OceanBlue Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I think that the bottom line is communication. If those who feel that BP and SC are cheating communicate that when they are dating, then I guess their SO is well aware of the reaction when their best buddy from grade school is getting married and having a BP and they aren't "allowed" to go. To be honest, it sounds to me like a fair amount of people are confusing sex clubs in Amsterdam with strip clubs in the US. My experience is that they are much more like jmargel has described than any others. It also wouldn't hurt for some to go to one just to see what they are like. Take your SO and go...you will find that they are probably way less threatening than you expect.
rainfall Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I think that the bottom line is communication. If those who feel that BP and SC are cheating communicate that when they are dating, then I guess their SO is well aware of the reaction when their best buddy from grade school is getting married and having a BP and they aren't "allowed" to go. To be honest, it sounds to me like a fair amount of people are confusing sex clubs in Amsterdam with strip clubs in the US. My experience is that they are much more like jmargel has described than any others. It also wouldn't hurt for some to go to one just to see what they are like. Take your SO and go...you will find that they are probably way less threatening than you expect. UMMM even what jmargel described is pretty bad in my opinon. Even if it is only 30 seconds that she is on top of him there is NO reason any one besides me should be on top of my man humping him.
OceanBlue Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 UMMM even what jmargel described is pretty bad in my opinon. Even if it is only 30 seconds that she is on top of him there is NO reason any one besides me should be on top of my man humping him. Then reread my first paragraph and there is no reason your man or his buddies would be paying to have some other woman to be on top of him humping him. Lap dances in those places don't come free. And if he does get one, then clearly he doesn't respect your beliefs regarding those places and situations and is prepared for the consequence of you leaving him. Like I said in my first post - communicating your feelings before you are serious is what is important. If he chooses to stay with you knowing how you feel, then he chooses to face the repercussions from receiving a lap dance.
rainfall Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 Then reread my first paragraph and there is no reason your man or his buddies would be paying to have some other woman to be on top of him humping him. Lap dances in those places don't come free. And if he does get one, then clearly he doesn't respect your beliefs regarding those places and situations and is prepared for the consequence of you leaving him. Like I said in my first post - communicating your feelings before you are serious is what is important. If he chooses to stay with you knowing how you feel, then he chooses to face the repercussions from receiving a lap dance. If he wants to be with me he should not even lower himself to go to a place with women like that. He knows how I feel and so far he has respected me on this.
Salicious Crumb Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 If he wants to be with me he should not even lower himself to go to a place with women like that. He knows how I feel and so far he has respected me on this. When I was younger and still dating, I was the same way with girls/women that liked to go to nightclubs and grind dance...dirty dance..whatever you want to call it. I don't know why I agreed, but I went to a club with her and her friends and a couple of my buds met me there...she went off to dance with her friends and I shot the bull with my friends at the bar. One of my friends turned my head and there was my girlfriend of about 8 months backing that ass up on another guy's crotch. I put my beer down...went out on the floor and simply said, "what the f#ck do you think you are doing?" The guy, who wasn't as dumb as he looked...threw his hands up and walked away. I just looked at her...shook my head and headed for the bar to grab my coat and leave. She chased me down and told me that "it didn't mean anything". I told her, "it means something to me for a girlfriend of mine to act like she is getting f#cked from behind from another guy". So I just said goodbye and left. She kept calling my cell and my apartment for about a week after and I finally just told her..I didn't want a girl that likes to simulate sex on the dancefloor with other guys and that people like that can't be trusted.
jmargel Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 When I was younger and still dating, I was the same way with girls/women that liked to go to nightclubs and grind dance...dirty dance..whatever you want to call it. I don't know why I agreed, but I went to a club with her and her friends and a couple of my buds met me there...she went off to dance with her friends and I shot the bull with my friends at the bar. One of my friends turned my head and there was my girlfriend of about 8 months backing that ass up on another guy's crotch. I put my beer down...went out on the floor and simply said, "what the f#ck do you think you are doing?" The guy, who wasn't as dumb as he looked...threw his hands up and walked away. I just looked at her...shook my head and headed for the bar to grab my coat and leave. She chased me down and told me that "it didn't mean anything". I told her, "it means something to me for a girlfriend of mine to act like she is getting f#cked from behind from another guy". So I just said goodbye and left. She kept calling my cell and my apartment for about a week after and I finally just told her..I didn't want a girl that likes to simulate sex on the dancefloor with other guys and that people like that can't be trusted. lol.. grow up. Get off your high horse and stop acting like a preacher. With this attitude you'll lose all your friends. This past weekend my wife & I actually went to a strip club, since my brother is moving to FL today to be with his gf. His gf wanted him to go. We actually had a pretty good time. If you are ever in the area, check the place out lol http://www.mustangsallysonline.com/
a4a Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 When I was younger and still dating, I was the same way with girls/women that liked to go to nightclubs and grind dance...dirty dance..whatever you want to call it. I don't know why I agreed, but I went to a club with her and her friends and a couple of my buds met me there...she went off to dance with her friends and I shot the bull with my friends at the bar. One of my friends turned my head and there was my girlfriend of about 8 months backing that ass up on another guy's crotch. I put my beer down...went out on the floor and simply said, "what the f#ck do you think you are doing?" The guy, who wasn't as dumb as he looked...threw his hands up and walked away. I just looked at her...shook my head and headed for the bar to grab my coat and leave. She chased me down and told me that "it didn't mean anything". I told her, "it means something to me for a girlfriend of mine to act like she is getting f#cked from behind from another guy". So I just said goodbye and left. She kept calling my cell and my apartment for about a week after and I finally just told her..I didn't want a girl that likes to simulate sex on the dancefloor with other guys and that people like that can't be trusted. SC I would have done the same. That shows total disrespect in my view. Not a matter of trust - but total disrespect.
CaringSoul Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 OMG, I am glad to see this experiance has not left me alone.....I feel your pain "Miss Jane".... you are all correct honesty (which I did not get either) and communication is the key. (which I do not have either). I cannot even talk to my SO anymore I am wiped out emotionally and now starting to get physically ill. I have tried everything to feel better, even gone to therapy, I feel I have contributed 110% with honesty and communication but only talk to myself. 20 years of marriage and I don't know who I married. I feel like such an a**. My husband is from the "old school" just like his father and grandfather, they can do whatever, whenever but "the women" can do her women things only. Oh and he is allowed to say he is sorry and I am just suppose to say oh OK honey lets screw around. What is with that.....I know men and women are different but one would think after 20 years of being with someone you would kind of know a little about them. I have been thrown a real curve ball here, but need to feel better. Maybe I need a pill or something? LOL
Salicious Crumb Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 lol.. grow up. Get off your high horse and stop acting like a preacher. With this attitude you'll lose all your friends. My friends at that time, which was a long time ago, women and guys, agreed with me. Jmargel..if you like women who act like whores....be my guest. My friends couldn't believe she'd act like that with another guy which is why my bud who I was talking with at that club grabbed me by the chin and turned my head towards the dancefloor to show me what was going on. Sorry dude...simulating like you are f#cking someone else when you are comitted to another is wrong and disrespectful...and she found out that I wasn't going to put up with it. She can be some other poor guy's problem.
Salicious Crumb Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 SC I would have done the same. That shows total disrespect in my view. Not a matter of trust - but total disrespect. Absolutely. She tried so hard for the next few weeks to get me back...so desperately trying to convince me that acting like she was getting f#cked by another guy is harmless. She apologized over and over. I told her that I wasn't mad at her and that I was glad I found this out sooner rather than later and just told her to say goodbye.
jmargel Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 My friends at that time, which was a long time ago, women and guys, agreed with me. Jmargel..if you like women who act like whores....be my guest. My friends couldn't believe she'd act like that with another guy which is why my bud who I was talking with at that club grabbed me by the chin and turned my head towards the dancefloor to show me what was going on. Sorry dude...simulating like you are f#cking someone else when you are comitted to another is wrong and disrespectful...and she found out that I wasn't going to put up with it. She can be some other poor guy's problem. Thinking about it is one thing.. But to go on the dance floor and act like this person's father is totally something else. Who are you to judge ANYONE? If any of your friends wish to grind dance with a guy on the dance floor, LET THEM. It's not your place to tell them what is morally right or wrong. If she had a man and still did this, so what. It's not your business to interfere. She can make her own decisions and don't need you to mother them. All of this is assuming that this was not your gf. Maybe I skipped that part while reading your posts if she was. And dancers do not present themselves like whores. However if you really want to put down whores, then you are putting down probably a couple million women. You know prostitution is one of the oldest professions. Especially during the gold rush when many women flocked out to CA, they found themselves without any jobs or education. They made their living and supported their families by prostitution.
a4a Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Thinking about it is one thing.. But to go on the dance floor and act like this person's father is totally something else. Who are you to judge ANYONE? If any of your friends wish to grind dance with a guy on the dance floor, LET THEM. It's not your place to tell them what is morally right or wrong. If she had a man and still did this, so what. It's not your business to interfere. She can make her own decisions and don't need you to mother them. All of this is assuming that this was not your gf. Maybe I skipped that part while reading your posts if she was. And dancers do not present themselves like whores. However if you really want to put down whores, then you are putting down probably a couple million women. You know prostitution is one of the oldest professions. Especially during the gold rush when many women flocked out to CA, they found themselves without any jobs or education. They made their living and supported their families by prostitution. oh your right they remind me of schoolmarms :lmao: nuns perhaps....... no they don't hump the poles ..... they are trying to present themselves as total innocents! :lmao: :lmao:
rainfall Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Thinking about it is one thing.. But to go on the dance floor and act like this person's father is totally something else. Who are you to judge ANYONE? If any of your friends wish to grind dance with a guy on the dance floor, LET THEM. It's not your place to tell them what is morally right or wrong. If she had a man and still did this, so what. It's not your business to interfere. She can make her own decisions and don't need you to mother them. All of this is assuming that this was not your gf. Maybe I skipped that part while reading your posts if she was. And dancers do not present themselves like whores. However if you really want to put down whores, then you are putting down probably a couple million women. You know prostitution is one of the oldest professions. Especially during the gold rush when many women flocked out to CA, they found themselves without any jobs or education. They made their living and supported their families by prostitution. Dancers don't present themselves like whores? That is kinda funny.... So i guess dry humping some guy who you don't even know because he paid you money is something "nice girls" do. The girl (from my understanding) was his gf so he had every right to interfere. If I saw my bf dancing with some skank like that on the dance floor I would leave him and then smack the crap out of her.......
Salicious Crumb Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Thinking about it is one thing.. But to go on the dance floor and act like this person's father is totally something else. LOL...acting like her father...geez. I was her boyfriend and I was letting her know it was not acceptable to me. Who are you to judge ANYONE? If any of your friends wish to grind dance with a guy on the dance floor, LET THEM. It's not your place to tell them what is morally right or wrong. It is when it comes to me being in a relationship with that person. If they don't care enough about our relationship to keep from disrespecting me like that...then there will be no relationship...and thats why I broke up with her. If she had a man and still did this, so what. It's not your business to interfere. She can make her own decisions and don't need you to mother them. ???? Are you not understanding my post. If she had a man? Uh..I was her man. Yes she can make her own decisions...but there are consequences to those decisions...and she regretted it too....but by that time it was too late. All of this is assuming that this was not your gf. Maybe I skipped that part while reading your posts if she was. Yes...she was......what?..You thought I went out on the dancefloor to chastise someone I didn't know about f#ck dancing? Man...you REALLY didn't read that post at all. I made it very clear she was my GF. Or did you think she chased me down to try to convince me that it meant nothing and called me for more than a week trying to get me back? And dancers do not present themselves like whores. However if you really want to put down whores, then you are putting down probably a couple million women. You know prostitution is one of the oldest professions. LMFAO....you know...the funny thing here is...you are serious. And yes...dancers who act like they are f#cking instead of dancing...are whores and pimps. And I want no part of it....thats why I dumped her toot sweet on the spot at the club.
VinaAmez Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 One of my friends turned my head and there was my girlfriend of about 8 months backing that ass up on another guy's crotch. I put my beer down...went out on the floor and simply said, "what the f#ck do you think you are doing?" The guy, who wasn't as dumb as he looked...threw his hands up and walked away. I just looked at her...shook my head and headed for the bar to grab my coat and leave. She chased me down and told me that "it didn't mean anything". I told her, "it means something to me for a girlfriend of mine to act like she is getting f#cked from behind from another guy". So I just said goodbye and left. She kept calling my cell and my apartment for about a week after and I finally just told her..I didn't want a girl that likes to simulate sex on the dancefloor with other guys and that people like that can't be trusted. Yeah you did the right thing. That would be like my H dancing with some girl instead of me. Oh yeah unacceptable.
Salicious Crumb Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Yeah you did the right thing. That would be like my H dancing with some girl instead of me. Oh yeah unacceptable. Well...dancing is one thing..if she was just dancing...I wouldn't have probably cared....simulating sex and acting like she is being f#cked by another guy on the dancefloor...totally unacceptable.
jmargel Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Dancers don't present themselves like whores? That is kinda funny.... So i guess dry humping some guy who you don't even know because he paid you money is something "nice girls" do. The girl (from my understanding) was his gf so he had every right to interfere. If I saw my bf dancing with some skank like that on the dance floor I would leave him and then smack the crap out of her....... Guess your definition and mine of a 'whore' are two different things. It's a strip-club, what do you expect these girls to do? Bake cookies? This small group of you on here are too stubborn to even remotely look at the possibility that these SCs are nothing more than harmless entertainment. As for Salicious Crumb, if you would have read my entire post before replying you would have seen that I was not sure if you were talking about your gf or not. In that case, I wouldn't even have bothered to come up to her. You still aren't her father. What I would have done, was to just simply walk off, if she knew she wasn't allowed to do this in the first place. However you said she could dance with another guy but you referred to her as 'having sex with him on the dance floor'? I mean.. come on.. Most of the type of dancing people do in these clubs is that kind of dancing. They were not 'recreating' a sex-scene. Perhaps they should have done some ball-room dancing while the rap/dance music was playing. It wasn't fair to her to basically give her the OK to dance with other guys but then rip into her when she does.
Ladyjane14 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I think alot of this argument comes down to respect. Personally, I don't respect a woman who will take her clothes off for money... and I don't respect the man who makes a market for it. People are MORE than the sum total of their body parts. At least they ought to be. I can't disallow that a woman who doesn't want her fiance partaking of this type of dubious "entertainment" might be dealing with insecurity. But I think it's more likely that she's simply losing respect for him as a human being when she observes him willfully engage in that type of behavior. Afterall, who wants to be stuck MARRIED to a guy who objectifies females like that? Curiosity is one thing... but if there's any reason to suspect that a man will routinely consent to demeaning women... well, any girl dealing with one like that would do well to 'run for the hills' Any guy too, when a woman can't forward her intellect rather than her boobs.
bab Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Curiosity is one thing... but if there's any reason to suspect that a man will routinely consent to demeaning women... Personally I think this is the key. Bachellor parties are about curiosity and having a good time with the guys more than anything else. When it becomes a routine evening out it's a whole other game entirely. Maybe the above attitude about Bachellor parties isn't true for all of them, but they are for the type of men my husband is friends with, so I don't worry.
Salicious Crumb Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 As for Salicious Crumb, if you would have read my entire post before replying you would have seen that I was not sure if you were talking about your gf or not. Yet your entire reply was under the assumption that she wasn't. In that case, I wouldn't even have bothered to come up to her. You still aren't her father. Really?...no sh!it? If your SO other is doing something that you do not approve of..you have the right to let them know you do not approve. What I would have done, was to just simply walk off, if she knew she wasn't allowed to do this in the first place. Nah...there was a point to be made. I made it...she got it and felt horrible about it.....so she led on anyway. However you said she could dance with another guy but you referred to her as 'having sex with him on the dance floor'? I mean.. come on.. Most of the type of dancing people do in these clubs is that kind of dancing. Thats fine....but I don't want a woman like that and don't need one. Lots of people cheat on their spouses too....does that make it right? Lots of people snort coke...does that make it any less illegal? Just because alot of people do it doesn't make it acceptable to their so-called committed partner. They were not 'recreating' a sex-scene. Yes...they were. Perhaps they should have done some ball-room dancing while the rap/dance music was playing. It wasn't fair to her to basically give her the OK to dance with other guys but then rip into her when she does. I didn't give her the ok to dance with other guys...I said it wasn't a problem...I didn't tell her she could. I figured she was out there to dance with her girlfriends....then I look to see her rubbing her ass on another guys crotch. If she wanted to dance and she is my girlfriend...then the rule is...dance...don't touch. But did it really matter? I broke up with her on the spot. I didn't want a girlfriend of mine acting like she was f#cking some other guy...and no matter what you say, thats EXACTLY what they were doing.
jmargel Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 So you broke up with her basically because she danced with a guy. Well honestly if that's the only thing she did wrong then you did her a favor. I think you are looking for a nun, or someone close to it. However you won't find a chick like that. No matter who you are with, they will always look, desire, flirt with another. That is life. That is being a human being. It's something we as a person need in our lives. Try to deny it all you want, but it's true. You want someone who is perfect, you won't find that. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't dance w/ that guy to hurt you, she did it because she was 'in the moment' and having fun. Nothing wrong with that. She wasn't going to cheat on you with him, and by you saying they were acting out a sex-scene you are saying she was cheating on you. To me that is absurd. In those types of situations you just need to laugh it off and smile knowing that she is going home with you tonight while he'll be stuck by himself. However good chance after you broke up with her, she was probably trying to look for him. You just made him look a million times better than what he really was to her. IMO you did was extremely controlling. The way I would have handled it was to wait until she got back and just tell her 'I didn't think that was cool, I hope that's not something you'll do again', then just drop it. Good chance she would have gotten your message and respected you for at least not acting like a child and causing a scene. Showing your insecurity to everyone there is not cool. However that's just my opinion and how I would have handled it. To each their own..
rainfall Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 So you broke up with her basically because she danced with a guy. Well honestly if that's the only thing she did wrong then you did her a favor. I think you are looking for a nun, or someone close to it. However you won't find a chick like that. No matter who you are with, they will always look, desire, flirt with another. That is life. That is being a human being. It's something we as a person need in our lives. Try to deny it all you want, but it's true. You want someone who is perfect, you won't find that. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't dance w/ that guy to hurt you, she did it because she was 'in the moment' and having fun. Nothing wrong with that. She wasn't going to cheat on you with him, and by you saying they were acting out a sex-scene you are saying she was cheating on you. To me that is absurd. In those types of situations you just need to laugh it off and smile knowing that she is going home with you tonight while he'll be stuck by himself. I do not desire other men. Why would I. My man satisfies me so I do not need anyone esle. I do not flirt with other men. I have never really been much of a flirt unless I liked the guy and wanted him..... I don't need a bunch of meaningles men in my life to make me feel better about myself. About you saying strip clubs are harmles.... I disagree with you. They are a place for men to go to pay women who aren't thier SO to touch them sexual and try to turn them on.
jmargel Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Going to a strip club does not mean you desire these women. Unless you go for that purpose (which I don't nor does anyone I know does). If your SO is going there for that reason then good chance he's trying to hook up with chicks at other places as well. If you say you never flirted with another guy and you are telling the truth then you are a rare one. To me flirting is any sort of behavior that arouses interested from the other person, it doesn't even need to be sexual. As for the women turning them on.. As far as I know most men don't. Ever think some of them go because they aren't getting the affection/attention from their spouse?
Salicious Crumb Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 So you broke up with her basically because she danced with a guy. Well honestly if that's the only thing she did wrong then you did her a favor. You don't read well...I didn't break up with her for dancing with a guy....I broke up with her for acting like she was f#cking him on the dancefloor...for rubbing her ass on his d!ck...then turning around and acting like he was f#cking her standing up....not simply dancing. I think you are looking for a nun, or someone close to it. Nope...just someone that doesn't simulate f#cking another guy. It's something we as a person need in our lives. Try to deny it all you want, but it's true. You and people like that girl I dumped need to pretend f#ck other people? Well...this says it all about you. And I don't need to grind on another girl's ass when I'm in a committed relationship...so no...it is not true. You want someone who is perfect, you won't find that. Oh I know that all too well...but I can find someone who doesn't want to disrespect me by dry f#cking someone else. Everyone makes mistakes. dry f#cking another man is not a mistake...its an act of total disrespect towards me and I let her know I wasn't going to take it. She didn't dance w/ that guy to hurt you, she did it because she was 'in the moment' and having fun. You can dance with someone else and not act like you are f#cking them. Nothing wrong with that. There is everything wrong with dry f#cking another person other than your SO. Justify it all you want because you like to do it and could care less what your SO might think. If your SO doesn't care...then hey...good for you. She wasn't going to cheat on you with him I haven't witnessed anyone that "dances" like that to ever be trustworthy unless it is with their committed partner. and by you saying they were acting out a sex-scene you are saying she was cheating on you. To me that is absurd. Nope...didn't say she was cheating on me....but she proved to me that she is the type that would....promiscuous on the dancefloor is promiscuous off the dancefloor. However good chance after you broke up with her, she was probably trying to look for him. Good...because at that point, I could have cared less. And you just proved that your arguments before were wrong. On one hand you say...she wasn't doing it to hurt me and wasn't going to cheat on me...then in another breath think that she went looking for him when I left.....you contradicted yourself. IMO you did was extremely controlling. LOL....controlling would have been grabbing her arm and taking her home and yelling at her at the top of my lungs. I did no such thing...I let her know what she was doing wasn't acceptable...and I left....she could have done whatever she wanted to at that point. But she followed me like a puppy dog out to the street. I just told her it was over....nothing controlling at all...I told her we were through and she was free to do whatever she wanted...she could be someone elses problem. But nice try with the "controlling" comment...even though you haven't a clue what you are talking about. The way I would have handled it was to wait until she got back and just tell her 'I didn't think that was cool, I hope that's not something you'll do again', then just drop it. But you are not her father.....ring a bell? Good chance she would have gotten your message and respected you for at least not acting like a child and causing a scene. Showing your insecurity to everyone there is not cool. Doesn't matter....That is not what i wanted in a girl...I let her know it, and I broke up with her. I didn't care if she respected my opinion after the fact...she disrespected me before it.
a4a Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 SC I so agree with you. Her behavior was just nasty. If I would have been a patron at the bar I would have thought " whatta nasty whore". JM do you need to validate your choices by knocking how other feel they should have their own R's? It seems you are a little too upset by people saying strip clubs and dry humping gf's are not desirable. Why does it bother you so much? Do you own a strip club? I gotta tell you this, I have been with guys who frequented strip clubs, they did what they wanted and it did not bother me. Mostly because I could give a rip about them. If I don't care about the partner that much - I don't care what they do either.
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