Bachelor Party Woes

[Salicious Crumb]

"

Excuse me, but may I please have a chance to defend my narrow-mindedness?? I can understand how you may have come to this conclusion, given my comment in the context of the post. But let me stress that my hatred for other women has not arisen solely due to the whole SC fiasco and my feelings towards strippers. I dislike and distrust females because of the consistent and highly unpleasant experiences i've had with other women over the years.

 

Oh dont misunderstand me sweetheart....I tend to agree with you. There are alot of women on this site, and men too, that think it is absolutely justified when they sleep with another woman's husband. Yes, the husband is the main culprit...but that doesn't make the OW any less despicable.

[Salicious Crumb]

Why do you guys think it 'gets my rocks off' to dance with another chick or to goto a strip club? Ever think that people can do such things without any other intentions?

 

Again...we are not just talking about dancing. What intentions are there for rubbing your privates up against someone elses with the express intent of those two nether regions coming in contact?

 

All I am saying is that she could have just made an innocent mistake and got caught up in the moment.

 

And thats fine...I just don't have to be the one to live with her "mistakes".

And I haven't seen a girl/woman yet that dances like she was doing with this guy that is trustworthy. And no it wasn't just dancing...you didn't see what I saw...and apparantly my friends thought it was out of line as well...otherwise my one friend wouldn't have grabbed my chin and turned my head towards the dancefloor.

 

 

You could have lost out on a great gal by ditching her as fast as you did.

 

Nothing great about a girl you thought respected you rubbing her ass and cunt all over another guy's dick.

[Salicious Crumb]

All I am saying is that she could have just made an innocent mistake and got caught up in the moment..

 

And if she is the type that gets "caught up in the moment"...then she's definitely the type to cheat.

[Salicious Crumb]

Well I have yet to meet one who doesn't regard these things as his god-given right.

 

In my life I have been to one SC...it was when I was single and not attached to anyone at a friend's bachelor party. I didn't really agree with it, but went anyway.

 

I can tell you ...I have no use for SCs and never will.

 

Besides...what is the point of paying a woman to rub her tits in your face?

Am I to be under an illusion that she is doing it because she wants me?

And that makes men who pay for that to be done about as dumb as you can get.

[GreenEyedLady]

No **** sherlock. I'm the first to admit that that's where my hostility stems from, and i'm certainly not ashamed of it. Deep down I'd love to be able to do that, or have the option to do it because I could use the massive boost to my self-esteem. How good would it be if i could wake up tomorrow and saunter into work, take off my clothes and have men gawk in amazement at my beauty and throw money and affection at me just because of my looks?? Because the issue has affected, and still continues to affect me very deeply. I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me (my SO) over this, and I still can't come to terms with it. The whole nightmare situation is still unresolved, in my mind, and not being able to find closure is doing my head in. Yes, I may expend a lot of energy on the subject - I'm a passionate person and I feel things very deeply. So sue me.

 

You know Carbine, I remember your story...and no, MEN have not taught you valuable lessons, unless you believe that being hurt and abused is a valuable lesson...

 

And as for women teaching you to have low self-esteem, that's something that you teach YOURSELF...and quite frankly the way you responded to me was quite rude when I was trying to help you...if you respond to other females in this manner in your daily life, it's no wonder you don't have any friends...in order to have a friend, you have to BE a friend first...

 

You very much have a victim mentality and people you meet will be able to tell that...instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you really need to improve what you can so you can feel better and attract better men to you who you'll be compatible with...as I said not EVERY man is into SC's...and your SO was NOT NICE to you at all...you are better off without him...one day, I hope you see that...

 

Peace...

[Ladyjane14]

And as for women teaching you to have low self-esteem, that's something that you teach YOURSELF...and quite frankly the way you responded to me was quite rude when I was trying to help you...if you respond to other females in this manner in your daily life, it's no wonder you don't have any friends...in order to have a friend, you have to BE a friend first...

 

You very much have a victim mentality and people you meet will be able to tell that...instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you really need to improve what you can so you can feel better and attract better men to you who you'll be compatible with...as I said not EVERY man is into SC's...and your SO was NOT NICE to you at all...you are better off without him...one day, I hope you see that...

 

Peace...

 

Agreed.

 

Carbine... there's no reason to be smarmy with GEL. She's gone out of her way to be kind to you, giving of her time and sharing her thoughts. You know, sometimes when a person finds that they're having trouble getting along with others.... it's really because they're not getting along with themselves.

 

You gotta get right with yourself. NOTHING is going to fall into place for you until you do.

[Carbine]

You know Carbine, I remember your story...and no, MEN have not taught you valuable lessons, unless you believe that being hurt and abused is a valuable lesson...

 

Ok, fair call. Yes, what you say is true, men have contributed to my being hurt in that way. But my lack of self-esteem was primarily brought about by all the bullying I copped as a child - bullying that mainly came from females. Moreover, my mother's f**ked-up attitude and lack of self-worth made things worse. I guess this created the perfect breeding ground for someone with chronically low self-esteem such as myself. Obviously, some of the treatment I've received from men in regards to my looks hasn't made things any better, but I don't think these were the cause of things. Anyway, when I mentioned the valuable things men have taught me, I was referring to things like the lasting friendships and support I've received from male friends, fair and equitable treatment, as well as recognition in the workplace from male superiors, and respect, motivation and encouragement from guys at university. When I look back on past relationships (be they friendship, academic or professional) I can honestly say that it is the men i've known who have helped me to solve my problems and get from A to B with the least fuss. When dealing with females, the path from A to B has been shrouded with ulterior motives, politically-driven nonsense, as well as conflicting and overriding emotions.

 

And as for women teaching you to have low self-esteem, that's something that you teach YOURSELF...and quite frankly the way you responded to me was quite rude when I was trying to help you...if you respond to other females in this manner in your daily life, it's no wonder you don't have any friends...in order to have a friend, you have to BE a friend first...

 

I'm not certain who teaches who to have low self-esteem, but I don't think the blame lies with one party. Yes, I have contributed to my current situation, but so have other women. Over many years, I have been subject to brutal emotional/mental abuse, manipulation and unfair treatment by many women, some of whom were jealous of my looks and some of who ridiculed me for my appearance, amongst other things. When it keeps happening over the long term it has a pretty severe effect.

 

Sorry for my rudeness, I didn't actually interpret your post as your trying to help me. I guess I just felt annoyed that you made a point of highlighting the root of my hostility, when I've stated a million times over where it comes from. It made me feel that I was being accused of lying, or being evasive or something. Further, I just felt that the other things you asked/told me were way off the mark in regards to my own personal issues with strippers, thus not really providing me with any assistance.

 

I really couldn't care less about the lack of female friends in my life. No, i'm not blatantly rude or offensive to every other female i cross paths with in my daily life, but I AM on my guard. I've tried to be a friend to other women in the past and they just end up ****ting in my face before a real friendship has even had the chance to develop, and most of the time I'm clueless as to why. Despite my numerous faults, I will say this for myself - I'm a very honest, loyal and passionate person by nature which is hardly a hindrance to a developing friendship. But experience has taught me that my so-called female friends will use these things against me.

 

You very much have a victim mentality and people you meet will be able to tell that...instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you really need to improve what you can so you can feel better and attract better men to you who you'll be compatible with...as I said not EVERY man is into SC's...and your SO was NOT NICE to you at all...you are better off without him...one day, I hope you see that...

 

Peace...

 

*Sigh* a victim mentality? I have no such thing. As previously stated, I feel that my circumstances are determined by both internal and external factors. I do not subscribe to the whole 'internal locus of control' argument - it's way too simplistic. If it actually applied then I'd have to be living in a vacuum. The people I meet can tell me what they like, they do not live in my head 24/7, they see only what's on the surface.

 

Anyway, peace, back at ya

[Wantingtogetitright]

Wrong.. when you have enough trust, love and care in a relationship having a 'liberal' lifestyle as you say, is the complete opposite of what you just wrote. Don't feel pity for me. It's a great feeling to know that my wife trusts me enough to go out with female friends and know I won't cheat. That is what total commitment is.. To allow your SO to make their own choices and to know in the end he will only do her right.

 

What you are trying to do is trying to be overly protective of your relationships in trying to prevent your SO from 'going a stray'. Thing is, that won't work. It's like trying to keep an alcoholic from drinking. You can't keep them away from the booze all their life. At some point you have to trust them and give them the FREEDOM to choose. Wouldn't you feel much better about your relationship if your SO chooses from their own free will not to cheat and to not do anything disruptive to the relationship than by you trying to keep them away from these so called "harmful" things?

 

this is the crux of the differing opinion here. I trust my partner and didn't think he would cheat on me by going to a strip club, if he wanted to cheat there are much easier ways of doing it. He could go to a bar and pick up quite easily. It is not a trust issue. It is a respect issue.

 

How is it respectful to your significant other to attend an establishment where women get their kit off and show you the bits that should be reserved for a lover.

 

I am not going to talk about lap dances etc as that is a different subject as in my mind this is cheating. I am talking about a strip club. You say you and your wife attend together. Well good for you. I STILL pity you as you do not have that exclusive forsaking all others connection.

 

And if you read my posts properly you would see that he had the freedom to choose, based on my feelings and his he made his decision His have now actually changed and our relationship has grown stronger because of it. He saw that being committed to me and vice versa how inappropriate it was to be looking up the twats of other women etc in an environment such as a strip club. And you talk about classy strip clubs. There is nothing classy about a woman getting her gear off for money nor is there anything classy about paying to see it done. The club you speak of may not be a sordid, smoke filled, red velvet lined establishment with sticky floors, it may be mahogany bars, leather sofas, nice natural lighting and well off patrons, neither are "classy'. In fact I would go so far as to say the latter stablishment is probably less clasy than the first due to it trying to disguise unclassy beahviour with a less tacky surround.

 

You jmargel really don't get it. I feel great about my relationship as my partner and I grow stronger as our levels of love, respect, commitment and trust get stronger everyday. The more you feel this for another person the less you do that is disrespectful of that. Its not about freedom to choose, its about knowing what is right and wrong and there not being a choice to make. Do I go see this chick wave her ass in the air or don't I. Not even a question or choice that needs to be made when you are fully committed. No decision, no choice to be made. It simply doesn't enter your head to think should I be doing this. You simply just know.

[jmargel]

And why should I respect those who destroy my sense of self-worth and self-esteem? I do not respect my enemies or those whom I feel threatened by. Why should I?? I've had the demoralising experience of sucking down my feelings of hatred/jealousy/sadness, feeling these emotions churn around and corrode me from the inside. It's not something I ever wish to repeat. Also, why on earth would I waste respect on someone who doesn't return the favour to me?? The slut who lapdanced for my bf didn't bother asking him "Do you have a girlfriend? How does she feel about this? Maybe you should think about what you're doing before you allow me to rub myself all over you while you feel my ass and tits". No, she just wanted to make her quick $200 regardless of who she may be hurting in the process. No whore like that is worthy of my respect, no matter what you say

 

It's not the dancer's responsibility to determine whether or not the guy has a gf/wife or not. The trust does not lie with her, but with your bf. Like the other posters have said, you are playing the victim and as long as you continue to be in that rut you won't be able to move forward. So you should disrespect her for doing her job? All she gave was a lapdance. And if she got $200 for a lapdance, she must be a pretty good dancer!

 

They didn't destroy your own self-worth, you did that yourself. You will continue to pummel yourself into their ground as long as you play the victim. Quit walking with your tail between your legs and start thinking/doing positive things to improve your life. I for one do not feel pity for you or for anyone who continues to play that role. You have not been trying.

 

Again...we are not just talking about dancing. What intentions are there for rubbing your privates up against someone elses with the express intent of those two nether regions coming in contact?

 

It's the way people dance nowadays, just like back in the 60s,70s,80s they danced another way. There is no other intentions. IMO I highly doubt she had the intention of sleeping with him or was sexuall aroused by the guy. You are assuming she wanted him by the way they danced. Personally I would be secure with myself and give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just out there having a good time dancing. No harm.

 

And if she is the type that gets "caught up in the moment"...then she's definitely the type to cheat.

 

You can get 'caught up in the moment' anywhere you go. From talking to a chick online to having a conversation with a beautiful woman at a bar. Everyone, I repeat everyone has the capability of cheating. You have to learn to trust people and not think the worst right away.

 

And thats fine...I just don't have to be the one to live with her "mistakes".

And I haven't seen a girl/woman yet that dances like she was doing with this guy that is trustworthy. And no it wasn't just dancing...you didn't see what I saw...and apparantly my friends thought it was out of line as well...otherwise my one friend wouldn't have grabbed my chin and turned my head towards the dancefloor.

 

Then you tell me how it was out of line? So he was behind her grinding against her butt, dancing. Whoopie. Did you see him reach over and grab her boobs and pretend to **** her doggy style? I doubt it. I dance with my female friends like that and my wife actually thinks it's kinda funny. I don't get sexually aroused and I doubt my friend does either. It's just having a good time with the music that's being played.

 

If you say every woman that does this is not trustworthy, then you have about no trust in women. Goto a dance club this weekend and notice how many women dance like that. Better stay away from them, they might hurt ya!

 

Nothing great about a girl you thought respected you rubbing her ass and cunt all over another guy's dick.

 

I would agree if they were naked and she was on top of him, however that wasn't the case. They were dancing.

 

How is it respectful to your significant other to attend an establishment where women get their kit off and show you the bits that should be reserved for a lover.

 

It's not what you show, its how you show it. To me those things are not just reserved for a lover. We were born naked, to me it's no big deal. What about nudist colonies? I guess you are against those since it violates some sort of rule that your lover is not allowed to see other naked people. What about porn? What about going to the beach and he is secretly hoping to see some hot bodies? I guess all of that would be cheating to you as well.

 

Well good for you. I STILL pity you as you do not have that exclusive forsaking all others connection.

 

Yep, you must be my God and tell me that I must have commited some sin or broken one of the ten commandments. lol.. Like I said don't pity me. I love my wife and would never cheat on her. I do forsake all others. However there is nothing in the ten commandments that says I can't look at beautiful, naked women.

 

You jmargel really don't get it. I feel great about my relationship as my partner and I grow stronger as our levels of love, respect, commitment and trust get stronger everyday. The more you feel this for another person the less you do that is disrespectful of that. Its not about freedom to choose, its about knowing what is right and wrong and there not being a choice to make. Do I go see this chick wave her ass in the air or don't I. Not even a question or choice that needs to be made when you are fully committed. No decision, no choice to be made. It simply doesn't enter your head to think should I be doing this. You simply just know.

 

That's all fine and dandy while you are in the puppy dog love stage but everyone is curious at one point or another even if they are in a committed relationship. I am not disrespectful because I goto a strip club, nor and I committing some sort of evil sin. I don't love my wife any less, nor do I have a lesser bond with her. In fact the opposite is true. To know my wife trusts me enough in those kind of places strengthens our bond and that my wife doesn't need to keep a leash on me or is insecure about our marriage. She knows that I could find another woman pretty easily and I know she could have no problem finding another man. However we both know how much we would lose if we did cheat. SCs are not a threat to us, nor is dancing with other people. We both know the limits in what is acceptable to us.

 

Like I said numerous times I don't have a problem with the way you people live your lives, the problem I have is when you label a stripper as a 'whore' and a SC as an evil place. Especially when you don't even know any strippers personally or have even visited the establishment. My problem is your one sided views, not how you live your life.

[Ladyjane14]

...Personally I would be secure with myself and give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just out there having a good time dancing. No harm....

 

...So he was behind her grinding against her butt, dancing. Whoopie. Did you see him reach over and grab her boobs and pretend to **** her doggy style? I doubt it. I dance with my female friends like that and my wife actually thinks it's kinda funny. I don't get sexually aroused and I doubt my friend does either. It's just having a good time with the music that's being played....

 

... To me those things are not just reserved for a lover.... We were born naked, to me it's no big deal....

 

...I am not disrespectful because I goto a strip club, nor and I committing some sort of evil sin....

 

These are YOUR opinions though, JM. You certainly can't speak for EVERYONE.

 

Personally, if my husband made a habit out of doing the "bump & grind" at dance clubs, frequenting strip clubs, and maintaining close personal friendships with other females... he'd be paying me ALIMONY.

There's just no way I'd tolerate that sort of behavior. I'd find it disrespectful. And that's MY opinion.

 

As I said earlier, I have ZERO respect for people who trade on their sexuality for money... or for those who make a market for it. A stripper won't be kicking her legs up under my dinner table any time soon, I can promise you that.

Now of course, you're welcome to respect 'em all you want. But you can't make me join you in that philosophy.

 

IMHO as a society, we have CHEAPENED human sexuality. It's no longer a loving expression between two people.. it's a floor show.

It's no wonder we have all these threads in the Marriage forum posted by folks who can't get their sexual needs met. How can we expect married people to view this cheapened and apparently meaningless expression as integral to their emotional intimacy?

 

Bottom line... 'No', I personally do NOT view this sort of thing as "harmless entertainment".

[CaringSoul]

These are YOUR opinions though, JM. You certainly can't speak for EVERYONE.

 

IMHO as a society, we have CHEAPENED human sexuality. It's no longer a loving expression between two people.. it's a floor show.

It's no wonder we have all these threads in the Marriage forum posted by folks who can't get their sexual needs met. How can we expect married people to view this cheapened and apparently meaningless expression as integral to their emotional intimacy?

 

Bottom line... 'No', I personally do NOT view this sort of thing as "harmless entertainment".

 

 

 

Hats off to you, I agree whole heartedly. I have lost alot over a "Gentlemens Club", by wrong decisions being made. You can't flaunt that thing and expect men not to touch.......

[Salicious Crumb]

It's the way people dance nowadays, just like back in the 60s,70s,80s they danced another way. There is no other intentions. IMO I highly doubt she had the intention of sleeping with him or was sexuall aroused by the guy. You are assuming she wanted him by the way they danced. Personally I would be secure with myself and give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just out there having a good time dancing. No harm.

 

Like someone said...it isn't a trust issue really...even though people that dance like that can't really be trusted...its a respect issue...the only dick she should be touching, clothing or not, was mine.

 

She wants to touch other guys cocks...then she is free to do so...I don't have to stay with her and put up with it...so I broke up...problem with that?

 

You can get 'caught up in the moment' anywhere you go.

 

Having you said that argument that means she can get "caught up in the moment" if a guy starts coming on to her....and if she gets "caught up in the moment"...then she would cheat...and by your logic, I should understand if that happens....sorry..nothing to understand.

 

From talking to a chick online to having a conversation with a beautiful woman at a bar. Everyone, I repeat everyone has the capability of cheating.

 

No...they don't...if you have the capability of cheating and have a weak constitution...then thats you...some of us are stronger than that.

 

You have to learn to trust people and not think the worst right away.

 

I agree...but once they show you a side of them that lets you know they can't be trusted....then adios!!

 

 

Then you tell me how it was out of line? So he was behind her grinding against her butt, dancing. Whoopie. Did you see him reach over and grab her boobs and pretend to **** her doggy style?

 

Yup

 

I doubt it.

 

Like I said...you dismiss it by calling it dancing....you didn't see what I saw...YES, he was pretending to f#ck her doggy style and she was letting him...and getting into it....sorry..thats not the type of slut I want to date.

 

Yep, you must be my God and tell me that I must have commited some sin or broken one of the ten commandments. lol.. Like I said don't pity me. I love my wife and would never cheat on her.

 

But you said everyone is capable of cheating...are you the lone exception here to your own rule?

 

I do forsake all others. However there is nothing in the ten commandments that says I can't look at beautiful, naked women.

 

Thats a big difference from wanting to touch someone elses crotch, tits...whatever. Nothing wrong with looking....its the touching that is the problem. If you don't mind it in your relationship...good for you.

 

The rest of us don't mind the looking...but hands off.

 

 

She knows that I could find another woman pretty easily

 

LMFAO ...damn....is your middle name "Narcissus"?

 

And I have to ask...is that a pic of you on your avatar?

[Salicious Crumb]

These are YOUR opinions though, JM. You certainly can't speak for EVERYONE.

 

Personally, if my husband made a habit out of doing the "bump & grind" at dance clubs, frequenting strip clubs, and maintaining close personal friendships with other females... he'd be paying me ALIMONY.

There's just no way I'd tolerate that sort of behavior. I'd find it disrespectful. And that's MY opinion.

 

 

Mine too...well said.

[jmargel]

Like someone said...it isn't a trust issue really...even though people that dance like that can't really be trusted...its a respect issue...the only dick she should be touching, clothing or not, was mine.

 

She wants to touch other guys cocks...then she is free to do so...I don't have to stay with her and put up with it...so I broke up...problem with that?

 

I wasn't there but in all the times I've been at the dance clubs I've never seen a guy reach around, grab her tits and pretend to **** her. That's not dancing. If that's what went on w/ your gf then yes that is inappropirate, however like I said that is different than just 'grind' dancing.

 

As for the cheating, everyone including me has the capability to cheat. That doesn't mean that we will or have the intentions of doing so. Not all cheaters who have committed adultery married their SO with the intentions of cheating on them. I would safely assume that the majority never had those intentions. However as you well know that marriages/situations/lives change over the years.

 

To say you don't have the capability to cheat is just plain out lying. A SC, IMO will not be the reason why a person cheats. It's not the location but the person.

 

Thats a big difference from wanting to touch someone elses crotch, tits...whatever. Nothing wrong with looking....its the touching that is the problem. If you don't mind it in your relationship...good for you.

 

The rest of us don't mind the looking...but hands off.

 

Then you are saying there is no difference if your gf was fantasizing about some other guy and what she wanted to do with him, even though she was with you? Is that cheating? Where do you draw the line at?

 

If you think women don't fantasize about other men even though they are in a committed relationship then news flash.. you are wrong. Us men do it just as much as women.

 

 

LMFAO ...damn....is your middle name "Narcissus"?

 

And I have to ask...is that a pic of you on your avatar?

 

Yes that is my picture, if you would like more just ask

 

I am not being vain about myself either. I have had women come upto me and basically tell me what they want. My wife knows this, and she also knows with those women I have told them to back off. She trusts me.

 

It's not hard to get women, SC. And it's not hard for a woman to get a man. If you learn how to play 'the game' and know what to say you can have them pretty much in the palm of your hand. How do you think players accomplish this? Players are great at making you feel that they "are not" a player. What they say and do may seem genuine, however it's all an act.

 

During my single life I did some things I regret, I believe everyone has been there, and perhaps being mistreated/cheated on in the past have made some of you feel jaded. However my problem is with people not respecting someone they do not know just because of their job. IMO a stripper is no less of a person than you or I.

[a4a]

IMHO grinding on the dance floor is low class...... even for married couples. It is not an expressive form of dance ..... unless you are trying to express that you want genitals inserted. Why not just mimic giving a bj on the dance floor.

 

Those that grind dance I suspect would also make great guests for the Jerry Springer show.

 

As for Strippers being just like you and I....... not like me. Nope. I don't want some married guy paying me to see my boobs, nor a single guy. So nope not like me at all.

 

I do know some good people that are or have been strippers, I also know some that would suck a guy off for a rock of crack.

 

As for sitting around thinking about having sex with other men...... nope no desire.

 

I still don't understand why you feel the need to defend strippers? Are you friends with some of them, relative is one, do you own a club?

 

And if a person breaks up with another person for any reason that is their business.

 

And no not everyone can get caught up in the moment. Only a weak person gets "caught up" in the moment......... :rolleyes:

 

Some women just grin and bear their SC going spouses...... not because they love and trust them, but simply because they think they have no choice but to do so.

 

How many people ask their spouse to go grind on another person or to go look at boobies and hoochies.... "oh honey I was thinking, you need to get down to the strip club, that is what you need, and you know I love it when you go there". :lmao:

[jmargel]

IMHO grinding on the dance floor is low class...... even for married couples. It is not an expressive form of dance ..... unless you are trying to express that you want genitals inserted. Why not just mimic giving a bj on the dance floor.

 

Those that grind dance I suspect would also make great guests for the Jerry Springer show.

 

So now I am low class because I dance in a club. Well jeez.. first it was SCs, now it's dance clubs. What you determine what is a form of dance doesn't necessarily apply to everyone in this world. Would I think you are low class because you do something that I don't like? Nope. This is the problem I have, it's your way of thinking. It's immature.

 

I do know some good people that are or have been strippers, I also know some that would suck a guy off for a rock of crack.

 

And I am sure there are women out there that will suck off a guy for a rock of crack that are not strippers.

 

I still don't understand why you feel the need to defend strippers? Are you friends with some of them, relative is one, do you own a club?

 

Nope, no friends that are strippers nor do I have a relative that is one. And no I don't own a club. I defend them because there is a couple of you that seem to want to bash them and make them the scapegoat for your problems. Like I said it's easy to blame them and think they are whore who stole your man. However that's the furthest from the truth.

 

And if a person breaks up with another person for any reason that is their business

 

That's fine, but then don't post it on here and not expect replies.

 

And no not everyone can get caught up in the moment. Only a weak person gets "caught up" in the moment.........

 

Right.. lol. Only the weak. Well I guess everyone here is weak. You are not immune to it either. Would you like a step-ladder to get off your high horse?

 

Some women just grin and bear their SC going spouses...... not because they love and trust them, but simply because they think they have no choice but to do so

 

Then IMO that is weak. That's also the lack of communication that eventually destroys a marriage.

 

How many people ask their spouse to go grind on another person or to go look at boobies and hoochies.... "oh honey I was thinking, you need to get down to the strip club, that is what you need, and you know I love it when you go there

 

Sorry but trying to take things out of context like that is not going to help your agrument. We don't *need* SCs or dance clubs. We go because we like to go and we trust each other enough to be in those places.

[a4a]

dude you love to twist things.......

 

I never said dancing was low class...... I said grinding was low class. :rolleyes: and it is. I mean come on we have all seen it.... nothing attractive about a chick bent over rubbin' her butt on a guys crotch area on the dance floor. :lmao:

 

and yes I am immune to cheating. I have had plenty of opps and offers.... just not interested. I can control urges.... if I actually had them to start with.

 

You protest too much. There has to be something that causes this.

 

As for strippers being whores.... well hell it is not just women that think that...... my H is a fine example of a man that thinks strippers are whores paid to show their wares. Hell I think they are brilliant in their own right, they take your cash....to them you are just a stupid guy with a couple of bucks in his pocket..... if you were that great they would do it for free.

 

I gotta say I remember high school guys thinking the way you do.

 

and so who are you to call people immature....... pot calling the kettle black for sure.

 

But whatever..... no need to continue this banter.

 

I am right you are wrong.......... :lmao: :lmao:

[jmargel]

We are on a forum about giving our opinions about relationships, etc.. and I protest too much?

 

lol..

 

I'm not even going to try and talk to you anymore about this subject. You are way too stubborn and ignorant to even attempt to keep an open mind about this subject.

[Ladyjane14]

We are on a forum about giving our opinions about relationships, etc.. and I protest too much?

 

Yeah... maybe you do. :confused:

 

It seems to me that I recall you having some difficulty not too long ago where your wife wasn't setting appropriate boundaries with an ex.

 

Now.. follow along 'cause I'm thinking out loud here... but isn't it just possible that you and your wife's more "cosmopolitan" view of sexual appropriateness is leaving you both more at risk emotionally than necessary? IOW, if the "bump & grind" isn't off limits and chummy opposite-sex friends aren't off limits... isn't it a bit arbitrary to worry about if she's shooting pool with her ex? Isn't that based largely on insecurities you deny having?

 

I just don't understand why you two would muddy up the waters like that. Isn't it easier to set boundaries cleanly, rather than 'this person' is okay and 'that person' isn't? Because we're not talking about philosophy at this point. If your female buddy is okay and her ex isn't... it really is all about insecurity and comfort level. It's not about a more liberal view of male/female relationships.

 

While this thread isn't really about outside friendships.. it's kind of the same sort of thing when we start talking about "boundaries". Different folks will have different needs in terms of boundaries and appropriateness. But... best not to allow them to be vague or arbitrary don't you think?

 

 

I agree with a4a... pot and kettle, JM. You can't have it both ways.

 

I'm not even going to try and talk to you anymore about this subject. You are way too stubborn and ignorant to even attempt to keep an open mind about this subject.

 

Now... really, how "mature" was that??? C'mon.

[jmargel]

LadyJane that was over 2 years ago with the problems I was having. That has nothing to do with my view on strip clubs and for you to try to bring that into the agrument is really lame.

 

But if you must know I do have problems with a SO staying in contact with an ex, unless it's for a child that they had together.

 

Try to keep the thread pointed at the main topic. I could go through old posts of yours and bring them up that has nothing to do with this thread, if you wish.

[Ladyjane14]

That has nothing to do with my view on strip clubs and for you to try to bring that into the agrument is really lame.

 

I think you mistake me.... I am not having an "argument".

I'm just suggesting that there's a correlation between boundaries and the appropriateness of behavior between partners within a relationship. Something you, yourself, witnessed first hand not too long ago.

 

There's not much difference between you objecting to your wife hanging out with an ex, or the OP not wanting her fiance to go to a strip club, or SC not wanting to date a woman who does the "bump & grind" with other guys. It's all about boundaries, and boundaries are largely subjective.

 

Geez... try not to be so sensitive.

[jmargel]

There is a huge difference and if you would read my posts after I have stated numerous times that my problem lays with the people on here labeling strippers as 'whores' or something lesser than you or I. Or that SCs were the reason why their SO cheated.

 

Honestly I'm tired of repeating myself and this is getting very old. I don't appreciate you trying to patronize me as well.

[Ladyjane14]

Well, if you REALLY want to keep the thread "on topic"... here's the first post in it's entirety.

 

my husband is going to a friend's bachelor party...and i upset

 

It's not about "strip clubs" OR "whores". The OP didn't give you much to work with, but hey... knock yourself out.

[a4a]

Well, if you REALLY want to keep the thread "on topic"... here's the first post in it's entirety.

 

 

 

It's not about "strip clubs" OR "whores". The OP didn't give you much to work with, but hey... knock yourself out.

 

She has no right to be upset because JM says so....... :lmao:

 

(sorry couldn't help it...... )

 

Handing it back to the expert known as LJ.

 

Oh and no they are not whores they are just morally disabled. :p

 

I actually do know a ex stripper who is moral...... but LJ is right not the topic.

 

On the other hand I don't know of anyone who said "I want to be a stripper when I grow up"....... at least not people without some serious issues.

[Miss Jane]

Until I had a conversation with my ex about a week ago which put an end to things. He was out drunk somewhere, being a dickhead with his mates and I was trying to lure him back to my house. In desperation I said "Hey, if you come over i'll even give you a lapdance". And he's like "Mate, if I wanted a lapdance, I'd go to the city". And that was the end of that. :(

 

 

You should be thankful you're not with him. I've been through the drunk thing too and it's not a pretty road. In all brutal honesty--forget he ever existed! He sounds like jerk.