that it is not fair for me who was here to help her have a great career. So she managed to borrow money from her gay brother that she insulted 'you are a girl'. Her grand-mother is sick, it is her family's responsibility to finance the visits to Asia, not mine. I promised to pay the trip to a loving wife, not to a bitch, so I did not really break my promise for not paying for the trip anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 That's great that your finally putting your foot done and doing what needs to be done. I wouldnt finance her either. She needs to take responsibility for her own life. It's sad but you dont need to be her meal ticket, anymore. You'll find another woman who is older, sexier, mentally stable and more financially secure and straight. Trust me on this one. Keep working your ass off and doing what you were meant to do. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 I was supposed to get into the meditation class tomorrow, but she shut me off. The email of the instructor agreed to welcome me for one class but she does not want me to come. I don't expect she does. That should tell you what you need to know. She has admitted attraction. She is hiding things from you and lying. She has given you the "I don't love you anymore" speech. She is threatening to leave. She is avoiding having you around where this other guy is. She had plans to leave with him for a month on a "spiritual trip". Even her FRIENDS know about this other guy, and her interest in him. I am telling you - if she hasn't already started the affair, its right there getting ready to happen. Seriously. You have the funds. You have given yourself two weeks - don't spend those two weeks sitting there hoping for a miracle. Take the next two weeks to hire a PI and get the truth. You need to find out the truth, even if you don't want to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 I need to stick with separation/divorce even if she attempts a reconciliation, 2 more weeks and she is out. I know there is no other choice if I want to keep my mental sanity. She needs to face the consequences of her choices. If it helps you any... I think you're probably making the right choice. Even if it were to turn out that she's not cheating... (and when you sum it up as LB has, it looks kind of doubtful.) ... she still seems to be a very dictatorial and ungrateful personality. Some people will put greater priority on "spiritual" matters, that's true enough. But if the "cult" that she's involved herself with does NOT prioritize marriage and partnership, then that sort of takes successful marriage off the table, doesn't it? She's certainly not showing any desire to prioritize her partner... and without that, you just don't have much to work with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 This morning I told her to check her email to learn about the minimal finance help I am giving her for the separation. She started yelling, blaming me for everything. I told her that it was what she wanted for the last 3 weeks, so be happy because now her dreams will come true. She says crying that I have no heart. I told her that she is the one wanting to leave the marriage, so leave me alone. I am sick that I still have to cope with her for the next 2 weeks. She told me it did not work with her spiritual guy in the meditation class because he thinks she is snobby and materialistic. She speaks freely because in her mind it is completely my fault that she was attracted to that guy. The truth is we have been married only for 10 months (I said 2y earlier to remain anonymous). I never got the chance to buy her an engagement ring, we get the marriage certificate very fast so that she can stay in the US, I promised her I would offer her everything (ring, wedding party etc) after I pay off my huge student debt at the end of the year. She was fine with that. But 3 weeks ago, I understood that she wanted a ring. So I decided to go and buy it with her to show that I can correct my mistakes. But everytime I was about to buy it she said no it is not necessary anymore. I am sad because I really wanted to offer a ring, I just did not have the money at that time. She says I am the stingyest man alive. I won't have much peace in the next 2 weeks, she will fight for more. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 TI am sad because I really wanted to offer a ring, I just did not have the money at that time. It sounds like you're feeling guilty because you made a promise and haven't had the opportunity to keep it. But hey... she made some promises too, didn't she? These should still be fresh in her mind too after only ten months of marriage, and I very much doubt that 'fooling around with her "spiritual" instructor' was in keeping with the promises she made. Being a good financial planner does NOT make you a "stingy" person, you know. And an engagement ring, or lack thereof, should NOT be a deal-breaker which threatens the marriage. I won't have much peace in the next 2 weeks, she will fight for more. You don't have to engage her. She's likely to want to start arguments. All you need to do is to NOT interact with her during those times. Excuse yourself from the room. Take a walk. Go out for coffee. Whatever. You're not obligated to stand toe-to-toe with her and listen to her mouth run. The Dr. Philism applies... "You teach people how to treat you". I'd expect that after the third of fourth time you walk away from her while she's in mid-tirade... she'll learn to keep her tone civil if she wants to be heard. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Prepare for a rollercoaster ride. She is going to swing from angry to ass kissing. She only wants what you can give her. This is not about a relationship, this is about you giving her what she wants FOR HER! NOT FOR BOTH OF YOU! Don't fall for her guilt trips anymore. Look at the reality of the situation, don't think about the fantasy of a M with her. Plenty of fish in the sea, don't waste your time with her. Stay tough! Start planning your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 If all what you've done for her ~ makes her happy ~ why the Hell is she so sad? At the very least she's not fully invested into the marriage ~ relationshp. She's been using you from day one. To get and stay in the US, to put a roof over her head, clothes on her back, food in her mouth. I'm just going to be dead serious about it ~ all you are to her is a meal ticket, and that should really p*** you off! She's been playing and using you from the git-go. You can't dump this loser, user and abuser fast enough! Link to post Share on other sites
Author notspiritual Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 The goal of her religion is to reach enlightment. To reach enlightment you need to become unattached to all things in the samsara (our world). A husband is just a companion in this life and must not be the priority. I am an obstacle to her devotion. She cannot become vegetarian because I am not a vegetarian. Each time I eat meat, she is tempted to do the same. But I did decrease my meat consumption a lot. I did read at least 10 books on her religion, i like the philosophy but I currently don't want to waste time in a temple as long as I can learn it from books. She thinks that praying does help her sick grand-mother. I think that dollars do pay for her medical services. So we don't really agree on the method for showing compassion. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 :lmao: :lmao: I am a vegetarian of well over 20 years - but not part of some damn cult. My H is not, I don't feel the need to pick up a big mac when I see other people do so. She is blaming you for every damn thing in her life..... Are you going to lose this user or what? Being angry may help, but what is your plan to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Don't chase something you've got zero chance of catching! Link to post Share on other sites
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